Once upon a time there was a guy named Abraham Lincoln. (He had the same name as the president but they are different.) He liked to put on his boogie shoes and go horse jumping. One day, he went back to ancient Rome.
He said, "Hi! I'm Abraham Lincoln! Give me a computer!"
The Romans said, "No," and cut off his head.
Then he had no head. He was very sad, and went to the store. He bought a stick of butter and molded a new head from it for himself. But! He forgot that it was July, and before he could remember, his new head melted and the plebians put it on their muffins.
So. He decided to get Mithradates' head. So he did and he put it on himself and he became Neopolitan and conquered The People's Republic of France. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.
THE END