Snippet of a Sexually Starved Scaredy Cat
by Polka Dot

Ten years is a long time. A man grows nervous in ten years. Yuki was at the main house, a place he was still forbidden to enter, though now he stayed away out of respect for the dead clan head whereas before he stayed away because of the man. Akito was cursed like them all. He had finally come to realize it over the past year or so after hating Akito for so long, he began to pity the man, but he could never forgive him. He could hug Yuki if he wanted to, even kiss him. They didn't have to hold back on their affections any more. Before Akito had driven them apart with threats and fear.

Kyo ran his hand over his forehead and down the side of his face, purposely lingering over the deep scar that had driven Yuki away. His looks had suffered but not greatly, he was still handsome. His strong jaw and deep red eyes, where somehow enhanced by the scar. No it was the memory of how he got the scar that kept Yuki always at arm's length. The memory of Akito slowly dragging the knife blade around the eyebrow. He'd cried. He couldn't help it, the pain was worse than anything he had ever felt before and he was terrified. Akito drew a curve that bent inward.

"I've always hated these blood red eyes. They are the eyes of a devil."

"Please Akito No! Don't, don't take them."

"What's wrong? Afraid the cat won't love you, if he can't see your pretty face. Where's your faith in your lover?" The word was spit with scorn and the knife dragged down onto his cheek.

Tears trailed down the mouse's face as he pleaded for mercy from their wicked lord. "Please Akito, stop! You'll blind him! Please I'll do anything, just stop, stop it please."

Akito held him to his word. He made Yuki stay at the main house for months. When Yuki was finally allowed to return, he was a broken man. He still loved Kyo though. Akito couldn't break what they had. Their love was like water left on the stove for too long. It never got hot enough to boil over, but what started out cold, their hearts frozen inside them, slowly heated up, until one day it was scolding. At least that was the way Kyo looked at it. They were both approaching 30, he was still a virgin. Yuki wasn't, but that was not his choice.

And so it was, after years of emotional hell it was all over. Akito was dead, the zodiac and the cat would soon follow. They had 5 maybe 10 years each. That was the other part of the curse. When Kyo thought about it, he felt ashamed. Such little time and so much of it he had spent angry and bitter. He'd used Yuki as an outlet for his pain when they were young but Tohru had said they were a lot alike and she was right. They learned to live under the same roof, learned to safeguard each other's backs. They learned to share their pain and as time moved slowly forward they sought refuge with each other, companionship and then something more. There is no way to say when they had realized that they loved each other.

It was really Akito who forced the issue. Kyo had done little more than kiss Yuki, small touches that were more exploration than passion, but somehow Akito had found out. He had threatened to throw Kyo in the cat's cage, despite the fact that Kyo had won their bet years ago. Then he had taken obscene liberties with Yuki, the mouse was inconsolable. Kyo refused to ignore the fear in his cousin's eyes. He confronted Akito and found that the clan head lived up to his evil reputation. Yuki had saved his eyes, but the price was too great in Kyo's opinion.

When Yuki returned, Kyo held him as he cried, woke him from his nightmares and pledged his undying love. Yuki said he didn't regret his sacrifice, it was for Kyo. They loved each other, but the desire for physical love died. Yuki was consumed by fear of pain, Kyo by guilt and only after all this time did they acknowledge what had truly been lost.

Akito was dead, he died on Tuesday and everyone was still in mourning, though Kyo pitied the cursed clan head whose mind suffered as much as his body, he could not pretend to be sad at Akito's passing. It was his own life and his cousins that he mourned, for they all lived under a death sentence now. Still it was well known that these last years would be the best of their lives. Even if the new clan head was born today, he or she wouldn't be able to impose his/her will for at least the next few years.

Ironically it was Yuki who first acknowledged thier new freedom. Kyo thought him still timid from Akito's abuse, but by Thursday morning Yuki had enough pretending to be sad. He sat across from Kyo at the breakfast table sipping his tea and observing his cousin. Kyo smiled companionably and made small talk.

"Are you going in to work today?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"I'm sure they'd give you a couple more days off for mourning if you asked."

"Do you think that I should mourn Akito so much after all he did to both of us."

"No, I can't pretend to be that upset either, but it makes a great excuse to play hooky."

"Perhaps, but what would I do? Some of us don't enjoy sitting on the roof all day, lying in the sun, bronzing our skin." At the time Yuki's eyes roamed over Kyo, but he didn't pay it much mind.

"We could go out. There's so many places we've never been because of the curse, because Akito forbade it. We could go to an amusement park."

"Perhaps that would have been nice when we were younger, but do you really want to wait an hour in line for a thrill ride that lasts 30 seconds? Besides there are too many people at the amusement park, it's almost impossible not to bump into somebody."

"Then we could go hiking in the woods or up to the cabin by the lake."

Yuki looked thoughtful for a moment. "A trip to the hot springs would be nice."

"It's a little cold out."

"But the hot springs are warm all year round, that's what makes them so pleasant."

