6/16/99. aloha! ROAR! finals! yipee! not. i hate finals. i really do. Umm.. i think this is kinda old. But i figured out why i can't update this page from many computers; i'll have it fixed. Unfortunately, over the summer im going into exile (a land w/out internet access) and i wont be able to update this page, not that anyone really reads this. but that's also beside the point. umm... Jokes. here we go. lets see if i actually *remember* any... hmm.. otay. The Mistress
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Ours is prettier," says the wife.
Joke # 2 (i owe ya a few more) Wedding Dress
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." (male chauvanist pig)
Joke # 3 (i'm going overboard)
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I say no to drugs, They just don't listen...
I go to bed early. My favourite dream starts at nine.
I can be immature if I want to, because I'm mature enough to make my own decisions.
When I was a kid, all we had to do was just sit around and hope somebody would invent television so we could play Nintendo.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
If I knew I was going to get this old, I would have taken better care of myself when I was young.
If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.
I never watch Sesame Street, I know most of that stuff.
My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy.
I don't like to lose be bearings, so I keep them in a cabinet by my bed.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought 'Where the hell is the ceiling?'
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts!
Hookt on fonix werkt fer me!
I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep quiet.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I am having an out of money experience.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
I am so broke, I can't even pay attention.
I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
I once thought I made a mistake, but I was wrong.
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
I date this girl for two years - and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name.'
I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.
I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.
I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening to an expert. Keep talking.
I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
I haven't found Mr Right, but I have found Mr Cheap, Mr Sleazy and Mr Wrong.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I just got lost in thought... It was unfamiliar territory.
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
I think I've found the trouble with our economy. There are far more ways to get into debt than there are to get out of it.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
I want to live forever or die in the attempt.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the guy next to me.
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think: Hey, maybe I wrote that.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
I'm serious. It was a joke.
I used to be Snow White... but I drifted.
I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed...
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
Save time... see it my way.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!
You might as well take all of me - the parts you want aren't removable.
I have an open mind - it's just closed for repairs.
I've gotta be me - everyone else was already taken.
Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to have a handle on life. Then it broke.
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said: Cut it out!
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
Having abandoned my search for truth, I am now looking for a good fantasy!
It's been lovely, but I must scream now.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. Although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it, either. So what I am left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can't quite remember.
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'll never be satisfied until I'm too smart for my own good.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Of all the things I've loved and lost, I miss my mind the most.
That which does not kill me... makes me meaner!
It's not that I am paranoid, its just that everyone is out to get me.
Tell your little voices to SHUT UP! I can't hear mine...
I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.
It's your life, I'm just passing through.
You're just jealous because the little voices talk to me.
I'll listen to logic and reason when it comes out on CD.
I finally realized what I should have done with my life. I should have been a consultant, specializing in hindsight.
Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody...
Some day my ship will come in, but with my luck, I'll be at the airport.
My mind has always been my Achilles heel.
Trouble's always a good shot, and in my case it has a laser sight.
I've always wanted to be somebody. Next time I'll be more specific. - Lily Tomlin
I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
A Nobel Peace Prize? I would KILL for one of those.
An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
As far as I'm concerned, there won't be a Beatles reunion as long as John Lennon remains dead.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
Sometimes I think well. And sometimes I think: Oh well...
I may be inconsistent, but not all the time.
Optimists may say the glass is half-full, and pessimists may say the glass is half-empty. Well, I say the glass is too damn big!
If love makes the world go 'round, why can't I save a few bucks and get it to run my car?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I used to work in an orange juice factory, until I got canned. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, said I couldn't concentrate. You know, same old boring rind over and over again.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I like to paint passing lines on curved roads.
I filled out an application that said 'In Case Of Emergency Notify:' I wrote 'Doctor'... What's my mother going to do?
The older I get, the better I was!
That which does not kill me... will be the basis for my revenge.
All right! I know I'm in there! If I don't come out with my hands up, I'm coming in after me!
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said: The whole time.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Personally, I've always thought of a chaperone as a person too old to make the team, but still in there intercepting passes.
I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
Into every life a little rain must fall, but I think someone's mistaken me for Noah. - Allison Raul
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. - Ashleigh Brilliant
I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
If I want your opinion... I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
I know exactly what I think about all this, but I can never find words to put it in. Maybe if I get a little drunk I could dance it for you.
