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Lindsey's eyes teared as he read the articles he had cut out and shoved into a box. Every article he could find on her death and the trial were in there. He read the details of her death over once more and shook his head. That had been the worst time of his entire life. He'd lost everything that night. The woman he loved, his chance at being happy, his chance at having a family and raising a child. Because of Forrest Newfield, it was all gone.
He placed the articles back into the box and shoved it back under his bed. He couldn't stand to look at them and see that man's face. It wasn't right that he was still allowed to live while Lindsey had to live without Claire.
Except that she was back.
That's what he kept thinking. It was stupid for him to even imagine that, but it crossed him mind, time and again. She was back. The woman that was now working for Wolfram and Hart was his dead fiancée.
"You're crazy." He murmured, standing up and walking into his kitchen. "She's dead and she'll always be dead. Claire Forrest just looks like her, that's all." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You're crazy." He said, with determination. "Insane."
Lindsey sat at the kitchen table and stared at the clock on the wall. The minute hand ticked slowly past eleven thirty and made it's way to twelve midnight. He sat there for half an hour, watching the clock move, thinking about Claire, wondering how she could possibly be alive. Everything had been going his way and now this turned his life upside down. Darla was gone, Holland was dead, things were making sense.
And now this.
How could he possibly deal with this?
"You told me she'd only remember what you gave her." Lilah said, staring at the cloaked man. "But you lied."
He was silent for a long moment. "I gave her no such recollection. All she should remember of eleventh grade is the death of her mother. That was the major incident I gave her for that time."
"Well, she remembers Gunn. And that's not good." Lilah looked at him. "If she remembers Gunn, she could just as easily remember Lindsey. We don't want that. We want him to think he's going insane. We want him to think she's a completely different woman and he's just going nuts. We want him to commit himself to a mental hospital!"
He shook his head. "I don't understand why that would happen. She shouldn't remember anything about the man named Gunn. It should only be what I gave her."
"So fix it!" Lilah yelled. "If she still remembers Gunn tomorrow, then you're going to pay for what happened. It's your screw up, you fix it."
He nodded. "I'll fix it tonight."
"You can fix it?"
"Yes, I know what needs to be done."
Lilah sighed. "Good. You fix it and by tomorrow, everything will be fine." She smiled. "I knew you'd come through." She turned and walked to the door. "Have a nice night."
Claire was lying on the living room floor. Her eyes were open and she could see what was happening, but it didn't make any sense to her. Nothing made sense to her. She touched her head and found it was wet. When she put her hand in front of her face she found it covered in blood.
Something didn't feel right. She didn't feel right. Something was wrong or broken. Her house was all red and there was someone in there that shouldn't be. Her mind wasn't work. She had something to tell Lindsey, but she kept forgetting. It was something good. But instead this man was in her home.
And Lindsey was late.
She tried to call him, tried to open her mouth. He was over her in an instant and he had a knife. He said something to her, but she couldn't hear it, couldn't understand what he was trying to tell her. All she could see was the knife. His face was blurred and she couldn't see his features.
But she knew he wasn't Lindsey.
Lindsey would never hurt her like this man was. He was being horrible and her head hurt so badly. She didn't understand.
Her mouth opened, she tried to speak. Her voice didn't work. She wondered if that was what felt broken. Was her voice broken?
He was sitting on her, the man in her house. She still didn't know who he was. Why was he there? He didn't belong in her house, it wasn't his. She owned it. She paid for it with her own money. It was hard to get by, law school and a house to pay for. But it was hers and she loved it. It wasn't his. Why was he in her house?
And where was Lindsey?
She didn't understand what he was doing to her. Why did her head hurt so much? Why couldn't she see? Pain filled her in an instant, making her cry. She didn't want him to see her cry, he would think he was affecting her. She wanted to pretend that he wasn't there and that she didn't care about him. She knew he would hurt her more if she let him see that he was doing a good job.
But he kept hurting her. He would never let her go because he knew he was hurting her. He wanted to hurt her.
She could finally hear what he was saying. He was asking if she knew who he was. She said no. She said she didn't care. At least she hoped that was what she was saying. She couldn't tell if her voice was working. She tried to speak, she thought he heard her, but she wasn't sure. She couldn't be sure, she thought it might be broken.
