**
**Pyros go off as Jim Ross and Joel Gertner make their way to ringside to start the show.**
JR: "Welcome everyone to EHW Bash at the Beach! We are here in beautiful Orlando, Florida at the O-rena! Hello everyone, I am Jim Ross. . ."
JG: "And, well, well, well! Yes it is I, the often imitated, but never intiminated and a goodness, gracious, god damn handsome man! Joel 'why go to the movies when you can see me, the man who's job of getting women into bed is never a Misson Impossible, the man who in bed the ladies call Gladiator, and the man who makes the women moan so loud you that they have emancipated that you call it when I have ejaculated The Perfect Storm.' Gertner."
JR: "Dear lord man, don't you have any respect for yourself?"
**Gertner then begins to put up to fingers and wagging his tongue back and forth.**
JR: "I guess not, folks Gene Okerlund is standing by."
Mean Gene:Chris Jericho, in just a few moments, you will be fighting Triple H in a stretcher match. What is going through your head.
Y2J:Well gene, the only thing going through my head is what I'm gonna do to cripple Hunter, but HOW I'm gonna do it.
Mean Gene:You seem very confident.
Y2J:Why shouldn't I be. All of my JERICHOHOLICS out there know that I can wipe the mat with HHH any day of the week.
Then, after I get done crippling Hunter, I will give that filthy, dirty, disgusting, brutal, skanky, bottom-feeding, trashbag ho wife of his the biggest smootch she has ever, eeeeeeever recieved.
(Chris Jericho walks away. Mean Gene just stands there with a strange look on his face.)
**Triple H's music hits and he comes out to the ring to the boos of the audience. Triple H gets in the ring and spits water into the crowd, then when Jericho's music hits Triple H looks at the entryway in disgust. **
Jericho's music hits and Y2J comes out to the ring cutting a promo and making fun of Stephanie McMahon the entire way down to the ring, he gets in the ring and Triple H attacks him.**
HHH pounds Jericho down in the corner with many punches and kicks. HHH picks Jericho up, whips him off the ropes and hits a high knee to the side of the head of Jericho. HHH puts Jericho in a reverse chinlock, Jericho gains some momentum stands up with HHH now locking on a side headlock, and Jericho gives him a belly to back suplex. Jericho and HHH get back up to their feet, Jericho whips HHH off the ropes and dropkicks him down to the mat, then runs and jumps off the second ropes and hits the Lionsault! Jericho goes for the cover 1..2.Stephanie McMahon gets up on the mat. Jericho gets up, looks at the crowd, and clotheslines her off the mat. Jericho turns around and HHH hits his knee to the face drop, he then signals for the Pedigree, he goes to put Jericho down for it but Jericho takes HHH down by the legs and locks on The Walls of Jericho! After a few seconds in the hold HHH taps out! Chris Jericho wins.
JR: "Chris Jericho wins his debut match here in EHW with an impressive win over Triple H."
JG: "Jericho nailed Stephanie off the mat, and after the show I am going to nail her. . "
JR: "JOEL!!!!"
Bret Hart's music hits and the Hitman comes out to the ring to the boos of every single person in the arena. He gets in the ring and flicks off a few little kids at ringside that are booing him.
The light's go out as Tazz's music comes on, and the EHW Hardcore Champion comes out to the ring to sea of cheers. Tazz gets in the ring and grabs a mic.**
Tazz: "For years, Bret Hart you have been saying that you are the greatest technical wrestler in pro wrestling history. Well, everyone knows from my days in EHW that I am truly one of the greatest technical wrestlers of all time too. So lets find out who is betta', you versus me in a Submission Match with my belt on the line. 'Cause I am Tazz the Human Suplex Machine! Beat Me if you can! Survive, if I let you!"