I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...
I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.
This morning I looked down at my unmade bed and decided that it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it.
When I travel through a big city and I see the dark underbelly of society, I like to rub it because that makes society go to sleep. - unknown
6/11/99. 'ello. long time no update, i know. But angelfire has some dinky lil problem that they can't seem to fix, and i can hardly ever log on to update... Grrr. Eek. I have 5 finals. Soon. Yuck. Well, lets see. All ze reedies (cool class) are in Washington DC rite now, hope they have fun. Jojobobobjojo got into Exeter... Hope she has fun (wuteva!), and about 4 of ze reedies are going to boarding schools on the east coast next year, so i'll be able to see them (good good fun fun). And what else? They're graduating on the 25th of June. I'm going to go watch graduation. I'm off to summer camp for six weeks starting the 27th of june; dont hold your breath for updates. I think I may have stumped zyroarian2 with a particular encryption; im not sure tho. if she's reading this (and i doubt it) ITS ENCODED W/A four by four matrix! And i gave you the 1st row! have fun =) but if you come ask me for the rest of the matrix and tell me 'bout this then i'll give u the rest o the numbers (i think... i may have deleted it off my calculator already.. *sigh*) hmm... jokes. jokes... i no got time. cya!
2/3/99. Hello, tis DediiSonii =) or sunny d. Just seemed to me that 'cause i got really bored and it seemed like Lucky was kinda slacking off. She really oughta update this page more often. oh well, just like to remind u all that i exist. =)
1/27/99. For some strange reason, i seem fated to update this page on wednesdays. Hmm... any other interesting observations? I hate all ye reedies again... i have 3 midterms tomorrow... out of 5. i think i just aced a history midterm... =) But my evil chemistry teacher is giving me an A-. I'm wondering when you calculated GPA if an A- counts as a 4.5? Well i s'pose it does. oops i think i mean AP chem. =P! I dont really wanna know what my math grade is tho. Oh well... Okie i just got info that a B+ is a 4.3 (weighted) so I guess that means an A- is a 4.5/4.7? maybe 4.6. Dunno. But if i get what I think im gonna get in math... ugh. lets just not think about this, okie? =) Ugh ugh ugh ugh glug. Still workin on that quotes page... but with midterms and whatnot.. ugh. plus a violin lesson tomorrow. glug. i hate my life. im not sure i can put up with it for much longer...
1/20/99. wow long time no update; sorry. I've been working on a favorite quotes page... i'll add a link to it from my main page soon. Probably not today; i'm not quite done yet. Oh well. umm... nothing's changed, really. One of the Sunshines is thinking of changing a name.. eww this has got to be illegal. There's a new stuffed sunshine (as in a stuffed animal, not a real person) and her name is Quackity Duck. Maybe someone will want to take that name? I think its cute, personally. Lets see... we still havent figured out KD Sunshine's name quite yet.. wait. Speaking of KD Sunshine, let's all pause for a minute or so for the traditional moment of silence. We're mourning the death of KD Sunshine. She hasn't really died yet, but you see, she's a freshman, and... her parents are a little bit on the... over incredibly suicidally workaholic side? they want her to take four AP classes in her sophmore year. the poor, poor, child. This is what they want her to take: AP Calculus, AP Physics, AP US History and AP Chem. I personally think they're all crazy. what, do they want her to have a 4.5 GPA or something? actually, it'll be higher.. 4.57 or summat. that's if she aces them all... and she hates Bs. does anyone else feel really stupid yet? But the only problem is KD prolly isn't smart enuf to pull it off, but she'll die trying. let's all keep an eye on our over-stressed friend next year, okie? I don't feel like having any of my friends die from suicide... all right lets get to the joke 'cause if i dont stop chattering then i'll get started on my upcoming midterms and trust me, you dont want that.
