Once upon a summer my parents were heading off to Tahiti, alone (as usual), and I was headed to Aunt Mona and Uncle Thomas'. The first time they sent me to stay with my godparents I was so mad at my parents they probably would have dropped dead, if looks could kill. However, once I realized that Aunt Mona and Uncle Thomas were actually very cool people, I actually looked forward to my yearly trip to see them in the summer. For me, summer didn't really start until I got to their house.
I watched as my parents' black Mercedes drove down Aunt Mona and Uncle Thomas' driveway. I sighed and waved as they drove out of sight.
"Marie!" called my aunt, coming out of the house to meet me.
"Aunt Mona!" I cried. "It's so good to see you again."
"Oh, I think you've grown since I last saw you."
"Probably not!" I said. I didn't think I'd grown since second grade.
"Oh, sure you have," Aunt Mona said. "You must have. How old are you now? Eleven?"
"Twelve," I said, giggling.
"Silly me!" she said, smacking her forehead. "How dare I think you were eleven. Of course you're twelve, you've been twelve since your last birthday... why don't you come inside, I made us lunch."
We headed inside with my suitcases.
"Hey Marie, let me take that," Uncle Thomas said once we got inside. I handed him the bigger suitcase. "Oof! What'd you do, pack the whole house?"
"Just about," I said, heaving my suitcase in the bedroom. "Let's have lunch!"
We sat down at the table to bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches. For some reason normal sandwiches always tasted better at their house.
"So," I said between bites of potato salad, "Where are we going this summer?"
We had a tradition of always taking a trip someplace, and last summer we'd gone to their cottage on King Lake. I'd met lots of other kids my age to hang out with. I had been looking forward to this summer's trip since Christmas.
"Well, we can't tell you yet," Uncle Thomas said, taking a bite of sandwich. "It's a surprise."
"Oh no!" I whined, "I'm so bad at surprises! Just tell me now."
"Nope, we're not saying a word. That would ruin everything," Aunt Mona said, mysteriously.
"If you tell me, I'll pretend to forget it, and then when you tell me for real, I'll act surprised!" I said, "How's that?"
"I don't think so," Aunt Mona said, with a sly smile. "That's cheating."
"Are you sure?"
"Very sure. Eat your sandwich."
So the trip was a mystery. After lunch I went out to their tree swing and thought about what it could possibly be. I hoped it was something that involved mountain bikes. I’d never mountain biked before, and I thought it would be a lot of fun. Or maybe we were going camping again. We went camping two years before and it had been a blast. Or maybe it was a trip to TermiteWorld! Wait, on second thought, I didn’t want to go to TermiteWorld. I started to get a little worried. After sitting there and worrying about TermiteWorld for about fifteen minutes, I got up and went in the house. I found my Uncle Thomas in the kitchen washing dishes.
“Uncle Thomas, you really can’t tell me where we’re going?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said, washing a fork.
“Could you just tell me one quick thing?” I asked, hopefully.
“That depends on what it is.” he said, picking up a plate.
“Um…” I started, “We’re not… um, we’re not going to TermiteWorld, are we?”
My uncle chuckled. “No, Marie, we’re not going to TermiteWorld. Don’t worry about that.”
Phew. So TermiteWorld was out. That was a big relief. I started to leave the kitchen.
“Oh, one more thing,” I said. “Can you tell me when we’re leaving?”
“Tomorrow,” he said. “Early in the morning, so be sure to get some sleep tonight!”
“Aye aye, sir,” I said, and with a salute, went back out to the tree swing.
The next morning they woke me up at 5:00. I looked at the clock and groaned.
“Aunt Mona, do I really have to get up now?”
“Yes, you have to get up, would you rather us just go alone and leave you here to feed the fish?” Aunt Mona said.
That got me out of bed. There was no way they were going off to some fun place and leaving me all alone in a little house with orange shag carpeting.
“So where are we going?” I yelled down the hallway to Aunt Mona, who was brushing her teeth in the bathroom.