Tazz and Bret lock up in the middle of the ring, they stay in it for a little while and Tazz turns it into a head and arm Tazzplex. Bret Hart gets to his feet holding his neck and walks right into a double arm Tazzplex! Tazz locks Bret in an STF, but the Hitman quickly reaches for the ropes which are near by and Tazz is forced to break the hold. Bret Hart gets back up to his feet, Tazz moves in and Bret sucker punches him in the gut, then gives Tazz a running bulldog. Bret then proceeds to work on Tazz right leg, stretching it, and elbow and knee dropping it. Bret Hart drags Tazz into the corner, Bret goes to the outside, pulls Tazz's legs near a ringpost and locks in a Figure Four on the ring post! Tazz yells with pain but the ref makes Bret break the illegal hold just seconds after he applies it. Tazz moves to the center of the ring as Bret argues with the ref, Bret gets in the ring and when Tazz gets to his feet he gives him a T-Bone Tazzplex! Tazz very quickly gets back up, signals for it then locks on, the TazzMission!!! Bret is in the hold for a few seconds and he immediately submits! Tazz wins.
JR: "Now we know who the true king of technical wrestling is, he is the longest running Hardcore Champion in EHW history, Tazz!"
JG: "I have seen him in his early years and he is truly a master of submission holds, and I am a master of holds, and positions that bring people pleasure. . not pain."
JR: "Now lets send it to our newest corrospondant and old WWF friend. Todd Pentingil."
(locker room area, adn interviewer Todd Pettengil, remember him in the WWF a while ago?)
Todd: I'm standing here with the ETF, or whats left? fist, is there any problems?
Hardcore Holly: No there isn't, we feel that we need go bond our own ways, but the bond is still strong, so its not really a break up!
Todd: ok then now Holl, you and Al have been strugling as other late. any reason?
Al: just a string of bad luck! hardcore: well I hope to next that thing on Fury next week cause I'm issuing a challange to Rikishi Phatu, and we will find out who is the real super heaveyweight in EHW!
Todd: now British bullodg, tonight you face off with Rick Flair and Steve AUstin. now Austin isn't at 100% of Fury's match up with tommy Dreamer!
Bullodg: I don't care if he was at 200%, the fact of the matter is this. he lost the belt, and the match was suppose to be me and him, NOW fliar is involed.. Thats fine with me. The way I See it, I have everything to gain and nothing to lose, so I'm goiing in there, giving it all I've got and leaving the ring at the TV champion!
Todd: back to ring side!
JR: "I was told by EHW Prez Paul E. that we are going to have a surprise 8 Man Tag Team Match right now. Yeah, good job on following the format, anyway it will be the team of Ass Backwards and the Job Squad, versus a mystery and returning team of four. Well, let's go to the ring."
** The Job Squad's music hits and all four men come out and get in the ring. They get in the ring and look to the entryway to see who their opponents are.
The Wolfpac's music hits and Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, The Outsiders come out to the ring!! Then on the EHW Hardcore TV pictures of Sting and Konnan appear.
Then they come running out to the ring and all four men get in the ring and pose for the crowd who are all in shock.**
Ass Backwards and Job Squad try and get the jump on the Wolfpac but they all get quadrupal clotheslined down. Hall and Nash take Job Squad and Sting and Konnan take on Ass Backwards, Nash picks Al Snow up and gives him a side walk slam while Sting gives Buh Buh Ray Dudley a Scorpion Death Drop. Konnan locks Billy Gunn in the Tequila Sunrise while Scott Hall gives Al Snow the Outsider's Edge! Nash brings Holly to the middle of the ring and gives him a Jacknife Powerbomb! 1..2.3! The Wolfpac wins!
JR: "Where in the hell did they come from? I thought Nash was injured, and we haven't seen Hall, Sting, or Konnan in EHW for months. This is definetly a shocking turn of events."
JG: "Well thanks for making them feel welcome Ross. Good lord each of these men have held title gold in EHW before, so unlike you I would like to welcome the Wolfpac back to EHW."
**
The ring is cleared as Stone Cold's music hits and Steve Austin comes out to the ring to the cheers of all of the fans. He gets in the ring and goes to all four corners throwing his arms up in the air as the fans cheer on.
