Chapter 35- One For All, Five For One

“Come on y’all!” A.J. hollered. “We got to get this right. Let’s do it again.”

Kevin groaned. They had been working all day on a new dance routine. Fatima, their choreographer, rolled her eyes.

“Take a chill pill, A.J.,” she called.

“Yeah, who died and made you dictator?” Howie demanded.

“Sorry!” A.J. said defensively. “I just can’t wait to get back on stage, that’s all.”

“You’re not kidding,” Howie muttered. As a protest to not being able to perform, A.J. had dyed his hair gray. He said not being able to get up onstage was driving him prematurely gray.

“Well go easy on the rest of us here,” Brian said with a grin.

“Okay, okay. But we still need to do it again, don’t we Fatima?”

“Yes, you do.”

“Well then?”

“All right, lets take it from the top,” Kevin said, hauling himself back to his feet.

“Nick, you ok?” Brian asked.

“Yeah,” he said wearily. “I’m coming.” He forced himself back up and headed to the dance floor. He was exhausted. They had been working non-stop on their dance routines, both old and new, for the last several days and it was beginning to tell on him. But he was not about to quit. A.J. was right, they didn’t have it yet.

They took their positions, and as the music played began their routine. About halfway through, Nick started to feel dizzy. He shook his head a little and forced himself to continue dancing. Brian just so happened to glace over in his direction when he started to fall. Brian dove for him.

“Whoa!” he shouted. He grunted as Nick’s body fell into his, and he almost lost his balance.

“A.J.!” he shouted. “Help me!”

A.J. was by his side in an instant, and helped Brian lower him to the floor.

“Shit he’s heavy,” A.J. muttered. Brian didn’t pay any attention to him. They set him down, and Brian placed his head at his knees. Nick’s face was drained of color. Even his lips were pale, and he had broken out in a cold sweat. Howie and Kevin stood over him, worry etched on their faces.

“Fatima, get a doctor,” Kevin ordered. She nodded, frightened, and took off.

“Nick,” Brian called. “Nick, can you hear me?” Brian looked up. “Someone get a wash cloth or something for his forehead.”

“Kaos, come on man, wake up,” A.J. said anxiously. Nick’s eyes fluttered open.

“What happened?” he asked breathlessly.

“You passed out,” Brian told him.

He tried to sit up. “Easy,” Kevin told him. “Stay down for a sec.”

Howie came back with a cold cloth, and Brian laid it across his forehead.

“Is that really necessary?” Nick complained.

“Yes,” Brian said firmly. “How do you feel?”

“Woozy,” he replied.

“You pushed yourself to hard,” Kevin scolded. “You should have told us if it was getting to be too much.”

“Sorry,” Nick said, trying to get up again.

“Stay down!” Brian cried.

Nick gave him a dirty look. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t care.”

Nick grunted unhappily.

After a short time had passed, an ambulance pulled up and paramedics rushed inside.

“You can’t be serious!” Nick yelped when he saw them.

“Sorry, Frack. We take no chances,” Brian said.

“I don’t believe this,” he muttered as they put him on the stretcher. “I’m fine.”

“Well,” the paramedic said. “Your blood pressure is low, you’re sweating in a cold room, and you look awfully pale to me. Will you humor us and come along?”

Nick shot a look over at Brian. “Only if he comes with me. It was his idea.”

Wordlessly, Brian got up to follow him.

* * *

“Well what’s the verdict?” Kevin asked.

“What we thought. His blood tests came back ok. He was dehydrated and just over did it. They gave him some fluids and he’s fine. We’re gonna leave in a few minutes here.”

“Good. Is he going to need some time off?”

“A day or so, the doctor said. And he just needs to take it a little easier. We all do. I think this was a warning we need to slow it down a little.”

“No problem. I think the only one who might complain is A.J., but he’ll live.”

“Do you think this will set us back any?” Brian asked. “We’re due out in a month.”

“Probably not.” Kevin detected the worry in Brian’s voice. “Relax, cuz. We’ve come this far. We’re not going to give up now, that’s for sure.”

* * *

A.J. did his best to keep himself from bouncing off the walls. It was happening. It was finally happening. They were going out on tour. He couldn’t believe it. The last month seemed like a blur. They had pushed back the start of their tour only two weeks to provide them a little more rest. It was exactly what they needed. They were excited and anxious, and finally ready to get back onstage. It was not a long tour, just under two months with only four shows a week, but it was the triumph of all of their hard work.

It may have been a small tour, but it was one of the biggest events the music industry had seen in quite a while. The tickets had sold out in record times and the critics who had said they wouldn’t be able to make it back were silenced, at least for now.

We still have to live up to expectations, A.J. thought nervously.

And they had a lot to live up to. Their new album flew off the shelves almost as fast as it could be shelled out when it was released and was hailed as yet another success, even among critics. “The Power Of A Prayer” was their biggest single yet, true to Lance’s prediction. Their fans were starved for Backstreet, and after a long and painful wait for both the fans and the five singers, they were finally getting them back.