“I’m not telling! It’s a surprise!”
“Aunt Mona!” I yelled. “You’re driving me crazy!” I threw on some clothes and grabbed my suitcase. “I’m ready to go!”
“Have some breakfast first, Marie. I don’t want to hear any of your whining about how ‘I’m so hungry’ and ‘We have to stop for cheeseburgers’,” Uncle Thomas said as I came into the kitchen.
“Fine,” I grumbled, grabbing a muffin. “So let’s go, already!”
We threw my stuff into the trunk. If only I had paid more attention to what was being thrown in there… oh, well. It’s too late now, and I’m not permanently scarred from this experience or anything.
I got into the back seat of the car and ate my muffin. “Ooh. goodmufinawuntauwhg,” I said with my mouth full. Meaning “Good muffins, Aunt Mona.”
And after that I promptly fell fast asleep.
When I woke up the car had stopped, and I thought for a minute that we were just in the middle of nowhere. All I could see out the windows were huge trees.
“We’re going camping, aren’t we?” I said to Uncle Thomas, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I looked around. “Uncle Thomas?” He wasn’t in the car.
I hopped out of the car when I heard the trunk slam. Uncle Thomas was getting my bag out of the trunk.
“Hey, this looks like a really good camping spot!” I exclaimed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen mushrooms that were purple and orange before,” I bent down to examine one of the big ones but Uncle Thomas was pulling me up.
“Your Aunt and I have something to tell you, Marie,” He said, putting my bag down at my feet.
“Uh, oh,” I said, “That doesn’t sound good,” I thought for a minute and then an awful idea came to me. “We’re going to TermiteWorld, aren’t we?! Oh, no.”
“No, it’s not that bad,” Aunt Mona said. “Nobody’s going to TermiteWorld.”
“That’s a relief,” I said with a sigh of relief.
“But-“ Uncle Thomas began.
“ Shoot, there’s a but.”
“But we’re not all going on this vacation,” He finished.
“We’re not?” I asked, thoroughly confused. “Um… explain?” I looked around a little at the rest of this forest, and suddenly I spotted it. The sign. The sign that spelled my doom.
“Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no,” I said, backing away. “I am not staying here!”
The sign read, “Madame Henrietta’s Damsel in Distress Academy –DID Camp”.
This was definitely not a good sign. I looked up at Aunt Mona and Uncle Thomas. “I cannot believe you’re doing this to me,” I glared. “Where are we, anyway?”
“Dear, we’re going on vacation ourselves, because it’s our 20th anniversary. We wanted to send you to horseback riding camp, but it was full,” Aunt Mona said, apologetically. “Then it was going to be parasailing camp, but you have to be eighteen and you have to sign this waiver thing and we just didn’t think it would be a good idea. The next choice was supposed to be pottery camp, but it filled up right after all the girls found out that the Backstreet Boys were enrolled. Then-”
“Mona dear, I think she gets the idea,” Uncle Thomas turned to me. “Don’t worry about it, it’s only for a couple weeks.”
“A couple weeks?!” I shrieked, “That’s going to seem like forever!” I moaned. I looked around again. My fellow campers were arriving.
“Mum, do you really think that the other girls will be jealous of my new tiara?” one of them was saying.
“Yes, dear, they will be. Aren’t you glad I convinced you to bring it?” Mum said.
“Oh yes, mum. Thank you so much, I owe you much gratitude.”
I turned and faced Aunt Mona. “I think I’m going to vomit.”
“ It’s not so bad,” Uncle Thomas said, cheerily. “I’m sure you’ll make lots of new… friends…”
“Yep, I bet little precious over there and I are going to be just great pals,” I snapped, grabbing my suitcase. “I’ll see you in two weeks. And if you aren’t here the second this is over, I swear, I will walk all the way home,” With that, I stomped away.
“Have a good time dear!” I heard Aunt Mona call after me.
