Part Seven of 'Father of Mine,' nearly immediate sequel to 'A Normal Day at the Office.'

Disclaimer: "Who Stole My Monkey" is a song that belongs to Zachary Richard. The song was included as my way of announcing, in my usually loud and annoying way, that I'm Cajun, through and through. All of y'all need to check out his stuff! "Another Postcard" and "Living On My Own" are by two of my favorite bands, Barenaked Ladies and Queen. They have great music, too. Any copyright infringements were not intended. These song lyrics were used for entertainment and not for profit.

Author's Note: You wouldn't believe the writing funk I have been in since May. This part of 'Father of Mine' should have been published months ago, and I apologize for the delay, but though I knew what I wanted to go in this part, I just couldn't seem to get it typed. I tried, believe me. This is just a little snippet. More will come, eventually.

Summary: Who doesn't like monkeys?

Daniel and I were squeezed painfully together at the top of the stairwell with our backs to the attic door. The demons had pounded at it for awhile, but they'd finally stopped. We would have investigated, but we were too busy catching our breaths.

"Do you...think...they're gone?"

"They'd...better be..." I replied, "...cause I have a bone to pick...with Harris."

"Sounds like a good plan...You know...after I see Dr. Brightman to...make sure I'm not...going crazy."

"Good plan."

I carefully got to my feet and Daniel followed suit. My ribs ached more than ever now. "Ready?" I asked.

Daniel nodded and hefted the crossbow. I pulled the door open and Daniel ducked inside, sweeping the crossbow across the room on the other side.

He then, promptly, sneezed.

The Library was gone. In its place was my dusty attic, filled with the same dust-coated floors and dust-covered boxes and stuff that had been there only a few hours ago. The sky was considerably lighter outside the attic window, but it was still dark.

After all the excitement, it was somewhat anticlimactic. "Right, then," I said and let the door swing closed.

I pulled the door open again, just to be sure. Attic still there? Check. Demons still not there? Check.

"I think we're good," Daniel said, rubbing his nose.

"Yeah. Maybe."

I turned and made my way oh-so-carefully down the two flights of stairs. The pain hadn't lessened, but I was miles away. My mind was, that is.

"So, demons are real, magic is real, and your-er-father or whatever is right in the middle of it," Daniel said flippantly behind me.

"Yep." So it would seem. God, this was huge. We were just there, and it was still so...weird. It was more unbelievable than aliens or Stargates. This was Earth, for crying out loud-this sort of thing wasn't supposed to happen here.

Which, when I thought about it, was really conceited, or something. But...still!

I reached the kitchen and settled into a chair, ignoring Daniel's attempts to help me ease into it. He ignored my rather convincingly dark scowl and hurried off to the bathroom for the first aid kit. They were just popped ribs. They'd heal. There were more important things to take care of first.

At the top of the list was a call to the base, just to make sure nothing had gone wrong while we were in Cleveland.

The table was situated just next to the thin ledge that separated the kitchen from the living area. I was reaching very carefully across the table to the phone resting on the ledge when Daniel came back in with bandages in hand. He absently handed it to me as he placed the supplies on the table.

I waved his hands away and pressed the speed dial. The phone rang. Carter would probably still be at the mountain, looking for information. We'd both have something new to report, hopefully.

That was when things chose to get a little weirder...again.

The ring tone went click, as if someone had picked up the phone on the other end. What happened next caused me to hastily pull the phone away from my ear.

Unfortunately, this did little to save my eardrums from the noise wafting out of the speaker. It was music, apparently. Really, really loud music. It was so loud that, even when I held the phone at arm's length, I could still make out the words.

"/ Who stole my monkey, my monkey, my monkey / Somebody stole my monkey / Stole my monkey from me /..."

There were accordions, and what could have been a guitar. It wasn't a bad beat, really, but the words were a little...odd. Especially considering that, if my call had gone through to the right place, the song was being played in Carter's office.

"Who were you calling?" Daniel was regarding the phone with the same kind of expression he used whenever he caught me doing something stupid off-world. It was a look I was well acquainted with.

I disconnected the call and looked at the three speed dial buttons. Daniel was right next to me, so there was no point trying to call him. I could do that anyway and leave an annoying message on his answering machine. I'd get to see his face this time, which would make it sweeter.

