RATING: G
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I stumbled as I walked into the convenience store. Tripped on the bloody doorframe. I don't think it's an accurate description to call vampires stealthy. Most of the time I was a complete and total klutz.
The store owner looked up as I crashed into the side of the door. He looked worried. I raised my hand to reassure him that I was fine. Stupid mortal, he would probably call the cops because I had fallen. If you trip, you're automatically dubbed as a drunk.
I giggled. Okay, so maybe I was a little drunk. It means nothing in this world.
I raked one of my hands through my hair and wondered how far the dye had grown out now. It had been ages since Drusilla had bleached my hair. It was probably almost all dark now.
"Spike." Someone spoke from behind me and I turned in surprise. The slayer stood there and she didn't look happy. In fact, she looked downright pissed.
"What?" I asked, giving her the same look she was giving me.
"What are you doing here?" Buffy placed her hands on her hips and glared at me.
"I'm shopping." I sneered at her, curling my upper lip. "Can't a guy go out to buy some bloody milk anymore?" I asked.
She rolled her eyes. "And why is it that I don't believe you?"
"Beyond me pet." I said, my words slurring. The way Buffy was standing suddenly struck me as funny and I placed my hands on my hips to imitate her. She wasn't happy.
"Listen blood sucker," she began, pointing directly in my face.
I grinned and brought my finger up to point at her. That pissed her off even more.
She slapped my finger away and lowered hers. "Just get out of here."
"I'm buying milk!" I protested, raising my voice.
"Sure you are." She retorted.
"Milk!" I grabbed the nearest thing I could find and held it up.
"Diapers?" Buffy asked and nodded. "Sure Spike."
I looked at the package I held in my hand and then threw it onto the floor. "I just want milk. My baby wants some warm milk to put her to sleep."
The slayer sighed. "Well, maybe your baby should get off her ass and get it herself."
I smiled. "But she's my princess."
"You're drunk." Buffy said. "I'm gonna get you out of here."
She moved forward to grab my arm but I moved out of her way and glanced around.
"Tell me Buffy," I began, wondering if my words made sense any longer, "does my hair look good? I really can't see it myself."
"It's a little long." She answered. "But other than that, it's fine."
I nodded, wondering if my head would ever stop shaking if I let it keep going, then smiled again. "I want some milk Buffy. Can you get me some milk?"
The slayer's mouth tightened into a slit. I knew she was getting mad now.
"Please?" I tried to bat my eyes at her but instead I just ended up laughing hysterically instead.
"Here." Buffy turned and opened the dairy case next to us. She pulled out a carton of milk and shoved it in my direction. I took it from her, knowing it would slip from my hands as soon as I got it.
It fell to the floor and the carton split. Milk was everywhere. I knew I needed to stop drinking. It really wasn't good for my system.
As the milk splattered all over the floor, Buffy glared at me as I tried to walk away. It turns out, milk is rather slippery. My feet slid out from under me and I hit the floor with a crack, my elbow making contact with the hard linoleum. For some reason, it just made me laugh harder. I had way too much alcohol in my body.
"What the hell is going on?" I heard the store owner shout at us and Buffy glanced up in alarm.
"If you get me in trouble," she didn't finish her threat as he ran over to where we were and looked at the mess.
"I should never have let you come in here." He said to me threateningly. I smiled at him from where I lay in the puddle of milk. He didn't look amused. Both the owner and Buffy were staring at me, their hands placed on their hips.
I tried to tighten my throat, I tried to do anything to keep the laughter from bubbling out but I couldn't. My eyes began to water as I opened my mouth and began to laugh. I slammed my palm down on the wet floor, splattering milk all over my jacket.
"Get out." The store owner threatened. "Get out of here." He bent down and yanked me up by the collar of my jacket. I continued to giggle as he pulled me toward the door.
"You too." He said to Buffy and nodded his head toward the front entrance.
She gaped at him. "Me? What did I do?"
"Just get out." He demanded, then shoved me out the door.
My foot caught the door frame and I stumbled into the parking lot, falling again on my throbbing elbow. Moments later I watched as he pushed Buffy out the door. She was coming toward me too fast to stop and her feet got entangled in mine. I laughed again as the slayer hit the pavement next to me.
"He threw you out on your ass." I said, stifling my laughter.
"Only because of you." She protested.
I shrugged. "He still kicked you out." I sat up and began to chant in a sing-song voice. "Buffy got kicked out of the sto-ore. Buffy got kicked out of the sto-re."
"Shut up Spike." She retaliated, standing up.
I grinned. "Big words for such a little girl."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Try the stupid lines another time Spike. I just want to go home."
"Then go home." I told her and lay flat on my back in the handicap parking stall. I stared up at the stars and they suddenly reminded me of Drusilla. She'd be wondering where I was.
"You never listen to anyone, do you?" Buffy asked. "You do everything your own way."
"I did it myyyyyy way." I answered, singing to her.
She sighed in exasperation. "Just get up and go home." She said. "I want to leave."
"So leave." I told her, imitating her voice.
I was surprised when she leaned foward and hoisted me off the ground. She wrapped my arm around her shoulders and began to drag me in the direction of my apartment. She was strong enough, she could carry me.
"Myyyyyy waaaaay." I sang loudly, hoping to disuade her from taking me home.
Buffy stopped and turned toward me. I grinned at her, my faces only inches from hers. Suddenly, before I knew what I was doing, I moved foward.
Buffy dropped me to the ground. I hit the grass hard and groaned as my lungs constricted painfully.
"Not even in your dreams Spike." She said, then laughed and began to walk away.
I smiled up at the sky again. "Not even in my dreams eh?" I wondered, then stood up shakily. "Nope, not in my dreams slayer," I said, althought I knew she was gone, "in my dreams I'm usually killing you." As I walked away I paused to think about it. "Or I'm singing with the Sex Pistols. I haven't really decided which one I'd rather do."
The End