Journal

October 11, 1999: today has been very educational.

October 7, 1999: yes, it IS almost midnight on a thursday night. but that's okay because THIS lucky little snot (yay!) doesn't have school tomorrow or on monday. and i'm waiting for my sheets to dry so i can actually make my bed and go to sleep. you know what's dumb is every time i take a shower at an odd time of evening or something i get these fantastic shower revelations or insane ideas like "ooh lemme clean my ENTIRE room out and my closet before i go to bed and organize my entire life at 2 oclock in the morning!" but i'm tempted to think it's because i haven't drank coffee in a really long time, and tonight i had A singular granita and it's given me a caffeine high. hopefully, so that means i'm not crazy. :o) i was going to discuss my shower revelation, oh yeah. well, it's not really a new idea so much as an articulation of an old arguement that i never could manage to explain. the whole take on closure -- that you can CLOSE one chapter of your life and completely move on to another. entirely separating the past "chapter" from your current life. which is all well and good in theory, but i've decided i don't believe in closure. every event in my life continues to affect the way i think and the decisions i make. even though you can let something go -- ie, not let the fact upset you -- you can't entirely forget the incident because then you haven't learned from it. although there are people in my life i have decided not to associate with, their impact on my life remains. i have to remember why i made that decision, and what do the results tell me about myself. my point is, closure -- if someone can possibly manage to separate the different periods of his life -- is detrimental to personal development. i prefer live my life as it comes, not rejecting any moment.

September 26, 1999: some crushes aren't. yesterday was damn crazy... :o) haha. school is still ass-hard. i have steady b's, and maybe a c. bleagh. love life... exists. which is more than i can say for any other day of the year. so yay. someone grace me with email.

August 31, 1999: some crushes are just completely illogical desires for an ego boost.

August 28, 1999: yeah, i have nothing better to do on a saturday night. woohoo. gotta love the e.s.a. homework-overload. yeah baby. saw go. is a good movie. saw cruel intentions. is another good movie. whatsisface is hot. ooh aah. hmm. guys are complicated. note on cruel intentions: teenagers shouldn't be allowed to fall in love. it just causes probems.

August 15, 1999: today is indian independence day. if i knew the national anthem, i'd type it out for you. yay! national pride. i had a party yesterday. it was fun. my friends are girly and crazy and get along with anyone. i'm ready for school to start, i think. time for a little purpose in life. my dad has been trying to teach me flexibility and adaptability. i can't change other people, only myself. so if i wanna get anywhere in life i need to start bending a bit. i'm still working on it. anyway, i thought it fit in nicely with whitkay's current rant. you take life as it is and work with it. i don't wish i were older. i don't believe in falling in love. or maybe i do, but not for me. love is one thing entirely, and if someone you love happens to be the only person you could imagine spending the rest of your life with... well that's still love. IN love seems too fairy-tale to me. i'm sick of kids saying they've fallen in love. and don't anyone dare tell me i simply haven't met The One yet. you'll get chewed out. i don't like that line of arguement either. anyway. that's that shpeel. i've decided i like being a stupid teenager. i like having to worry about things like staying out of trouble and how i'm getting to the coffee house THIS weekend. all these adult problems make me feel way in over my head. i'm sick of trying to be something else, something more mature, capable of taking on... anything. i'm just a silly little girl.

August 13, 1999: ooh friday the thirteenth. ah. *pretends to be scared* just got home from seeing brokedown place. such a good movie... i bawled. you know, the teenage fascination with music is really starting in intrigue me. now understand, i like music just as much as the next person, but you notice -- it starts around the time a kid hits 13, and then boom.. by the time he's 30, who gives a shit about music? you meet someone new, and one of the first things he/she asks is what type of music do you listen to? like it says something profound about your personality.... maybe it does... *shrugs* i tend to listen to things i can sing too, that make me feel good. cheesy bubble-gum pop! *does the bubble-gum pop dance* songs that tend to describe how i'm feeling. i was stuck on fiona apple for a while. now it's the sliding doors soundtrack -- on my own, by some chick whose name i keep forgetting. so what -- is music the continual search for self-expression? hah. a little too deep for teenage life. i think i'm just the odd one out who doesn't see what the hype is about.

