All generalizations are false.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
No radio - Already stolen.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Caution: I drive like you do.
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Clones are people two.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Editing is a rewording activity.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
My reality check just bounced.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Boycott shampoo!!! Demand REAL poo!
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
* Born free...Taxed to death.
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
* According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.* i souport publik edekashun.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
* Ever stop to think and forget to start again?