DOCTOR KIKIYOSHI
"DO YOU NEED A BIBB?"
I had a wonderful meal. First satisfying meal of a week of shitting out everything i have eaten. I lost 5 pounds over a period of 5 days!
My tummy feels like a hippo with a dry mouth that stinks like burnt toast.....who is groaning out loud like a dinosaur having a baby. oooh some wacky poetry there. maybe i should join Eric Nagler and get the elephant show all fired up for a reunion......cause i got the lyrics baby! UH HUH!(Elvis)
My meal was a simple bowl of spaghetti....no not italpasta...it's only made for pastah lah-vors! I ate the spaghetti with the blue logo. It was decadent yet creamy.....yet zingy.....yet tomatoey.....yet salty....yet perservatory "Classico" sauce. mmmm if it says Classico on the jar you know you are eating some fine 4 dollar stuff. (James Barber gives me a thumps up and a wink while the "whats for dinner" gang gives mr. barber a dirty look ...while bonny stern rolls her eyes and continues to perfect her tuna casserole dish for Kraft.)
So kids...lesson is:
Don't eat shit like pizza and chicken fingers/fries and soup/crackers for a whole week because your intestines are gonna get mad at you and decide to walk out the door. Believe you me they walked out on me and left a note saying "If we don't see any essential vitamins passing through we are gonna let the 'ol poo poo machine do your body good!"
So I took it upon myself to find some healthy recipies for you to try out. My resources are the MILK 2000 CALENDAR by Anne Lindsay and THE Martha Stewart Cookbook. If you can't decide between Anne Lindsay (who is canadian) or Martha Stewart (who is satan) than I'll help you out. This is all psychologically organized! UH HUH! I said it!
If you like the color "bitch blue" go for Anne Lindsay.
If you like to "julienne" your vegetables and sing Tosca make your way to Martha Stewart............BITCH!
Cheerios fellow comrades of the society of italpasta lovers and Kraft.
Recipies at the bottom of the page
Food jokes:
yeahi know you got a kick out of the french joke cause it is from THE man himself CRACK-ER JACK!
Prep Time: 10 min
Cooking Time:15 to 20 mins
Yield:4 to 6 servings
Tip: for richer tasting soup use whole milk (the gay kind). if using skim milk. use a large bunch of brocolli
For the adventurous: use crumbled blue cheese or stilton(mmmmmmm stilton rocks my tongue!) instead of cheddar cheese.
Reminder:"MILK IS GOOD FOR YOU!"
Martha Stewart's choice
"FUCK ME!" Baguette Sandwiches.
1.With a very thin, crusty french baguette as the base. these three different fillings can be used to make delicious sandwiches.
FILLING I
Mayonnaise
Thinly sliced japanese eggplant brucshed with olive oil and minced garlic, them broiled until lightly browned.
Crumbled chevre
Fresh basil and flat-leaf parsley
Tomatoes, sliced thin
Coarse kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
FILLING II
Softened butter and cream cheese
Thinly sliced Italien salami
Tender watercress
Coarse kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
FILLING III
Mayonnaise
sliced plum tomatoes
Olivata (Kalamata olive spread)
Fresh basil leaves
Coarse kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
Using a bread knife, slice the baguette, lengthwise, being careful not to slice all the way through. Layer the fillings generously from one end to the other, pushing down so that the sandwich is stuffed fully.
Prior to serving, slice each baguette sandwich crosswise into 2 inch pieces.
i just noticed that the last dr kikiyoshi entry is about food and this new entry is also. hmmmm looks like Jane doesn't eat properly these days....Spare some change mister?
These days everyone is very cautious about their health. They join the nearest YMCA. Drinks bottled water everyday, trim off the fat from their steaks, walk at least once a day, drink a glass of wine to lower the cholesterol level in their arteries, join a running club where you can meet new people and show off your new nike sportswear, take yoga and drink lots of spinach, trout, carrot power shakes blah blah blah blah into the oblivion shit hole!
