RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone except Kathryn, Cedric, Cynthia and 'father'.
NOTES: Okay, just to mention, I don't enjoy doing any of this to Wesley, make no mistake, besides Spike, he's my all time favourite character. But I felt the bad memories were necessary for Wesley to release himself in the end and find happiness.
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Wesley sat at his desk in Angel's office and stared at the blank computer screen. He was attempting to write some kind of resume, but what could he put on it? That he had worked for the Watchers' Council? That he now worked for a demon, fighting off other demons? It's not that he didn't like working with Angel it was just that he needed something that paid a little more, well a lot more actually.
He sighed and buried his head in his hands, throwing his glasses onto the desktop in the process.
A knock at the door made him glance up suddenly and in surprise. A blurred version of Cordelia made her way into the room.
"Wesley?" She asked gently. "There's someone here to see you." She held the door open for someone and Wesley strained to see them without his glasses.
From what he could tell, the person was a woman with brown hair, that was where his vision ended and he reached for his glasses and positioned them on his nose.
"Oh dear Lord." He breathed upon seeing the person clearly. He stood up and walked to her. "Kathryn?"
The woman nodded, her hair swinging as her head moved. "It's good to see you Wesley." Her voice had a noticeable English accent and when she smiled it suddenly struck Cordelia how much she and Wesley looked alike.
Cordelia's mouth opened. "Hey, you're related aren't you?"
Wesley nodded slowly, as if he didn't believe what was happening. "Cordelia, this is my sister Kathryn."
Kathryn turned to her and held out her hand which Cordelia shook.
"I didn't know you had a sister." She hissed, still looking at Kathryn, but addressing Wesley.
"And a brother." He told her, smiling broadly.
"Cedric is here Wesley." Kathryn said softly. "He didn't want to come in, not just yet. He was scared that you wouldn't want to see him after . . ." she trailed off.
Wesley shook his head. "That was years ago Kat. Please ask him to come inside."
Kathryn moved to the door, opened it and stuck her head out. Moments later an older man joined them, smiling and Cordelia was again stunned how much he looked like Wesley.
"Cordelia, this is my older brother Cedric." Wesley said, introducing him.
"Clients?" Angel asked, coming into the room and seeing the two other people.
"No Angel." Wesley said. "This is my brother and sister."
Angel looked shocked for a moment before saying, "The ones that locked you in the basement because father told them to?"
Both Kathryn and Cedric immediately turned their faces to the ground in shame and Cordelia turned to look at Wesley in confusion.
"What?" She asked, her voice echoing loudly in the room.
"Angel!" Wesley's voice was loud and angry and the vampire's head snapped up in surprise. "That was years ago." The former watcher sounded as if he was trying to keep his anger under control. "I understand why they did it and now I just want it to be part of the past."
"If you want it to be part of the past Wes, why do you carry it inside you every single-"
"Angel!" Wesley roared, his voice full of anger. "I don't need to hear this! I don't want to hear this!"
"Wesley stop." Kathryn said gently. "He's right."
"He's not right!" Wesley yelled, turning on her. "He doesn't know what went on, he has no idea."
"God Wesley, what's your childhood trauma?" Cordelia asked, regretting her choice of words the moment they left her mouth.
Wesley turned to look at her, seething in anger, his chest heaving, then turned and stomped away to the room he was renting from Angel.
"I didn't mean to," Cordelia started in a soft voice.
"I know." Angel said. "But I'm not sure that he does."
* * *
It was hard for him to see them, of course it was, but Angel didn't understand what went on in their household, he'd never understand. Wesley had tried to explain it to him before, tried to give excuses for the punishments he had endured but nothing worked, the vampire refused to believe what was done to him was out of love.
At times it was almost too much to bear, the way he had become a failure not only to his father but to the Watchers' Council. He had tried so many things to get his father to love him and other things to make his father get rid of him but nothing seemed to work.
When Wesley was six his mother had made the most wonderful chocolate chip cookies, his mouth still watered whenever he thought of them. One morning after she had made them, Wesley had snuck down to the kitchen and taken on off the pan where they were cooling. He ate it quickly then ran back up to his room, satisfied that he wouldn't be caught.
Later that day his father had come outside where they were playing and dragged Wesley in my his shirt collar. Not knowing what he had done, Wesley tried to escape but only resulted in kicking his father in the knee, angering him more.
His father dragged him into the kitchen and hoisted him up so he could see the top of the stove which was red hot. The heat he could feel rising off of it frightened him enough and Wesley struggled in his father's arms, sure that the punishment was over.
Instead, his father grasped Wesley's small wrist in his large hand and planted it firmly on the stove top. It took a few seconds for the realization to hit Wesley's brain but when it did a scream welled up in his throat and he opened his mouth, shaking the windows with the noise.
His father let go of his wrist and dropped him to the ground, Wesley remembered hitting his head in the process then holding his wrist and whimpering against the wall.
"Maybe that will teach you not to take what isn't yours." His father said, then turned and walked out of the room.
His mother came running into the room moments later, hearing Wesley's scream and immediately ran his hand under cold water but the mark of the stove element had remained.
