Brothers and Sisters We are indeed Blessed.
In addition the the duties formerly pursued by the Linn County GOP Central Committee there has been added the Onerous Task of Shepherding the Moral Purity of our Flock.
Yes as part of the explanation of why exactly the venue for the Monthly Meeting had been changed, the Executive Board revealed to the Body that INTOXICATING beverages are known to be dispensed at the Longbranch.
As a result, it seems there are some who might refrain from frequenting such a Den of Iniquity, including a few, we were informed Who have been aching to line our pockets with golden donations, if only they could attend a Meeting in safety.
Why one gentleman rose and addressed the Body, to solemnly inform us there are those who refer to the Longbranch as the Longbranch Saloon.
To which one member replied that the correct title was the Longbranch Hotel and Convention Center.
I am certain that individual meant well, but has been misled.
We must pray for him.
But on reflection, it may be that he is blameless.
Some of our Body have lived Sheltered Lives, they are not knowledgeable about Worldly Matters.
Now myself?
I must confess, with Deep Regret, in my Youth, I was wont to Sin.
Indeed, it is to my Eternal Shame that often, I rather enjoyed it.
So I have a breadth of knowledge that may be lacking in this person, and others of our Body.
So let me reveal, that along with Intoxicating beverages, in Hotel rooms there are frequently enacted acts of sensual depravity that would shock the very core of any decent person.
As to CONVENTIONS?
I-- I cannot bring myself to utter a description of what can occur during them,
These after all ARE the Lips I kissed my Mother with.
So we have been rescued, Dear Friends from Venal, if not Mortal Sin.
When one considers that children were brought to those meeting, even the young innocent daughters of some families, sitting, without realizing, while on the other side of the wall of the room they were in the Fires of Hell were Flaming.
One gets a queasy feeling just thinking about it.
Narrow is the Path, and confusing at times.
I try, I really do.
I support Fiscal Responsibility
I oppose Raised and Punitive Taxation
The Attack at Present upon the Capitalist Foundations of Our Society by Socialism.
I support a Strong and Vigorous Defense against the Worldwide Forces which seek to either Destroy or Enslave us.
I uphold the Sanctity of Marriage and it being Union between a Man and a Woman.
I support the Rule of Law and wish Action be taken against the current invasion of Illegal Aliens who have no regard for our Law.
I am for Clean and Untainted Elections
and I stand Square against the Murder of Babies
But just like a Computer Game, where as you think your have arrived victoriously at the End, only to find.
NO
You have only reached a
Higher Degree of Difficulty.
I realize that I am lacking
Despite all of the above and even despite the fact that I have not touched a drop of liquor in Lo these twenty odd years.
I am lacking
You see, I fear it does not matter to me if the person sitting beside or across the table from me, has not only coke in their glass, but Demon Rum as well.
As long as they don't slobber on my sleeve, throw up on my pants leg, or pass out under the table, of course.
So I suppose under the new strictures laid down these past two months
I have been Weighed in the Balance
and Found Wanton.
I have pondered this matter and endeavored to think of some way to Redeem myself.
I realize it must be an extreme and not token action,
Maybe I should propose at the next Meeting that a Curtain be placed down the length of the Room.
To prevent the Men and Women attending from being Distracted by Impure thoughts?
For unless I can discover a means to redeem myself I remain a Pariah and Outcast
Updated: Friday, 22 May 2009 1:52 AM CDT
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