This Happened To Me

I ran back to the car and we rushed to the
hospital to find that she was
unconscious and possibly in a coma. A
team of doctors and nurses were
busy all around her. Many of the details
I can't recall, it was like I was in
a dream. They would only let us see her
for a few seconds because they
were trying to stabilize her for the
emergency airlift to the University Of
Louisville Hospital. As they took her
out to put her in the helicopter we
again got in our car and headed for the
same destination. Though we
weren't going nearly as fast, it wasn't
for lack of trying.
Right or wrong I was going to where my
baby was as fast as I could get there.

There are many parts of the last several
months I remember very vividly. Other parts
it seems as though I was in a nightmare. Then
there are still more memories that I was
simply in a daze.

Stefanie was in a full coma for about
one and one half weeks, then
in a partial state of consciousness for
about another week. When she
finally did come full out of it she had
forgotten everything she had ever
known. That even included how to
swallow or eat.

Many nights during that time I sat and
prayed for her. Though not a
very religious man I did what I could
to get help for her from anywhere
that I could. I prayed and told him to
strike me dead right now, just let
her be ok. She was going to live, but it
would take a long time to tell
the extent of the damage done.

Stefanie has a closed head injury. The
doctors call it a shearing effect.
That is when the brain hits the inside of the
skull so hard that it bruises and tears loose at
the cellular level.

There were several factors that had
contributed to Stefanie's injuries;
Old county roads, no air bag, no seat belt
being worn at the time, another car pulling
into the roadway, and the vehicle she was
riding in traveling at excessive speeds. The
excessive speed was one of the things that
enraged me greatly. Prior to the accident I
had saw her and the boy she was riding with
speeding down the highway zigzagging in
and out of traffic. I managed to get behind
them and shook my finger at him
while stopped at the red light. Later that
evening at home when he came by we had a
serious talking to about his speeding and
dangerous driving, telling him that he had
better hope he never did anything to hurt
Stefanie. Raged? You bet! I probably should
let my rage go but I am a father and find it
very hard to find any forgiveness in my heart.
To this day I don't want to see him. I don't
trust myself. Sure maybe I am wrong but
that's just how it is. Maybe I'm not.

After coming out of a coma the next step was to
then get Stefanie into a rehabilitation hospital.
That too would turn out to be somewhat
of a nightmare.

On December 26 1997, we had moved from
our home in Florida to Kentucky. We wanted
to find a simpler way of life and make a better
home for our kids. Stefanie's welfare had
contributed to that move. There were gangs
in the schools there and
I found out that they had been pressuring her
to join. Stefanie had always been an
exceptional student in school. She was always
in advanced classes, taking high school
courses while still in junior high. We found
out about the gang activity when her grades
started falling and began to lose an interest in
school. Florida's steadily increasing crime rate
and population had also been factors in our
decision. We had decided on Kentucky
because I had been born there, having moved
to Florida with my parents at the age of
fifteen. It was very hard on all of us at first.
We had given up everything to make this move.

My wife and I both had good jobs, nice
cars, a nice home and all our friends and
family were there. But things were just
starting to turn around though. We had
both had finally found good jobs here. Our
son Chris having finished high school went
into the Army. Having been a four-year ROTC
student at school it was what he wanted to do.
The bad thing was that I had just started to
work only 2 months prior to the accident.

Not yet past my probationary period, we
didn't have insurance on me or Stefanie.
When it was just my wife working with the
high cost of health care we couldn't afford it.
If we had insurance then we couldn't afford to
eat. Some choice!

So now we had to figure out how to get a
rehabilitation hospital to let Stefanie in with
no insurance or money to pay the bill. The
staff at University Of Louisville Hospital
told me about the Jewish Children's Hospital
just down the street. They specialized in
children's rehabilitation. So I walked down
there to talk with them about Stefanie.

They told me that they didn't have a charity
bed for Stefanie. I literally got down on my
knees and begged them to let her in, but to no avail.
I then called every rehab hospital I could
find trying to find a bed for her.
No money, no bed.

Leaving my wife and my mother that had
flown in from Florida at the hospital with
Stefanie I returned home to wash some laundry,
clean house a little, and care for our pets
I couldn't go to sleep that night
so I got up, turned on my computer and went
on line. I e-mailed every newspaper and
Television station across the state. I also
wrote Oprah and all the major news affiliates
telling them our story and begging them for
help. I just wanted a rehab hospital somewhere
to let Stefanie in. Time was of the essence.
It was important to get Stefanie rehabilitation
care as soon as possible in order for her to
recover as much as possible. Having done all
I could at home I got dressed and started the
98 mile drive back to the hospital. On the way
there, my car broke down. Being handy I
always carry some tools in the trunk, so
I managed to get it going enough to spit and
sputter into the hospital parking garage where
it died for good. Continuing my quest to find
some help for Stefanie I decided to drive back
home again the next day so I could pay some
household bills and check my e-mail for any
news of all my letters sent. Because my car
was broken down in Louisville I was driving
my wife's car. I was about 30 miles from home
when my wife's car started shaking all over.
It too was spitting and sputtering. I managed
to crawl along those last 30 miles driving
about 25 miles per hour, praying to let it get
me home.