A.J. looked around at all of the commotion that was going in to getting the buses ready, and he had to fight to keep from laughing out loud. He could not keep the grin off of his face.

“A.J., you look like a clown,” Kevin said, coming over to him. “What is your deal?” The smile was infectious, and Kevin found himself grinning right alongside him.

“This. This is going to be so damn awesome. I really thought we’d never get to do this again.”

Kevin followed A.J.’s gaze. “You know, even if the Backstreet Boys ended, you could have made it solo without breaking a sweat.”

A.J. turned to look at the older man. “Maybe,” he said after a moment. “But I didn’t want to. I wanted it to be us. Maybe eventually I will be solo. It’s always been in the back of my head. But after all this, if it wasn’t with y’all, I didn’t want to be up there.” He turned his attention back to the chaos. “I wanted to be with y’all,” he said firmly.

“Me too.” Kevin patted A.J.’s shoulder, and let his hand rest there. “Me too.”

Brian walked through the parking lot, and noticed Howie sitting inside his car, feet hanging out the open door.

“D.? You ready?” he asked.

“Yeah,” he said uncomfortably. “Sure.”

Brian gave him a funny look, sensing something was amiss. “Well come on then. How much crap you got? Need help carrying any of it?”

“No,” he said quickly. “I’ve got it.” He got out of the car and pulled out his bags and followed Brian over to the buses. A few feet away he stopped and let his things pile around his feet. He watched Brian and Nick load some of their bags, laughing and joking as they did so.

“How close are we?” Nick hollered from the doorway. “We’re supposed to be out of here in fifteen minutes.”

“We’ll make it,” said Kevin, striding over to the bus. “Hey Howie. All set? We should be ready to head out pretty soon.”

“Ummm, yeah.” Kevin nodded brusquely and continued his rounds. Howie began to fidget with the strap of one of his bags. He jumped out of his skin when A.J. suddenly appeared out of nowhere, yelling his name.

“D! Howie! Whoa, lay off the caffeine bro. I told you to drink decaff. Man, good to see ya!”

“Hey Bone,” Howie said weakly.

“What’s the matter?” he said sternly.

“Nothing, he said with a weary smile. “I’m tired. Get the hell away from me, you are way too cheerful for this early in the morning.”

A.J. whistled. “Yikes. You are cranky. As you wish, Sweet D.”

He went about helping the others load, but was snagged discreetly by Brian. “Something’s up with Howie.”

“Oh yeah. I’m on it,” A.J. replied. He wandered back over in Howie’s direction. He was still standing in the same place, looking around him apprehensively. He was definitely freaked out about something.

“D.? We need to load your stuff. C’mon, I’ll help you.”

Slowly, Howie reached down and grabbed one of his bags. A.J. grabbed another.

“You know, you can talk to me if you need to,” he said as he did so. Howie said nothing, and A.J. headed to the bus. He was poised to go up the last step, when he turned to see that Howie had stopped several feet away.

“Howie?” he asked.

Howie’s hands began to shake and he dropped the bag. A.J. was already half way to him when he swiveled on his heel, ready to bolt. A.J. reached for his arm and pulled him to a halt. Howie was breathing hard, and looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Howie?” A.J. pleaded. “Talk to me bro, you’re scaring me.”

Howie drew in a shaky breath. “I can’t do it,” he said finally. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

“Do what?” he asked, his eyes wide. “Go on tour? Why? What’s happened?”

“No, not go on tour.” He jerked his head away and inhaled deeply.

“What then?” A.J. asked. His worry was completely unmasked. Howie looked scared to death.

“I can’t get on the bus,” he said, ashamed. Then his voice rose to an angry shout. “I can’t get on the damn bus!”

He pulled out of A.J.’s grasp and jogged away. It took half a second before A.J. was off after him. Brian was watching them with a look of horrified shock. A.J. signaled to him to give him to stay put. Howie did not look like he was in a state of mind to deal with a group.

“Howie, whoa. Stop. Come with me. We need to go talk.”

Reluctantly, Howie gave in and allowed A.J. to steer him over to a quiet corner where they could be alone.

“Now,” A.J. said quietly. “Talk to me.”

Howie shrugged miserably. “I can’t get on the bus. I thought I’d be able to, but I can’t.” He cursed under his breath and stared at the ground, kicking a rock.

“Take it easy. We’ll work through this. Understand? Howie, look at me. Do you understand? We will work through this together.”

Howie looked up and found himself face to face with A.J.’s intense gaze. A.J. wouldn’t let him down. He knew that. God, he knew that. “Okay,” he said finally.

A.J. nodded. “Good. Now, did this happen just now or has it been bugging you for awhile?”

“Ever since we started making plans for the tour,” he admitted with a sigh.

“God. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought I could do it!” Howie cried, his voice rising.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”

He gave a disgusted shake of his head. “It scares me to death. I can’t be in there. It’s stupid, but I’m scared to death.”

