The Island of the Penguins
This story is for my friend Efrain, who I used to talk to all the time in a chat room and asked me to write a story about us. Some things in here are jokes between us if something doesn't make sense. Less sense than usual anyway.
Prologue:
A plane was making its trip from New York, USA to Cairo, Egypt when there was a sudden loud explosion as the engine blew up. Passengers screamed. The plane was on fire, and as it spread throughout the cabin, some passengers were killed by the smoke while others went up in flames. The pilot yelled, "Mayday!" through a broken intercom as the plane nosedived down towards the ocean about a mile from the shores of Africa.
Angela held her breath as she dove out the emergency exit of the falling plane. The impact of the cold water stung her skin slightly, and she rose to the surface for air. The plane landed in the ocean with a large splash and enormous cloud of smoke. It went under, and there was silence. Angela ventured near. To her surprise, there was a young guy her age floating on some of the wreckage. He coughed from the smoke, then smiled.
"Hi. I'm Efrain," he told her.
"I'm Angela."
"Well, pull up a piece of the wreck and let's start swimming to shore."
She did as he said, and they swam to the shore together. Angela scanned the unknown waters for stray penguins, but, fortunately, there were none in sight.
The two survivors soon reached shore. They lay on the sand and slept briefly, exhausted.
Angela awoke with a start. She was almost sure she sensed some penguins nearby....
Efrain was a bit farther up from the shore. As Angela approached, she saw him lunge at a tree. Quickly he apologized to it: "I'm sorry. You see, I have this problem with lunging unexpectedly at things....What? Are you laughing at me? I'll show you, ya stupid tree!" He moved to strike it, but Angela pulled him away.
"Shh...." she whispered. "You'd better calm down. It might be working with the penguins. We don't want them to be aware of our presence here."
"Why not? The penguins don't scare me!"
"Maybe not," Angela replied, "but I heard they've teamed up with the mafia."
"Oh...." Efrain looked around suspiciously. He thought he saw something duck behind a tree, but decided it was probably just his overactive imagination.
Angela and Efrain started climbing up the mountain, which covered most of the island, so they'd be able to see the rest of the land and any living creatures on it. They were almost to the top when they heard some nearby bushes moving. A drunk penguin carrying a Bud Ice appeared.
"Narf," it said. "Are you three potatoes?"
"NO!" Efrain exclaimed, offended.
"Excellent," the penguin replied. "Cuz I hate potatoes."
"Yeah? Well I hate penguins," Angela said, and shot it with her hidden PP7.
"You know," Efrain thought out loud, "there must be something we can do with its body."
"You're right. Let's have a barbeque!"
"Okay."
Efrain and Angela started a fire with some dry twigs and matches the penguin dropped to roast its body as the sun set lower in the sky. They ate, then settled down to sleep in the clearing.
Angela sat up with a start. It was still dark, so it must have been a noise that awakened her. She listened carefully and heard a strange sound right next to her! She relaxed when she realized it was only Efrain snoring and lay down again. Suddenly there was a different, stranger noise. This time, Efrain heard it too and woke up. They stared wide-eyed at eachother, then looked up at the sky, where a circle of flashing green lights was lowering through the sky to the clearing where Angela and Efrain were. They quickly darted off and each hid behind a tree as the alien spaceship landed. Part of the ship opened, a ramp slid out, and aliens exited, making a loud, peircing noise. Suddenly penguins began appearing from around the sides of the clearing, responding to the call.
"Oh my gosh," Angela whispered. "The penguins must have turned their back on the mafia and teamed up with the aliens." Efrain nodded.
There was another call from one of the aliens to someone inside the spacecraft and Elvis Presley hurried out. The alien gave him a command, and he quickly obeyed as he was a servant to them, disappearing once again inside the craft. He returned a moment later, stood stiffly at the bottom of the ramp and announced, "The leader of the aliens!"
Efrain and Angela strained to see the small figure who appeared in the doorway at the top of the ramp. It was a tiny dog which spoke to the penguins, saying: "Yo quiro Taco Bell." One of the aliens whispered something to him. "Whoops," the dog corrected itself. "Yo quiro ir a tu lider." (I want to go to your leader.) 
Angela and Efrain waited to see the leader of the penguins. After some frantic movement amongst the penguins, he appeared. Efrain and Angela gasped. It was Michael Jackson!
"Is that a girl, a guy, or some other type of creature?" Angela asked. Unfortunately, she'd spoken too loudly right when there'd been a moment of silence, so everyone heard her. The penguins were stunned at the disrespect for their queer leader and immediately surrounded the tree she was hiding behind. Just as Angela feared this was the end, Efrain yelled, "Use the force Luke! I mean, use the forks Angie!" She pulled two forks from her pockets and stabbed the penguin nearest her. The rest backed away, quacking amongst themselves.
"What are you waiting for?" Michael Jackson yelled. "Get the guy!"
Efrain had been in the process of sneaking up on an alien and lunging at it. That angered the aliens, who joined the penguins in attacking him. Angela tossed him the forks, but they were intercepted and eaten by one of the aliens, leaving both of them helpless. Suddenly there was the sound of gunfire as figures emerged from the darkness around the clearing. The mafia!
"Duck!" Efrain yelled to Angela, dropping to the ground.
"Ducks? Where?" she asked, looking around in terror. Efrain pulled her down with him as a bullet whizzed over her head. They crawled behind a massive rock that shielded them from the gunfire, then peeked out from behind it to watch. The mafia was still firing at the penguins and aliens, beating them with their guns if they got close enough, while the aliens tried whipping them with their tentacles and the penguins either fought or hid. Elvis was singing, "Ya ain't nothing but a hound dog," to add some more festivity to the battle.
