Before I get too wrapped into amusing myself with these jokes, go ahead & unleash the band camp jokes again. Yeah yeah, get it out of your system, because I want you to focus your full attention on the following program...
NOTICE: The following program may not be appropriate for some viewers. But then again, who cares? Enjoy!
24 Ways You Know You've Been In Band Too Long 24. You actually like marching band and would kill to do it all year long. 23. The drummers start making sense to you. 22. You have to stay in step with people around you while walking. 21. You direct the songs on the radio. 20. Playing "stare down" with the drum major is no fun anymore. 19. You wonder what life would be like if you weren't in band. 18. You high step while you "walk" to class. 17. You practice your marching music on a daily basis. 16. You think Louie Louie is the best song ever written. 15. You major in music and usse your high school band director as a role model. 14. Those stupid "band humor" jokes are the funniest things you ever heard. 13. You pick out instruments from the music in cartoons. 12. You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to people that walk in front of you on the way to class. 11. Drummers start making sense to you. 10. You've dated everyone in the band and now wonder if you've ever gonna have another date. 9. You think that trumpeters have a right to be egotistical. 8. You don't think flute players have a slight attitude problem. 7. You change from your instrument to the tuba or trombone. 6. You have perfect pitch. 5. The band director is always right. 4. You marry that special someone in your section. 3. You have kids and force them to be in music. 2. Drummers make lots of sense to you. 1. You an relate to more that a fourth of these things!
**Hmm, let me see. How many of these can I relate to? *cough* As insane as this might sound, I can relate to 19 of the 24.... Sad, huh? I think I've been in band a wee bit too long...**
Conductor: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to god Trombone player: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Ls more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if sea is calm Talks with god Oboist: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks to god if special request is approved Flautist: Rarely clears a quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by god Bassoonist: Makes marks on the wall when trying to clear short buildings Is run over by a locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog-paddles Talks to animals Saxophone player: Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotives 2 times out of 3 Is not issued any ammunition Can stay afloat with a life jacket Talks to walls, argues with himself Clarinet player: Too afraid too jump building because of their reed Works in locomotives Too busy with reed for gun Throws reed into water Thinks reed is god Trumpet player: Argues with building when it won't get out of the way Sleeps in locomotive Claims it's too easy to catch bullets in teeth explaining why he really can't Saves water to drink after every triple C Thinks he's god. Tuba player: Don't really exist Plays silently Are really mimes in disguise Believe there is no god Percussionist: Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings Says "look at the choo-choo" Wets himself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Loses arguments with himself Horn player: Lifts buildings and walks under them Kicks locomotives off the tracks Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them Freezes water with a single glance Is god
**For those of you who didn't realize it and/or aren't band members, they're trying to say that horn players are the greatest. Whether I agree or not, it's still funny to see them get worse & worse!**
