Well, I figured that it was time to get something (somewhat) humorous up on the list. I hope no-one minds it, but just say the word if you think that it's a mite inappropriate.
It's apparent you're a debater if....
You're composed of 88% oreo cookies and 12% jolt cola. (You are what you eat)
You know the friday and saturday night programming schedules for standard hotel HBO by heart.
You can twirl a pen on every appendage.
Ninety percent of your emails are from the ld-l.
You've memorized the categorical imperative, as well as every bastardization of it.
You've been "briefcase shopping."
Feel free to send in some more, I think we all need a bit of entertainment with all the sanction talk.
Andrew Hansen
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You have a stack of flow pads.
You have started to use "debate language" with non-debators, and they have no idea what you are talking about.
You have more than one timer because you keep loosing it.
You feel "incomplete" if you don't have a tourney one weekend.
-I have no idea who wrote this one.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
...everyone at Office Max knows you by name.
...you start making references to the Social Contract Theory in everday conversation.
-Patrick Resch
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You wish you could break
You think octas means 16
You want to be 'picked up' by three middle-aged, balding men
-Mike Morris
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
you've debated too much when.....
If you signpost in normal conversation
you find yourself saying in essays and in normal conversation, "I have several repsonses to this."
you know more philosophy than your history teacher
we wont even mention the hand motions you use this applies to college people)
your roommate starts saying things like "1)....2)...." or starts giving you time signals
You can get up around 5:45 am and be completely dressed (in a suit) and back on the computer to perfect your cases by 5:51
you always have a pen
you know the ranks (parli-sorry), speaks, win-loss, and major arguments of your past 29 rounds-all of which have been this past month
you avoid essays by writing responses to emails like this on the LD-L
See the last one? i actually do have some work to do at college (thought many would doubt it ;)
love, kate
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
More signs of addiction....
You talk about hitting people---all the time...
You know what the word "hegemony" means, and use it in everyday conversation...
You go like this a lot ::arm extended fingers pointing slightly downward::...
You can link everything back to Nazi Germany...
love, kate
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You hear a speech from a class mate, start flowing their case, AND thinking of counter-arguements.
-Patrick
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
...You buy pens according to the stability of their twirl.
...Your friends catch you reading philosophy for "fun".
...You accuse people of using you as a means to and end (without including you in that end!).
..."This is not a debate!" is heard often from angered parents.
Craig Linton
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Your diet consists of an occasional stop at a fast food restaurant, and or a bag of chips and a soda on the way to a round.
You see the members of your team more than members of your own family.
You see the members of other teams more than your own family members.
You find yourself writing essays in a ld format
You time everything you do according to ld times.
-Not sure who this person was.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You showed the movie "Listen to Me" at your birthday party (ok, so maybe this only applies to me, but I thought it was funny)
Jon Helfgott
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
you haven't been to a tournament since freshman year, but you've been to hundreds of "tourneys"
You actually have a reason to spend your summer breaks in Iowa.
When people introduce themselves to you, you want to see their evidence.
You think that you have a mysterious inborn ability to "crack the schematics."
-Josh Goldblatt
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
u have no respect 4 human dignity.
ld means something more than learning disability.
ac means more than air conditioning.
-Lionel Rivera
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Your Christmas list includes flow pads, reams of paper, ink for your printer, specific colored pens, ties, dress shoes and the a 54 volume set of the great philosophical works.
Instead of saving money to go to the beach, you are trying to save enough money to go to debate camp next summer
You get up at 5:00 am on tourney days to talk to a wall.
Everytime you hear the word brief, your mind starts debating whether to order victory, baylor or paradigm.
You answer all arguments in Nov/Dec by weighing their morality.
Your idols aren't known to anyone but LD-ers.
You beg your father to borrow his briefcase on weekends.
-Don't know this person either! Sorry!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
// You beg your father to borrow his briefcase on weekends. //
No, no. You know you're a debater if your father asks you on weekdays to borrow your briefcase.
-I'm not in with the in crowd I guess!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
you begin to "crystallize" your arguments with your family
you now have "value premises" included in your arguments
you argue the Social Contract with all your teachers
-All right, I'm just embarrassed now.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
All your spending money goes to tournament fees and buying books on the current topic. Your last three relationships involved different area codes, and two of the last three involved different time zones, and none of them involved actually dating.
You think pen twirling is sexy.
You own nicer suits than your parents. You've been to a Kinko's in more than 3 states to print out cases at the last minute. You've ever sat on the floor of a Waldenbooks in a mall, copying definitions because you forgot yours and your teammates' weren't good enough to steal. Everyone in your American History class thought you were insane for hyperventilating when your teacher basterdized Locke worse than your last novice opponent. You say things like, "So if I took my sister's pen, and gave it to her best friend, would my mom be justified in getting angry?" You've made a long distance call mid-tournament to the only person you know who remembers how to do break probabilities.
-Anonymous
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You carry out every conversation with making typing motions with your fingers.
-Someone out there is very funny.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You know you're a debater when,
You refuse to use any legal pads but yellow ones, because you have both scientifically and philosophically proven that they enhance your moral creativity. And.....
You carry atleast two around school with, containing everything from notes to your crush to "Death Be Not Proud" to what you got wrong on your last Spanish Test.