The British Bulldog's music hits and he comes out to the ring to a mixed reaction. He gets in the ring and looks at his Austin in anticipation for the match to start.
Ric Flair's music hits and the TV Champion comes out to the ring to an overwhelming ovation from the fans. He gets in the ring and holds up the TV Title and the match is set to start.**
Austin and Bulldog go right after each other and take each other down in the middle of the ring. Bulldog gets up and gives Austin a backbreaker, Flair sneaks up behind Bulldog and gives him a hangmen's neckbreaker. He goes for a cover but Austin pulls Flair off, Flair gets to his feet and goes to punch Austin but Austing gets behind Flair, he spins him around and Stunner!1.2..3! Flair is eliminated. Austin gets up and the Bulldog gives him a hanging vertical suplex, Bulldog after dropping Austin down with it picks him up and gives him a shoulderbreaker. He goes for a cover 1.2..NO! Austin kicks out. Bulldog picks him up, whips him off the ropes, and. . Austin hits a jumping tackle driving the Bulldog down and Austin hits 5 hard right hands to the side of the Bulldog's head! Both men are slow to get up but Austin gets to his feet first, he gets Bulldog in position and gives him a sidewalk slam. Austin goes up to the second rope and hits and elbow drop to the forehead of the British Bulldog, Austin the signals for the end of the match. He gets Bulldog in position and attempts a stunner but the Bulldog lifts him up for a running powerslam, he runs but Austin slips out of it and Nails the Stunner! 1..2..3! Steve Austin wins the match.
JR: "Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold is the new television champion!"
Joel Gertner: That last match sure was good and long. Kind
of like me, wouldn't you say JR?
JR: You're one screwed up individual Joel.
Joel Gertner: Screwed up, eh? WELL, speaking of SCREWING
up….
JR: Alright! Just stop right there! I don't want to hear
from you for the rest of the show. Maybe next time I'll
get Paul E. to make you interview Rob Van Dam, and trust
me, it's not a blessing. (rubbing his jaw)
Joel Gertner: Grrrow! You're a feisty one JR, you must
have a small dick.
JR: What!? That's most certainly enough Joel! Continuing
on, I had the "privilege" of interviewing the Whole F'N
Team earlier before the show, and here's how it went.
**The lights dim and the crowd anxiously turns to the HARDCORE TV expecting another healthy dose of ROB VAN DAM. Of course they aren't let down. As Walk filters in and plays in the background, Jim Ross is revealed next to a bar stool, to his left is Sabu, Fonsi, then RVD. Ross, with the mic in hand, tries to talk to RVD.**
Ross: So Rob, why is it that you requested this interview?
(RVD is talking to Fonsi)
Ross: Rob!
(Nothing)
Ross: ROB!!!
(Nothing)
Ross: How am I supposed to get his attention?
Camera Guy: Try making a loud noise.
Ross: Alright…..(He grabs a beer bottle and breaks it
against the edge of the counter. Some glass shards stab
Sabu right in the back.)
**Sabu turns around and pounces JR.**
Ross: Good God Almighty! Good God Almighty! Yyyaaaaaaahhhhh! (JR swings at his heart furiously.)
**Sabu's punching Ross relentlessly, when RVD's attention is finally caught. He rushes over and tries to get Sabu to calm down, as Fonsi jumps in between the two to help distract Sabu's attention.**
Ross: Thanks for the tip…(mutters) asshole.
Camera Guy: No problem…(mutters) mother-fucking asshole
with tits the size of my fat girlfriend's.
**Ross gets back up and on a stool, and holds his head in his hands then leans back a bit.**
JR: Good God almighty it's great to get off of these feet.
RVD: You sure got Sabu mad.
Ross: Well I was trying to get your attention and kinda
hit Sabu with some glass.
RVD: I think it was the noise that startled him. Remember
the Barbwire match we had Fury? He didn't feel a thing
afterwards, so we held a big party at Fonsi's right after
that. And when the cops arrived at the usual time with
tear gas and clubs, he didn't even feel those things
either. But of course, ROB VAN DAM took care of everything
and saved the day.
