By Gabrielle Cranford / Slidell Sentry News / July 22, 1998

SLIDELL - "I am particularly saddened because lately St. Tammany Parish seems to be experiencing a rash of serious domestic violence which has claimed lives," said Roxie Pendleton, community advocate for domestic abuse awareness.

Pendleton has prepared a list of "warning signs" to help people avoid abusive relationships, and to encourage victims of abuse to recognize their situation and seek help. She warns that domestic violence often starts as emotional or verbal abuse and then escalates rapidly.

"Abuse includes psychological and emotional attacks that cause the victim to fear and feel mental anguish. Violence can escalate to:

pushing,

slapping,

biting,

Spitting,

kicking,

punching,

shoving,

burning,

choking,

throwing objects,

forced sexual acts,

weapon use,

entrapment,

Or destruction of personal property."

Domestic violence has recently received a lot of attention in St. Tammany, but it is a serious problem nationwide as well. Four to six million people a year are victims of spousal abuse, and 4,000 each year are killed.

Pendleton says that although women also commit acts of violence, approximately 95 percent of abusers are male. She refers to abusers as "he" and to victims as "she" for simplicity, and because in the vast majority of cases this terminology is accurate.

According to the American Trauma Society, domestic violence is the second leading cause of injuries to women and the leading cause of injury to women ages 15-44. One out of every five women who go to hospital emergency rooms has been battered.

This is a conservative number, because according to Pendleton, only an estimated 3 percent of battered women go to shelters and seek outside help. The other 97 percent, afraid of their husbands or boyfriends' violent tendencies, struggle for survival on their own.

Pendleton says that the prevalence of domestic violence is doubly harmful because domestic violence is a major contributing factor to other problems, including:

child abuse, neglect,

alcoholism,

drug abuse,

mental illness,

and attempted suicide.

"Children who accept abusive behavior as normal grow up to behave in the same way;

Daughters marry men who abuse them, and sons abuse and hurt their spouse. Approximately 60 percent of family members continue the cycle of abuse," Pendleton says.

Women who are at particular risk for battering include:

those with higher education or income than their partners,

divorced or separated women,

previously abused women,

and pregnant women,

who are attacked at nearly twice the rate as non-pregnant women.

Pendleton has compiled a list of "red lights" that are characteristic of abusers and that can warn of violent tendencies in a boyfriend or husband. Such a person:

Is jealous and possessive toward you.

Tries to alienate you from your friends, checks up on you constantly, won't accept breaking up.

Tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making almost all of the decisions, not taking your opinion seriously.

Is scary.

You worry about how he will react to things you say or do.

Threatens you, throws objects, calls you derogatory names, uses or owns weapons. Has a history of multiple relationships.

Blames the other people for all the problems, using phrases like "Girls just don't understand me." Is violent.

Has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating other girlfriends that he has dated.

Believes that men should be in control and powerful and that women should be passive and submissive.

Makes anti-woman jokes and demeaning remarks.

Pressures you for sex, is forceful or scary about sex.

Thinks women or girls are sex objects.

Abuses alcohol or drugs and pressures you to use them.

Becomes obnoxious or mean under the influence.

Puts you down in front of others or alone.

Blames you when he mistreats you, saying you provoked him, pressed his buttons, etc.

Pendleton says that if women feel that they are involved with a potentially damaging relationship, then they have to take the necessary steps, both to protect themselves and, if desired, to improve the relationship.

"Getting help and support is the best thing a battered woman can do for herself, her children, and her abuser. Confronting the problem does not necessarily mean the end of a marriage or relationship. In fact, statistics show that more marriages are saved when the battered spouse takes steps to stop the vicious cycle of violence," Pendleton said. However, as recent tragedies in the parish have demonstrated, there are some cases in which staying with an extremely violent and abusive partner may be dangerous or even lethal. "If the situation seems hopeless and will not change even though you have tried and tried, throw in the towel and get out," Pendleton said. Leaving an abusive relationship "can be a tremendously hard and frightening thing to do," but many community resources exist to help battered women break the cycle of abuse. Pendleton encourages battered women to reach out to area law enforcement officials, hospitals, referral sources, and mental health facilities that deal with abusive situations in the community.

Safe Harbor, a center for helping abused women, can be reached at 643-0496.

The YWCA battered women's program is 643-9922.

The St. Tammany Sheriff's Office Domestic Violence hotline is 898-5265.

The Office of Community Service is 893-6225. A 24-hour cope line is available at 1-800-749-2673.

The NorthShore Psychiatric Hospital S.A.F.E. (Spouse Abuse Family Education) program is designed to help men who batter. "If you have been aggressive to your family, immediate help is available," Pendleton says. For more information on the S.A.F.E. program, call 646-5500

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