I made it but the car was shot. The motor had
blown up. All the excessive miles we had put
on both cars lately had taken its toll. My wife
made arrangements to come and get me in the
company delivery van. We then took what little
money we had letting rent and other bills go
unpaid to make a down payment on another
car at a Louisville auto dealer. Though the car
was older it seemed in good shape and
hopefully would take all the miles of
punishment we were bound to put on it living
so far away from the hospital and now down
to one car.

That's when our first break came.
Cardinal Hill Rehabilitation Hospital in
Lexington, Ky. contacted me. They were
going to let Stefanie in and let me stay and
help as much as I could.

Cardinal Hill Rehab gave me a special pass
and a key to the head injury unit where
Stefanie stayed while she was there. Patients
couldn't come and go as they pleased for
obvious reasons. They have to have a
responsible adult with them. People with head
injuries are dangerous to themselves.

My pass read "Care By Family Member".
I was told by doctor Garrett and most all of
the staff members there, that head injury
patients with at least 1 family members strong
support and help, would recover much more
quickly. I worked very hard with Stefanie.

I stayed at Ronald McDonald house for
most of Stephanie's stay in Cardinal Hill
(the nights I didn't stay all night with her in
her room). I was there by 7:30 every morning
to help her get up, get dressed, wash her face,
brush her teeth and hair and to get in her
wheelchair. You see Stefanie had forgotten
all these normal everyday tasks that we just
naturally do. The wheelchair was necessary
because even on the day that Stefanie was
released she couldn't walk unassisted. I would
then take her to the head injury dining room
and assist her by placing a bib on her and
feeding her. After a week or so Stefanie was
able to feed herself if you watched her
carefully. Head injury patients are impulsive
and can get choked very easily. I would then
take her back to her room clean her up, and
while waiting for her first therapy session to
begin I would go over many facts with her to
remind her who she was, where she was, and
for that matter who I was.

It still hurts me to think back remembering
some of our early conversations:
Stefanie "Who are you?"
Ron "I'm your dad"
Stefanie "You're my dad?"
Ron "Yes baby"
Stefanie "My dads name is Ronald"
Ron "My name is Ronald"
Stefanie " You're really my dad?"
Ron "Yes baby"
I would then get a big hug and a kiss. I would
hold her hand and fill her in on all the other
important facts of her life. I answered
thousands of questions, and then quite often
after a long talk or even in the middle of
answering other questions she would say
again, Who are you?

Stefanie had six, ˝ hour therapy sessions a
day. I made sure she was at those sessions
on time and ready. Many patients didn't have
someone to help him or her get to therapy.
The Therapist would have to find the patient,
then take them back to the therapy room
making a session end up only being 15
minutes of quality therapy time. In between
therapies I would work with Stefanie doing
the things that the doctor or therapist said
would help her. Sometimes just drawing on
paper with crayons, looking at pictures in
magazines, or showing her different colored
and shaped blocks for her to identify for me.
All these things help the brain to start thinking
on the right track. I also took Stefanie to her
lunch and supper meals, sitting with her
helping her, and just being with her, giving
whatever support I could. I would take her
outside to get some fresh air, talk some more
then take her back to her unit and get her
ready for bed. Stefanie had a special bed
called a veil-bed. She was totally locked in it
at night. It had nylon mesh sides and ends with
zippers to close it all up. She didn't like being
closed up in it. It scared her, so I would stay
at night till she fell asleep then softly zip the bed
up so as to not wake her, then go get some
sleep and get ready for another day. On the
weekends I would be her therapist. Having
borrowed balls, gait belts for walking, and
other therapy tools and aids, I would work
with her all weekend in order to speed up
her recovery.

We are back at home now. We don't have any
money to get Stefanie special tutoring or rehab.
A couple weeks after school started at Stefanie's
insistence we went to her school and talked
with the principal and guidance counselors.
They have been so helpful and supportive
especially Mrs. Ritter and Mr. Bingham.

Stefanie has been given easy classes in order
to help jog her memory. Some of the classes
she had already taken while she was in Junior
High school. Another class she passed with A's
just last year. But she still has memory conflicts
and is struggling with those classes. Stefanie
just wanted to go back to school and be with
all her friends. It was her life. She has always
loved school and school activities. She
showed me a grade on one of her school work
sheets of 30. In her whole time at school I
have never saw her bring home any grade
less than a "C" and most often "A's" and "B's"
But the hardest thing on her has been all the
other teens. Many of them tell her that she
is not the same person that she was before
and they have difficulty dealing with all these
changes in her. Stefanie is very verbal now
and apt to say what is on her mind at any
time, to whomever she chooses. She voices
her opinions whether asked for or not.
Her intentions are good and her heart is soft.
It is just her judgement and the way she
perceives things right now that is clouded.
At times she feels that everyone is against
her. It's not her fault. She has one very good
friend, Jennifer. Jennifer
listens to Stefanie and takes her places. She
has been so patient with her. I'm sure Jennifer
deals with Stefanie much the same as we do
here at home. Loving her and giving her time
to heal.

Stefanie is very mad right now. She so much
wants everything to be just as it was before
the accident. So do I.

Did this happen just to Stefanie? I think it
happened to all of us that know her.

I am writing this mainly to get some of my
feelings down on paper. Maybe its a way of
some sort of healing for myself. I am also writing
this for Stefanie in hopes that she will one
day understand how much we all love her.

Have I done anything to help you baby? God, I sure hope so.

Dad