Dying For Sex
The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly
couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had.
When the squad got there it was too late and the man
had died.
While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed
that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what
symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had
precipitated the heart attack.
The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making
love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about
the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was
coming, but I guess he was going."

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Grief
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
departed mother and started back toward his car when
his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at
a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound
intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to
die? Why did you have to die? And leave me in misery?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't
wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen
before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A
parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied, "My wife's first husband."

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Honey, It's me!
There are several men in the locker room of a private
club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that is
on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the
following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are.
I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely
gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that
much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I
spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good
price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that
we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the
options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your
bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent
this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last
year ... it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool,
English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront
property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that
we have that much in the bank to cover it..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid
$420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love
you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises
his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those
present:
"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS PHONE BELONGS TO?"

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Married life is very frustrating in the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the
second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In
the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
listen.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
not to report it because the thief was spending less
than his wife did.
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy:
"You're lucky, mine's still alive."
A couple was having a discussion about family
finances. Finally the husband exploded.
"If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your
money, I wouldn't be here."
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still
paying for it."
Women are unpredictable. Before marriage she expects a
man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death
she respects him.
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They
got married - and now he is going through hell.
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us
$1,000,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, "I am afraid I can't keep my
promise but I hope you will keep yours."