The Penguins - Monologue
They’re stalking me. They’re all around us. There’s one! There’s one! And there’s another one! You see, it all started during my visit to Antarctica. I flew there and by the time I arrived, my arms were exhausted from flapping so much. I found an igloo hotel run by a really nice penguin. She let me stay there during my visit for a very low price. I had a lot of fun hanging out with the penguins. We went swimming, flew around a bit, and built things out of snow. They were all very kind and didn’t even care that I’m a human. Now the polar bears were a different story. They were all mean and never shared their Coke-a-Colas with us. They also made fun of me. I left Antarctica after awhile. None of the penguins wanted me to leave. They tried to force me to stay there, but I left anyway.
Now the penguins are here, and they’re stalking me. They follow me wherever I go. I can’t make them leave. They’re all mean now and won’t listen to me. It’s a conspiracy. They’re plotting against me. They’re planning my demise. But I’m not going to let the penguins kill me. There’s only one thing I can do. (Pulls out gun.) I have to kill them before they kill me. (Shoots air with gun.) Die, you stupid penguins! Die! That’s what you get for stalking me! Maybe next time you’ll think twice before trying to kill Theodore Roosevelt!
