He stared into the flames of the fireplace, watching as
they danced about merrily, crackling and snapping as they chased each other to
and fro, doing their part to contribute to the excitement that was taking place
in the house that afternoon. He could smell the cookies baking in the kitchen-
Suzanne and Whitney had been at it since that morning- and Christmas music was
playing softly on the stereo, just like it had been all day.
The kids were all outside, except for Joshua who was
fast asleep (for once) in his arms. Brian had been absolutely amazed, and
seemed quite content to leave his son right where he was to make a dash for the
backyard, dragging all the kids with him. It was going to be a white Christmas
this year, and they were ecstatic about the snow. Brian and Nick had caught
“snow fever” as well, and seemed to have reverted back to the age of seven,
playing just as hard as their children. There was undoubtedly numerous snowball
fights and snow angels in the works, not to mention an army of snowmen being
built. Kariel was just as creative as her mother, and had been dying to get her
hands on some “serious snow” as she had called it. Their joyous shrieks and
yells could be heard even in the house.
His eyes drifted up to the mantle of the fireplace that
was adorned with a thick garland, perfectly arranged by Whitney no doubt. She
was ever the perfectionist, although Brian wasn’t much better. Christmas was an
event bigger than the Academy Awards in that man’s book, especially since his
daughter was born. The garland gave way to four stockings proudly displaying
the names of their owners, each held up by a great red bow. He couldn’t help
but smile at the sight of the smaller stockings Kary had insisted upon for the
dog and Whitney’s horse. For a six year old, she was one of the most caring,
thoughtful, and bright children he had ever laid eyes on.
He continued his survey of the room, taking in the
nativity scene set up near the fire place- Nick had gotten to be the one to
explain Baby Jesus to Nicky, as he seemed old enough to understand it this
year- and remembered that they would have to pick up some of the smaller pieces
before A.J. and his crew arrived. His little monster was guaranteed to shove
anything he could get in his hands straight into his mouth. That kid was
destined to be just like his father. He was everywhere, all the time. It was
impossible for him to be still.
Aside from the Nativity there was the wreath arrangement
on the coffee table, and Whitney’s Santa collection that was spread across
every shelf in the room. The tree, freshly decorated, cast a cheerful glow from
its corner where it stood quietly, waiting for the mayhem that would come when
the kiddos got to the presents in the morning. The room was full of joy and
happiness, from floor to ceiling. Unfortunately, that happiness only added to
his misery.
“Kevin?”
He turned his head at the voice, and saw Suzanne
sticking her head out of the kitchen.
“Hey Sue,” he said, forcing a smile. “Can I do something
for you?”
“Oh no, I think we’ve got it barely under control here,”
she said, coming over to sit on the arm of the couch Kevin had made himself at
home in. “Just wanted to see how you and Joshua were doing. I can’t believe he
just fell asleep like that.”
“I know,” he said with a soft chuckle. “Whitney’s been
going on and on about the Tireless Joshua.”
“If you’re tired of sitting there we can always put him
in the crib. I was wondering if you might want to go out and join that husband
of mine outside. Make sure he doesn’t break his neck.”
“Brian’s out there with him,” Kevin offered. “No way
Nick could take on that bunch without backup.”
Suzanne snorted. “Exactly. The only one who would kill
himself out there faster than Nick is Brian. They’re worse than Nicky!”
“I think the girls are worse
than all of them,” Kevin said with a chuckle.
“You’re probably right. So will you?”
Kevin leaned his head back against the couch, adjusting his
arms slightly to accommodate the baby and smiled at her sadly. “Thanks for
trying to cheer me up, but I’m fine. Really, I am. I think Josh and I will just
sit here for a bit and enjoy a little Bing Crosby.”
“Are you sure?” she asked doubtfully.
“Yeah. I’ll be more than happy to help you out in the
kitchen, but otherwise I’m happy just sitting here by the fire. I’ll go out
with them in a little bit if the little tyke wakes up.”
“Okay,” she said reluctantly. “Howie and A.J. should be
here soon, so don’t expect him to sleep much longer. That group is not exactly
quiet.”
Kevin blinked a little. “Tell me about it,” he said
heavily.
At that moment, the doorbell rang. “Speak of the
devils,” Suzanne muttered. Kevin smiled as Whitney crept into the hallway,
gesturing exaggeratingly towards the door. Sue and Kevin suppressed a laugh.
She was not going to give up Josh’s nap until she absolutely had to. “I’ll get
it!” she hissed.