So that's where they went. It was off tourist season, though considering the Sohmas owned the hot springs, it wasn't that crowded at any time of the year. So they got the spring to themselves which Kyo found out was exactly what Yuki was hoping for.

The warm water was relaxing, in fact it always had a drowsing effect on Kyo. Perhaps that's how Yuki had gotten so close to him without Kyo having a clue what was going on. At first he didn't notice the touches to his shoulders and hair. Yuki was always affectionate when they were alone. He himself had a habit of lingering hugs and playing with Yuki's jaw length locks. When Yuki's caresses moved lower over his arms and down his back, he began to get nervous. When Yuki's hands flitted over his abs, then rested on his pecs, he found himself breathing hard. His eyes opened and he was immediately locked in his cousin's gaze.

"Yuki?"

"There was a time when you wanted me Kyo. Is that no longer the case?"

So blunt, but that was Yuki. He had refused to think on that subject for years now. But he really didn't need to think on it, his body was answering the question for him. He pulled his gaze down to his groin, Yuki caught the look and reached down a hand, which caused Kyo to practically jump out the the spring entirely.

"I thought that after what Akito did to you, that you..."

"I was for a long time, but I'm not a fool. I know the difference between sex and love, even if I've only experienced one, I would like to try the other. What do you want Kyo?"

Kyo didn't hesitate on that one. He had Yuki before him, wet and wanton. "I want you." He was ready then, because he wasn't thinking. It was perfect and it would have been, but then the Spring owner had come in to let them know that Yuki had a call waiting for him. It was the main house to inform him that the mouse had to attend the showing and lay the death shroud over the dead clan head. It was tradition, he had to go.

Kyo was now waiting. Yuki had been very clear about what he wanted to do once he was finished with his obligations. It was almost 10 o'clock. He would be back soon and then they would finally let their passion, love, lust, animal desires, for each other run wild. Kyo had spent approximately 6 hours waiting, thinking, planning, replanning, worrying and fantasizing about Yuki's return.

He was nervous. He knew what to do, but had never actually done it. He didn't want to do anything that could remind Yuki of Akito. He didn't want to make funny noises or put his knee into Yuki's stomach by accident. He had thought about so many ways that he could accidently ruin this evening that he had made himself slightly nauseous.

Then he thought that maybe Yuki wouldn't want him to do anything, maybe Yuki would want to be in control. That was fine with Kyo, but what if he didn't? Kyo thought about what he should be like when Yuki came home. Should be be naked? He didn't think he could wait naked, even if he was alone in the room, he felt really weird about it. Maybe just a towel like he had come from the hot springs, but what if Yuki was tired and wanted to wait until tomorrow, then he might feel Kyo was pressuring him. Maybe he wanted to undress Kyo himself, slowly and with his teeth.

That wasn't a bad idea, maybe he should undress Yuki with his teeth, he was a cat after all. Of course Yuki was wearing that frog clasp chinese style shirt and Kyo probably wouldn't be able to get those things open with his hands. It would be really bad if he were trying to undress Yuki with his teeth and instead just left a huge spot of spit on him. That was a definite mood killer. Yuki would laugh, he'd be embarassed, then he probably wouldn't be able to get it up.

Kyo freaked when he thought of that. What if he couldn't make his erection last? He thought about jerking himself off just to make sure all the plumbing was in order, but what if he wore himself out before Yuki showed up? What would Yuki think if he got here, all ready for thier first night of torrid sex and Kyo's weiner wouldn't plump?

Kyo took a deep breath. He was obviously going insane. He had never had problems in that area, more often than not he couldn't make the damn thing go away when it decided to perk up at inappropriate times, most of which (he realized in hindsight) occurred when a grey haired mouse got too close to him.

He needed to stop thinking about this. A dip in the hot spring would be relaxing, but if Yuki came to the room and he wasn't there then would he know to go to the spring? Even if he did, they couldn't do anything in there, not really. It was a public place and the owner had walked in on them last time.

Fortunately before Kyo's thoughts could spiral any further out of control, the shoji door slid open and Yuki stepped inside. Kyo feared that he might transform if Yuki were to touch him right now. He could actually feel his stomach plummet.

"So how was it?" He smiled a rather pathetic smile.

Yuki gave him a dry look, something Kyo knew only the grey haired man was capable of. "How do you think it was? I got to drape a two day old corpse." He sighed then and actually hunched over a little.

"Yes, but you got to do it in the main house." That was meant to provide levity to the tense air, which Kyo felt completely responsible for.

"Don't tell me you're envious, especially considering you got to spend the evening relaxing in these springs."

Kyo didn't say anything to that, he didn't want Yuki to know how he had spent his evening. By some miracle, a thought came into his head that wouldn't make him look like an idiot, at least he hoped not. "Sit down, I'll rub your shoulders."

Yuki looked over at him and smirked. "I suppose that's a good place to start." He walked over to the futon and sat crosslegged in the center. Kyo took a nervous gulp and kneeled behind him. He had given Yuki massages before as Yuki had done for him, when they practiced thier martial arts together so at least they were starting at familiar territory. It helped to ease the tension caused by Kyo's nervousness some. He thought about how he should initiate the next step, his mind came up marvelously blank.

