Always searching for a love thats in bloom
It's a warm and soft embrace
Hoping you'll never be lonely again
It's a fear that you just cant face
Im just waiting for the light to change
Tonic "Im just waiting for the light to change"

I havent been writing so much. Everything I've been feeling is turning into a song and I cant understand why I cant even put it into just words without metaphors or some echoing melody. I didnt want to be here talking about love with you. It was something I promised not to do. Because love is inexpressible, it just purely exsits and its this mystery I'll never solve and never resist.

And I think my point of view somehow went askew because Im not loving love as much as I used too. I still think its dancing late at night in pjs and I still think its romantic and doing crazy things. I still thinks its as simple as a smile and holding that special persons hand. But Im changing mind of what I think of you love and I not believing in you so much and that hurts. Not that I'll never find you or that you not all those beautiful things because you're always going to be what you are and that will always beautiful. Just love you're not so crystal clear or hopeful. You're deep and complex and right now I dont see you anywhere. You're not even as wishful as the stars I see in skies. Where did you disappear? Where did I disappear?

And when I love I never tell you because Im too afraid, it would change everything and then you leave. And I lose you love without you knowing. I've lost you so many times I've lost count and yet I can remember every face and name so vivdly, every moment is like a past lifetime. You told me you were going away soon. And I shouldnt be so sad because I know you're coming back and you're always still here even when you're so far away but Im losing all doubt and Im falling deeper into something that held me so high.

I've been contemplating on telling you this time love because Im tired of letting you go and pretending that Im okay. I know I wont though because Im foolish. You'll be on the train station and so will I, both waiting. Yours will pull in before mine, and you'll turn to smile before you say goodbye. I'll smile then hestiate before wanting to run and hold you and give you something real to think about while you're away. Instead though I wont run and I wont hold you and you wont be thinking about me when you leave. I'll smile, wave and then walk away. And there I go losing you once again.

And love im naive when it comes to you. I cant help but feel silly, and stupid and foolish and hurt. And I know two days gone by I'll be looking at you from another angle and you wont seem so dull and sad. Im still changing mind about you. Butterfly kisses Kat

"Im just waiting for the light to change"