Whitney Littrell wiped her hands on her faded jeans and
headed for the door, tossing a smile at the other two over her shoulder. She threw it open and beamed at the group on
the doorstep.
“Y’all know better than to knock. Howie! A.J.! So glad you could come!” She wrapped Howie
up in a huge hug, and he returned it with a broad grin.
“Good to see you Whits! Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas! Get on in here it’s freezing out
there. A.J., don’t you dare sneak by without giving me a hug.”
“I would never dream of such a thing!” A.J. declared as
she herded them inside and shut the door behind her. A.J. lowered his son to
the floor, but Whitney intercepted him before he could run off. “Come here you
little munchkin. How are you?”
“I’m good!” he announced proudly. “Aunt Whitney, guess
what?”
“What?” she asked with a smile only a mother could give.
“It’s Christmas!” he hollered. Whitney laughed.
“Yes it is Alex, can you believe it? Is Santa going to
bring you presents this year?”
Alex nodded his head furiously. “Yuh huh. Daddy said he
would.”
“Well your daddy wouldn’t lie about something like that
would he?” she said solemnly.
“Uh uh,” Alex said with wide eyes. “No way.”
Whitney grinned. “Go say hi to your Aunt Suzanne. She’s
got some cookies baking in the kitchen, if you ask nice she might give you
some.”
“Yay!”
“And Uncle Brian and Uncle Nick are outside playing with
Nicky and the girls. As long as you’re bundled up, you can go play in the
snow.”
“Can I daddy?” Alex shrieked.
A.J. nodded, unable to suppress his grin. “You bet
little buddy. Don’t forget your gloves. Your snowsuit is in your bag. I’ll get
it for you.”
“Kay!” he scampered off to the kitchen.
“He is getting huge,” Whitney said as she got the hug
A.J. had promised her. “I can’t believe we’re all going to be together this year.
How was your flight?”
“Good,” A.J. replied. “Thought the snow would slow us
down, but I guess for once they were on top of things.”
“Alex had the flight attendants wrapped around his
little finger,” Howie informed her. “They just ate up that charm.”
Whitney clucked her tongue. “Just like his dad. Lord
knows it’s been impossible to have one of you on this earth, much less two. I’m
not sure if I’m ready for this.”
A.J. smiled softly and shook his head, a faraway look in
his eyes. “Naw, he’s his mom much more than he is me.”
She patted him on the back of the shoulder. “You going
to be okay?”
He nodded, although his face seemed a little tight. “I’m
fine. I’m a pro at this now. And besides, I have all of you this year.” He
kissed her on the cheek. “Kev’s the one I’m worried about.”
“Ditto,” Whitney said quietly. “He’s been moping all
day. Brian and Nick have been outside with the kids since the snow started
piling up, and haven’t been able to spend much time with him. I was hoping
y’all might try and put a smile back on his face. It sucks to feel miserable
this time of year.”
“We’ll do what we can,” Howie said with a wink.
“Where the hell did that son of mine get to?” A.J.
muttered, noticing that he could no longer hear him from the kitchen. Whitney
laughed. “Unreal. He’s you A.J.”
“I never drove my mom this crazy.”
“Oh right,” Whitney said sarcastically, following him.
“So that’s why Denise had a mid life crisis at thirty five.”
Howie left them in the Search
for Alex and made for Brian’s family room. He spotted Kevin’s dark head bobbing
up the steps. He watched the retreating back for a moment, taking in the heavy
shoulders and the drag of his step. Heaving a sigh, he quietly followed.
Kevin laid Josh gently down in his crib, smiling to
himself as the eight month old squirmed about a bit before giving a tiny sigh
and returning to peaceful slumber. All of the activity had truly wiped him out,
finally.
He gazed at the still figure for a moment, feeling the
peaceful silence of the room pervade him and allowing the darkness to give him
some comfort. He wanted to hide here. He didn’t want to face the Christmas
cheer that was waiting for him downstairs, and he didn’t want to see the happy
faces. It only reminded him of what he had lost, and if he took much more of it
he would break.
“Train?”
Kevin was startled out of his reverie by the soft
whisper, and he jumped. He whirled around to see a hesitant Howie hovering in
the doorway. Kevin moved away from the crib and slid out the door, shutting it
carefully behind him. Satisfied he had not disturbed Joshua, he turned around
to face his old friend.
“Howie D.,” he said with a genuine smile. “Oh man, it’s
been forever. C’mere and give me a hug, How are you?”
Howie smiled in relief as the two friends embraced. “I’m
doing just fine.” Kevin motioned for them to head back downstairs, and Howie
followed eagerly.