Top Ten Oxymorons
10. Computer security
09. Political science
08. Tight slacks
07. Definite maybe
06. Pretty ugly
05. Twelve-ounce pound cake
04. Diet ice cream
03. Working vacation
02. Exact estimate
And the Number One OXY-Moron: 01. Microsoft Works
1/11/99. no joke today, sorry. just going thru and making a quick update. sum1 emailed me 2 tell me that i had severely screwed up my last news entry... its fixed now. i just forgot the end quote in the lil link thingy.. gonna update encryptions... we're gonna get snow 2nite! i survived my violin recital w/flying colors... and then promptly collapsed onto the carpet rite in front of everyone cuz my knees gave out *ow*
1/9/99. oh my holy duck goddess protectress person thingy.. its been a long time since i've updated! poor lil lucky has had a busy week tho.. i've been getting about 3 hours of sleep per day... eww. and lucky's gonna die over this weekend. i've got a violin recital on sunday and a huge paper due on monday. whats more, i've got 4 tests on monday! cuz y'see on friday we had snow and school closed early and lucky got to miss the last two periods of school.. and i missed 2 tests... and on monday i'm gonna havta make them up... ewww.. and now lucky's gotten totally depressed. oh, speaking of depressed... lucky has had a REALLY bad week. and lemme tell ye wut i mean. i mean, a REALLY bad week. lucky has already thot of committing suicide, and i mean.. REALLY. not just as a joke or a prank or as a side-thingy... and yer prolly thinkin that lucky is one of those wacky teens that thinks of committing suicide every other day, and this is NOT true... and the reason why yer prolly thinkin this is cuz lucky just came right out and said it to the whole world. when people think of suiciding, they usually keep quiet bout this sorta thing.. well... the thing is, online is my diary and my therapist.. =) so i tell ye'all everything. oh, and if yer thinkin of suiciding, dont email the Samaritans because they dont respond and yer just gonna feel even worse cuz nobody cares fer ye etc etc etc. the Samaritan webpage is here but i dunno why i gave that 2 ye cuz they prolly don't work anyways. umm.. we've got a new sunshine (yet again) her name is... i ferget. KD, right? and the really funny thing bout this sunshine is she wont tell us whether or not she's even decided what the "K" is going to stand for. oh well... she's pretty cool. a sophmore.. or was it freshman in high school? sumtin like that. i think she even goes to my very selfsame school.. i s'pose i oughta figure out. but she's nice... nicer than most of us sunshines, im afraid. *sigh* lemme go rustle up a joke somewhere.
The Married Couple and the Box
A man and a women were married for 40 years.
When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under
the bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However on
the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her
and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer
bottles and $1874.25 in small bills. She closed the box and put it
back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was
doubly curious as to why.
That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite
restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her
curiosity and she confessed, saying: "I am so sorry. For all these
years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation
was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the
bottles in the box?"
The man thought for a while and said: "I guess after all these
wonderful years you deserve to know the truth: "Whenever I was
unfaithful to you I put an empty beer bottle in the box under the
bed to remind myself not to do it again."
The woman was shocked, but said: "I am very disappointed and saddened but
I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does
happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years."
They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later the woman asked the man: "Why do you have all that money
in the box?" To which the man answered: "Whenever the box filled with empties, I
cashed them in."
1/1/99. oh my holy quacking goddess... its a new year! yipee! hallelujah! altho i really dunno what im celebrating... y'know, new years actually kinda suck. you dont get a clean slate at school (as in new report cards, and none of yer old grades count), you dont get any new teachers, you dont get new parents, you dont get new ANYTHINGS besides calendars! oh well.. at any rate, sunny D just told me that i have more than two visitors to my webpage (me and the zyroarian dragon), and i'm starting to get visitors i dont even know! which is pretty strange cuz im not exactly doing a lot of advertising... oh well. listen. If i dont know you, and if you dont know me, why dont you do this: go ahead and contact me, (and please sign my guestbook cause it looks really embarrassingly empty) and TELL ME THAT YOU FOUND MY WEBPAGE: THATS HOW YOU KNOW ME! otherwise i'll jump outta my skin and i'll think that peeps have been stalking me. ye gotta understand, i'm NOT some internet genius... im just kinda lazy and instead of going out into the world to meat new people i'd rather meat peeps from my trusty ole computer! oops.. did i say meat instead of meet? well... i guess u can say that i'm no veggie.. =) oh, y'know sumtin that wuz really embarrassing? i had a party last nite... and guess what. me friends gave me the "teapot test". this is where someone starts to sing "im a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout" only, when they accompany it with the motions, (you know how when you say "here is my handle" you take one arm and make it into a handle?)they make TWO handles instead of a spout and a handle, and so they wind up singing "im a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my...oops, im a sugar bowl!" now, i had never heard of that before. i had never seen it before. and i just cracked up. i laughed and i laughed and i laughed for about 30 minutes... here comes the embarrassing part: the teapot test is a test to see if you get enuf sleep every day... if u laf for more than 10 seconds, then u REALLY need sleep... *ow*
okie, so i dont have that many jokes. what's more, i dont have enuf time to go looking for jokes, cuz poor lil me is stuck doing my shtupid chemistry stuff... oh well. but here's a riddle/question thingy. a guy was walking through the woods one day. he came across a cabin. inside the cabin were 3 men. one of those three men had a coke. (this is a hint.) this guy knew exactly how those 3 men had died. he knew immediatley how those 3 men died. how? (you dont have to make up something fantastic, everything you need to know is right here. no, they did not die of carbon monoxide poisoning. and no, the coke wasn't poisoned. no, nobody happened to have a knife. you dont have to make ANYTHING up!) mssg me over ICQ, find me on AOL IM, or email me at SunnyCommando@USMC.net for the answer...
