5th November 2000
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
Vertical Horizon "You're a God"
When I am alone. I am happy. I am safe. It's just me and no-one else. No one to answer too. No one to question. No one to worry about. No one to put me down. Make me feel guilty. Just me. No strings attatched except for the boundaries I create for myself in this boundless world. It is when everyone is introduced into my private world, my play of life, that the rules change, the plot complicates. I'm no longer alone and my happiness disappears.Why? How could I be so unhappy surrounded by others like myself? Because. Because suddenly your happiness is not in your own hands but in others. Sure you can make your own happiness, that's what everyone would like to have you believe but it is half lie when you are surrounded by others and not alone. How many times can you say that what someone else has done has made you happy? Many times, hopefully. However when people enter into your scene of lifes play, you slowly become dependant on them. Till eventually you're waiting for them to make you happy. Your supporting actor!
Im sure plenty of people disagree with me. They have right too. Im sure they're saying I make myself happy. And well Im sure they do. But I'm also positive that those very same people half the time put their happiness in someone else's hands.
Its not a literal thing. Dealing with something this unique and also quite absurd can never be a literal thing. It's all done subconciously. We don't mean to place our happiness in someone else's hands it just happens! We just all hoping and with that hope comes disappoint. We hope that maybe that special person will say this, do that or maybe this will happen if they do this and that. And well when that person doesn't do or say that in which we were hoping for and this doesnt happen because they didn't do this and that which we hoped they would. Well, we become disappointed. We become unhappy because we subconciously put our happiness in someone else's hands.
It's not wrong. It's not bad. It's natural. It's human. It's life. But that's why it's much easier being alone, you see. Sometimes being alone, holding your own happiness seems like a nicer option. It's safer. It's uncomplicated, it's just you. Yes, it's fear, Yes, it's avoidence. But sometimes it feels better to isolate yourself. Being alone is happiness. Being alone however is loneliness. Being lonely is unhappiness. A loneliness, needing the comfort of others for happiness. It's a faded and blurry line trying to differenate the two, isn't? A tricky balancing act on scales. Ever watch scales? Watch them! They can teach you a lot about life. Scales they dip this way and that, it takes forever to get them just the right balance. And when you do, when it's just right. Perfect even..it only lasts for minute till they're diping out of control again to extremes.
Confused you yet with my contradictions?! Not making any sense? :) Good because that's Life! Creativly yours Katrina
I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
Vertical Horizon "You're a God"Back