All my shit!

Im just saying... all the shit up in here is mine... it came from my fucked up head... so dont pretend its yours... cause it aint...

One day your finally going to realize that your completely alone. No matter how sure you are of yourself, no matter how many people you have that think they care about you. You are alone. I am alone.

I cut myself and scream inside and no matter how many times I do this, it never gets any better. Depression has got me trapped inside the walls of eternity. I see and feel the scars and wonder why I do this to myself and yet, I want more. I feed off the pain that was destined to be mind.

I can't be happy cause that emotion doesn't exist in my world. If by some chance I ever am happy, it'll just die with the rest of me thats slowly trying to depart itself anyway.

Have and be had. Take chances just to have them backfire. Can't fix it, so live with it. Life is full of mistakes and I'm just waiting from myself NOT to make one. And that will be my day. A day that I can look back and actually say that I did something right.

I take myself for granted. I convince myself to do whats wrong. I leave myself open to the pain. I try hard to hide the lies from the part of me that matters. Can't deny the feelings that have always been there. Can't help to believe the unreal. I try too hard just to please myself.

The craziness, the gray world that lingers just within reach. Sick of myself and all the cries that can't unfold to actually feelings. Hiding in a place that I know is best for everyone but me. Can't see the beginning or the end. Running to nowhere. Feeling everything but nothing.

"Claustrophobia"

The look of hate that shines upon us, lasts for an eternity.

To kill it, cut it open, then let the pain go free.

Misery is what keeps me here, and what drives me fucking mad!

All this is what I have, I just want what I once had.

Take it from my heart!

If you have to, RIP IT OUT!

The blood will rush out through my vains, taking the opposite route.

Fill my head with blood and tears.

Just as the others had before.

My mind was tortured with a silent pain, now its evil to the core.

Take my thoughts!

Do you feel the need to watch them as they shatter to the ground?

To leave them in the darkest place, where they never can be found?

They feel the need to hate me, to make my soul cry.

To stand there and watch my body bleed, to laugh while I lay there and die.

Why is it expected of you to always be happy and cheerful all the time? When you can think of nothing but dying and nothing mattering? I've made a promise to myself and I don't think I'm going to be able to keep it. It's not bad for me, just for all those who care. Which isn't very many. The people who don't really think about caring are the ones that don't until something bad happens, then they realize and understand and think about what they could have seen to stop what was already in action. Their all blind until its right in they're face and when they finally do see, its too late. To tell you the truth... even if they did see then I think that they would still have they're hands in front of they're eyes to protect them from the reality of "the other". I'm kinda glad that their all blinded from my darkness. Its good for them. I feel like I'm reaching out to the nothingness, waiting for it to unfold around me and take me in. Theres only one thing stopping it, but that too wants to disappear and if that too follows through then there will be no more...

"Crashing"

~*~Through All The Emotions Lingering Inside~*~

~*~Hatred And Anger Are The Ones I Can't Hide~*~

~*~They Force Rage In My Mind And Through Every Part~*~

~*~Feel The Pain Growing Deeper As It Devours My Heart~*~

~*~Look Into My Eyes And Watch Deception Fall Upon Me~*~

~*~My Heart And Soul Hold Impurities That Will Never Be Set Free~*~

~*~Being Happy Is A Feeling A Crave For With A Passion~*~

~*~Falling To Earth At The Highest Speed Without To Fear Of Crashin'~*~

~*~Its The Hardest Thing That I Can Take To Keep Myself From Cryin'~*~

~*~To Have This Feeling Of Pain And Anger To Feel As Though I'm Dyin'~*~

"Promises"

~*~Promises Are Nothing If They're Hidden Behind Lies~*~

~*~Screams Can't Be Heard If Their Deep In Your Mind~*~

~*~Pain Can't Be Seen Through The Flowing Of Tears~*~

~*~Suffering Is The Reason You Can't Defeat Your Fears~*~

~*~Your Heart Goes Forth Like Sadness In The Soul~*~

~*~Your Sorrow Cries Out Through Your Hearts Every Hole~*~

"Rememberance"

