Printable Escape Plan
I cannot tell you that if you do everything listed here perfectly you won't be in danger but obviously if you are on this page you are already in danger. No matter what you choose to do please keep yourself and your children safe. If you have to leave with nothing then do so, walk (or run) away and never look back. Make yourself not remember anything good about your abuser until you are able to look back without fear of going back. Remember your abuser is always sorry...until the next time. I have no formal training, I rely solely on my life's experience. I understand and I do not judge you. Good luck, be safe and God bless you.
Make a plan now so you will be ready when the time comes to leave, remember you may not have a choice, you may HAVE to leave in a hurry.
1). Keep a bag ready (but well hidden) in case you must escape quickly.
2). Think of at least one person you trust and let them know about your situation, ask them to contact police if violence is heard or suspected.
3). Teach your children how to dial 911. DO NOT teach them to lie about your abusive situation, they are under enough mental distress, please don't worsen it by making them feel responsible for your safety.
4). Plan a code word for your family and/or friends to alert them to your need for help in case of an emergency, this word must be something you could say to them in front of your abuser without alerting your abuser to what you are doing.
5). When an argument starts, move to a safe room such as one with a door/window. Do not allow yourself to be isolated in a room with no escape.
6). Use your gut instincts, if you feel you are in danger; you probably are. Keep calm to better protect yourself and your children.
Have these things prepared in advance so you will be prepared to leave when the time comes:
1). Leave money, an extra set of keys and clothes with a trusted friend or relative.
2). Keep all important documents either at a friend/relatives house or stored all together in case your escape is abrupt.
3). Get a job if you can, or baby-sit at home to gain independence.
4). Memorize phone numbers for the domestic violence hotline and women's shelters in you area.
5). Try to carry money with you at all times in case you have to leave with nothing. DO NOT use checks or credit cards once you leave as your abuser can use them to track you down.
6). Find a safe place such as a friend or relative that you can go stay with should the need arise.
7). Review your safety plan regularly, share it with someone you trust.
8). Plan how you will leave. An example: Plan a trip to the laundry, put your bags under your dirty laundry and GO.
9). If you KNOW you will be leaving within a short amount of time do not pay/mail bill payments, instead keep the money put up for your escape.
Here is a list of things you will want to take IF you have time to get them:
1. Health records- school and vaccination records.
2. Identification such as birth certificates for you and your children, drivers license, state identification, social security card, passport, etc.
3. Money- checkbook, ATM card, cash, credit cards. REMEMBER if you are in hiding DO NOT use any joint credit cards or bank accounts that you share with your abuser. If the accounts are in your name call and change your address immediately so the bills will not be sent to the home of your abuser and alert your abuser to your whereabouts.
4. Keys (for home, work, car)
5. Clothes, diapers, bottles.
6. Medication, pack an essential first aid kit (thermometer, children's fever reducer etc.).
7. Divorce papers, Order of Protection.
8. Address book.
9. Jewelry or other small things you can sell.
10. Toys, coloring books & crayons, books etc.
11. Your children's baby books, Family bible, pictures. If you have to leave these behind remember though you may not always be able to replace these items you also cannot replace you and/or your children's heath and well being.
If you have your abuser removed from your home:
1). Change the locks on your doors and windows as soon as possible!
2). Replace wooden doors with steel doors.
3). Install security systems if possible. Purchase additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors.
4). If you have a 2nd floor make sure you have an escape route in case you are trapped upstairs i.e. rope, ladder etc.
5). Install smoke detectors and keep fire extinguishers on every floor, you never know what your abuser might do to flush you out.
6). Install extra outside lighting to include motion activated lighting.
7). Teach your children their name, address, phone number, the phone number of a friend/relative and how to dial 911 in case they are kidnapped by your abuser.
8). Make sure EVERYONE who watches your children is informed of who may and may not pick up your children.
9). Inform your baby-sitters of your situation, they have the right to know so they will be better prepared to protect all the children in their care.
Seeking an order of protection:
An order of protection is NOT a magic shield that will guarantee your safety but it is a necessary tool if you want to utilize the judicial system to prosecute your abuser to the fullest extent under the law if they should violate it.
Possible effects of an order of protection:
Definite effects of an order of protection:
If you choose to receive an order of protection follow these steps to help the authorities help you:
1). Keep a copy of your protection order in a safe place. ALWAYS KEEP A COPY ON YOUR PERSON!
2). Give a copy of your protection order to the police department where you live and in all the areas that you visit ( friends, family, baby-sitter, and where you work).
3). If you visit other counties, register your protection order with those counties (check with local authorities or your local domestic violence agency to find out more).
4). Tell EVERYONE you know that you have an order of protection (your employer, church leader, friends, family and baby-sitter etc.).
5). If you loose your order of protection, go to your County Courthouse and get another copy IMMEDIATELY!
6). If your abuser violates the protection order call the police and report it. Call your lawyer, advocate, counselor, and/ or tell the courts about the violation.
7). If you do not feel the police have helped/resolved the violation to your satisfaction call your attorney or call the police chief yourself and file a complaint. (Unfortunately the police have see a lot of domestic abuse and witnessed time and time again the victim refusing to prosecute their abuser an order of protection will show the police and everyone else that 'you mean it this time').
8). You can also file a private criminal complaint with the district judge in the jurisdiction that the violation took place or with the District Attorney. Your attorney or a domestic violence advocate can help you with this.
General Safety and Survival Tips:
1). Tell your boss, security, and coworkers of your situation so they can be better prepared to help you , should the need arise.
2). Think of the safest route to and from work. DO NOT BE ROUTINE, try not to travel the same route everyday so your travels cannot be mapped out by your abuser.
3) Carry a cell phone (if possible) in your car or on your person.
4). Change your habits, do not shop at the same stores or visit the same hair salons that you visited while with your abuser.
5). Change banks, cancel all credit cards and apply for new ones.
6). If you MUST speak to your abuser on the phone do so with someone who supports you in the room. DO NOT isolate yourself while on the phone with your abuser, it is just too easy to fall back into the role of being submissive to your abuser.
7). When times get tough and thoughts of going back to your abuser seem the easiest thing to do, remember no matter how wonderful they sound on the phone/in letters, there will be retribution for your leaving in the first place.
8). Write down your new dreams and goals and focus on those rather than the dreams that could have been with your abuser.
9). If you are feeling depressed take a walk, go to a friends house, talk to a counselor, remind yourself how bad it was with your abuser but don't act on impulse and run back to your abuser!
10). Realize that because of your abuser your emotional/mental state is not a healthy one, seek counseling or find a self help group to help you on your way to a happier healthier life.
11). Remind yourself that you are NOT bad, ugly, stupid or any of the things your abuser tried to convince you that you were. The abuser has an unhealthy mental state and often a low self-esteem, which they try to heighten by belittling other people, DO NOT allow them to influence how you feel about yourself.
12). Remind yourself that though breaking free and letting go of old dreams may be hard it cannot be compared to the hell you have already lived through, never stop believing in yourself! I BELIEVE you are a GOOD person and that you DESERVE better, in short I BELIEVE IN YOU and YOU SHOULD TOO!!
