(The good guy and stupid guy are sitting at a table in a bar playing cards. Bad guy enters)
Whores- A man!!
Bad Guy- Hey is this seat taken?
Good Guy- No it’s not.
Bad Guy- What’s your game?
Stupid Guy- Go Fish.
Good Guy- And you’re not invited
Bad Guy- (evil laugh) A sharp shooter like you playing Go Fish? I think not, how about a game of poker?
Good Guy- Poker?
Bad Guy- Yes, poker, you know the game.
Good Guy- Of course.
Bad Guy- Good, then 5 card stud, duces wild, winner takes all.
Good Guy- Wait, all what?
Bad Guy- All your land, secret contacts, nuclear weapons, guns, and artillery, my own stunt double, free milk for life, year supply of wieners, Oscar Meyer that is, and some of those little cocktail umbrellas, oh yeah, and....one billion dollars!
Good Guy- Umm...NO!
Bad Guy- Or how about we just play for all the whores?
Whores: HI!! (flirty)
Good Guy- Alright, sounds good.
Stupid Guy- Right, and I will go get us some hard core drinks for a hard core game of poker. (crosses bar) Hey bartender, why don’t you get me three chocolate slammers on the rocks, and double the rocks this time, and while you’re at it put two shots of slammer as well.
Bartender- What the hell is a chocolate slammer?
Stupid Guy- A chocolate milk with ice and extra chocolate.
Bartender- What the hell is your problem? Why the hell couldn’t you just say a chocolate milk? What the hell are you, are you mental or something? If you’re gonna order a chocolate milk then just say can I have a chocolate milk, don’t come up to me with some dumbass name for a chocolate milk that I nor anyone else has no clue in hell what it even is. Now get the hell away from my bar, you’re scaring the whores away. (Stupid guy goes back to table)
Whore 1- (trips and falls, gets back up and tries to look sexy) (sits on stupid guy’s lap) Umm...(sounds out) akqj....What does A-K-Q-J spell?
Good and Bad Guys- (look at each other) FOLD!
Whore 1- Wow, I didn’t know that spelled fold!
Good and Bad Guys- It doesn’t.
Whore 1- Oh. Whoops!
Bartender- Here’s your three chocolate milks.
Stupid Guy- Thanks Mac! I am sure our chocolate slammers will be great!
Bartender- Why I oughta!! (hand up, goes to hit him)
Whore 2- NO! Violence! Don’t play that game! Love, not war! May peace be with you. Let....
Everyone- Okay, you can stop!
Whore 2- Umm....Yeah you’re right.....Umm. Okay.
Good Guy- How about some music?
Whores- OOOH!! (run over to stage) (sing) Old men, young men, take em as they come....
Bad Guy- (yells) You’re cheating!!
Good Guy- No I’m not!
Bad Guy- That’s it, now it’s time for a duel! DRAW!
Stupid Guy- Draw? Okay!
Good Guy- All right then. Let it be then.
Bartender- Hey, take it outside, I don’t want to have to clean up any bloody mess!
Whore 2- STOP! Don’t fight! Violence is bad! You need to love, not fight! Be friends, not enemies! How about you guys just kiss and make up? Don’t shoot each other!
Stupid Guy- Hey, I am done first! (shows a drawing on an Etch & Sketch)
Whore 2- (continues) Just don’t fight, you could hurt someone....
Everyone- SHUT-UP!!
(Good and Bad Guys take out their guns, look at each other then Whore 2 and then shoot her)
Whore 2- OH! I’ve been shot! (clutching wounds and slowly sinking to the ground) Everything’s getting dark and blurry....I think I’m dying....(perking up) No wait, it’s becoming clearer! No, I’m definitely dying....Wait!....No, no, this time I’m done for for sure..... (collapses and twitches twice. momentary silence)
Whore 3- I get her clients!
Whore 4- No, I do!
(whores argue a while, then stop and look at each other)
Whores- Hey boys! (signal to them) Follow us! (guys follow)
Bartender- This really sucks, now I’m stuck cleaning up this bloody mess! Better get the broom....
