~*^*~My Favorite Quotes~*^*~
"I think, therefore I'm dangerous."
"Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else..."
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
"I don't suffer from my insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
"I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem."
"You know, the world doesn't revolve around me, but hey, everyone else seems to think so."
"Of the choice of two eviils, I pick the one I've never tried before."
"If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame."
"Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon."
"Whisper my favorite words 'I'll buy it for you.'"
"I thought I wanted a career...turns out I just wanted the paychecks."
"Everybody repeat after me....We are all individuals"
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defense."
"Earn cash in your spare time--blackmail your friends."
"I don't do drugs anymore cuz I found you get the same effect by standing up really fast."
"I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I'm not sure if I believe it."
"I get enough exercise pushing my luck."
"Caution: I drive like you do."
"Did somebody say McDonalds?"
"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo..."
"I plead contemporary insanity."
"At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits."
"Life is too complicated in the morning."
"If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk."
"If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire."
"I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words."
"Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a Peeing Section in a pool!"
"Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on."
"You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever."
"Growing old is mandatory, growing UP is optional!"
"I'd explain it to you, but your head would explode."
"If things get any worse...I'll have to ask you to stop helping me."
"If life throws you a lemon...duck."
"What is Mind? Doesn't matter. What is matter? Nevermind."
"If nobody's perfect...then I'm nobody."
"Silence is golden...but shouting is fun."
"Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana."
"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to."
"Heck was created for those who believe in Gosh."
"Don't look at me in that tone of voice!"
"I don't get even....I get odder."
"There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I erased that line."
"If your parents never had children...chances are you won't either."
"Constipated people don't give a crap."
"I can be immature if I want to, because I'm mature enough to make my own decisions."
"I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you."
"The more people I meet the more I like my dog."
"Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose."
"Allow me to introduce my selves."
"All true wisdom is found on T-shirts."
"I'm out of my mind. . .but feel free to leave a message..."
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool."
"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
"Illiterate? Write for help."
"A day without sunshine is like...ya know....night."
"If vegetarians only eat vegetables...what do humanitarians eat?"
"If you choke a smurf...what color does it turn?"
"I think I've lost my mind...something that small is easy to misplace."
"Believe me, I'm really quiet and peaceful till I wake up."
"You're just jealous cause the voices talk to me."
"Do I look like a freakin people person?"
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Tell your little voices to SHUTUP! I can't hear mine."
"If you think that something small cannot make a difference - try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room."
"Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!"
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
"Why are you here and what can I do to change that?"
"Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done."
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"Are you a freakin' ray of sunshine everyday?"
"I've been quieter than usual because I've taken up thinking before I speak"
"I tried to think but nothing happened!"
"Don't look back, they might be gaining on you."
We are the people our parents warned us about."
"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."
"A friend is someone who knows how strange you are and still hangs out with you."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them."
"Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."
"Relax. Only dread one day at a time."
"I'm visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