12/28/98. ROAR! FINALLY! im done rehauling the humor section, i'll post a new joke tomorrow, cuz u can spend yer time runnin thru the new humor stuff. i've added stuff to every part of the humor section except for Asian humor, but i fixed a few linx there anyhow, so u can read that stuff to. encryptions have had a few corrections... etc etc etc. luv ye'all but now poor lil ldsunny has no excuse, i must go face my evil fate... gnomework *sigh*
12/27/98. Oh my god. i swear i hate my teachers. i have two projects due at the end of winter break (january 4th) and i havent started them. how DARE they assign stuff over the winter break? well, i was online chatting with the zyroarian dragon till 1:00 last nite, and she bullied me into adding an encryption page... its her job to find people to go to the page now. its all hers, dammit.. i prolly shouldn't have added a link to it from my main page, but i felt like it, cuz i want to take credit for the not-so-awesome web-designing skillz that went into it. i've picked up a little bit of quake again, (that shoot-em-up game i talk about once in a while,) mostly because of ddsunny's influence... evil girl. she knows how addicting the game can be. oh well. i just realized that my connection to the internet roughly sucks, (16.8!) and im getting desperate. i might find a way to gain access to Da Loo or Princeton University, and they have a T1 line. whoooo-hooo! the skillz needed to play the game fly out the window, and i beat everyone cuz i've got a fast connection. i could get to like this... =P! but only if i get access. i think that's only for college students, but i take a few classes at da loo, so i might be able to fake it... oh, yeah, i s'pose i oughta tell ye why i call it da loo. well have ye ever watched Tiny Toons? you know how there's this line in the theme song that goes "at ACME looniversity we earn our toon degree..."? well, sum peeps out here call Princeton University just plain "PU", or Princeton U... i cut out the princeton, and substituted university for looniversity... and u get the loo. well, so its really not all that clever but i'm proud of it anyhow. ROAR! dont bug me. i have to admit, i'm kind of depressed. Nobody remembers me... (in the quake-world) and im all mad now. oh well, i'll get over it. i'll make them remember me. *smiles* im still updating the humor section, can ye all just hold on for a day or so so i can rehaul the humor page? thx...
12/26/98. ROAR!!!! oh my im gonna havta kill poor all the reedies now. they've got... they've got... NO BIG PROJECTS over winter break, AND a THREE WEEK winter break!!! wtf is this?!?!?!? im stuck here w/a 1 1/2 week weak winter break (joy my puns are a wonder to behold, yesno?) and i've got two huge projectissimos to do, and im gonna KILL ZEM ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh, i s'pose i'd better explain wut im up to. i'm gonna update my humor section, but its gonna take a while... zyroar's gonna email me sum code/encryption stuff, apparently she's having fun decoding codes etc., (sumday im gonna send her sumtin encrypted-in french! she'll be stumped over that one)... and so im gonna add an encryption page w/a message forum that i'm tryin to get so that a buncha crazy encryption-ists can mssg each other over that... oh, and i've updated my news thingy (or have ye not noticed?) so that the new news updates come first, not last... etc. sorry, im working on my new humor page and i cant really come up w/any new jokes...