My point is that people do it cause of pressure from society. fuck that cause all the stuff i mentioned above...i find quite frankly.....boring.
Why do you do it? Its not fun. you dont like it but yet, you continue to do it. you stress yourself by nitpicking on the physical condition of your body. relax!
RELAX.
EAT a fucking steak with fat on it. swallow the sucker down and enjoy it. if you got a craving. go fucking eat it. enjoy your body's urge to eat every type of food from the glorious spectrum of cultural foods. SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI!
now now now now. dont go stuffing your face like a fucking vacuum because yoshi told you so. if you feel full/occupied to max capacity. you listen to your body and stop eating. when you feel this urge just simply put that drumstick down. just eat when you are hungry.
that is justification enough.
exercising is good. do fun activities. i tried that cross country running/swimming/walking/ball throwing/stick jumping stuff. its not fun. i like to do more entertaining activities.i would like to share with you an activity that i most enjoy
you are lucky folks
who are THE most healthiest humans on earth?
michael jordan?(says a small black kid)
nono not michael jordan. he sure can play basketball but not him.
Wayne Gretzsky? Number 99?(says a pot bellied car salesman)
nono not number 99.
Astronauts! It's Astronauts right?(says steve)
EEEEE!(jeopardy buzzard) NO!
It is, believe it or not, CONDUCTORS. The dudes who conduct orchestras! Thats right! its a fact. Heavy upper body motion and that mind stimulating music is awesome. They are focused and centered motherfuckers! Man can they work out!
I will try to find some good looking dude conductors for you guys. you have to see these spanking looking people.
I tried this new way of exercising by downloading some richard wagber and carmen operas(Carmen suite No.1). Man are they great music to conduct to! My arms and lungs have improved greatly! Try it! try it! i am not making shit up! My mom thinks that is cool and my sister says that i am " soooo gayyyyy!" and my brother says that i "should relax." Can you believe my 10 year old brother tells me to relax! Phhisssh!
Today's analysis is brought to you by Coca Cola. Mmmmmm eyelid peeling stuff. And also brought to you by too much homework. thats right. its 3:24 am and the hesitant sandman made me write this stuff up.
I have gotten a email from a distressed teenager.
He asked me (me being so learned and wise) how to cure
his crabs. So this month we will discuss about this itchy
situation. I will talk about how to alleviate the itch and
how to deal with the STD psychologically and physically.
I hope my advice will be helpful to all you victims of those
little critters.
ALRIGHT! so if any of you out there have some way to contribute
to this new section of mine by giving your own advice, just email me
AT: Kikiyoshi@hotmail.com
and if you have any pickles that you need advice about, email me that too
The "HOW TO DEAL WITH THOSE NASTY CRITTERS" section has finally been completed.I apologize for putting off this section. poor johnny, he has been counting on me to answer his question for weeks.
Now lets start with the basics.
What are crabs you ask?
Well, crabs are little insects that latch themselves onto your pubic hair.
How do you get them?
You see when you get hot and heavy those little critters have a fiesta cause they found a new breeding ground on your significant other.
How do you deal with them?
I recommend highly that you...
A) go see your doctor
B)You must only get rowdy when covered in a full plastic body suit. If you do not have access to this than use saran wrap. this way you and your partner can feel absolutely comfortable with each other not worrying about those fiesty critters.
C)If they just wont leave than you are forced to make amends with your new friends. You can do this by putting bread crumbs down your pants every 5 minutes so that they do not disturb you.
I could imagine that this situation is rough to deal with. Do not be ashamed of it. Life is full of surprises and this is just one of them. Just follow the ABC plan and you are set. Well that is it for the doctor kikiyoshi section. I hope this has been useful for any of you out there. This is Doctor Kikiyoshi signing off on a happy note. I will have a new topic later next month. So till then, Cheerios and remember that good sex is safe sex. TA TA