I am depressed. I don't know why. What the hell is wrong with me? I really wish I knew.
Solace is a beautiful song. My favorite Fuel song is Bad Day. Innocent is a close second.
Funny, once upon a time I had a plan. I wonder where it went.
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this. I wish I could just exist without this life. Just dissolve. I have a dream where my body shatters into countless, tiny jewlel-like fragments, spirals into the sky, and joins the sea. I'm not living, not dead. I just exist as part of the world. Pure. Energy. I still exist, but there is nothing to tie me to the complications of this world. I wish it would come true. I'm so tired.
It's hard to explain what it feels like when you've felt like you've lived before. I tried once. I got lectured about Hell and how I was going there. I just smiled and nodded. But I think it's true. There is a weariness I carry inside of me that transcends any type of physical or mental fatigue I can think of. But there's also a sense of... awareness... about the world. Like, I'll see an image, hear a sound, something and it will trigger a memeory, like a flashfire. But they aren't memories I can remember having. They aren't even proper memories...they're more like deep-seated feelings that vanish the minute I try to place them. Well, sort of. It's hard to explain.
I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I like the walls of sound they build in my head. Where did Anthony learn to write lyrics that capture everything I've ever felt and encapsulate it into a song?
I love John. I love Katie. I can't think of anyone else. Sorry.
I want to write poems. Poems that blow my own mind. I've lost any meger talent I may have possessed. Oh, well.
How come you never call?
Daria is my alter-ego. Actually, Daria seems slightly more up-beat than me. And she has her very own boyfriend. Well, that's why it's a television show. Still, she's basically me in pixilated form. I know you're a real person; I've seen you on t.v.
Jewel is such a beautiful person. I wish I radiated as much intellegence from my eyes. Sigh.....perhaps one day.
The Lord is my sprinkler. LOL.
Well, it only hurts when the sun goes down. But now the pain seeps in the sunlight. There's nothing I can do, though. Oh well. I'll survive I guess.
I changed my mind. Please let me die.
Happy Birthday, Kady.
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