Ross: Continuing on with the interview…You'll be facing
The Dead Pool later tonight. How do you feel?
RVD: If feel that your hat is really big, do you keep your
slaves in there? Afterall you do live in Texas and own
that large plantation. You crazy Texican.
Ross: Hey, I'm asking you the questions. Obviously you're
in perfect health. Do you think you'll beat the Dead Pool?
RVD: OF course. Vampiro may be dead, but Sabu here is
"dead" to pain, which will most certainly come in handy.
And of course, ROB VAN DAM isn't called MR. PPV, THE WHOLE
F'N SHOW, MR. MONDAY NIGHT, or MR. HARDCORE for nothing.
I'll definitely be prooving why, as always. I also have
God on my side, while Vampiro has the Misfits, which,
although are Gods of Punk, they can't zap anyone with
lightning, now can they?
Ross: Not, that, I am aware of. What are some thoughts
about Demon?
RVD: Well, I don't quite get him. He's not quite talent,
and he's not quite crap, so I guess all he's got going for
himself is sitting around in his own crapulence.
Ross: OK…Two more questions. Is that even a word? And how
did you enjoy your Florida trip?
RVD: Well it's a word now. And Florida was great. It's too
bad that all my fans only got to see was the Seaworld
trip, but that's OK. Although, I did get a Jet ski out of
the deal, and there's always next time when it's ROB VAN
DAM you're talking about.
Ross: Ah yes… There is no such thing as good-bye when it
comes to ROB VAN DAM, I do have to hand that to you. You
never do go away, like a nightmare.
RVD: Dream, Jim. You mean a dream. Dreams can be very
pleasant and fun to have, just like ROB VAN DAM.
Ross: I see more similarites between you and nightmares,
quite honestly, but thankfully it's time for me to go.
RVD: So soon? Geez Jim, you haven't even asked any real
questions yet.
Ross: Trust me, I think you said it best once. "There's
always plenty of ROB VAN DAM to go around."
RVD: Thanks for the compliment Jim. And to the Dead Pool,
well, don't suck. I don't want kicking your asses to be
very easy. I'd like some sort of challenge at least.
Ross: And finally, let's end this interview with that very
thought. Rob, with your great enthusiasm and talent, good
luck tonight.
RVD: You too, hope you don't need stitches, or wooden
teeth. You know, George Washington had wooden teeth.
Ross: Ok, I'm leaving to the Hospital now. I can taste
blood and something in my jaw moved.
**The HARDCORE TV dims, and the camera is back at the anouncer table.**
**
Rikishi's music hits and he comes out to the ring to almost no reaction from the fans. He gets in the ring and dances making an ass out of himself for a while and stops.
The Rock's music hits and the fans go absolutely berzerk!!! He comes out to the ring and stands on the top rope holding up the IC Title. He gets in the ring, gives the belt to the ref, and goes right after Rikishi.**
The Rock nails Rikishi with a few hard right hands, looks to the crowd with his eyes shut. . and nails Rikishi with a hard right hand knocking him down. Rikishi gets back up to his feet, superkicks Rock in the side of the head. But he barely hits it and Rock pops right back up, Rikishi goes for a clothesline but Rock grabs his arm twists all the way around him and hits the Layin' the Smack Down DDT. Rock looks to the people and signals for the People's Elbow! Rock throws the elbow pad into the fans, goes off the ropes, off the other set. . But Rikshi gets up, but when he goes at the Rock, he hits the Rock Bottom! Rock falls off the ropes and hits The People's Elbow!!! 1..2.3! The Rock wins!
JR: "It is very good to see the Rock back here in EHW after being gone for about a week."
JG: "Well, he had some injuries and was in the hospital but he is back to 100% now, well that is what my stats sheet says."
**
The lights go out and a spotlight reveals a gravesite made of sand and beach supplies as Vampiro's music hits and The Dead Pool Comes out to the ring. The get in the ring and both the Demon and Vampiro look out into the crowd with sick and twisted smiles on their faces.
