COCKTAIL TIME LARA STYLE

Tonics for the Troubled Mind
Well there are just those times when your whole day, maybe even week, felt like you had to navigate Bombay at rush hour. Your head is pounding, you could just slap the next ignorant idiot that asks you another stupid question, and the damn restaurant just brought you the wrong meal. What can you possibly do? Lara suggests a nice holiday in Venice for just these occasions, especially in the fall, ahhhh Venice.... However, if it is impractical for you to get away to Italy, then here is the next best thing. Cocktails. Yes, cocktails numb the mind quickly, very quickly. And after a few Martinis all your troubles will be a distant memory. Of course Lara knows that Martinis are like breasts(easy all u guyz)one is too few and three are too many. So you must be careful drinking them or you'll end up forgeting LARGE portions of the evening altogether, and you certainly don't want that to happen. Drink them properly and Cocktails will make all your evenings(and some lunches) glitter like Sapphires.


The first Cocktail we are going to talk about is the Martini. The Martini is elegant and says alot about you, namely that you're super k-rad kewl. Aren't you just dying to say," actually the name is Croft. Lara Croft." Well, I know you are, but remember you just can't order any type of Martini, you'll end up looking more like Walker. Texas Ranger., then an Industrial Espionage haxor spy which is the look I know you're secretly shooting for. The first thing you need to make sure about when you attempt to order a Martini is that you're going to actually be getting a real Martini glass. You know the long stemmed glass with the siphon-like top? If the bar you're at doesn't have those, leave, immediately, without stopping or even using the bathroom. A good rule to follow is never to have drinkz in a bar without real Martini glasses. Unless you're at a club, but thatz a diffrent story....

Alright, now that we've established that you're actually going to be getting a proper Martini glass, how do you order it? Martinis can be either Vodka or Gin. If you are going with Vodka, you order Absolut, if Gin is your preference then Bombay Sapphire is your choice. Order your Martinis UP and XTRA-DRY, just a breathe of vermouth, also make sure that the bartender chills your Martini glass while he/she is making the drink. Vodka Martinis are garnished with a twist, Gin Martinis take double olives.


Bombay Sapphire is Lara's fav liqour, and after a few Martinis you'll understand why. Warning #2!!!!!! Bombay Sapphire is over 90 proof alcohol, although you'd never know it, any more than three of these will get you drunk. You drink over four and you're asking for trouble, believe me, I know. Never accept inferior alcohol. Absolut and Bombay are the premier brands to drink. For the perfect evening make a pitcher of Bombay Martinis and sit outside on your veranda or balcony, if you don't have one of these, use the roof, invite over some of your close friends and feel the intoxicating numbness begin to cloud your senses while you inhale the night air, it is simply exquisite. Bombay also provides the added effect of making you smell like a pine tree in the morning after a night of 4 or 5 Martinis(I know you're going to drink more than three). So what are you waiting for? Get together with some friends and go get some Martinis. You'll thank me(if not yourself) in the morning...

Now there are times when you might prefer a great tasting drink that is mild in alcohol content but still looks great. Have no fear, Lara has just the drink for you. Order a Chambord with Creme on the rocks with a splash of Frangelico. Chambord is a blackberry liqeur made in France. Let's take a look at that fabulous Le Chateau de Chambord...
Now don't you wish that was your summer residence? Ahhhh the days of the French Aristocracy, now we see why they got all upset and lost their heads.... Seriously, try this drink. It is the ultimate after dinner drink and incrediably palatable, I have hooked tons of people on this savory conncoction.

Finally, I'll touch on the most pretentious cocktail, but it is still a great one to order nonetheless if you're in the right company. I'm am speaking about the Champagne Cocktail, and because we love most thingz French here at the Absinthe Cafe, we prefer the Napoleon Champagne Cocktail. Since I don't have a picture to show you, I'm going to be super kewl and give you the recipe for making your very own...

Napoleon Champagne Cocktail
6 sugar cubes
Bitters
6 tsp Cognac
6 tblsp Grand Marnier
1 750-ml bottle chilled Champagne(Cristal if you can afford it)
6 orange peel stripes

Sprinkle each sugar cube with 2 dashes of bitters. Place 1 sugar cube in each of 6 Champagne flutes(those are champagne glasses). Pour 1 tsp Cognac over each sugar cube. Add 1 tblsp Grand Marnier to each glass. Fill the glasses with Champagne and garnish the flutes with orange peel strips.

Doesn't that just sound pretentiously divine? If can't afford Cristal, and most of us can't, use the best Champagne you can afford, don't use some $6.99 Asti crap. Good. You are well on your way to sophisticated drinking. Aren't you proud of yourself? Now get out there and practice, practice, practice....