August 11, 1999: This has GOT to be a new record for avoiding updating the webpage. wow. So okay, yeah, what's been up. I went to India -- oooh... aaah... It was cool, extremely boring at times, and i've NEVER missed home so much. I miss my friends. The moment I got home I got on the phone and called EVERYONE and of course, in typical just-getting-home excitement, NO ONE was home and i was really depressed. But I hung out with my family. Not depressed anymore. And lemme see. Like Julie, good ole' Ozzie the Penguin, aka Hari, has come to the startling realization that RELATIONSHIP are BAAAAAD news. ooh aaah. Aren't you proud of your oh-so-intelligent Hari? Anyway, seeing as I am now, officially, The Relationship Incompetant of the Shit Club (inner beauty is bull ;o)), I'd like to say, THBBPT! :oP teehee. okay. more news. um. I love my friends. Cathy has decided we're like the Ya-Ya Sisterhood except WE don't have a nifty name. Maybe this means we should get one. *considers* nah. so anyway. have many random things that need to go on this wonderfully unupdated webpage. Will do eventually. :o) MWAH.

June 28, 1999: I'm HOME! Which is both good and bad, depending on how you look at it. home from ADVANCE, away from all my out-o-town peoples, but back with my chicas. i dunno, this year was crazy ultra- dramatic. i acquired a boyfriend along the way, who is currently ignoring me and consequently driving me insane. newayz (that is my tribute to cory -- smile, cory! :)) i suppose one day i'll write up the whole soap opera for all the sick minds in cyber-space. but not today. ooh and i can put it in my library... how fun!! me and my girls at home have decided to make a movie. they love the idea! :) we're making it in august, when everyone's home and we're just going to make a time-caspule-style home video of crap. and maybe make an actual story... eventually. but i like the time capsule idea, myself. MWAH peoples.

May 19, 1999: Man it's been a LONG time since i said something on this thing. oh well... i'm sure you kids can survive, right? :) I just need to fix my page... i've decided it's not suitable for viewing anymore, you know? needs something specialfuncool and it just doesn't have that yet. anyway. just read whitney's rant -- i think i have a link to her somewhere. try the advance page or something. the whole point is i must announce how absolutely ridiculous she's being. ;) somehow she's suddenly unworthy of being oh-so-loved by everyone and that's just silly. my message to the world: there is some redemable quality in everyone. some people have more than others, and it's harder to find in some other people, but god does not create hopeless cases. for the most part... ;) just joking! i mean, trust god to have made a decent person, and find out what's so great about you. why did god want ME of all people on this earth? that's our job -- find out who we are, because we're worth knowing. anyway, now the update on my life. i'm slowly acquiring a love life -- about time! but that's all i'm going to say about that. ADVANCE is coming up and i'm ultra-excited because i get to see all my advancers again. my friends are sick of hearing about it. they don't understand how people i never *see* can be such big parts of my life. oh well. my friends are awesome anyway. i'm lucky to have them. and let's see... SIX MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!! :) AND i get to go to india this summer, which kicks some serious ass. teehee. so yeah, life is good. lovya!

March 25, 1999: Today's my sister's birthday! yay!! :o) i love my sister. anyway. hmm... i updated my page, for all those who care. we're trying to get the school to allow us to have Amnesty International in school, and of course they won't. it might give us a bad name. and if you know much about the organization, i really don't think we need to worry too much about that. if the local public school can have one, i don't see why the "most prestigious college prep school" can't. isn't that just crazy?! crush update: i'm mooning over a guy who's to be called Tmas for security purposes. :o) and of course he hardly knows i exist. ::sigh:: but that's the story of my life. and hmm.. yeah okay that's all i'll drone to you about today. lead happy lives and all that good stuff. life is just a game, nothing more, but nothing less. :o) lovya, hari