Too bad we likely didn't have time for that. Why, oh why, after the night I'd had, couldn't things go back to normal. I mean, really. 'Who stole my monkey?'

Maybe Carter just had weird tastes in music she'd been keeping a lid on for the past eight years.

Yeah, right. And demons didn't exist, and I didn't just get transported to Ohio via my attic. Oh, wait-

Teal'c would likely be where Carter was, but I decided to try his number anyway. I crossed my fingers.

Daniel opened his mouth to say something else.

I held a finger to my lips. "Shh."

He gave me a look. I ignored it.

It rang. The phone rang, that is. Finally, it picked up.

I nearly dropped the phone this time. A male voice screamed something so loudly that I could have sworn it bypassed my ears and went straight to my unprepared brain. It sounded suspiciously like something to do with monkeys.

"/ I don't have no time for no monkey business! /"

I hastily pressed the button. The kitchen was filled with blessed silence.

"What the hell is going on?" I demanded.

"You're asking me?"

I glared at him and called the base. It was the only option left, at this point. The base operators would know better than to be blasting obnoxious music on loudspeakers when they were on duty. Of course, I used to think Teal'c and Carter wouldn't do something like that, either.

Okay, maybe I could see Carter playing really loud music, but I would have expected something punk rock-ish. I could just picture her standing in front of my oh-so-cool-and-imposing general's desk, attempting to wriggle approval to play music loud enough to be heard by NORAD upstairs on the basis that it was instrumental in the performance of some new doohickey. If Teal'c tried to get similar permission, he would probably give me that half-smile of his and say the music helped him kel'no'reem or whatever it was he got up to now that he didn't have Junior anymore.

Anyway, to get back to the point, I dialed the number for the SGC operator. I needed to get one of those phones with more than three speed dial options.

Meanwhile, Danny grabbed his cell phone from the living room, slid into the seat across from me and tried making a call of his own.

I put the phone to my ear and listened to it ring. Across the table, Daniel did the same.

One ring, two rings, three-

We yanked the phones away from our ears.

The song boomed out of the speakers in stereo.

"/ Some chimps in swimsuits / Some chimps a-swingin' from a vine / Some chimps in jack boots / Some chimps that wish they could be mine /..."

A few clicks later and my eardrums were ringing in the absence of noise.

"Who were you calling?" Daniel asked.

"The SGC. You?"

"Sam. What's going on?"

"You're asking me?"

We stared at the phones.

After a moment, I set my phone down carefully on the table and rummaged among the pile of medical stuff for some painkillers. I swallowed a couple and leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes. With any luck, they'd suppress the headache that was beginning to form behind my eyes, too. I had a feeling this night was never going to end. From the sound of it, we needed to get over to the mountain.

"Okay," I said at last. "Here's the situation."

Daniel raised an eyebrow. He folded his arms and waited.

"We've got a foothold situation at the mountain. The SGC has been taken over by space monkeys." The other eyebrow went up. I sought to clarify. "Real space monkeys. They've discovered this odd tendency of pop artists to sing about monkeys. And now they're blasting all of these songs on the SGC intercom, bursting everyone's eardrums in the process, and doing a dance of happiness monkey-style, 'cause they like being so famous."

Daniel stared at me.

Which wasn't a fair reaction at all. After the day we'd both had, I'd thought it sounded as plausible as anything else, but Daniel was giving me that 'I'm-sitting-across-a-table-from-a-guy-two-springs-short-of-a-cuckoo-clock-and-I-haven't-got-any-weapons' look. It was another look I was intimately familiar with, though I was more used to encountering it in Danny's office.

He continued to stare.

"No?" I asked.

He bit his lip. "Twenty bucks."

That was more like it. "You're on."

Author's Note: I want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed. Reviews keep me going. I love getting feedback and sometimes act on the suggestions you make. However, I felt I had to put this note here to point something out. Many people have praised me for the idea of making Xander Jack's father. As much as I appreciate the effort to let me know you like it, it's not my idea to claim. This fic is an answer to a challenge created by Anime_Ronin (refer back to the Author's Notes in the first chapter of this story for the entire challenge). Thank you so much, Anime_Ronin, for coming up with this idea! It's given me yet another opportunity to have some fun ;).