He was angry, she could tell that much. He had something else in his hand, it wasn't the knife. It was big and it looked heavy.
Oh God, where was Lindsey?
He slammed the heavy thing near her head, causing it to hurt more. It made a loud noise that scared her and she didn't like it. She knew she was crying, she could feel the tears on her cheeks. She didn't like that he could make her cry.
He raised the heavy thing high in the air. He looked at her, gently brushed her hair off her face, touching her like he loved her.
But he couldn't love her like Lindsey loved her.
The heavy thing came down. And she screamed.
Claire woke up screaming, her heart pounding, sitting up straight in her bed. She screamed again, drawing in a breath and bracing herself for the pain of the hammer. Slowly, she realized where she was and she opened her eyes. Looking around the room, Claire tried to calm herself and tried to control her frantic breathing.
"I'm in my room." She said slowly, her voice shaking. "It was just a dream."
It had been the most terrifying dream she'd ever had in her entire life. She had never been subjected to such horror as she slept. Even the scariest horror movies could never give her nightmares like that when she was a child.
She rolled out of her bed and flicked on the bedside lamp on her night table. Her hands were shaking and her body was slick with sweat. She remembered every detail from the nightmare, even the parts about Lindsey.
Claire frowned. Something strange was happening to her. Something that had to do with Lindsey, something she didn't remember.
Her dream tied in with what he had said the day he met her. She remembered that he said she looked like someone he used to know. Someone that had died. Claire shuddered, not wanting to admit that she had just had a nightmare about her own death.
Not just her death; her slow, horrible death.
It was something he knew about, he had to know. But why couldn't she remember what had happened? Why didn't any of it make sense? It was all beyond her, because the life she remembered could never result in knowing Lindsey in anyway. Things were jumbled, but she knew her past.
Standing up, Claire went to the bathroom and splashed water over her face. Her alarm went off in the next room, startling her and she realized it was already time for her to get up. She turned off the alarm, then returned to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the sink.
"Good thing I have an appointment today." She said to herself, then began to get ready for her day.
Cordelia picked up the phone when it rang next to her and cheerfully announced, "Angel Investigations. We help the helpless."
"Hello." A woman's voice came over the phone. "Is Charles Gunn in?"
"Oh yeah," Cordelia said, "he's right here. Hold on a second." She put down the phone, then balled up a piece of paper and threw it at Gunn. "Telephone." She said when he looked up.
Sighing, Gunn stood up and walked to the desk. "Yeah?"
"Charles, it's Claire."
He smiled. "Hey Claire. How are you?"
"Truthfully, not very good." She sighed. "Do you think you could meet me for lunch today? I have something I need to ask you."
Gunn frowned. "What's wrong?"
"I-I don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can you just meet me at the Horseshoe at eleven thirty?"
"Yeah, I can do that. I'll see you then."
"Thanks. Bye." She hung up.
Gunn sighed, looking at the phone for a minute, then shook his head and replaced the receiver in the cradle.
"Was that Claire?" Cordelia asked.
He nodded. "She seemed a little upset. I'm wondering if she's remembering more than I thought. I'm meeting her for lunch." He glanced at the clock on the wall to find it was already eleven. "I should go. I'll tell you about it when I get back."
Cordelia nodded. "See you."
"Claire?" Lilah asked. "You look a little tired. Are you okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah. I just had a horrible dream last night and it's messing with my mind a little bit."
Lilah smiled. "I know the feeling. What was it about?"
"Lindsey, sort of. And . . . my death." Claire shook her head. "It was weird. I'm meeting Charles for lunch today, so I should get going. I'll be back in an hour."
"Charles?" Lilah asked. "Charles Gunn?"
"Yeah. He's an old friend."
"You still remember him?"
Claire frowned slightly. "Why wouldn't I? I seem to be remembering more and more as the days go on." She picked up her bag. "I'll be back."
Lilah stared after her in shock. Then she sighed and shook her head. "He screwed it up again!"
Gunn drummed his fingers nervously against the table. Claire was sitting across from him, slowly eating the sandwich she had ordered.
"Charles, did I know Lindsey before?" She asked suddenly.
He looked startled. "What?"
"Lindsey." She repeated. "Did I know him when I was younger?"