Now sitting alone in his room he ran his fingers over the bumps lightly and although they had faded to almost being invisible, he knew they were still there. That was the first thing his father had done to punish young Wesley, something he had done to reform his son into the Watcher he wanted him to become.
Throughout the years his father had done other things, only to him, never Cedric or Kathryn. But nothing he did had ever been as horrible as putting his hand on the hot stove, until the day of Wesley's fourteenth birthday. He had wanted a party so badly, having never had one before and his parents had finally relented. Wesley invited his friends over that Saturday and he had been so excited that he would finally get to have a birthday party like any other normal teenager. At one point his friends had even enticed him into playing Spin the Bottle and he had ended up kissing a girl named Cynthia, his first kiss.
Somehow his father had found out about the game and after everyone left and Wesley was looking over the presents he had received, his father stomped into the room and grabbed Wesley by the arm. He dragged him out of the room and down the stairs to the main floor into the living room where his mother and siblings sat.
"What happened here?" His father asked, pointing to the place they had played the game. He set a bottle down, the exact same bottle they had used to play, then turned and stared at Wesley in a disapproving way.
He looked at his family members in turn, all avoided his eyes as if they knew the punishment he would receive no matter what he did. If he told the truth he knew he'd be punished, but if he lied it would be much worse.
So Wesley turned to look at his father and said, "Dad, we played Spin the Bottle. Get over it."
He hadn't expected his father to slap him and the hand hit him with such force that he stumbled backward and tripped on the bottle behind him. Wesley crashed to the floor, crushing the bottle underneath him and feeling the broken glass cut into his back.
"Kathryn, Cedric." His father announced and they both stood up. Kat had been sixteen at the time, Cedric was eighteen. In any case, they were both larger than he was and when they hauled him to his feet he couldn't have escaped even if he had tried.
"I'd like you to take Wesley down to the basement. See if he's learned his lesson."
Wesley remembered the feeling of absolute dread fill his stomach and chest cavity. The basement was the most horrible place in the entire house and at fourteen, Wesley was still terrified to go down there alone. It was always dark, no matter how many lights you turned on and it was wet, the water dripping in the corners, splashing into the little puddles below. The floor had never been finished, leaving the open soil to be seen and the wall were made of a hard cement. Wesley never went down there unless his mother came with him, he was that scared of it.
Kathryn and Cedric began to pull him toward the basement door and no matter how hard Wesley dug his heels into the floor he couldn't stop his forward movement. He kicked at them, thrashed in their arms but Cedric was strong and even Kathryn was stronger than Wesley.
"Please don't." He moaned, trying to get one of them to listen to him. When they ignored his pleas he turned to his father. "Dad, please don't do this. I'll never disobey you again, I swear, I-I mean I promise. I-I-I,"
"Stop your bloody stuttering!" His father yelled, following as his two older children carried their younger brother into the basement. Once at the bottom, Kathryn and Cedric dropped him hard on the floor, his back hitting the soil. Wesley cringed, feeling the wetness of blood from the cuts on his back then struggled to get up before the door could be shut and bolted behind him.
When he finally made his way to the top of the stairs it had already been closed, locking him down in the darkness.
"Please," he cried, tears cutting tracks down his face, "please don't leave me here."
"A Watcher must never have any sort of distraction." His father said from the other side of the door. "Including women."
"But I'm not a Watcher." Wesley argued weakly. "And you married mom."
"You will be a Watcher Wesley." His father's voice had taken on a tone of pride. "And when you are, you'll thank me. Once you retire, as I did, you can then find someone to settle down with. Until then, this is the only way."
"No." Wesley drew out the word, making himself sound more pathetic. He hiccuped through his tears. "Daddy." He moaned, calling his father the name he had stopped using years ago. "Daddy please, I'm so s-s-sorry."
That was the night his stutter had begun.
They left him down there for three hours, though to Wesley it seemed like an eternity. When they finally let him out something in Wesley had changed. He vowed to himself he'd never again do anything to make his father angry no matter what the cost was.
That only lasted for three years, but those three years had been the best of his life. He didn't have one argument with his father, one punishment and although he never really forgave his brother and sister he began to understand why they had listened to their father, because they cared about him.
Soon after his seventeenth birthday, Wesley began to meet people that weren't exactly the kind of friends his father approved of. They smoked, they drank, they wore leather and they rode motorcycles. He began to hang around with them more often, letting himself grown facial hair, wearing the leather pants one of the girls had bought for him.
Wesley was finally at a point in life where his father could no longer stop him. He was fifty eight years old by that point, not exactly in the best shape to begin with, not to mention that Wesley now loomed about five inches over his father. He had begun to work out in preparation for the time he'd become a Watcher and Wesley was no longer a skinny little boy.
As hard as his father begged, Wesley went out every night on the back of someone's motorcycle and came home drunk almost every night. Then finally, a young girl had stopped him from completely ruining his life.
He wasn't drunk that night, he was driving the motorcycle and knew they'd kill him if he crashed it. So Wesley had managed to stay mostly sober and was now roaring down a highway toward his house with some girl clinging to his back.