12/25/98. Merry Xmas everyone! happy bday Sunny D! all that other stuff.
isnt it neat tho? sunny d wuz born on xmas... im soo jealous... oh roarity.
at any rate, i gotta buncha neat stuff. an antique silver cross, a stuffed duck
(roar), a funky lil dragon thingy, and a buncha other duck stuff. hope everyone
else got funky cool stuff too...
just got another shipment of jokes today, so im updatin the jokes section instead of addin a joke on me news...
12/24/98 - 10:22 pm. i dunno, but i think im goin 2 sleep early 2nite. cuz the sooner i go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will come... y'know, me mum suggested sumtin completely evil tonite. she said that i oughta just wait till midnite then it'd be technically tomorrow and open me presents! that just shocked me to the very core. to the very core. i mean, really. how COULD she? yeah, yeah, yeah, technically it would be okie/alright/whatever... but doesnt that just shock you? i mean... c'mon! its xmas! and it snowed! and and and... its just the most perfect xmas and i aint gonna ruin the one day of the year that i actually get up early on.
12/22/98. SNOW! its scheduled to SNOW! i'm gonna die happily now. i mean.. its s'posed 2 snow b4 xmas! a white xmas! and teddy bears and presents and the whole nine yards.. okie now that im done throwin me lil happy fit... i'd like 2 announce that ms. zyroarian dragon, who lost her email account (evil) now has email again (lets party!) only she prolly never reads this website... but that's okie. umm... i've written xmas cards and the whole nine yards... um... dd sunshine is going thru a big depression. i dunno why, she mumbled sumtin bout an aussie coming to visit??? i know she doesnt like aussies but im missing something. i mean, REALLY missing sumtin. oh well.
The Perfect Story
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect
courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving a
perfect car (a Lamborghini) along a winding road when they noticed
someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they
stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to
disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple
loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving
along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated
and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor?
The perfect woman.
She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone
knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect
man.
12/17/98. eeek. arent i a happy camper? im stuck in the library editing my webpage, and there's this fag librarian who wont let me play freecell even tho i can beat the game and im just tryin 2 make our school look just a lil wee bit smarter cuz u dont really get the impression that we're real smart when u open up the game and u find 284 losses and no wins. but thats okay cuz shes a fag and shes prolly 80 years old and has nuthin better to do than to keep poor kids from playin cards out of patriotic spirit. next time i'll go to the computer lab. ummm... i think im gonna go dig up a joke cuz my conscience is starting to nag at me. really, aint that a fun word to spell? con-science. i hate science. i think i just aced a test in science tho... eeek i've got a math test tomorrow. oh well. my teachers just delight in giving tests. they're easier to grade than homework. especially if they're scantron. but my english teacher is pretty cool. she's new, small wonder. any teacher who spends more than three years at this school turns into sum old crabby freak. i cant wait to just graduate and get outta here. i should've gone to andover or sum funky lil place like that. but wut if the teachers there suck, to? then i'd be stuck LIVING w/a buncha lame teachers. oww, what a scary thot. my school needs to get some better keyboards. really.
Two Lawyers in the Woods
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The
first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase,
pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second
lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll
never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
12/14/98. im beginning to wonder if anyone's actually readin this stuff... i mean, who's really interested in the not-so interesting life of a poor lil high school kid? i think im deluding myself. oh well, still, its nice to know that IF anybody CARED, they'd actually be workin their way thru this giant dunghole of a site.... but just the other day sum1 emailed me bout sum stuff on this so that's pretty cool. dunno wut joke i can put up today. i gotta go anyhow.
12/8/98. hot damn its been a long time since LD's updated... tis me DD Sunshine. umm... i've got sum scary news on sunshines... would the sunshines who're having disgustingly happy and peppy days email me? we're all undergoing a sorta identity crisis but i really dont wanna sorta yell it out... its kind embarrassing. so at any rate, we've got yet another sunshine... Goldie D Sunshine. welcome 2 our big happy and sumwhat loony family! oh dearie me looks like im s'posed to put a joke up. lemme go see wut i can drudge up.