"I'm not sure." Gunn said. "I'm a little scared right now. Something bad is happening and it's revolving around you."
Claire frowned. "Can you tell me?"
"Are you sure you want me to?"
She nodded slowly. "I think so."
"I'll tell you what I remember of you." Gunn said slowly. "I knew you as Claire Gregory, not Claire Forrest. We went to high school together for a little while and we dated for about five months. You transferred to another high school right before twelfth grade where you met Lindsey McDonald. He asked you out and you spent five years with him while you both attended law school."
Claire looked at him. "He said I was Claire Gregory."
"Lindsey did?"
She nodded. "When I first met him, he said I was Claire Gregory. This can't be a coincidence." She paused. "But that's not all. I-I read an article in Lindsey's office. It said a lot of things that I can't believe."
"About Forrest Newfield?" Gunn asked.
"Yeah. About him. And what he did to me."
"It's hard?"
She laughed. "The article says this man became obsessed with me, came to the home I shared with Lindsey and raped and killed me. Yes, it's hard. It's damn near impossible."
"Just near?" He asked.
"I had a dream last night." She said. "It was about Forrest Newfield and I kept thinking about Lindsey. I dreamed about the rape and murder and it was like reliving it. I . . . it was horrible." She looked at Gunn, tears in her eyes. "He did all that to me?"
"If you're the same person, yes, he did."
"I don't like him."
"He's serving two consecutive life sentences for it, if it makes you feel any better." Gunn said. "Lindsey saw to it himself."
"This is insane. How could this happen? How could I just come back?"
Gunn shook his head. "I don't know." He paused. "Did you read what the autopsy revealed about you?"
She nodded. "Yeah." Her hands slowly went to her stomach. "I'm pregnant." A sob caught in her throat. "I'm carrying Lindsey McDonald's child, but I can't ever remember falling in love with him, or living with him. I can't remember his proposal. I can't remember him creating this baby with me. None of it registers."
"Maybe it'll just take some time." Gunn suggested.
"What if it never comes? I'll have a baby without a father, even though the father is right in front of me every day, all day."
"Have you thought about . . . alternatives?"
She nodded. "I can't do it. He deserves to know."
"He did know. The doctor told him." Gunn sighed. "He was devastated. His life was shattered by this man. They never even really got a motive out of him."
"I read it was because he wanted me." Claire said.
Gunn nodded. "That's what he said. But Lindsey went to school with you, he had never seen Newfield go anywhere near you. None of the students had. It's still kind of a mystery."
"Why would he want to kill me if he was never near me?" Claire asked. "This is so hard Charles, it's so hard to swallow."
He nodded. "I'm sure it is. It was startling for me to see you walking down the street." He paused. "Do you maybe want to talk to Lindsey about it?"
Claire shook her head. "Not now, not yet. It's too soon, I've just found out myself and . . ." she trailed off, "Why, is he here?"
Gunn nodded. "He's eating lunch alone in the corner. He hasn't noticed us yet."
"I can't tell him yet. I will, but not yet." She sighed and glanced over to the place Lindsey was sitting alone. "I wonder how he's feeling."
Lindsey stuck his fork into his salad and slowly chewed the lettuce and cucumbers. Things were happening to him and they were happening very fast. The past three nights his dreams had been filled of Claire and Forrest Newfield and the baby she was carrying. He relived the murder through his own eyes and then through her eyes. He had stood outside the living room window, watching Newfield kill her and he hadn't been able to do a thing about it.
Those had been the nightmares.
The other dreams, they weren't scary. In one, she told him she was pregnant and they began to make plans for the child's room. In another, she was giving birth to the baby and Lindsey was by her side in the hospital. These were the dreams that would never come true, because Claire and the baby were dead.
As he ate, he surveyed the restaurant he sat in. It was filled with people that worked downtown, all laughing on their lunch breaks, all happy like he would never be.
Without warning, a blonde woman stood up and leaned over to gently kiss the man across from her. Her lips brushed his cheek as her hair fell away, her eyes were full of tears and Lindsey frowned. Claire was having lunch with Gunn, giving him a peck on the cheek goodbye.
He'd never reach her in time. He wanted to convince her to stay and finish lunch with him. He'd walk with her back to the building when their hour was up. But by the time he was standing, she was already gone.
