Such a long time it has been
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Snippets of classical songs that constantly run through my head
Such a long time it has been since I have posted anything on my site, anything at all. You all must be thinking that I've dropped off the face of the planet and ignored you all. Sorry! I didn't mean to! The clown pushed me, I swear! Actually, it has nothing to do with clowns, but then again, it has everything to do with them, since I myself am a clown of sorts.

So what's been keeping me? Work! Scultping! Drawing! Sleeping! (Though I get so very little of that anymore) The main thing really is that I don't have access to the internet anymore, so I rarely am even able to check my email, much less get on my site and write to you all. I wish I could be on more often, but the only chance I get to be online for more than a few minutes is when I am at me mum's house, which is very rare. But fortunately, I'm spending the day here! I got off work at 3:00 (in the morning) and a co-worker took me out to eat before I made the two hour venture. And here I shall spend the day, doing laundry and updating my site, and hopefully getting to communicate with a few of you via MSN messenger. I may not be able to, unfortunately, so I'll just have to write a lot in my blog.

What's been going on in the world of Anseldom? As I said earlier, WORK. I've been working third shift for the past 3 months in a foodservice warehouse, going around and picking the cases of food that are to be shipped out the following day. It's a pretty strenuous job, can be kind of taxing on the body. Especially now, since I'm working in the freezer section, which is usually about 35 degrees (Farenheit) below zero. Brr! I get all bundled up in winter clothes and look all funny, especially when I go out to eat lunch (at midnight :oP). People give me the oddest looks, moreso than usual, because I'm wearing all this winter clothing in the middle of summer, not just because of the piercings and whatnot. I'm getting kind of tired of my job, though, getting burnt out, though it is some very good exercise! My body got all toned and fit during the first month there, I'm nice and cut now, my abs show quite nicely. ;o) Sexy little me, hehe.

Though having a great physique has done little in the way of finding ladies. That's been a crazy affair for me. The girl I went to see last year, Candace, hasn't been talking to me the past few months. Never returns my calls or messages or anything, which is quite saddening. We kind of fell apart, since we were both working a lot and our schedules were so off, never got to talk, and we got all distanced. Not like we weren't distanced by 1200 miles in the first place. :oP But, it always sucks when something that makes you so happy dissipates and becomes merely a memory. Oh, if it weren't for lost love, I'd have no memories at all..... *long sigh of lament*

Moving on, as time has a habit of doing. That's something I've come to realize. Time doesn't stand still, it's always moving. There's no reason to get hung up on something and be stuck on it. Only brings you down and keeps you caught in the past, instead of going on and keeping up with the times. One must always keep moving. We keep moving. I'm 20 years of age now, I've seen two decades of life. I think I'm finally growing up, becoming a man, no longer a boy, no longer a child. One gets responsibilities as one gets older, and it takes control and confidence to make sure those responsibilities are fulfilled. One has to do things like WORK, and watch their finances, all that goddamn grown-up shite which I've hated all my life, and now I must become part of that world. I still hate it, of course, how could I not? I may be growing up, but I shall always remain a child at heart. (Keep telling yourself that, Ansel)

I may be working all the time so I can pay my bills, but I still find time to play. I haven't been hanging out with friends or roommates very often, I don't get to see anyone very much, (what with working third shift and all), so instead I spend my time mostly in solitude. Not complete solitude, though. I have my works to keep me company. My drawings and sculptures keep me well occupied, keep my mind focused and yet let it drift away into abstract realms in which I escape the duldrums of the routine.

And I've also been working on my juggling skills. I go downtown so that I can hang out with people for an hour or two before work, and I always make sure to bring my juggling balls with me so that I'm not just sitting on my ass wasting time like so many others do. I keep myself occupied, and also entertain the populace while I'm at it. I'm only practicing whenever I juggle, but random people come up to me and let me know I'm pretty good. Some even hand me money! Though I don't do it for money, I do it for personal entertainment and enjoyment. I actually try to give the money back, but no one ever takes it back. They feel I deserve it. Which is awesome, I won't put up any complaints about that. I've been thinking about doing some street performances sometime. All the college kids are back in town, so the population has risen dramatically. Lots of people to entertain, more chances to make off with some loot. :o) I was actually asked to come juggle at a fair this coming Monday. Maybe this could be my big break? Surely not my big one, but maybe a break, nonetheless. As long as people are entertained by my spectacle, I'll be happy. That's all I'm out for. Pleasure. Pleasing makes me pleased.

Well, I'm fucking tired. It's 7:30 in the A.M., I worked a 9 hour shift tonight. Only had about 4 hours of interrupted sleep, as has been the norm during the past few weeks, so I'm going to hit the hay. I hope I see you all later, later this day, or another one, sometime in the future.

I'm still alive and kicking, you'll hear from me again. Hopefully sooner than later. ;o)

Squiggle McGiggles
Clicky the Circus Midget
~Ansel