March 6, 1999: why on earth do i bother? hmm... well anyway. :-) for the nuts, i guess. MWAH! someone's harassing me through email... again. ::sigh:: stupid people with nothing better to do with their time. but anyway. the one teacher i want more than anything to impress -- my western civ teach -- told my dad i'm "the model student," which for him is the equivalent of saying "perfect." i'm practically bouncing off the walls!! :0) i work soo hard for that class! and i aced an english essay, so it looks like my life is being semi-normal, aside from the email crisis. oh, and my bitch story. teehee. i won't yell your -- hmm.. can't say ears. eyes? -- off, or at least i'll try. so okay, got this judge at a speech tournement who was SUCH a prude she gave me 6th out of 7 and spent the entire comment section talking about how my selection was bad. (the piece was about sexual abuse). and her one comment that DID concern my piece said i was too soft. which III thought i was supposed to be -- soft, i mean -- because abuse makes you feel small and violated, so she speaks softly and... well that's life for you. anyway, i have yet to find a crush and it's really driving me crazy.. but other than that, life is good. lovya dolls! mwah, hari

February 18, 1999: wow it's been a long time since i updated this thing. well, i'm doing that now, i guess. anyway. i just finished an email to this chick named cathy, whose page i just kinda stumbled on. good page, i think the link's on my guestbook. well, typical hari-style, i had to argue about religion with her. gets me into trouble waaaay too often, but hey, it's fun. i really think i have this thing with arguing with people. just got into a fight with one of my former-friends. and beyond being mad, i'm amused, which is decidedly ODD. ::shakes head:: well, he's being too funny not to laugh at. oh well, so i'm a bitch. we already knew that. :o) and i had something else to say... oh yes. my mom is yelling at me to spend more quality time with her. as if either of us have any time at all, much less quality time. and she said she'd take me to new orleans to see my coconut and peanut. but of course, she can't and i'm really po-ed, to say the least. and that famous term paper that comes up so often is going to kill me. i understand it, i just hafta write it. and that's my life. i think..... yeah, that's all. nothing special. lovya peoples! special MWAH to peanut, macadamia, hazulnut, coconut, tomato and kiwi. and smooch to passion fruit. teehee.

January 31. 1999: updated my page. i think that's the only reason i ever update this thing. well, anyway. watched the superbowl. go broncos. woopteedo, and all that jazz. first year i ever really watched the superbowl, and its saving grace, the half-time show, was really... well, crappy. but other than that, decent. oh yeah, crush is OVER, finito, right O'maley? :o) what a bastard. anyway, i got kicked outta chucky cheese's. big affair, bites the big one, sucks the root, all that. i mean, family/kiddy place and you hafta be f***in 18 to get in!! i was PISSED! but we just kinda walked around the shopping center and bought really cool shirts to match to wear to school on monday.... so it was definately worth the trip. we all dressed up like hoochies in clothestime :o) and i'm sure i looked hysterical. well, that's my life. yay. fascinating, ain't kiddos?

January 25, 1999: i updated my page. yay! actually, this is me avoiding doing my homework. and trying to convince dad that going to see "dear ole patty-boy" isn't dangerous and is quite recommendable for my continued well-being. outlook: indefinate. and mom might go to a yoga conference in austin and bring all of us with her (**whitney...**). and... what else? oh yeah, i'm stil looking for a speech piece for duo but have been miraculously unenamoured of the bastard out of carolina. weird and unbelievable, but hey... :o) worth a shot.

January 21, 1999: i'm actually making decent grades, surprise surprise, even though i don't understand my term paper, but what the hey, you know. and mom really got to me today. she was asking how i manage to talk to my *advance* buds, and so i launch into this really elementary explanation of servers, browsers, and chat rooms and the like, and then start explaining the wonderful aol instant messenger (and guess what jules, you can't correct my spelling on my JOURNAL! so there! and for those who care, i'm ndn pwr on AIM) and she's asking questions, nodding. that type of stuff. and i'm like, so does that help any? and you know what she SAYS?! "i'm sorry honey i WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION." mmhmm. it's like, you ask me question, you can at least listen to the answer. but the better side of this story is the we were driving home from my very first JAZZ piano lesson!! put me a little off-balance, but the teacher is really cool and i think i'm going to like it. :o) and a certain someone is "talking" to me again. :o) i'm so pathetic. MWAH byeee

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