"Hey, this looks like fun!" Angela exclaimed. She grabbed a gun that had been knocked out of one of the mafia member's hands, turned to hand Efrain another one, and discovered he was lunging at the rock. She tapped him lightly on the back with the gun; he whirled around and screamed.
"Geez Angela, don't point that thing at me!" He took the gun as she jumped off the rock into the midst of the fighting, landed on the slimy body of an alien, slipped, and fell. She tried getting to her feet, but kept slipping, her feet flew out from under her, kicking someone, and she fell again.
"This girl tried to attack me!" one of the mafia people yelled. "She must be working with them too! Get her!"
Angela turned to the dead alien next to her and said, "This is all your fault you know. I wouldn't have fallen if it weren't for you." It didn't reply, which just made her angrier. "Don't pretend you can't hear me!" It suddenly occured to her that there were mafia people surrounding her, but most of them were laughing and pointing instead of trying to shoot her. "Hey, don't laugh at me!" She tried standing but slipped and fell once again. Now they were all doubled over laughing at her. The aliens took advantage of that, sneaking up behind the mafia members and killing them. "Doh!" Angela cried, smacking her forehead. "So much for the mafia helping us fight them."
"Now that the mafia has been wiped out, there's no stopping us!" Michael Jackson declared. "Just kill the girl and...where did that guy go?" Just then there was a loud Tarzanish holler and Efrain came swinging down from a tree on a vine, knocking the penguin leader to the ground and shooting the aliens. Angela grabbed hold of his shirt and managed to pull herself up with her gun, covering Efrain's back. Efrain yelled, "Ay-ya!" and started doing karate moves while making other karate-type noises.
"What the heck are you doing?" Angela asked, still firing her gun.
"Karate, duh," he replied.
"Oh, so that's what it's supposed to be huh? Well, you look like a moron."
"No I don't! People do this all the time in the movies!" A minute later he retrieved his gun. Soon all the aliens had been vanquished...but the penguins were gone and so were the leaders.
"Thank you, thank you very much," Elvis said, stepping out from behind a tree. "Finally I'm freed from being an alien slave!"
Just then another flying saucer swooped overhead. "Beam us up Scotty!" the tiny dog leader commanded an alien aboard the new ship, and him, the dead aliens, the original spacecraft, and Elvis disappeard. Elvis had left the island.
"Ha ha!" Angela yelled after him. "Wait a minute, where'd the penguins and their faggish leader go?" she asked, confused as usual.
"I think that's the penguins flying away up there," Efrain told her, pointing up at the sky.
"Ah-ha!" Angela exclaimed, noticing the white spots visible in the dark sky as the penguins leaped off the mountainside into the air one by one. "So they can fly! I knew that whole story about them only being able to swim was a lie!" They stood watching them fly away till the white could no longer be seen.
"Wait a minute, where'd Michael Jackson go?" Efrain asked half an hour later. "It can't fly."
"Hey, you're right!"
Suddenly they heard a feminine gay voice start singing, "It doesn't matter if you're black or white cuz that's what penguins are and if you're another color we'll have to kill you, whee-hee!" as Michael Jackson fag-walked, I mean moon-walked, out of some bushes. Efrain screamed in terror at the sight of it, dropping to the ground, then realized what it was. "Get them penguins!" their leader screeched. "Beat them, beat them, beat them..." it started singing, till Angela interrupted it.
"Okay, shut up already! Your army ditched you, and you suck at singing you guy-girl-it thing!"
It looked around, just then realizing how deserted the clearing was now. "Umm....I'll just be going then...." it said, starting to back away slowly, then turning to run. Efrain, however, lunged at it, knocking it on the ground. Michael Jackson turned his head and looked at him, smiling fagishly. Efrain scrambled to his feet, traumatized, and hid behind Angela. "I think I'm scarred for life now," he told her.
"Okay, that's enough. You're not going to mess up any more peoples' lives, you sick, twisted creature." Angela declared, standing over him with her gun.
"But I'm supposed to meet with the Hansons tomorrow night! And if things go as planned...":
Angela shuddered. "Too bad I can't eliminate those girly boys too."
"Wait, you mean the Hansons are guys?!" Efrain asked, further horrified.
"Yeah, of course. What, did you like them too," Angela asked, snickering. Then she saw the sick expression on Efrain's face. "Oh man, and I was just joking!" She burst out laughing and pointing.
Efrain was bright red. "Hey, don't you have better things to do than laugh at me?"
"Oh yeah!" She turned back to queerboy, but he was no longer on the ground.
"Trying to steal my hotties! I'll show you!" Right as he was about to smash Efrain in the head with a large rock, Angela swung the gun around and shot it in the head.
"Ha ha!" Then she turned back to Efrain. "He he, you like the Hansons!" and continued to laugh at him.
The next morning, the climbed down the other side of the mountain on what they'd thought was an island and found a bus stop. They rode the bus into Cairo; then it was time to go their seperate ways.
"Well, this is it. Bye Efrain, I won't forget you."
"Yes you will," he said.
"No," she disagreed. "We'll see eachother again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday."
Later that day, Angela and Efrain ran into eachother while stalking lampposts, got together for lunch, then made plans to spy on some giraffes to stop them in their schemes next weekend, and became co-plotters for world domination.
That's All Folks!