"Look, there's a graveyard." She pointed and giggled. "Let's go look."
So Wesley stopped the motorcycle and they got off then ventured into the graveyard. They didn't expect to see anyone else there, especially not at this time of night. But out of nowhere a man attacked his date, Wesley turned to fend him off but found himself being held back by another abnormally strong man.
The minute he caught a look of their faces he knew what they were. Vampires. He also knew that since he had stopped his training they would have no chance of escaping. How ironic, someone who was supposed to coach the vampire killer was now about to be killed by vampires.
"I don't think so." A female voice said from the side and Wesley suddenly felt himself being released. The vampire behind him turned to ash and he whirled around to see a lithe blonde girl standing there. She smiled quickly at him then rushed past him and fought the other vampire in record time. The girl he had been with was already dead and Wesley stared at her without emotion.
"Sorry," the girl said, "about your friend I mean."
Wesley looked up suddenly and studied her for a moment. "You're the one aren't you?" He asked.
She shot him a cocky grin. "The Slayer?" She nodded. "Yeah, and you're a Watcher. Or a future one I should say."
He nodded slowly. "I would be if I wasn't here."
"So don't be here." The girl said and when Wesley looked confused she sighed and continued. "I can sense it, you don't want to be a Watcher. Well, open your eyes kid, I don't want to be a Slayer either but I am. It's fate, that's all there is to it, I'm stuck with the job just like you will be in the end." She smiled again. "But along with being stuck with the job in the end, we're also doing a lot of good. There's more evil in this world than you'll ever know of and we need people to fight the good fight. We need the white knights of the world, or whatever you want to call them." She cocked her head. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that we need you. You're destined for greatness Wesley." She grinned, then turned on her heel and began to walk away.
"How do you know me?" Wesley called after her. When he didn't receive an answer he yelled, "What's your name?"
"Cynthia." She tossed over her shoulder. "So good to know that you remember me Wes." And then she was gone, disappeared into the darkness.
Wesley sat down hard, remembering the girl he had kissed that had gotten him into so much trouble and he began to laugh. He laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his cheeks and it felt so amazingly good. He hadn't laughed like that in so many years.
He had moved out as soon as he could find a place and had begun his training once again. And while he hadn't exactly fulfilled the picture perfect role as Buffy's Watcher, he still knew Cynthia had been right. He was destined for greatness, it was just a matter of when his time would come.
But now that Kathryn and Cedric were in Los Angeles, in his town, he feared that they would want to dredge up the past, ask him to help their father in some way which is something Wesley could never bring himself to do. He didn't love his father, he hated admitting it but it was true, you can't give something back unless you receive it first, not when you're a child. And he had never been shown love from his father so he felt no need to return the emotion.
"Wesley?" Cordelia called and knocked on his door. "Can I come in?"
"Yes." He called and braced himself for whatever she had to say.
"Look, I'm really sorry for what I said out there." She told him, closing the door behind her gently. "I didn't mean it that way."
He nodded. "I know Cordelia. I'm sorry I walked off in such a cloud of anger."
She shrugged. "Your brother and sister are super nice, although they told us what happened on your birthday that one year. They're really sorry Wesley."
"I know they are and I don't hold it against them. At least, I think I don't."
"They want you to go back with them." She said.
Wesley sat up straight. "Back with them? To England?"
She nodded. "Your father died a few days ago, your mother is really sick. They want you to be part of the burial ceremony."
Wesley stood up. "I can't believe them. I just can't."
"But he was your father Wesley."
"He never loved me Cordelia. I never loved him. It wasn't even like we were family."
"But,"
"No," he interrupted her, "my answer is no."
She nodded, "I'll tell them."
"No, I will."
Wesley opened his door and walked back into Angel's office, facing his boss and his siblings.
"Wesley," Cedric said, standing up, "did Cordelia tell you?"
He nodded, "Yes, she did."
Kathryn joined Cedric in standing. "And what did you decide?"
"I don't want to have any part in it. I want to stay here in Los Angeles."
"But Wesley," Kathryn looked amazed, "we're yout family."
Wesley shook his head. "I believe Cordelia said it perfectly when she said, 'all my family is right here'." He said, and gestured to Cordelia and Angel who were standing behind him. Cordelia touched his back briefly, silently giving him her support.
"I don't need the love you pretended to give me throughout the years, the love you felt you had to give because we were family." He smiled wistfully. "Consider yourself relieved of the duty."
Cedric looked surprised. "Wesley, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that all contacts may, no will, be cut at this point. I don't need you," he grinned, "I'm destined for greatness."
Both Cedric and Kathryn stared at him for a long moment before looking at each other and turning to leave.
"Oh and Kat?" Wesley said, stopping his sister before she could leave.
"Yes Wesley?"
"When you guys bury father, tell him he's not terrorizing me anymore. Tell him, I'm letting him go."
"Shall we tell him what you said before?" She spat angrily. "That you're 'destined for greatness'?"
Wesley smiled happily. "Yes, tell him that I'm destined for greatness."
The End
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