"Walk" comes on and Rob Van Dam, Sabu, and Bill Alfonso come out to the ring to the cheers of the crowd. They get in the ring and pose for crowd, the look at the opponents and start trash talking them as the match is ready to begin.**
JR: "There are no rules in this match, the only way to win is to bury your opponent in the huge pile of sand by the entryway."
All four men go at it in the ring with RVD and Sabu getting the upper hand. RVD gives Vampiro a tiger driver without a pin and Sabu gives Demon a front face DDT. While the Whole F'n Team is taking out the Dead Pool Bill Alfonso sets up two tables on the outside and slides one in the ring. Then Fonzie gives RVD a chair, he tosses it to Vampiro and hits the Van Daminator! Sabu sets up the table in the corner, sets the Demon on it, and using RVD's back as a spring board he hits Air Sabu! Then, Sabu slides Demon onto one table and RVD slides Vampiro onto another table, Sabu climbs to the top rope and hits a spinning elbow drop plancha. On the other side RVD climbs to the top rope and hits a Five Star Frog Splash through the table!! Then both men drag their opponents towards the grave while Alfonso brings a table with him behind them. Fonzie lays the table on the hole of the grave, then RVD and Sabu go to the back and bring out two medium sized ladders! Fonzie lays Vampiro and Demon onto the table as RVD and Sabu climb to the top of their ladders. They each point to the sky and. . DOUBLE SENTON BOMB OFF THE LADDERS THROUGH THE TABLE INTO THE GRAVESITE!!!! RVD and Sabu are shaken up but they both climb out of the gravesite as Fonize hands them both shovels. They scoop sand onto the table and bodies of Vampiro and Demon until they are both completely covered in it. The Whole F'N Team wins!
JR: "RVD and Sabu dominate yet another team here in EHW to defend their tag team titles. And, The Dead Pool won the tag team tournament."
JG: "Hey, that is why they are The Whole F'N Team."
**Ring crew comes out and sets up a pole on one of the ring poles with a sinagpore cain hanging below it and put metal bars on all four corners of the ring that will have natural gas powered flames coming and shooting out of them.**
**The camera fades out and when it comes back on the camera is zoomed in on The Sandman's face and he look's angry."
Sandman: "Sid, tonight is the night. No more talking, no more insulting, no more bragging. Tonight, I finally get my long deserved world title shot, the won I earned in May. Sid, you think that you can just blow right by me and look ahead to future opponents, you think that since you are the world champion you have the upper hand, and you think that YOU are the greatest world champion of all time. Well your ass is wrong on all counts! I have told you all of this over the period of the last week since you made the biggest mistake of your life, besides going to work for WCW again, when you challenged me to a hardcore style match for your world title belt. I know that it will not be easy to get past you in a normal match, but tonight it is a deathmatch where the only way to win is to light your opponent on fire. And, with my Singapore Cain hanging above the ring on a pole I really don't see how I can lose. Sid, you can powerbomb me all you want, you can chokeslam me all you want, you can hit me with any of your moves that you have been using since the 1980's but you need to remember that I have taken more punishment in one match, than you have taken in your entire career and tonight you are going to find that out first hand and cain. I am never going to quit in our match, I will just keep on coming until your tall and stupid ass runs out of energy, then I am going to light you up and send you to the hospital. But don't worry, after I have kicked your ass into retirement, I'll send you to the same retirement home with all of your buddies. Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Mick Foley, Terry Funk, Vader, Bret Hart. Wait, that dumb fucking canadian is still around, oops. So Sid, get ready for the biggest and final match of your life because tonight the Hardcore Icon is going to get really hardcore on your corporate ass. And you can take that to the bar.
**The camera fades to black and when it comes back on Jim Ross is back on camera.**
JR: "This next match up is going to be a barnburner, literally. The only way to win this match for the EHW World Title is to light your oppoent on fire. There is a Singapore Cain hanging on a pole as an added weapon but that is it, this match could be career ending."