“HA!” I yelled over my shoulder. I stomped past little precious.
“Have a lovely time at camp, darling. I just know you’ll make all the other little girls jealous as can be!” Mum was saying.
“Oh, mummy, I will,” Missy said.
I gagged. I cannot take this, I thought. I don’t know how I am going to survive.
I continued stomping until I found someone who looked like they might be in charge. The nametag said “Hiello! My name is Olarewen.”
“Excuse me… um… Oilywan, can you help me with something?”
Olarewen turned around with a smile. “Why, certainly. What is your name?”
“My name’s Marie Parker,” I said.
“What was it?” Olarewen asked, flipping through a clipboard.
“Marie Parker,” I said, again.
“I don’t see- oh,” Olarewen said, getting to the last page of her clipboard. “You’re Marie Parker,” She gave me a pointed look.
“Yep, Marie Parker, that’s me,” I said, getting a little annoyed.
“Well,” said Olarewen. “You certainly have the strangest name I’ve ever heard,” She sniffed. “You’re in cabin six, down that path on the right. I’m sure you’ll find it,” And with that she walked away.
“Gee, thanks a million,” I said sarcastically to her back, and stomped off in the direction of cabin six.
The path to cabin six started out easily, it was just packed dirt, but it was nice enough. I noticed the dirt around here had little sparkles in it, like someone had spilled glitter all over the entire path. On my way to my cabin I passed cabins eight, ten, twelve, fourteen, and sixteen. I was getting a little worried by the time I got to cabin eighteen and hadn’t seen cabin six yet. The trail had nearly disappeared, becoming choked with weeds as I stumbled over rocks.
I’d been walking for about ten minutes when I finally came to an overgrown shack with a small sign in front. I moved aside the ivy that had grown over the sign, and in letters nearly worn away, what did it say but “Cabin Six”.
“Wonderful,” I muttered. I picked my way up the slope to the door and as I put my hand to the doorknob a piece of the roof over the doorstep fell and hit me on the head. “OOOWWW!” I yelled, rubbing the sore spot on my head. I looked at the ground where the piece of roof was sitting. “Oh, I bet you think this is real funny, don’t you!” I yelled at it, and stomped into the cabin.
The inside didn’t look much better than the outside. The floor looked like it was about to fall in (so did the ceiling, for that matter), it had no doors for the rooms, and I thought I saw something that looked like a foot long lizard with a mouse’s head crawl into the wall.
“Hello?” I called. “Don’t tell me I’m the only one staying in this cabin,” I muttered when I didn’t get an answer. “Hello?”
“Hiello!” a voice finally called from inside one of the rooms. “I’ll be out in a minute!” The speaker popped her head out from behind a wall. “I’m Beledith, the cabin leader. Who are you?”
“Marie Parker,” I said, throwing my bags on the floor.
“Oh!” Beledith exclaimed. “I’ve never met anyone from – where was it? Minniezooda?”
“Minnesota,” I said, sitting down on a bed. “Am I the only person staying in here?”
“Oh, no,” Beledith assured me. “There’s me, and you, and Missiwen, and Elenia, and-“
“I got it,” I said. I didn’t think I’d be able to pronounce those names, even after two weeks of living with them. “I have the worst headache I have ever had in my life,” I said, putting my head on my knees.
“Oh, poor Marie,” Beledith said. “Wait a minute and I’ll get you some Umbeg juice to make you feel better.”
“Whatever,” I said with a wave of my hand. What was I doing here? I couldn’t believe that Aunt Mona and Uncle Thomas had sent me to a place like this.
“Here you are!” Beledith said cheerily. “Umbeg juice to make you feel better,” She handed me a glass of something green.
“Gee, thanks,” I said, looking at it. It looked a little like green tar in a glass. Yummy.
I must have hesitated a bit because Beledith said, “Well, go on! Drink it!”
I cringed, and trying not to think about what was in what I was drinking, I took a sip.