“Seeing anyone?” Kevin asked with a mischievous look in
his eye.
Howie groaned and rolled his eyes. “That is the first
question everyone asks. What is this morbid interest everyone has in my love
life?”
“We’ve got a pool going on how long it will be before
you finally settle down,” he joked. “I need as many inside tips as I can get.”
“I like being a bachelor,” Howie declared.
The spunk died out a bit in Kevin’s eyes, and Howie
immediately felt bad. It had been a poor choice of words.
“I wish I could say the same,” the older man said
softly, looking as if he was trying hard not to cry. Howie bit his lip a
little, and then patting him firmly on the back.
“There’s still hope Kev. Don’t give up on her.”
“What’s there to give up on?” he said bitterly. “It was
my fault. I’m the one who let her go.”
“Hey,” Howie said softly. “We all make mistakes. We’re here
for you. You know that, right?”
“Yeah I know,” he said listlessly.
A.J. watched them both from the doorway to the kitchen.
He understood. Howie didn’t, and when you got right down to it neither did
Brian or Nick. To those two, the thought of losing their wives would be enough
to scare them into a stupor. That gave them an inkling of what Kev was going
through, but the truth of it was they just didn’t know. He did.
He sighed loudly as Howie gave Kevin another hug. “Such
a Kodak moment,” he said as he wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.
“Oh my God,” Kevin said with a grin. “A.J. McLean. Well
aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
A.J. gave him a sweeping bow. “I know, I know. Without me
you are dazed and confused, lost and miserable, old and very, very crusty.”
Kevin groaned and rolled his eyes. “Some things never
change.”
A.J. responded by striking a pose and placing his hand
over his heart. “I bring light to everyone’s lives,” he said dramatically.
“Aw, Bone stop it before you make me sick,” Howie said
through his laughter. “You’re worse than a Hallmark card.”
A.J. grinned cheekily. “Give me a hug old man, don’t let
Howie have all the fun.”
Kevin wrapped his old friend up in a bear hug, his large
frame dwarfing the smaller man.
“You are just as scrawny as ever, aren’t you?” Kevin
said with a shake of his head.
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” A.J. said wisely. “So
how’ve ya been?”
“Peachy.”
A.J.’s eyes narrowed slightly and he nodded. “You and I
are going to have a nice chat in a little bit, okay? But first I need to find
that cousin of yours and his not so little blonde shadow and give them a proper
hello.”
He didn’t need to look far, because at that moment the
sliding door was thrown open and a stampede made its way noisily into the
house.
“Shoes OFF!” Whitney yelled from the kitchen.
“Yes ma’am!” came the smart answer in a very
familiar southern accent. “You heard her girls. Kary wait, no… arg! I’ll clean
it up honey…”
“Nick, Brian, there’s somebody here to see you,” Sue
shouted at them.
“Are they here?” came the excited yelp.
A.J. grinned and shook his head. Nick Carter had one of
the most distinctive voices he had ever heard. Seconds later a figure came barreling
into the foyer, where the three former band mates were waiting expectantly.
“Oh my God it’s Nick times two,” Howie said in disbelief
at the sight of a second body sitting on Nick’s shoulders.
“Howie D.!” Nick cried, gingerly lifting his son over
his head and setting him gently on the ground.
“Will you look at that,” A.J. said, clucking his tongue.
“It’s a mini-Nick.”
“Hey y’all!” A.J. and Howie looked up to see Brian walk
in, a grin the size of a Mack truck plastered over his face. A young girl had
her fingers through the belt loops of his jeans as she trailed behind him.
“Kary!” A.J. exclaimed, hitting his knees in front of
the child, offering her a high five. The youngster stared at him with wide
eyes, looking a little fearful. She buried herself in Brian’s leg as he watched
them, a twinkle in his eye.
“Do you remember Uncle A.J.?” he prodded gently. “He’s
the one who used to play with you and sing the Larry Songs for you. When daddy
was still singing in that group. He turned your hair black. Remember that?”
She nodded shyly. “I remember,” she said softly.
“Are you going to say hello and give him a hug?”
She hesitated, but then released her father and opened
her arms to A.J., who grinned and hugged her tightly. “Good to see you kiddo,”
he told her. “You’re growing up awfully pretty. Six years old. I can’t believe
it. Are you dating yet?”
Kary giggled. “No silly.” She smiled proudly. “I’m a big
sister.”
“So I hear!” A.J. exclaimed. “I haven’t met your brother
yet. Would you introduce me when he wakes up?”