Gunn saw him and smiled grimly. Lindsey closed his eyes and sighed before walking over and taking the chair Claire had been occupying. They looked at each other for a long moment before Lindsey broke down.
"It's driving me crazy. Two weeks she's been here and I'm already going nuts." He said. "She can't be real."
Gunn nodded. "I feel the same way. It's like seeing a ghost that doesn't know she's a ghost."
"Oh God." He breathed. "Does she remember me yet?"
"Little things. Not much. But she will remember you, in time, she'll remember." He sighed. "She remembers the murder."
Lindsey closed his eyes. "The pain?"
"All of it." Gunn said. "She said she's been having dreams about it all the time. Almost every night. And each night she sees more of the killer's face." He paused. "I don't think it was Forrest Newfield that killed her."
Lindsey's eyes flew open. "Her blood was on his clothes. His skin was under her nails. His finger prints were all over my house. His . . ." he trailed off, trying to choke out the words, "he was all over her. Her blood was everywhere on him. He killed her."
Gunn nodded slowly. "He committed the crime. But I don't think he did it for the reason he admitted to. I think there was something more involved."
"What do you mean?"
"Wolfram and Hart." Gunn said. "They never wanted you to have a family. So they had her killed by a man who had nothing to lose."
Lindsey shook his head. "I don't want to believe that. I didn't even know about the baby, how could they?"
"I don't know." Gunn paused again. "You do know she's come back exactly the way she was before she died."
Lindsey stared at him. "What do you mean?"
"She went to the doctor a few days ago. She's two and a half months pregnant." Gunn said.
Lindsey was silent for a long moment, then the tears began to fall down his cheeks, his chin quivering. He drew in a shuddering breath, trying to keep back the sobs he felt rising inside of him.
"How?" He asked finally, his voice shaking.
Gunn shook his head. "Someone brought her back to hurt you Lindsey. Even after all you've sacrificed to that place, it's still not enough. Are you willing to sacrifice Claire and the baby a second time?"
The lawyer shook his head. "God no. If I were given a second chance with her, a second chance to have a family, I would never risk anything. I would leave Wolfram and Hart and I would never look back. There's no doubt in my mind that I would."
Gunn smiled slightly. "Good. Because when she remembers everything, she's gonna need you to be there."
"How can you be so sure she'll remember everything?" Lindsey asked.
Gunn shrugged. "I wish I could tell you how I know. But I can't. I just know that eventually, it's all going to come back."
"Why is it happening like this?" He asked, shaking his head and trying to wipe away his tears. "At first she didn't remember anything and now . . . now it's coming back to her slowly. Whoever did this isn't just hurting me, they're killing her."
"Maybe something went wrong." Gunn suggested. "Maybe she wasn't meant to remember anything. Or maybe she was supposed to know everything. But she got stuck somewhere in the middle."
"Maybe you were the trigger." Lindsey said.
Gunn frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Things started coming back to her the night that she saw you." Lindsey explained. "Maybe some memory of you was still left in her and seeing you triggered the memories to start coming back."
Gunn nodded. "Yeah, that seems like a good explanation." He sighed. "Now you just have to find out who did this to her. Who in that place hates you enough to do this?"
Lindsey sighed. "I have a pretty good idea."
Lilah watched as Claire stumbled into her office and shut the door behind her. She had been crying over lunch, that much had been obvious by the tear tracks on her face.
She smirked. Maybe the stress of not knowing how she got pregnant was finally getting to her. Lilah had talked to the man and he said he had fixed the memories as best he could. He assured her that Claire wouldn't remember anything more.
Lindsey wandered into the building ten minutes later, looking slightly dazed. He caught Lilah's eye, then turned away, heading toward his own office.
She frowned. Had everyone been crying over their lunch break? Lindsey looked just as miserable as Claire did. Not that Lilah cared, she wanted him to break down. Two weeks had gone by and he was seeming to deal with Claire's appearance just fine. Seeing him cry might mean he wasn't as stable as she thought.
Lilah knocked gently on Lindsey's office door, then pushed it open. "We have a meeting with Claire in a few minutes. It's about the case she's working on."
He nodded, avoiding her eyes. "I'll be there."