It was probably the best thing I have ever tasted in my life. I’ve have never found anything around here that comes even close. Kind of like a combination of every kind of fruit juice ever made and – something else, indescribable. It was delicious.
“Holy cow!” I said, looking at the drink in my hand. “What’s in this stuff?”
Beledith looked at me strangely. “’Holee couw’?” she said. She shook her head. “It’s just umbeg fruit juice.”
“It’s so good!” I cried, drinking the rest of the glass. “I’ve never had anything like it!”
“You’ve never had Umbeg juice?” said a voice from the door. “You really are peculiar,” It was precious little Missy. “When I saw you stamping in that unladylike way earlier I knew you were strange, but if you’ve never even had something as common as Umbeg juice, there must really be something wrong with you,” she sneered.
“Excuse me?” I said, walking towards Missy. “Look, I’m not from around here. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but the last thing I need right now is some stuck up, snot nosed little brat like you saying there’s something wrong with me!”
“Now Marie, don’t say things like that to Missiwen. I don’t really know what a ‘snoot nose-ed leetle brat’ is, but it doesn’t sound very nice,” Beledith said. I looked at her, incredulous.
“And it’s just peachy keen if she says that I’m peculiar and there’s something wrong with me?”
“Well, you are a little odd,” Beledith said, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I muttered under my breath.
“What was that dear?” Beledith said, concerned.
“Oh, nothing,” I grumbled. “Which one is my bed?” I asked.
“You may choose whichever one you want,” Beledith said.
“Thank you!” I said. I waited until I saw which bed Missy had chosen and took the one farthest from her. Unfortunately, that was also the one closest to the place I’d seen the lizard mouse disappear into the wall. However, I figured I’d rather be closer to the lizard mouse than Missy.
Soon after I chose my bed the other campers began to arrive. If you could call them campers. They all came dressed in the most elegant of ball gowns, including tiaras and diamond necklaces. Needless to say, I felt very out of place standing there in my jean shorts and tennis shoes.
“Well,” said Beledith, when we were all assembled in the cabin. “The first thing we have to do is all introduce ourselves. I’m Beledith, I’m from Brulda, and I like to play Regalido!” She turned to Elenia. “Your turn.”
“My name is Elenia, I’m from Gindry, and I like flowers.”
“I’m Zara, and I’m from Brulda, too,” she smiled at Beledith. “And I like butterflies.”
Good, so they had butterflies and flowers. At least I knew what those were.
“My name is Missiwen, I’m from Lightogger, and I like my new tiara,” Missy announced loudly.
“That’s great!” I said sarcastically when Missy was finished. “My name is Marie, and I’m from Minnesota,” I said. “I like roller blading.”
“Huh?” said the girl on my left, who’s name turned out to be Yegli. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, nevermind,” I said. “Go ahead.”
“Okay…” we finished going around the circle. There were six of us in the cabin. Myself, Genia, Zara and Beledith had the beds near the wall where lizard mouse lived. Missy, Elenia, and Yegli claimed the beds on the opposite wall.
“Well!” Beledith said when everyone had unpacked. “It’s time for lunch, and after that you will be going to the first of your lessons.”
The girls all let out exclamations of happiness. “Oh, I can’t wait!” cried Yegli. “This is going to be such fun.”
“What is the first lesson?” I asked, curious.
“Didn’t you read the agenda that was sent to your house?” Missy asked, hands on her hips, nose in the air.
“What agenda?” I said. “I didn’t get one.”
“It was sent by royal mail, and I suppose that royal mail doesn’t get all the way to Minnesota,” Missy said with a sniff. “Though if you can’t get royal mail, I don’t know how you got here in the first place.”
“Well honestly, neither do I,” I said, shrugging.
“Alright girls!” Beledith cut in. “Let’s be off to lunch.”
We arrived at the dining hall just in time for lunch. I don’t remember what any of it was called, but it was all very good. Especially the desserts.