11/18/98. alright, i confess. i've been scared 2 update because i dont have a joke. =(. but at any rate, i finally found one that's acceptable, if its not exactly make-me-fall-over-laughing... so, at any rate, umm... here's the update: sunshines have some news! pd sunshine has finally been persuaded to reveal what that mystery letter "p" stands for... and its peachi duck sunshine! =) kinda funny that spelling... not peachie or peachy... but i guess its cute. sunny d has asked yet two others to join sunshine... and i'm still trying to convince her to reveal what that "d" stands for. i have to get in touch with sd sunshine to see if i have permission to post that mystery word "s". other than sunshine, i have a recital on January 10th (and im already freaking out)... im going to take the SAT on December 5th (ow.. im just hoping to get an "acceptable" score... but the thing is my parents think an "acceptable" is 1600)... and... i'll quit putting it off i'm gonna post the joke. (y'see, im avoiding postin calvin&hobbes cuz i know that they're pretty big and they'll take a while to download... and i dont have that much room on my webpage... not that i really need to worry yet i've barely used up 1/10th of the room angelfire gives me. oh yeah, i s'pose i oughta give angelfire credit... https://www.angelfire.com/ its pretty good about the webpages... a lotta room (or so i'll say until i run outta room) and a template to get a beginner set up. later on, when yer steady on the html (even if ye havent quite mastered it) you can convert the page to pure html and forget the template. i gotta admit, i still use the template... =) its just handier that way =) ) and another close parentheses just in case i forgot yet another one )
The two secret agents had laid their plans very carefully. They found
that the enemy general whom they wanted to assassinate passed a certain corner
each morning on the way to his office. They rented a room overlooking the
corner and smuggled in several high-powered rifles, a submachine gun, and
binoculars.
On the appointed day, they went to the room, got the guns in readiness,
and waited for their victim to pass. The usual time came and went, and there
was no sign of the enemy general. They were getting more and more nervous.
After half an hour had passed, one of them looked at his watch and said:
"Gosh, he should have been here a long time ago! I hope that nothing's
happened to him!" (yeah, i know its old, but forgive a tired sunshine...)
11/14/98 arritey everyone. i just noticed. i've got a skull graphic and i dunno what i oughta do with it. and i really wanna put hobbes up sumwhere. and im thinking that i know where i can get LOTSA calvin&hobbes pictures. i know wut yer thinking: "a calvin and hobbes spoof onto the humor page"? umm, no. if i did that, i'd have no jokes to tack on HERE. =). so, im kinda happy cuz while im freezing here out in the east coast, my parents have decided that we're gonna take sum sorta cruise out in the bahamas or sumtin round xmas. which is cool cuz by then i'll be heartily sick of the cold... =P! imagine this: its rrrreally cold, snowing, hailing, and all that, and suddenly, me and my family (dressed appropriately: snow jackets, gloves, hats, etc.) walk into a macy's and ask for: swimsuits! okay so that wasn't that funny... but im real excited.
11/12/98. im baack! did ye miss me? =) okie here i go again. i've added a lil line thingy to my front page so me lil visitor peeps will know wut i've updated recently w/out having to sort thru all my news junk.. im gonna add a few links... i think i may add a lil page connected to the "sunshine" page... its gonna be the lil sunshine-brag/stomp the non-believers page. =). well.. there's a page that i s'pose i oughta link to its pkipsy's new page... she types actually kinda funny. =)
sorry, no joke today...
Hi, tis me again! 11/11/98. luv the date. 111198. sooo many "1"'s. u can prolly tell im impressed easily. well i've been thinking (wow, THINKING!) and i've finally come up with something. Im getting a depressingly small number of page-hits. so if anyone actually bothers to read this, go ahead and tell your friends to come here.. i'll be kinda happy, actually. the idea is, im not gonna go round advertising my page to strange ppl who spend their time lookin at porn pages, and, unfortunatly, since my lil page advertisment on "linkexchange" does NOT mention porn, i dont seem to be getting many hits. so i guess what im trying 2 say is, this is a tuff choice. do i want my page to become kinda like a diary cuz i can say wuteva i wanna say w/out ppl reading it? or do i want my page 2 be frequented by strange ppl that i dont even know? (grrr)
After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bubba's trailer house, Bubba asked,"What is the
usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth,"this is my first trip here, but the
other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is
that so?" snorted Bubba. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's
five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school
fund."