She paused in the door. "Lindsey, what's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
Lilah shook her head sadly. "I don't know exactly. But every time I mention Claire's name you get all weird and you won't look at me."
"It's nothing." He said. "Where's the meeting?"
"Claire's office. I'm heading over there now."
He nodded. "I'll be there right away."
Lilah looked at him for a moment longer, then turned and left the office, shutting the door behind her. Out in the hall she leaned against the wall and smiled. Lindsey was acting exactly as she had hoped and if everything went as planned, within a week he would be too stressed out to come to work. And then Lilah would be given the hard decision of firing him.
She started down the hall to Claire's office, already thinking of the speech she'd give to Lindsey when it came time to let him go.
Lindsey opened the door to Claire's office and stepping inside, joining Lilah in the meeting. The two women looking up when he came in, but Claire looked back down almost immediately, riffling through her papers.
He stared at her sadly, wishing he could feel her again, touch her face and her hair. Sighing, Lindsey took a seat across from her and looked at them both.
"So?" He asked. "How's the case going?"
"It's going well." Claire said, still avoiding his eyes. "I've been working closely with my client for a few weeks now and she's slowly coming out with facts that will really help the case. Along with the evidence we've been given I'm almost positive that the ruling will be in our favour."
"It's a tough case." Lilah said. "I'm really impressed with your progress." She smiled. "See, what did I tell you Lindsey? She's a fabulous lawyer. She definitely deserves your old position as junior partner."
Claire glanced up, her eyes finally meeting Lindsey's. "Do you think I could do it?" She asked.
He nodded slowly, smiling gently at her. "I know you could do it. You're be wonderful. If Lilah wants to promote you, I totally agree."
Claire switched her gaze to Lilah, but found it difficult to tear her eyes away from Lindsey's. "What do you think?"
Lilah paused for a moment. "I think we should let you finish this case before we do any promoting or any movements. Once you're finished the case, Lindsey and I will talk about it again and see what we think." She smiled. "But at the moment I can tell you that things look good for you."
Claire smiled back. "Thanks. I appreciate all the breaks I've been getting here."
Lilah stood up. "Well, I should get back to my office. I'm expecting a call in a few minutes. You two can continue the meeting though if you'd like to." She turned, tossing a smile over her shoulder and left them alone in the office.
They sat in silence for a long while, Claire trying Lindsey's face, trying to find answers to all the questions she had. But she didn't find anything but the same questions. He didn't know anything more than she did and seeing her was only causing him pain.
"You don't have to stay here." She said finally. "I really don't have anything more to say."
"Oh," Lindsey looked startled. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you wanted me to leave. I'll go."
"No, it's not that." She said. "I just . . . never mind. It's nothing."
He nodded. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Yeah, tomorrow. Bye."
Lindsey left the office, shutting the door gently behind him. He leaned heavily against the wall, running his hand through his hair. He'd never been as stressed out as he was during the past two weeks. His entire life had never given anything as scary and as unpredictable as this situation was.
He looked down the hall toward Lilah's office and saw her holding the phone and fighting with whoever was on the other line. An argument would probably keep her busy for a least a little while. Anyone who was stupid enough to fight with Lilah had to be just as stubborn as she was. That would give him enough time to go through Holland's old folders and see what had really happened that night.
Lindsey sat in the basement of Wolfram and Hart, pulling out old boxes that read Holland Manners on the side of them. He'd been there for the past half hour reading files from 1996 that Holland had created that year, hoping to find something that would give him an insight into Claire's death. But so far he'd found nothing.
Sighing, Lindsey grabbed a box that said 1995 on the side and he shrugged. It couldn't hurt to search through files from the year before her death. Flipping through a folder, Lindsey caught a glimpse of himself, a photograph that had been taken in university. Frowning, he pulled it out and studied it. It was the same picture he had in the picture frame hidden in his closet, Claire was standing in front of him.
Attached to the picture was a note in Holland's handwriting. Lindsey pulled it off and began to read, "Claire Gregory and Lindsey McDonald. Dating four years as of October thirteenth, 1995."
He frowned. "So? That doesn't tell me anything." Sighing, he continued to go through the folder, finding longer and longer notes attached to more and more pictures Holland had collected. After a while, the notes became typed conversations between two people. One of them had been Holland, but Lindsey didn't know who the other could possibly be.