“It’s not stupid,” A.J. said forcefully. “Do you hear me? You almost got killed in one of those buses, being afraid of them is not something to be ashamed of.”

“Then why am I the only one?” he asked angrily. “Tell me that. You’re not afraid.”

A.J. thought for a moment. “Howie, none of us remember anything about that night except for you. You were the only one who was really conscious at all after it happened. You are the only one who remembers anything. This part of it is bound to affect you more.”

Howie considered this. “But I know the odds of anything like it happening again are almost none. But I still can’t make myself get on it! I mean, it’s ridiculous.”

“No it’s not. Not at all. It’s a perfectly legitimate fear. It doesn’t matter if it could happen again or not. It’s okay.”

“It’s not ok!” Howie said angrily. “How the hell are we supposed to get around this? We live on that damned tour bus!”

“We’ll find a way,” A.J. told him, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I said I’d get you through this, and I meant it.”

Howie smiled weakly, giving up the fight. “Thank you A.J.”

“No reason to. As I recall, you did the same for me not all that long ago.”

They were both quiet for a moment.

“We have to talk to the others. Are you okay? Or do you want me to handle this?”

“Would you? I just can’t face them with this.” He put his hand to the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

“Yes you can,” A.J. said calmly. “And you will. But I will tell them if you want.”

Howie nodded.

“Okay. Stay here. I’ll be back in a few.”

A.J. gave him a supportive pat on the back, and then scampered off to find the others. He gathered them around and told them what was going on.

Kevin folded his arms and then rested his forehead in one hand. “Why didn’t we see this coming?” he asked. “There’s no way we should have missed this.”

“Well, we did, and there’s nothing we can do about that,” Nick said. “Let’s concentrate on how to help him. He was there for every single one of us when we needed him most, and the least we can do is help him when he needs us.”

“Good call, Nicky,” Kevin said with an appreciative nod.

A short time later, while the others were still talking and working out some sort of plan, Brian shuffled his way over to Howie. Howie looked up at him, and flashed him a halfhearted smile.

“I really screwed us over, didn’t I?”

Brian shook his head. “Nope.”

Howie sighed. “We’re so close.”

“I seem to remember a certain Latin Lover telling me that no matter what I did, I couldn’t give up. We needed each other, and I couldn’t give up,” Brian said softly. “Those words probably saved my life, and I think it’s only fair I offer them back to you.”

Howie sniffled a little, and stared at the ground. “I look at that bus, and I see you, lying in that field, screaming, all that blood everywhere, I can feel the rain and the mud, I can see it all, and it’s so vivid I could swear it’s real.” He began to tremble, and Brian wrapped him up in a hug.

“I’m right here Howie. We’re all ok. We’re all still here,” he said softly. “And you are not going to go through this alone. I promise you.”

Howie managed a tiny laugh. “That’s what A.J. said.”

“That Bone’s a smart man,” Brian said seriously.

“Just don’t tell him that,” he replied. “He’d become unbearable,”

“Become?” Brian asked with a raised eyebrow. The two of them began to laugh, and the sound it created was one of healing and love between friends who had survived something that few people in this world ever had to endure. Kevin heard it from his place around the corner, and felt the moisture come back to his eyes. He thanked God for the countless time that he had these people in his life. He had no doubt they would not have been able to pull through with out each other.

Kevin, Nick, and A.J. joined them a short while later. Howie looked around at the concerned faces of his brothers, and was suddenly sure that things were going to be all right.

“It’s taken care of,” Kevin told him. “We’ve got you and A.J. on a plane to the first city. We’ll meet you there. If we can help you get to a point where you can get back on that bus, great. If not, I don’t give a damn. It doesn’t matter.”

Howie stared at them. “You mean this?”

“Of course,” Nick said with a funny look.

“A.J. doesn’t have to go. It’s going to be a huge hassle. I’ll just meet you all there. It would be stupid for two of us to fly.”

“No,’ A.J. said forcefully.

“We said we were together in this.” Nick said firmly. “And together we shall be.”

“Wow. Have you ever said the word shall in your life?” A.J. asked suddenly.

Nick shot him a dirty look, and Howie had to cover a snicker.

“When A.J. doesn’t go, I’ll go with you,” Brian informed him. “Either way, you’re stuck with one of us.” He grinned impudently. “And who knows? If we get all gooey and mushy and sentimental here and there, we’ll all five crowd up a plane and have the bus meet us there.”

Howie looked around at all of their faces. There was not one trace of any annoyance, exasperation, disgust, or anger. There was nothing but brotherhood, and at that moment, Howie knew that there would be no stopping them. As long as they were together, they could not be broken. They had proven that.

“Let’s go D.,” A.J. said, tugging at his shoulder. “We might miss our flight.”

Two hours later, Howie was gazing out the window of the plane that would take them to their first city stop of the tour, with A.J. right beside him, just as he’d promised.

Epilogue

Index