~*~She Stares Into The Darkness As Her Soul Burns From The Light ~*~ The New-Come Happiness In Her Mind Can't Heal Or Forget The Sadness Still Lingering In Her Heart ~*~ Her Pain Cries Out Through Showers Of Tears ~*~ Her Fate Is No Longer What She Wanted Or Hoped For It To Be ~*~ Her Destiny Has Changed From The Rememberance In Her Head ~*~ Forgetfulness Is Not Engraved In Her Soul, Just As Forgiveness Is Just A Word Which Is Not Believed ~*~ Just As The Word "Trust" Is Not Trusted With Those Who Can't Hold It ~*~

"Scent of Death"

~*~She Rose Up Out Of The Darkness Of Hell ~*~ With The Sweet Scent Of Death Upon Us ~*~ Taking Our Souls As The Night's Air Stays Young And Full Of Blood And Tears ~*~ She Takes No Mercy Upon Our Poor Bodies ~*~ As She Tortures Our Minds With The Pain And Misery That We Have Brought Upon Her ~*~ She Feels As Though Life Is Nothing But A Game Of Words And Agoney ~*~

"Life as i know it"

~*~Have You Ever Just Layed Down On The Floor In One Of The Rooms In Your House And Looked At Everything But Saw Nothing? ~*~ Like No Object Or Piece Of Matter Seems To Make Any Sense ~*~ Like The Whole World Was At The Mercy Of Your Eyes? ~*~ All Your Thoughts Trying They're Hardest To Pull Themselves Together ~*~ Your Mind All Tangled ~*~ Feeling The Loneliness That Will Never Unwind Itself? ~*~You Lying There Looking At You're Entire Pathetic Life Through Your Own Shut Eyes ~*~ Nothing Else Seems To Matter But One Thought That Seems To Plague You Throughout Your Endless Wandering ~*~

~*~"Why Do I Feel Like This? ~*~ Why Can't My Life Be Sweet And Full Of The Happiness That My Soul Craves For?" ~*~

~*~A Question That Keeps Repeating Itself Like A Record Since The Beginning Of Time ~*~ This Thought Haunts Me ~*~ Making Me Spend Endless Hours Of Wasted Time Trying To Recollect Myself ~*~ You Consider Yourself A Pretty Sane Person ~*~ (You Know The One On The Outside That Everyone Can See) ~*~ But On The Inside Your Full Of Pain, Anger, Terrors, Fears, All This Hatred And Rage Locked Up Inside Your Heart Straining And Fighting To Get Loose ~*~ Can't Tell Anyone How You Feel Cause They'll Just Pretend They Understand ~*~ They'll Think Your Crazy, Insane, Unable To Cope With The Harsh Realities Of Life ~*~ When Really We're Just Seeing Everything In A Different View At A Different Angle ~*~ In The Most Negative Way We Can Possibly Imagine ~*~

"Just A Bunch Of Words"

~*~Sometimes Words Come To Me Like Good Thoughts Never Do ~*~ I Wanted To Be Part Of Their World, Their "Perfect World" ~*~ With Their No Worries System ~*~ But Instead I Have This Never Ending Feeling Of Always Being Wrong ~*~ Never Doing Anything Right ~*~ I Feel Like The Whole "PERFECT WORLD" Is Waiting For Me To Screw Up Once Again So They Can Laugh In My Face Just As The Many Times Before ~*~ I Feel The Pain With Everyday That I Have To Live In This Pathetic World ~*~ Every Moment Feels Like An Eternity ~*~ I'm Not Alone And Yet I Still Feel As Though I Am ~*~ I Have Decided I Should Learn How To Understand Myself Before I Try To Cope With The Rest Of The World And All The Other Difficulties That Await Me ~*~ Just Being Myself Is Already Enough Pressure For Me ~*~ I've Realized Everyone Has Their Own Little World In Which They See Things Anyway They Want ~*~ Tt's Just For Me ~*~ I See Everything In A Negative Way ~*~ I Want To Be Above Myself ~*~ Instead Of In This Place Of Broken Dreams And Crushed Realities ~*~ Looking At Yourself Through Different Angles May Give You Self-Esteem, But It Won't Change Who You Are ~*~ It Doesn't Take All The Thoughts Of Pure Evil Running Through Your Head ~*~ It Doesn't Do Nothing To Your Soul ~*~