"Claire Gregory is becoming a liability." Lindsey read. "We need Lindsey to be completely focused on his work and she is taking away most of that attention. He told me recently that they are tying to have a baby. If that should happen it will take away even more of Lindsey's time." The lawyer shook his head. "How could I have been so stupid? Why would I tell that to Holland?"
He sighed, continuing to read the response to Holland's statement. "I've spoken to a man by the name of Forrest Newfield who would be more than willing to take of Ms. Gregory for us. He says he can do it as soon as we need him. But I suggest letting her become pregnant first, that way Lindsey will understand that he can't have anything while he's working for us. For the time he is a part of Wolfram and Hart, he has to be cut off from any sort of family. I'll send Mr. Newfield when it's time."
Lindsey's hands shook, reading the paper that he was holding. Holland really did have Claire killed. He had hired Forrest Newfield to murder his fiancée, then given him the case against the same man. Gunn had been right, the entire thing had been a set up by the people he had trusted.
Shaking his head, Lindsey threw the folders back into the box. He didn't want to read anymore about himself or about Claire. He had found out all he needed to know. He returned the boxes to their place in the basement, then started toward the elevator. Nodding at the security guard, Lindsey stepped into the elevator and hit the button to his floor.
The guard waited until the doors were closed, then pulled out the walkie talkie at his belt and murmured into it, "Ms. Morgan? Mr. McDonald was just down here reading some files. I just thought you'd want to know."
Claire closed her eyes and laughed slightly. Her hands were held behind her back as someone pushed against her, forcing her to step through the front door of her house. She giggled again, wrestling against the person that held her.
"None of that." Lindsey said, his lips brushing against her ear. "You'll spoil the surprise."
"What surprise?" She asked.
"I'm not going to tell you." He said, laughing. She shivered, feeling his mouth near her ear once again. "You have to see it for yourself. Just keep your eyes shut. Promise?"
Claire nodded. "I promise I'll keep my eyes closed."
Without saying anything else, Lindsey began to lead her through the house. She felt the familiar change from the carpet to linoleum in the kitchen and they stopped after crossing the room.
"You're taking me through the house to the back door?" She asked.
"I told you not to open your eyes!" Lindsey exclaimed.
"I didn't, I swear." She smiled. "But I can just feel where we are. We are at the back door, aren't we?"
Lindsey sighed. "Yes. Keep them closed just a second longer." He let go of her arms and opened the sliding glass door in their kitchen. Then he was behind her again and he pushed her gently out onto their deck. He pushed her forward until she was leaning against the railing, facing their back yard.
"Open your eyes." He whispered, letting go of her arms and take a step away from her.
Claire smiled and opened her eyes, waiting to see what he wanted her to. Her smile faded and she stared at the back yard, her eyes wide. The entire yard was covered in snow, blue food colouring spelled out the words, "will you marry me?"
She turned toward him, her heart racing. Lindsey was standing behind her, holding a ring box out to her. She took it from him and opened it, finding a simple gold ring inside.
"It's not much," he began to explain, "but-"
"Yes." Claire whispered, cutting him off.
"What?"
"I said yes." She wrapped her arms around, hugging him to her. "Yes I'll marry you Lindsey."
He let go of her and took the ring box from her. Gently, he pulled the ring out and slid it onto her finger. "I promise I will make you the happiest woman alive."
Claire smiled at him. "I have absolutely no doubt about that." She looked at the ring in the fading sunlight. "I love you so much."
Lindsey gently touched her face. "I love you."
Finally, breaking the moment, Claire turned back to the yard. "So, where did you find snow in Los Angeles?"
Lindsey shrugged, wrapping his arms around her. "I flew to the arctic and brought some back. There's even a penguin in the freezer downstairs."
She swatted his arm lightly. "Seriously."
He laughed. "The hockey arena down the street was more than happy to let me take their snow off their hands. The trouble was making sure you got home in time. If it had melted, it would have ruined the entire night."
Claire turned back around, leaning against the railing with his arms around her. "I don't think anything could ruin this night Lindsey."
He smiled at her, then leaned down toward her. She could feel his breath on her cheek and tilted her head slightly to meet him. And then-