Its 12:30. I'm crying again. Everyone else is sleeping while I sob quietly to myself. What's happening to me? Why am I like this? I know why. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares. I'm alone in this world. I just never realized it. That's why everyone laughs at me. Thats why they all ignore me. They think they're so perfect. They're not. Why can't I be one of them?
They think they're my friends but they're not. I know what they really think about me. "She thinks she's so cool. Why is she always trying to be like us? She's just a dork." They're right. Why don't I just give up? But what's so wrong with me? Is it because of my looks? Is it because of my clothes? No. It's because I'm me. They don't like me. And neither do I. I can't take this anymore. I'll make them happy.They'll be happy when I'm gone.
I walk down the stairs with tears falling down my cheeks. I go to Daddy's study and look for the key. I find it and open the drawer. I pick up the gun. It's cold touch makes me shiver. Good bye world. Good bye mom and dad. I'm sorry I couldn't of been a better daughter. Goodbye to all my "friends". I'm sorry I couldn't of been more like you. I'm sorry I annoyed you and hung around you. But you don't have to worry anymore. When you wake up I'll be gone.I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger.
Mom and dad rush downstairs. Dad picks up my body while mom falls to the floor, hysterical. Don't cry. I know this is what you wanted. You'll be happy later. Dad tries to stop the bleeding. Don't try. I'm already gone. The paramedics come and lift my body onto the stretcher. They can't understand why I did this. But I know inside they're happy I did. Its morning and everyone in school knows. They're all sad. But I know what they're thinking.
I thought I would of been in heaven by now. But I'm still in my grave. I remember the looks on my parent's faces when they walked in and saw my body. Maybe I shouldn't of done this. Maybe everyone really did care about me. But it's too late now. It's been one year since that night I took my life. Family and friends visit my grave all day and leave flowers.
I start to miss my life. What it was like to be alive and kiss my parents goodnight. How good it felt to win contests and races. I miss going to school and eating pizza. Playing in the leaves in fall and swimming in the pool in summer. But most of all I miss my friends and family.
What went wrong with me? What made me think no one cared about me? I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad. I wish I could hug you and tell you I'm sorry. I want to turn back in time and put that gun back in the drawer. But I can't. What's done is done and I have to live with the guilt and the regret and the pain that I caused everyone. I just hope no one makes the same mistake I did. Because its not worth it.