After lunch we were split into groups of ten and sent to different parts of the camp. I was in a group with Missy, Elenia, and seven other girls from different cabins. We were led to our lessons by the tall girl I’d met earlier, Olarewen.
“Okay.” Olarewen said. “You are my group, my name is Olarewen,” she looked at us. “Your first lesson is going to be CFH, with Bezel.”
“What’s CFH?” I hissed to Elenia.
She giggled. “Calling For Help,” she whispered back. “This should be fun.”
I thought I caught a hint of sarcasm in her voice and smiled at her. She smiled back and whispered, “I can’t wait to hear Missy try to yell!”
We laughed. “Somehow,” I said, “I don’t think she’ll have too much of a problem.”
We made our way to the lesson site behind Olarewen. We trooped along a path cut in the woods until we got to a bit of a clearing.
“Okay!” Olarewen said, clasping her hands together. “I know you will all be just wonderful, and I will be back to get you in two hours.”
Two hours? How were we ever going to spend two hours on Calling For Help?
I found out. Bezel was a short woman who looked about a hundred and eighty-seven. But she could scream like a baby having a temper tantrum.
“OKAY LADIES!” Bezel yelled at us. “THIS IS YOUR LEVEL 1 CFH CLASS. I KNOW YOU WILL EXCELL IN THIS AREA AND HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR ALL OF YOU.”
I turned to Elenia. “This is insane.” I muttered.
“EXCUSE ME, LADY MARIE!” Bezel yelled to me, “WE SHALL HAVE NO MUTTERING IN THIS CLASS. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY YOU MUST SAY IT SO IT CAN BE HEARD!”
“Sorry!” I said. Elenia giggled.
“LADY MARIE! WHAT DID YOU SAY?” Bezel yelled.
“I SAID I’M SORRY!” I yelled at her.
“MUCH BETTER!”
“THANK YOU!” I yelled back. This was going to be hard on the vocal cords.
“Okay, now that you all have the idea, I think I can stop yelling,” Bezel said in a slightly more normal volume. She gestured to two women standing behind her, both of whom looked even older than she did. “These are my assistants, Dezel and Kezel.”
I started laughing and Elenia elbowed me in the ribs. I covered my mouth. Dezel and Kezel? What were their parents thinking?
I was put into a group led by Dezel. She was a good teacher. By that I mean, she made sure we knew exactly what she wanted.
“Alright now, Marie, I want you to imagine that you are being held captive by the dragon right now and you must yell for help from your knight in shining armor,” she told me with a dramatic pose.
“Help,” I said, trying not to laugh.
“No, no, no,” Dezel said, breaking her pose. “You must yell with feeling! No knight in shining armor is going to come and rescue you if you sound like that.”
“Help!” I cried, melodramatically.
“Oh, dear.” Dezel said, shaking her head. “That will never do. Come, girl, like you mean it!”
I took a deep breath. “HELP!!” I yelled as loudly as I could. I looked at Dezel hopefully.
“Hmm,” She said, thoughtfully. “That was… interesting. You see dear, that was a good volume, and you put a little more feeling in it, but it was more like a bellow than a cry for help. You must be ladylike, you understand.”
“Ladylike?” I said, incredulous. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“No,” Dezel said. “Try it again.”
This was going to be a long two hours.
Finally the session was over. I was thoroughly hoarse and really needed a glass of water, but I didn’t think I could risk going back to my cabin to see Missy again. Ick. Elenia was turning out to be a little better than the other girls. For one, the others all spent the entire class strutting around for each other and showing off their newest diamonds, or their new dresses, or their new glass slippers, or tiara. I didn’t know that glass slippers came in so many varieties. Anyway, Elenia didn’t even wear a tiara, so we stuck together and laughed at the parade.
After class we had about an hour until dinner would be served, so Elenia suggested that she I take a walk in the woods. We started out on the path to our cabin but soon strayed off it.
“Oh, my gosh!” I said, spotting another lizard mouse thing. “There was one of those in our cabin. What is it?”