Kary nodded solemnly. A.J. gave her a pat before
standing up, where hugs were being exchanged all around.
“Nick, where’s Kariel?” Howie asked.
“Ah, she took Alex to…” his blue eyes widened. “Oh crap.
She and Alex went somewhere.” He maneuvered through the small ocean of
people gathered in the foyer and tore off after his daughter. Brian laughed at
him. “I need a picture of that face. Kevin, that is our new mission in life.
Shouldn’t be too hard, he makes it enough.”
The chattering group migrated into the family room where
Kevin had been sitting earlier. Sue and Whitney appeared from nowhere to
collect the kids, and whisked them away so the “men” could talk.
Brian and A.J. seated themselves on either side of Kevin
on the couch, while Howie and Nick took chairs.
“Can you believe this?” Nick said, unable to contain his
excitement. “I cannot believe we are all sitting here in the same room! How
long has it been?”
“Three years,” Kevin supplied.
“Three years since the band broke up,” Howie said in
disbelief. “It doesn’t seem possible, does it?”
“Nick?” A.J. said suddenly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why the hell did you leave Florida for
Lexington? Was life without Brian just that bad? Damn it’s cold here!”
Brian sniggered. “Not quite.”
Nick pointed to the kitchen. The kids having been
successfully occupied in the basement, Sue and Whitney had returned to work.
“She’s why,” he told his tattooed friend.
“She’s got him whipped,” Kevin explained. “She said
choose between Florida and her.”
“Nick,” Howie said seriously. “I admire your
dedication.”
“Thank you,” he said primly.
“So where was your Kariel, Nick?” Howie asked
with a small smile.
“About to cram a snowball down Alex’s shirt. Caught her
just in time.”
“I still cannot believe you named your kids the
same thing!” A.J. hollered.
Nick and Brian exchanged glances, and then shrugged.
“How do you two do that?” he went on. “Both girls, born
within the same twenty-four hours, and they have the same name. You cannot tell
me you didn’t plan the name. I so won’t believe you.”
“They didn’t plan it,” Kevin said, chuckling a little.
“They didn’t,” Howie agreed. “I was in Florida with Nick
and he was here with Brian when they were born.”
“Unbelievable.”
“So how is Alex?” Brian said eagerly. “I caught a
glimpse of him.”
“Gawd, that kid,” A.J. said, a delirious grin on his
face. “He is the greatest. He really is. I cannot imagine what life was like
without him.”
“Neither can I,” Howie confessed. “And he’s not even
mine.”
“Well you see him on a daily basis,” A.J. declared.
“How about you Kevin?” Howie asked warmly. “How are the
boys?”
The room froze, waiting to see how he would answer.
Brian and Nick had avoided all mention of Kevin’s twin boys. When Sarah had taken
off they had gone with her, and they both knew Kevin hadn’t seen them in over a
week. A few phone conversations, but that was it. She had no intention of
bringing them back to Lexington for Christmas, that she had made crystal clear.
They would come with her to Virginia where Grandma lived, and that was that.
Kevin hadn’t questioned it. He deserved it. That fact didn’t make it hurt any
less though.
“They’re fine,” Kevin croaked. “I talked to them
yesterday. I’m going to call them tonight. They want me to read them Twas The
Night Before Christmas, like…” he closed his eyes and tried to swallow the lump
in his throat. “Like I always do,” he managed to choke out. He stood abruptly.
He needed out.
They watched him go without a word. Brian put his hands to
his face and Nick picked at the arm of his chair.
“Shit,” Howie said with a small sigh. They all agreed
with him, but Nick reached over and smacked him lightly on the arm. “Not in the
house,” he said absently.
A.J. got up and followed after Kevin. Brian watched him
go with some relief. He had no idea what to even say to his cousin. A.J. at
least knew what he was going through.
“What happened?”
Whitney’s voice startled them all, and Brian turned to
see his wife in the doorway, wiping a dish dry with a cloth.
“Howie brought up Travis and Gerald. Kev got upset.”
“A.J.’s gone to talk to him,” Nick added.
“I sure hope it helps,” she said with a sigh.
“Has Sarah called you?” Brian asked slowly.
Whitney shook her head, as did Sue, who had appeared behind
her. “Nope. I tried getting in touch with her, but she’s not talking to any of
us.”
“Not that I blame her,” Sue spoke up.
“Sue,” Nick admonished.
“Sorry,” she said with a shrug. “I’d be pissed as hell
too. He screwed up and hasn’t really apologized for it.”
“We know that,” Nick said quietly.