"What are you studying?" asked Bubba.
The kid smiled and said:
"Applied psychology."
hi! its me again! hmmm... 11/9/98. had fun today.. found a volleyball club so maybe i wont die here... by the way, dont get any ideas that im like sum star volleyball player, i just REALLY enjoy the feeling of hitting something REALLY hard. =). im that sorta person. so at any rate, nothing much is new... i have a 3-day week at school this week... =) i only havta survive until wednesday and then im home free! i've got a day off on thursday and friday... but my mom's gonna catch me and make me look at college aps (yuck.. aint this a bit early? in my junior year???)... and then my weekend'll be bombed. luckily, my 1st marking period is almost over, and it'll be over on wednesday... most teachers dont have the audacity to assign homework over the end of a marking period so i wont have a lot of homework =). umm... i should prolly be talkin about sumtin of more interest to my readers, but i can't really possibly imagine what they'd be interested in, coming to my page and whatnot... so i'll assume that all my readers are people i know who came here just to flatter me by adding to my page-hit counter. feel free to email me if i made a mistake. maybe you all came here for my (wonderful) jokes. ha ha. very funny. whatever. sooo... pkipsy's gonna make herself another webpage, and when its (semi)-presentable... i'll link it to my index page. oh, if you dont like the http://surf.to/LuckySunshine url, you dont have to use it. the server (surf.to) really sucks, its down half the time, and its really screwed up. i just noticed that if you use the surf.to URL then you can't use the "back" button on your browser... here's my other url. get ready... (takes a big breath). https://www.angelfire.com/la/DDSunshine/index.html. got that? i hope so... oh yeah, dont include the "." at the end. alright i've gotta go do me gnomework so i'm gonna post my joke and leave.
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.
After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses,
filling 1 with water the other with whiskey. She gets him to the table with
the glasses and has his bait box there too. She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey
and the worm dies. She says"so what do you have to say about this experiment?"
He says "IF I DRINK WHISKEY I WON'T GET WORMS!"
again, its stolen from CaptAhab's webpage... he's
got a store of pretty sick jokes in his "news" section... im picking out the
semi-presentable ones, and i think i may just take the sick ones and add a link to
"sick jokes" in my humor section... dont tell him im stealing, okay? he doesnt even know
me!
11/4/98 y'know... it just occured 2 me that i dont really havta update this thingy every day cuz i prolly dont get enuf visitors 2 really merit it anyhow... oh well. hmmm... well here's a webpage fer me friends... or fer the peeps who actually read all this stuff that i put up here... teddy bear... okie now to get on w/wut im s'posed 2 say here. umm... im hopin 2 add a kinda more formalized lil comment book or signature book (i fergot wut the name wuz...) i may even get 1 2day.... life is freezing here (feel free 2 email me and whine bout the temps)... roar.
i s'pose i oughta go find a joke. lemme see if i can figure out howto let ya download sounds (im new 2 html). Listen 2 This...
Zzzzzz... oh... okay... i s'pose this stupid thing's done loading now... well the date is 11/3/98
and i guess i oughta explain wut this page is for... this is where im gonna write all me thoughts (yeah
i've got thoughts... hard as it may be 2 believe...) bout life and junk. cuz the philosophy page is a tad
bit 2 formal fer me taste so whenver i've come up w/sum big philosophical achievement then i'll tack it up on the
philosophy page... and im gonna fill the reader in (sumtimes) on wuts going on in my life... which right now is
a buncha chemistry homework and the fact that me fingers r freezin off so its makin it kinda hard fer me 2 type.
i've got 2 new pics 2 put up on the webpage but i cant decide where... one of them is the hobbes that i tacked onto
this page and another one is this rotating skull thingy... im thinkin maybe i oughta model this page after
this wierd quake clan's webpage Hi-C cuz they stick a joke up on the
news every day but im thinkin i'd be kinda hard 2 do that... but maybe if i were 2 delve into me supply of calvin and hobbes
then i could sorta have a joke per day.... If you have any comments or anything to say
about my webpage or anything you'd like me to post, email me at TheAngel@ThePentagon.com and I might just post it...
okie i guess that's all i gotta say for me 1st entry.
here's me 1st joke:
