RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Again though, if Joss anytime feels the need to rid himself of Spike I'm always looking for a good Birthday present . . . :)
NOTES: Okay, this is basically my first 'shipper fic of any kind, not to mention the fact that it's an unconventional relationship. If it totally sucks, just drop me a line and let me know how you think I could improve it.
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Spike stared at the people in Giles' living room. We all stared back, waiting for him to say something. I'm sure Buffy was waiting for him to jump up and try to kill us all.
"Well?" Riley asked, wiping his hand on a dishcloth and I saw Giles grimace at the blood stains he left there. "How do you feel?"
Spike sighed. "I'm hungry."
Xander rolled his eyes. "Surprise, surprise."
Spike shot him an angry look. I think the fact that he could fight again hit him at once and he started laughing, his head thrown back, laughter racking his entire body.
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you didn't cross some wires while you were in there Riley?"
The Initiative agent shrugged, looking thoroughly confused at his reaction.
"Spike?" I was the first to go near him, I even placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" For the first time I noticed how good Spike really looked without a shirt on. *Nice body.* I thought examining him with a critical eye. *Oh God Willow!* I exclaimed to myself. *You're not allowed to look at Spike that way!*
"Okay?" He gasped through his laughter. "Okay? I'm more than okay. He took that bloody chip out of my head, I could bite you without getting a migraine."
I stepped away from him, suddenly looking frightened at what he had said.
He immediately sobered. "Doesn't mean I would."
Buffy sighed. "Sure Spike. Great, you can kill us all once again, but now can you leave?"
Spike stared at the slayer in shock. She really didn't understand that the past seven months of living with the chip in his head really had changed him.
"Buffy, I would never hurt her." Spike said. "Red's my," He stopped and looked at me, and I watched him with curious eyes, "she's my friend." He concluded.
Giles coughed on the tea he was drinking and nearly dropped the cup. Buffy's eyes widened and she stopped moving altogether. Riley had been busy cleaning up his operating tools but dropped the scalpel and scissors when he heard his choice of words. Xander just stared at me as if I had something on my face.
He turned to look at me again to see that my mouth had dropped open and was hanging loosely.
Spike stood up and reached for the shirt that was hanging over the chair behind him. He carefully put it over his head and slid his arms into the holes, pulling it down over himself then turned to look at them again. All the people in the room were still staring at him strangely.
"What?" Spike asked.
"You said I was your," I stopped and swallowed hard, "your friend?"
He nodded. "So?"
"Spike, you're a vampire." I said, stepping toward him, my head cocked and my eyes wide.
He repeated himself, "So?"
"It's just . . ." I trailed off as I got closer to him, then shook my head in confusion. "Your friend? We can't be friends, it's not allowed."
Spike actually looked hurt by what I said, he cast his blue eyes down to the floor and sighed. "But--" he cut himself off by heaving another sigh. "But I like you Red."
"I like you too Spike." I was admitting to him that I liked him? What was going on? "But you've tried to kill me, did you forget about that?"
"I didn't know you then." He said. "I'd never hurt you now Willow, I swear."
I sighed. "I know Spike, but we can't be friends." Why was I saying this to him? I wanted to be his friend so badly, more than his friend actually.
His dejected eyes met mine. "Why not?"
"Because you're a killer." Buffy said.
I had forgotten that there were other people in the room with us as I stared at Spike, as if seeing him for the first time. He cringed when Buffy said this, then tore his eyes from mine.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I'll leave." He turned sadly and walked toward the door. It opened and closed behind him without anyone making a move toward him or saying a word. When the door clicked shut into it's frame, Buffy stood up and sighed.
"Thank God he's gone. We can finally get back to our normal lives."
Xander nodded. "No kidding. No more vampires to babysit. I bet you're glad he's gone Giles."
Buffy's former Watcher nodded. "I can finally have my house to myself again."
They all turned to look at me, waiting for me to join in on the things I'd be happy to get back now that Spike was gone. I tried, I really did.
I took a deep breath, "I'm happy because I can . . . I can," I paused and sighed, "Oh Hell, I'm not happy. Spike's gone and now that he's gone I'm miserable."
Buffy stared at me in that way she had that I knew meant she was shocked. It was pretty hard to shock Buffy.
"I want to be with Spike." I said, admitting for the first time what I'd felt since he'd begun to work with us. "I've kept it hidden for seven months but I can't do it anymore. I want Spike."
There was a long silence as the other people in the room tried to accept what I was saying.
"I wish you all the happiness in the world Willow." Xander said. I looked at him, expecting to see sarcasm in his eyes but all that was there was understanding. He knew what it was like to be in love with someone so different that no one could understand why.
"But Willow, he's a vampire." Buffy said, approaching me. "You can't be with him, I won't let you."
I smiled sadly. "You can't not let me Buffy. Besides, Angel was a vampire and that didn't stop you."
She cringed, then said, "He has a soul."
"I think Spike does too."
"But not in the same way."
I shrugged. "It's there somewhere and I know I can find it." Then I turned and walked toward the door, intent on finding Spike and telling him exactly how I felt.
* * *
He was lying alone on a park bench, his duster was draped over the back of the bench and he stared up into the night sky. I stopped a few feet away from him, just to look. His lean body was stretched across the bench comfortably, his legs crossed at the ankles and his arms behind his head. He was wearing his regular black jeans and black tee shirt, his boots were sitting beside the bench, his feet bare. His mouth twitched every so often, as if he were thinking of things to say but couldn't quite bring himself to say them. I noticed for the first time his amazing cheek bones, then silently cursed him for them. Why did men get all the features that women wanted? His eyes closed suddenly and he let out a heave of air.
"Dammit Willow," he said to himself, "you don't get it do you?"
I walked closer, I wanted to hear what he was saying. I leaned lightly against the bench, staring at his face.
"You just don't get it!" He sighed. "I love you, can't you see that? I bloody well love you!" He let out an exasperated noise from deep within his throat.
"I get it Spike." I said softly and his eyes flew open, looking startled.
"How long have you been standing there?" He asked.
"Since 'Dammit Willow'." I replied. "It was a nice little speech."
"Not meant to have an audience." He said in a soft voice, then sat up and made room for me to sit down.
I sat on the bench beside him and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt so right being there, his cold skin cooling my warm forehead, I could feel the chill through his shirt.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, letting me rest my head where it was but not making a move to get closer to me.
"Because I had to tell you the truth." I answered.
"The truth about what?"
I sat up again, taking my head away from his body even though I didn't want to ever move away from him again. I looked at him for a moment, studied him and the expression on his face. It was a combination between confused, hurt and uncertainty. I'm pretty sure I looked like that many times in the past few months.
"The truth about how I feel about you." I looked down to see both his hands resting lightly in his lap and I picked one up, holding it gently between mine. "You're not a killer Spike, I don't see you that way."
"But Buffy does." Came his simple reply.
"I don't give a damn what Buffy sees you as. This is us we're talking about here, me and you."
"There's an 'us' to talk about?" He sounded sincerely surprised.
I looked up at him and smiled lightly. "Well, I kind of hope there can be."
He grinned, that cocky smile of his that I loved so much. "Really Red? An 'us'?"
"Don't start all acting big and manly on me now." I said. "Even if you don't think so, I do get it Spike. Mabe it's you that doesn't get it."
"Get what?" He asked.
"That I love you." I said and watched the expression on Spike's face. He looked uncertain again for a moment, but then a smile took it's place and he shook his head.
"No Red, I get it." He smiled again. The smile that I now knew was the reason I felt faint every time I was around him. Then he leaned down and kissed me softly. Don't get me wrong, Oz was an amazing kisser but our first kiss was nothing like this one. I literally felt my head spinning when he moved away and wrapped a cool arm around my shoulders.
"Now what?" I asked.
He shrugged. "You know Red, I'd actually like to just sit here. I haven't felt this good since," he paused, "well, I actually don't think I've ever felt this good."
I sighed and hugged against him, silently agreeing. I had never felt this good.
The End
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