19th February 2001The people you've touched.
The way you've touched them.
I hope they've touched you too.
Cause in this life it's hard to tell
What is false and what is true
....The things you see
The way you see them
Will never be seen again
Let's go through Life
Livin on luck
Betting ten thousand to ten
-Hanson-Often I'll just sit and watch people as they pass by and wonder who they are and where they're going too. Usually when Im being driven to work, I'll just sit and stare out the window and wonder as everyone passes by. Like every person, ever moment, every picture are somehow forgotten memories of me from another lifetime that Im slowly remembering again. Like Im watching my life on a running screen that continues on , never ending.
The millions of faces painted with expressions of feelings I have yet to experience, feel, taste and know. I'll often wonder if that beautiful lady in her short red skirt and carefully ironed shirt is really happy, as she walks confidently down the street. Or is she another lonely and used soul been burnt too many times by a fleeting and wiltering love? Is the old man's face which is submerged in a newspaper. A face which is etched and drawn up of wrinkles, are trademarks of wisdom required over the years? Or are they simply just bitter angry crinkles because his recent pension pay is running late? Does the girl whom hides herself by a baseball cap, dark denim jeans and overlarge top know she is uniquely pretty? That the little boy with small curls walks with a hop because the simplest thing such as an ice cream has thrilled him.
Will the curteous and polite cafe waiter know his smile will warm the heart of the old lady? The old lady who vists to drown her grief in a, weak, 2 sugars coffee because every mans face reminds her of her late husband? Do the all important business collegues converstaing with their charming intelligent executive know he's dying of cancer? Do they know he's winning smiles over them turn to frowns as his wife and kids cry every night?
So many faces, so many people, so many stories, so many emotions. All of it, so very ordinary. Yet not so ordinary. Who are they? What are they searching for? I watch and I see me. I am the beauitful lady who's beauty has left her scared in love. Yet Im the pretty girl who's pain not to love herself causes her to hide her beauty. I am innocence, a boy who is happiest in simplity. I am wise, an old man who's experiences can leave him bitter or enriched. Do people really know how much they change and touch each other? Do you know that everything you see nobody in the whole wide world quite see's it they way you do. Nobody feels it like you, nobody knows it quite like you, nobody tastes it, experiences it, hears it quite like you do. And they never will.
Is that why it's so amazing to fall in love with someone? To find a friend or someone who can assmilate with you? Because deep down you know, nobody is quite like you? And to know, find or just even be in the presence of someone who seems to feel it simliarly too you makes it rare and special and amazing? To be honest sometimes I feel so selfish for having this webpage. I feel selfish having this journal. Because it's all about me. My thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. And I feel so selfish even though Im sharing them to a bunch of strangers who come and vist my site. And even though, I in someway am allowing myself to be vunerble I still feel selfish. I stiil feel guitly. I feel that I burden the readers with things that shouldn't worry about. Maybe I feel this way because deep down I hope I might assimalte with you and that would make me special in someway? I don't know.
Yours dazed and confused Kat :)
The people you've touched.
The way you've touched them.
I hope they've touched you too.
Cause in this life it's hard to tell
What is false and what is true
....The things you see
The way you see them
Will never be seen again
Let's go through Life
Livin on luck
Betting ten thousand to ten
-Hanson-