Spoilers and Timing: For Buffy, this takes place after "Same Place, Same Time". For Stargate SG-1, this takes place after "Heroes, Part II". There are general spoilers for Buffy S7 and other spoilers for "Heroes, Part II".

Buffy/Stargate SG-1/Highlander/Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail

Summary: The reason for Anya's bunny fear is finally revealed at Janet Fraiser's funeral.

*****

Jack stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat. He gazed into space for a moment, then took a deep breath. Maybe if he started a speech, the Asgard would beam him up like they always did when he gave a speech. Then the Asgard could whip out their advanced technological doohickeys and work their magic on Janet, and then she wouldn't be dead.

He cleared his throat again, hoping Thor would get the point. When nothing happened, Jack sighed and started his speech.

"Dr. Fraiser has been with us since the beginning," he said. "She's always been there. She was the most stubborn woman I've ever known. She put up with my jokes and complaints far longer than any other doctors that have had to bare my presence. And now, I know that we will all miss her..."

Janet sat up in the open casket, gasping as the life returned to her lungs. Everyone exclaimed in shock except for Jack, who didn't seem to notice.

"But now, we must continue our fight against the Goa'uld, if not for Earth's sake, then for the doc's, who was killed by one of those damn snakeheads-"

"But I'm not dead yet!" Janet said, gazing at herself in wonder.

Jack corrected himself, "Who was horribly wounded in battle-"

"I'm feeling much better, actually," she said as she hastily climbed out of the coffin. "I think I'll pull through on this one, sir."

Irritated, Jack turned and pointed a finger at her. "Do you mind? I'm trying to give an eulogy, here!"

Janet looked properly chastised. "Sorry, sir. Please, continue." She walked over to an empty seat and sat down, looking up at him expectantly. Everyone already seated straightened in their chairs, also turning their attention to the Air Force Colonel.

Jack nodded and cleared his throat for a third time. "Janet was the best CMO any of us could have had. But now that she's gone, we have to learn to live without her, and I know we can do it, no matter how hard it might be-"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

A blonde-haired woman ran into the gate room and rushed by the podium, still screaming at the top of her lungs. Jack glared at her. "For crying out loud!"

Anya saw him and ran behind the podium. She grabbed his shoulders and crouched down behind him, almost making him topple over if he hadn't grabbed onto the podium at the right moment.

"Make it go away!" she cried. "It's evil! It raided my store and chewed up my money! It sunk its deadly incisors into my beautiful, wonderful money! You have to stop it from ruining the rest of our country's economy! Oh, and stop it from killing us all, too."

Everyone was on their feet now. "What are you talking about, ma'am?" General Hammond asked as he stepped up to the podium.

"Who are you?" Janet asked. "What are you doing at my funeral?" She was pretty sure that only people she knew would have been invited to her private funeral in the Gate Room.

"I'm Anya. I'm a vengeance demon, and I'm talking about that!"

She pointed at the right-wall entrance. Everyone turned as one. The door was open, but nothing was there.

"Um, what?" Daniel asked.

Anya cowered. "It's the beast! It's got horribly sharp teeth, and it moves faster than Buffy! It'll kill you if you get close!"

Sgt. Davis, who was the closest one to the door, turned toward the podium. "It's a rabbit, sir."

They stared at him.

"A rabbit?" Jack repeated.

"Are not rabbits small, herbivorous creatures?" Teal'c questioned.

"Yes, sirs," Davis replied. "It's a harmless rabbit-arrgg!"

Something furry and white flew from the doorway to Davis' neck and sunk its horribly sharp incisors into his throat. Davis fell to the ground, dead.

There was a scramble of chairs as mourners either ran for safer ground or rushed to pry the creature from Davis' neck. The people in the latter group were quickly seized upon by the furry monstrosity. It wasn't long before a dog pile of half-beheaded human corpses began to take up space on the floor. Soon, every extra who had ever been cast as miscellaneous SGC personnel had contributed to the pile. The only people left alive in the room were Hammond, Carter, Daniel, Teal'c, O'Neill, the new-resurrected Fraiser, and Anya.

"I told them bunnies were evil," Anya muttered. She was still crouched behind Jack, who, out of shock, had yet to move from behind the podium. "Even Giles didn't believe me, and he and that damn bunny are from the same country!"

"Retreat!" Hammond yelled, running for the other door. Carter, Daniel, Teal'c, and Fraiser sped after him.

"Do you mind?" Jack asked, shrugging off Anya's hands. He stepped off the podium and rushed for the door.

"Hey!" Anya called, still standing on the podium. "If you think I'm staying here with the killer rabbit, you are so going to pay! I am going to find the nearest female Goa'uld that wants vengeance worked upon you!"

The rabbit was making loud munching noises. Anya glanced at it, panicking again. She decided to stop ranting and teleported out of the SGC. Let the Air Force deal with the rabbit; after what the animal did to her precious money, and how Colonel O'Neill treated her, she wasn't sticking around to help out.

To be continued