“Oh that!” Elenia said, as the lizard mouse’s tail disappeared under a purplish tree root. “That’s just a mustard!”
“A mustard?” I asked, giggling.
“Yes, they bring good luck,” Elenia said. “What’s so funny?”
“Well, where I’m from, mustard is a sauce you put on hot dogs,” I explained. “Wait, I guess you don’t have hot dogs around here. We put it on food.”
“Really?” Elenia said. “That’s so weird.”
“Not really,” I shrugged. “I think it’s weird that you have an animal called a mustard.”
“Where are you from anyway?” Elenia asked as we walked along.
“Minnesota,” I said. “I’m not sure how to explain where it is in relation to this place. I guess it’s pretty far from here. Where are you from?”
“Gindry,” she said. “It’s not far from the camp… in that direction.” she pointed to a big tree.
“Hey, let’s go climb it,” I said, running towards it.
We found branches to sit in and watched some orange birds making a nest.
“Why did they make this camp anyway?” I asked, “It’s not like I really need help learning how to call for help!”
“Dezel thinks you do!” Elenia said, teasing.
“Ha, ha.”
“Really, though, Madame Henrietta created it because the royal girls didn’t have anywhere to go over the summer. And she figured it she might as well teach them something useful.”
“Royal girls?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah, see, the nobles have this big convention every summer for a few weeks in this big secret place. Their children aren’t invited so they have to have someplace to go,” Elenia said. “I guess this is as good a place as any.”
“No, I meant… all the girls here are royalty?” I asked.
“Of course!” Elenia said, looking at me like I was crazy. “You didn’t even know that? I myself happen to be the high Princess of Gindry.”
“Sorry,” I said. “So am I supposed to call you ‘your highness’ or something?”
“No, don’t be sorry. And royalty doesn’t need to formally address other royalty,” Elenia said, sitting back against the tree.
“But I…” I started. “I’m not royalty!” is what I was going to say, but I thought better of it. If that was what everyone here was, they should probably continue thinking that I was too.
“What?” Elenia said.
“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it,” I said. This was getting weirder by the minute. I decided to change the subject. “How come mustards bring good luck?”
“Because they’re magic, duh.”
“Oh,” I was very confused but decided not to push the issue any further. “Gotcha.”
“Want to go back now?” Elenia asked, hopping off her branch.
I got down out of the tree and followed her back to the dining hall where dinner was ready.
The first few days of camp went slowly. I had to take classes like RAFD (Running Away From Dragons) and NWYGWYAID (Not Wrinkling Your Gown While You Are In Distress). I didn’t do very well in that one. After the first few classes, I got the hang of what the teachers wanted, and ended up doing rather well. My best class was probably MBDEASWGABR (Making Big Doe Eyes And Smiling With Gratitude After Being Rescued). I still thought the entire thing was very silly though. I don’t think I have ever met girls like the ones at that camp in my life. Not even my friend Angela was that whimpy, and she was afraid of boogers.
By the second week of camp I’d settled into the routine and I was starting to tolerate Missy a little better. Even though she was still stuck up, snotty, insulted me at every chance, bragged about her new tiara non-stop… on second thought, I didn’t really tolerate her at all. I just hung out with Elenia and a girl we met from cabin #3 named Galywiel. Galywiel was a little silly (she refused to go outside in anything besides her ball gowns) but she was nice enough. She was one of the Princesses of Ballyahog, the country next to Gindry. We took lots of walks through the woods (though Galywiel refused to climb any trees) and we named the mustard in our cabin Mayonnaise.
The third to last day began the world famous, three day gala celebration known as DIDFest. (Damsel In Distress Fest. Don’t even try to tell them you’ve never heard of it, they’ll just inform you, once again, that you are nuts.) This is the one and only festival in the world where there are 200 damsels in distress in one place. Not only do you get to show off your skills, but you get to eat pie, too.