The whole killing your brain cells thing is right but tooken in the wrong way... when your high is when your brain cells are being killed... your human brain is the one thing they say that brings you to civilation... so if your killing all your brain cells your just floating more away from civilization... so thats why old stoner people sound funny, cause they smoked so much that they killed their brain cells now their like on a periment high... so scientists make it seem like killing your brain cells sounds like a bad thing... instead of a really good thing... scientists only tell us this cause their greedy and dont want you to kill all your brain cells cause they dont want you to be lucky enough to be on a periment high... they want us to keep all our brain cells so that we have to stay in a more civilized world so that we have to suffer with the pains of the civilized and angers of the world... instead of being in a beautiful high... have you noticed that every old person who's really stict and mean have never got stoned off their ass in their life?.. but the cool old people who were huge stoners are nice as hell... and you love to hear all the stories about "the good ol' days" (even if their all about the times they were baked and what they did)... my point though is wouldnt the world be so much peaceful and beautiful if everyone could just smoke out every once in a while??

When Sarah was wasted in Graniteville!

I loved you, but you smell like poo. You took me for granted, when I was in Graniteville. I wanted to marry you but you said you had a girlfriend. I wanted to have your kids when I was in Graniteville. I'm drunk in Graniteville. And your still a punk when I'm in Graniteville. When I stare aat the Butch light I think of your toe when I'm in Graniteville. I see the planets on the ceiling when I'm in Graniteville. I stare at the pictures of Christina and Ronald and the dude up there in Graniteville. I wanna see my satelite in Graniteville. No, No, No! Kentucky Fried Chicken is all I pee. Kentucky Fried Chicken is all I smell. I see the colors. I feel my braids. Don't copy me. April 26. 1992 there was a riot on the streets tell me where were you. I was sittin home drinkin with the brave and the few. Now I'm riding on my motocycle. Sarah's looking at the wall. Sarah's making love with the wall. (not literally) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ya had to be there. It's what you got. See my toes, write that. The only letter thats not a letter number is 2. Can't fight against the youth. Yeah snails too. Different sameness. You lying sack of shit my belly button itches. And pepsi and water. She says I calmed down alittle. A pair of boxers and a capitain moran shirt, woo hoo! His girlfriend did him woof, woof. I can't marry you cause your you, he he he. It just is. To the tenth power. Things I tell her to write down in Graniteville. Sparks are like the things that won't light in a lighter in Graniteville. Ten times stronger. Druel said (Ronald) Christina is the bomb. She's gorgous. Insides is pink and fuffy and full of cookies. Druel said Christina's always horny. How come you? one, three, five, seventeen, plus two equals one hundred and twenty-seven plus three. you got it all? Write that down too and that too. I'm gonna eat some frosting. When I'm drunk. ewwwwwww Nice and thick just the way you like it.

Is'nt it funny how most people always consentrate on one thing that makes up their entire attitude. Like some people think of nothing but death and killing things and other people. Then theres the people who are nothing but negative and always see everything in that way. Nothing nor no one can change that person. They only see what they want to see, no matter how much others can prove them otherwise. And then theres those "we can make a difference" people, that even if something goes totally wrong their still happy cause "everything happens for a reason and this just means that something better is in store for me". And finally theres people just like me, who know we're good people, we know that we can make a huge impact on the society around us if we only tried, but,... we think we're not good enough, like we don't matter and no one cares what we say. So thats why we keep all our creativeness inside, kept in our most secret spot... ... our heart. We seem to be the people that don't let anything out... We won't explode like some people or let it all out like others... We just hide it all away.

"From the Bottom of my fucked up mind"

~*~The world is coming to an end about a mile down the road~*~To wander around and kill myself is what I have been told~*~Dont you wonder whats it like to feel the breath of death?~*~To speak your last words of speech, to breathe your last breath?~*~If you want to see pain, take a look into these eyes~*~You can see my pain without emotion, I dare not cry~*~Now I'm sent to the evil, way beyond my dreams~*~Sent there in misery, where no one hears my screams~*~I walk along the shadows to hide myself from all~*~I hide inside the darkness so they all cant watch me fall~*~Fall beyond the edges of Hell to a place you dare not see~*~To a place where all our fears are alive to a place thats inside of me~*~I see their eyes burning with fire, just as mine once had~*~But now their filled with rage and anger but covered with the emotion of sad~*~