Kick Ass Poems

Running in Circles in Hell

I don't want to be here
Once again I fell
Running in circles in hell.
Self-induced pain, but why?
I can't achieve my one desire
To end it all 
The pointless, painful existence
My calm numb outer shell
So easily cracked
Shows how much I try to care so little
But it all still hurts
It burns and stings to see how little you care
I know I deserved it, everything I got
But I tried to change for you
You don't care
And I can't take it anymore
I could scream
But you would ignore it
That silence is filled with more torture
Than I could ever give myself
All alone in the pathetic life
I've created for myself
Just let me end it 
No more pain
Blanket myself in my blood
Released to release my suffering
I know I fucked up 
It's my fault.
But it's your narrow, unforgiving mind
That created my hell


Letting Go

Fate is playing games with my heart
I had to run into you tonight
I didn't expect to fall apart
But I should have known I might
I was calm on the outside
But my head was spinning and my heart was reeling
It was hard as hell to hide
I didn't know you'd create this much feeling
Why?
Why did you have to wear my favorite shirt?
Why did your eyes seem brighter than before?
Hearing your voice, God it hurt.
It just left me craving more
I thought I was over you, 
Time had eased the pain
It took so much of me to forget you
But it was all in vain
I guess I can only go from here
It's all I can do, so I'll try
Because to pretend that you could feel this way too
Would just be a painful lie

Just Shut Up

Stop speaking
Every word you say 
Adds another lump in my throat
And makes my heart sink lower
Stop what you're doing
I can see you falling fast and hard
From the pedestal I put you on
Can't you just stop speaking?
Please, I want you to remain perfect in my eyes
It's all too much information
It makes me hate myself for loving someone like you
Why can't you be who I want you to be?
I sat back and let you turn my world upside down
Loving every minute of it
But now I don't even know who you are
Please, not one more word.
You just keep going lower and lower
How can I look at you the same?


Lost

Large hot tears stream down my face
I don't understand why I'm crying
In this mixed up world I can't find my place
And I'm awfully sick of trying
In the past I've felt so strongly
For people, lost moments, and the future to come
Now I'm distant and lonely
Just hoping soon to go completely numb
I feel as though I'm endlessly walking
Down the longest, darkest hall
I don't know why I keep on going
In all this darkness I will always trip and fall
I'm in a constant state of confusion
Lost and trying to make a choice
Between a life of self induced delusion
Losing connection between my mind, heart and voice
Or trying to find my real self
Buried so very deep inside
Would I recognize it if I found myself
After a lifetime of making her hide?


My Sunshine

The darkness surrounded me
The wind ripped at me apart
And I cried harder than it rained
I thought the sun refused to shine
My world was bleak and cold
Nothing yielded to shelter me 
From the the eternal storm
I never expected you to appear
To block the wind and dry my eyes
You pulled me close to you
And the sun returned
Glistening off of everyting brighter than ever
You picked me up with you
Above the clouds and my dreary world
To perfection
So I gave you all I had in return
My love forever
Hoping it would be enough
And you were happy!
You're my sunshine and my whole life
My lover and my very best friend
That's all I'll ever need

The Sad Little Girl Inside

The tiniest part of you
Grew into me
You were the ones that planted the seeds
I asked for nothing
Criticism chipped away at my innocent happiness
And neglect left me questioning you
Until all that was left was a shell
The remainder of a little girl
Looking for an escape
Something to put a smile on my face
But it never comes
And you are still pushing me down

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Email:  mandi444@yahoo.com