The pie was good, and it’s not that I wasn’t having a good time, but about halfway through the second day of DIDFest, I decided I needed a break from demonstrating how good I was at Calling For Help and Not Messing Up My Hair While Running Away. I thought it would be a good time to explore the side of the camp that Elenia, Galywiel and I hadn’t visited yet.
I walked out past cabin #20 and found myself in a forest that was pretty much the same as the rest of the camp, except maybe a little foggier. I walked for about a half an hour and just when I decided I should start heading back, I heard something that disrupted the quiet of the woods.
“HALP!” I heard someone yell.
I giggled. That certainly wasn’t the way Madame Dezel would tell you to yell. It was much too masculine, and the word wasn’t even right. Who in their right mind yells “Halp” anyway?
“HALP!” I heard, louder. I started walking towards the voice.
“Hello?” I called, “Are you alright?”
“HAAAALP!”
“Okay, already!” I yelled. “I’m coming!”
I ran towards the yelling and soon found myself in a round clearing with a boulder about the size of a house in the center.
“Halp!” the voice yelled. “Over here!” I turned. “No, over here!” I whirled around and behind me I saw I boy about my age, dressed in red velvet and tied to a tree. He was struggling to get free of his bindings to the tree and in the process his blue velvet hat had fallen over his eyes. The feather in it was hanging just blow his nose. He sneezed.
“Bless you,” I said, coming over to him.
“No! Don’t come any closer!” he yelled when he saw me coming towards him.
“Why not? Wasn’t it you yelling ‘halp’ just a minute ago?” I asked.
“Yes,” He hissed. “Of course that was me, but if you come over here, the dragon will eat you.”
“The dragon will eat me if I go over there?” I said. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” But I stopped anyway.
“Why?” he said. “It’s right behind the rock! Don’t come any closer until I can think of a plan to get us out of this.”
I started to walk in his direction again. “Hey! Stop it!” he said. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the grass.
“So…” I said. “What’s your name?”
“Huh?” my companion said, looking up from the rope which tied him to the tree. “Oh, my name is Delan. Who’re you?”
“Marie,” I said. “Do dragons tie you to trees often?”
“No,” he glared at me and struggled with the ropes.
I sighed. I was getting bored just sitting there. “Do you want some help with that?” I finally asked.
“No!” Delan said. He worked the rope around some more. “Yes.”
“Okay then,” I said, getting up.
“Wait, go around the back of the clearing and then maybe the dragon won’t see you.”
I walked out of the clearing and made my way around it to the tree where Delan was tied. “Let me see,” I said. Delan held his hands out to me. I studied for a minute what looked to be a very complex knot.
“Um,” I said, unsure.
“Um what?” Delan said impatiently. “Are you going to even try?”
I grabbed the end of the rope and pulled. The rope slipped off Delan’s hands with a slight tug.
“Gee, that was tough,” I said sarcastically, but I smiled at him.
“Come on, let’s go before the dragon sees us,” Delan said, rolling his eyes.
“Uh-oh,” I said, looking past him.
“What?!” Delan cried, exasperated.
“I think we might be a little late for that,” I said, pointing. The dragon had spotted us and was not happy.
“HALP!” Delan yelled. Again.
“Cut that out!” I said, clapping a hand over his mouth. I kept an eye on the dragon. “That isn’t going to help anything!”
The dragon was huge, with shining gold scales that looked like coins from some forgotten treasure hidden away in a castle for a hundred years. It was as big as the house sized rock in the middle of the clearing, but much scarier. Than the rock, I mean. It had nostrils the size of dinner plates that had little trails of smoke floating out of them. Its eyes glowed bright green. It was also coming towards us.
“Oh, dear,” Delan said. “Now look what you did, you’ve gone and made her mad!”
“I did!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t do anything!”
“Let’s not discuss this right now… oh my goodness HALP!” Delan yelled again.
“Alright, this is not a big deal,” I said. “Just calm down.” I told him. Then I turned to the dragon. “Excuse me, M’lady, but I do hope you weren’t planning on eating us.”
