My body spasmed and my lungs took in a deep breath. My eyes opened wide before I fell back against something soft. My senses returned to me and I closed my eyes, groaning. I hated coming back to life. It had only happened once before now, but it was the weirdest feeling, and it made me queasy.

"Welcome back, Xand," I heard a familiar voice say.

I opened my eyes again and sat up. I was on the couch in Giles' office. Peter sat behind the desk, and through the window in the door I could see the rest of my friends at the library table or in the stacks.

I turned my gaze back to Peter and smiled. "Good to see you're doing well, Peter."

He smiled back. "Yep, thanks to you and your friends."

"How long was I out?"

"Two hours."

I looked down at my shirt. It was the same one I'd died in, meaning it had a bullet hole on the chest area and was coated with half-dried blood. I groaned and looked at him. He was wearing a different outfit from what he had on two hours ago. "What, you could spare the time to stop at you hotel room to shower and change clothes, but you couldn't take the time to stop at my house to get me another change of clothes?"

Peter smiled mischievously. "You have to do that part yourself, Xand. Besides, I try to stay out of that room of yours if I can help it."

I glared and stood up. "Should I tell them you're awake?" Peter asked.

I smiled as I watched my friends work. Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, and Oz were bent over some of Giles' books, probably looking for a clue about the Mayor's upcoming Ascension, while Giles appeared out of the stacks carrying more books. I decided to give them a break in research. "Nah, I'll tell them myself," I answered before stepping through the door.

Everyone looked up when I stepped into the room. "Xander!" several people said at once. They all stood up or climbed down stairs to get to me. Buffy, even Giles, hugged me before my shock took over from the ex-Watcher's action. Willow hung back, suddenly uncomfortable, and went to stand next to Oz. Cordelia hung back as well.

"You're all right," Willow finally said, smiling at me.

I smiled back. "Yep. Good as new, although I can't say the same about my shirt." I motioned to it. "This thing is permanently ruined."

"Definitely. Blood does not come out well, and there's no way you'll get the part with the hole back to looking like it used to," Cordelia informed everyone.

Buffy reached out a tentative hand and touched the skin underneath the hole. "Wow," she said after a long pause, taking her hand away, suddenly uncomfortable herself. "That Immortality thing is really handy, huh?"

I nodded as I regarded all of them. "No one's hurt, are they? Where are Angel and Wesley?"

"No one's hurt," Oz answered him. "Angel went back home, and Wesley's on the phone with the Council talking about the other Watchers."

I looked around. "Speaking of which, where's Dawson? And who shot Damon?"

"Dawson shot him," Buffy answered, looking uneasy now. I could understand that. It wasn't a Slayer's policy to kill a human being, and it was hard for most of them to imagine a human killing another human. It was hard for me, too, but didn't seem to be as impossible since I've had to do my share.

Buffy continued, "Dawson and his guys have skipped town. Don't know if one of them stayed behind to watch you, though."

"Or me," Peter said from behind me. I turned to see him frown. "I don't really like the idea of Watchers, but I won't do anything about them unless they pull something. Maybe I can lose them in the airport."

Startled, I said, "Airport? You're leaving already?"

Peter nodded. "I'm gonna fix a few things at my house in Chicago-that fight I told you about didn't help bring up the price-and then I'm gonna sell it. My business is moving out of town. I'll give you a call when I get to Chicago, and another one when I settle into my new place. My plane is leaving in only a few minutes, so I have to leave now."

Nodding, I shook his hand before he pulled me into a hug. "I'm glad your safe, Peter."

"Same here."

Everyone else said his or her good byes, and Peter Lionhardt headed out the door, out of my life for who knows how long.

I turned back to my friends in time to see Willow ask everyone, "Okay, we're still alive. I think that qualifies for partying at the Bronze. Anyone want to come with Oz and me?"

Buffy and I agreed to it. We told Cordelia and Giles goodbye and headed outside. Buffy and I hung back a minute. "You okay?" I asked her.

For a minute she looked like she might say, 'I'm fine,' but she changed her mind, sighed, and shook her head. "I don't get why Dawson killed him, Xander. I don't understand how he was even capable of it. What kind of person would kill another human being?"

"It's okay," I told her softly. "I feel the same way about myself whenever I have to take an Immortal's head. It doesn't get any easier, and I wish I didn't have to do it, but sometimes it has to be done."

Buffy nodded and sighed. "Why can't the world be a better place?" she muttered.

I shrugged. "Don't know. I wish it were, too. You can't blame yourself for what happened, Buffy. You weren't responsible."

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. "I know." She looked over at Oz and Willow, who were already two blocks away. "We'd better hurry."

I nodded, and we started running to catch up with our friends. I knew we'd talk later. I got the feeling there was something else she wasn't telling me, but it could wait until later.

My thoughts returned to Damon and Mary. Regret filled me, too, directed at a lot of things. One was the fact that my actions had almost killed my teacher, maybe even the rest of us if everything had happened differently. Another was the fact that I was responsible for Mary Damon's death. Maybe if I'd let her go, Jerry would have convinced her to stay away from me. Like I told Buffy, killing never got any easier.

Later on, as we sat around a table in the Bronze, I glanced around at all of my friends. I made a decision not to think about anything but them. I was lucky to have them, like Mary was probably lucky to have a caring man like Jerry, even though he was a psychopath. I knew that no matter what I felt about the Damons, I had my friends to count on to get me through it, and Buffy had me.