You don't know where you're homework is but your debate speeches, evidence, flows etc are in a neat little pile in the only neat little corner of your room.
Your friends know so much about debate just from listening to you that they insist of seeing your ballots after every tourney.
Surprise essay tests in History no longer worry you because you can come up with a decent outline in under thirty seconds.
You rest of the eighth day.
-Katy
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
DANGER, FRED ROBERTSON, DANGER:
HEAVY-HANDED PEDAGOGICAL NOTE IMPENDING!
///From: Katy Michel /// Surprise essay tests in History no longer worry you because you can come up with a decent outline in under thirty seconds. ///
Thanks, Katy, for providing succinctly the educational value of this
activity. Let's all go fight for $000s and $0,000s (or even Saganic
amounts) from our School Boards/Trustees!!
Unable to speak owing to illness, but at least retaining some digital
mobility,
William Cooper
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
It's apparent you're a debater if you have a specific notebook in your
backback just in case your history teacher brings up a good example you could
use in your case.
It's apparent you're a debater if you end up teaching your class and the
English teacher how to write a debate...and especially if you criticize your
teacher for the formatting she/he gives and for shortening the length of the
debate for "class purposes."
-Unknown Debater
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You know the difference between didactic and duct tape.
You think that Anne Frank is the answer to the Categorical Imperative.
You don't think the Taco Bell dog is cute, the vicious mutt cost you a round.
You ask questions of someone standing right next to you while trying to establish eye contact with someone seated 12 feet away.
You answer questions the same way.
The Impugner
You know Kant rhymes with taunt.
You know Ayn rhymes with sign.
You know Deontology rhymes with day at the mall ok
The Impugner
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
///You know Deontology rhymes with day at the mall ok ///
or you just know what deontology is
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
It's apparent you're a debater when you're as cocky as the Nova LD guys:)
-Orly
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You have a special place in your notebook for any ideas that may drift into
your head about your case when your daydreaming in Spanish class.
Little brothers say your wierd because you use words like "irrelevant" and
"crystallyse" when screaming your head of at them because they decided to
scribble with multicolored permanent marker on the back of your clipboard
the day before a state qualifying tournament ( sorry got a little too
personal there)
Asking someone "then, how do you define ____"
When someone asks you "what you're argueing" for long topics such as the
last one, you ask them "Do you really want to know."
When they ask what side your on, you say," Aff right now, cause I didn't do
too well in cross-x last tournament" and wonder why you get a queer look.
When you start "revising" a definition
When on your wall above your Black's Law Dictionary and emergency legal pad
you have a row of trophies( and I'd bet they're not baseball trophies)
When the term NFL does not bringing odd-shaped, pig-skin-covered laced balls
to mind
When you grouch at everyone for the next week because the judge thought your
tie did not match with the stripes on your shirt
When you tell your friends that the judge told you to switch sides of the
room with your opponent because that was the way it was on the ballot and he
didn't want to get confused ( true story! )
And finally, be honest,
How many of you rush home from school to see if anyone responded to your
post on this list?
the KAMMAN
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
I feel left out... a few that crossed my mind..
"Drop your briefs and spread. I'll extend, and we'll flow right through it"
has more than one meaning
You skip school on friday's before tournaments to write debate cases
You know who Jean-Paul Sartre is
You know what LD means without an S in between
Ryan Russell
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You find yourself arguing with the principal that what you did was moral
according to the Categorical Imperative.
-A very interesting person
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
...everyone at Office Max knows you by name.
...you start making references to the Social Contract Theory in everday
conversation.
-Patrick Resch
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
you've debated too much when.....
If you signpost in normal conversation
you find yourself saying in essays and in normal conversation, "I have
several repsonses to this."
you know more philosophy than your history teacher
we wont even mention the hand motions you use
(this applies to college people) your roommate starts saying things like
"1)....2)...." or starts giving you time signals
You can get up around 5:45 am and be completely dressed (in a suit) and back
on the computer to perfect your cases by 5:51
you always have a pen
you know the ranks (parli-sorry), speaks, win-loss, and major arguments of
your past 29 rounds-all of which have been this past month
you avoid essays by writing responses to emails like this on the LD-L
See the last one? i actually do have some work to do at college (thought
many would doubt it ;)
Kate Myers
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
You know who Jean-Paul Sartre is.
-A Satre-Knowing Person
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
///You know who Jean-Paul Sartre is///
how about you know who foucault is.
i like that pun better.
peace,
matt
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
I think some of my team mates would agree on the following few...
You can get to Iowa City from Chicago without a map, and be really
confident about it!
You know all the hang outs in Iowa City.
You can get around Iowa City better than your hometown.
Notice a trend?
You actually find the humor in these posted by people.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says you're too argumentative.
You have to go to Thinkers Anonymous meetings because people are worried
that you might be thinking too much.
You WANTED to go to Arizona for the competition and not the weather.
(This one if more for guys) You keep post-it notes (stickies) in your wallet.
When you say you want to get back to the hotel for a little fun, you really
mean to work on debate stuff.
You have ever gotten a joygasm from reading a piece of evidence (A.K.A.
Gordasm)
That's all from me for now.
-Rob Eback