JG: "Well, since ring crew is just about finished I guess there is nothing left to say but let's go to the ring."
**
"Enter Sandman" hits and The Sandman comes out to the ring. He chugs down a beer, crushes it on his head, and gets in the ring. He gets in the ring, drinks another beer, and spits it out into the crowd.
Sid's music hits and he comes out to the ring to the roaring cheers of the crowd. He gets in the ring throws the ref the world title and stands on the second rope yelling out to all of his fans. The bell rings, and the match is ready to begin.**
The Sandman and Sid go face to face in the middle of the ring as the poles around the ring light up on fire and start shooting up flames. Both men look at the fire but Sid hits a standing clothesline on the Sandman knocking him down and getting the early advantage. Sid goes off the ropes and goes for a leg drop but misses as the Sandman rises up to his feet. Sandman gets up and gives Sid a swinging neckbreaker, then he goes for the singapore cain on the pole, Sandman gets up to the second rope but Sid grabs him from behind and gives Sandman a german suplex off the second rope. Sid goes off the ropes and this time nails a big leg drop, he goes for a cover, but then realizes that he has to light the Sandman on fire to get the win. Sid starts to roll Sandman towards the flames and gets very close but when the Sandman is near the ropes he grabs them and elbows Sid right in the face and Sid falls back a few steps giving Sandman an opportunity to get to his feet. Sid comes running at him and Sandman gives Sid a hard spinebuster! Sandman points at the cain and the crowd cheers for him to go for it, Sandman gets to the second rope, then to the top rope, he gets his hand on it and from behind again Sid this time low blows Sandman. Sid the climbs backwards behind him and lifts Sandman up for a super Powerbomb! He gets him up but when he is up Sandman realizes he is next to the cain! He grabs it and as Sid dives forward to hit the powerbomb Sandman cains him right between the eyes! Both men fall hard onto the mat and neither get up right away. Sandman is first to his feet, but Sid gets up shortly after he does, Sandman waits for Sid to get up and cains him hard again! Sandman goes for the Singapore Legsweep, but Sid blocks it and hits the Chokeslam! Sid takes a few seconds but gets to his feet and grabs the singapore cain, Sandman gets up to his feet and Sid cains Sandman in the stomach, then in the shoulders a few times and finally over the head knocking Sandman back down on his ass. Sid then signals for the end of the match which means the Powerbomb! Sid picks Sandman up and as he does Sandman is barely seen digging into his front pocket, Sid gets him up and. . .Sandman exposes a beer in his hand and smashes it in Sid's faces as it busts open and goes on Sid's body and stings both his and Sandman's eyes and Sid drops Sandman on his feet. Sandman throws the rest of the beer on Sid and grabs the Singapore Cain, Sid takes a blind swing at the Sandman but misses. The Sandman gets behind him and. . Singapore Legsweep!!! Sandman is fatigued but he manages to roll Sid over and under the ropes, as he is going down due to beer all over his body Sid's SHOULDER AND BACK LIGHT ON FIRE!!! The Sandman wins!
JR: "The Sandman wins! We have a new World Heavyweight Champion here in EHW!!! Both men are fatigued and damn near broke each other in half."
**Ring crew quickly extinguishes Sid's shoulder and back with fire extinguishers that were on stand by.**
JG: "That was an incredible match on both halves. Neither of these men have anything to be ashamed of."
JR: "And look, Sid is walking to the back after being lit on fire. That is absolutly ungodly!"
JG: "Sid Vicious is impressing even me, wow this has been a great night Ross. And the party in my hotel room is going to be even better."
JR: "We have seen a new Television Champ crowned, the Return of the Wolfpac, a Buried Alive Sand Castle Match, and have seen Sid Vicious lit on fire, and have had a new world's champion crowned. Folks, we are out of time remember no Turmoil this week, but don't forget to join us for EHW Fury on Friday! Goodnight everybody!"