“What did you say?” Delan shouted at me. “Are you nuts? You don’t talk to dragons!”
Ignoring him, the dragon turned her gaze to me. “Why, I don’t see why I shouldn’t.”
I gulped. “I do not think that would be wise, M’lady.”
She tilted her head in a thoughtful gaze, her eyes glinting at me. “Why is that?”
“Well, because he-“ I pointed to Delan, “-is King Hanadale’s son!” I said, wondering if I was making any sense. Was there a King Hanadale?
“Sooo?” the dragon hissed, sending a breath of hot air over us. “I’ve eaten lots of Princes.”
“Oh, but you don’t want to eat this one.” I said, quite seriously. “See… he’s… um,” I thought for a minute, the beginnings of a plan coming to me. “He’s poisonous.”
“I am-“ Delan began to announce.
“SHUT UP!” I hissed loudly.
“What do you mean, he’s poisonous?” the dragon asked, suspiciously.
“Well,” I said. “If you eat him, you’ll die for sure because he’s… he’s poisonous.”
“How did that happen?” the dragon asked, curious.
“See, Delan here,” I put an arm around him to show he was my buddy, “He told me all about it. Delan was walking in the woods the other day. (He was hunting mustards with his father, but he wandered off alone.) He isn’t a very good hunter, as I’m sure you figured out already, so he got bored and that’s why he was walking around in the woods by himself. Delan was just sitting down under this tree and thinking about how he was such a big dufus” (I ignored Delan’s outburst at that comment) “and he just got so bored listening to himself talk that he fell asleep under the tree. He had this weird dream about someone named Fabio, and it scared him so much that he woke up. I guess that really doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of the story, but when he woke up, he found that he was very hungry and had the strangest craving for butter. Anyway, he didn’t have any so looked for a stream to get a drink in, and while he was drinking from this stream, he just happened to catch a fish. Which he had to eat raw since he didn’t have any fire, and he kind of liked raw fish. So the end of the story is that Delan ate some bad sushi the other day, and that caused a very strange chemical reaction in his stomach, so if you eat him, you’ll be poisoned and explode.”
I looked up at the dragon. She was fast asleep. Delan and I crept out of the clearing silently. As soon as we were in the woods we started running back towards the camp.
“Hey! Marie!” Delan shouted from behind me. “Slow down!” I slowed down a little. “How did you do that?”
“I have no idea,” I lied. “But thank goodness I did. You certainly weren’t going to do anything about it!”
“I would have done something,” Delan said defensively. “I was planning on digging a pit and using bait to make her fall into it.”
We slowed to a walk. “Yeah right, you were,” I snorted. “That would have worked real well with the dragon sitting right there watching you dig it.”
“It could’ve worked,” Delan said.
We had reached the camp, where the DIDFest festivities were still underway.
“Thanks, Marie,” Delan said, heading off towards the pie.
“Anytime!” I called after him.
I spotted Elenia over at the NWYGWYAID demonstration booth. She came over to me, excited.
“I can’t believe you were just talking to Prince Delan!” she exclaimed. “He’s so handsome.”
“Not really,” I said, looking over at him. “He’s really kind of a whimp.”
“No way,” she said, looking at me as though I was crazy. “He’s Prince Delan!”
“Way,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Where did you find him, anyway?” Elenia asked, turning back to me.
“Over there, in some clearing thing in the middle of the woods,” I answered with a wave of my hand to indicate the direction I meant.
“Oh, over by the RDID Camp?”
“The what?” I asked, very confused.
“Rescuing Damsels In Distress Camp. He goes there every year,” Elenia explained.
I started laughing. “He hasn’t learned much.”
Elenia gave me a weird look. “Why do you say that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Just a hunch,” I answered. “Come on, I feel like yelling.”
So we walked off to demonstrate our CFH.
And so that is how I learned to be a world class damsel in distress.