"Will you cut your hair now?"

"I haven't decided yet. I know that most people find it attractive, but I think it's a little juvenile. It doesn't remind me of Akito anymore. I've had it for so long, I'm used to seeing myself like this. Do you think I should cut it?"

Kyo nodded, realized Yuki couldn't see him and spoke aloud. "I think that you should cut it shorter."

"I thought you liked it. You're always playing with my hair."

"I do, but I know how much you hate it when people compare you to a woman. The long hair makes you look a little feminine."

"They don't do that as much anymore."

"Not since your shoulders broadened out some." Kyo gave those shoulders a gentle squeeze before trailing his hands down either side of Yuki's spine.

"They haven't broadened out as much as yours. No one's ever mistaken you for a woman." Yuki sighed and sagged backwards, catching Kyo off guard. The other man caught him and then opened his knees to rebalance himself, causing Yuki to fall back even more, sinking totally into Kyo's arms.

"Hey warn me next time."

"Sorry, long day, especially when I thought about what I would rather be doing. But we're here now aren't we? And we have the rest of the night." Yuki placed his hand on top of Kyo's and turned his face up. The violet eyes had never seemed to shine so brightly before. Kyo leaned forward. It wasn't their first kiss, but their last one had come years before. It was short and sweet.

It was almost funny the way they sighed at exactly the same time. Kyo could feel more of the tension go out of Yuki's body and he realized that maybe he wasn't the only one who was a little bit nervous. "There's sake." He remembered out loud.

"I don't want any, but if you need some..."

"What does that mean?" Kyo asked defensively.

"I didn't mean anything, I was just going to say that I'd wait here."

"You said need, like I can't do this otherwise."

"I didn't, I just don't want any myself." Yuki sounded tired again.

"Because I don't need any, I just thought it would be nice." Kyo could feel that anger building again, even though he loved Yuki, the rat still had a way of ticking him off.

"That's fine. Go drink some." Yuki patted his thigh, perhaps a little too close for Kyo's comfort.

"I do want to do this you know, it's just I've never done it before."

"I know." Yuki was being entirely too accomodating. He wasn't being Yuki.

"So don't expect anything great."

"Fine I won't."

"Oh my god, you don't think I can do this."

"Kyo, honestly I didn't mean a damn thing beyond, I'm not thirsty right now. I was not making a comment on your impending performance." Yuki was torn between laughing and crying. This was so like Kyo, to get totally upset over nothing and it was enduring because he knew that Kyo just wanted everything to go really well tonight and that he was nervous. Yuki was nervous too, but he had been waiting for this night for a while now, so he really tried to keep the irritation out of his voice.

"I don't need to be drunk to do this."

"I know you don't."

"So..."

"So?"

"So."

"So what?"

Kyo was red, a nice, bright red. He couldn't ask, he was way too embarrassed. He'd make of fool of himself in front of Yuki again.

"What Kyo?"

But Kyo had to ask, otherwise how would he know what he was supposed to do. "So who gets to be on top?"

Yuki smiled, it was an unpleasant smile to Kyo's eyes. Yuki almost had to put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. He didn't want to laugh at Kyo. If there was any mood left, laughing would not help it. "Do you want to be on top Kyo?"

"Me? I don't know, I mean it's not up to me."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Yuki's smile softened in curiousity.

"Because you're the one, I mean after what Akito did, I don't want to be," Kyo sighed or gulped, it was hard to tell,"there if that's what will remind you of what happened when he, you know..."

"Ah I see." That was sweet, really it was, he had actually thought about that a lot, but he knew that wouldn't be a problem. Of course how could Kyo know that? They were both woefully inexperienced so it was sweet of Kyo to be concerned. "It doesn't really matter to me. I just want us to be together. The actual logistics of it aren't important."

"The actual logistics. Yuki, do you have to talk like that now?" Kyo's tone was calmer now, it looked as though there would be not fight. It was a true marvel how far they had come.

Yuki smiled and began rubbing Kyo's leg. "Let me put it this way: I've imagined you pinned below me, glistening in sweat and moaning my name, and I would love to make you scream my name. But I've also dreamed of you holding me in your arms and showering me with kisses as you slowly undress me and caress me and take me. So Kyo tell me what you want to do?"

Kyo had been nervous up until that point, but Yuki managed to say all the right things like always and now he just wanted to stop talking and start relieving the pressure that was building in his stomach and groin. "I want to make you happy."

"I know that's why I want this so much."

"I love you."

"I know." It was a little awkward, since Yuki was facing the wrong way, but Kyo found an uncovered stretch of neck and dug in.

Yuki's skin was soft and the sounds coming from his throat were sweet. Kyo opened his eyes and was looking down at patterned silk. Pretty, but something even better was just below it, so he went for the buttons. After what seemed like forever he got one undone. It was nice to see that little sliver of pale skin peeking out, but there were 4 damn buttons left to go and Kyo started to growl in frustration. Yuki seemed totally oblivious, moaning deeply when Kyo began to growl. Long thin fingers buried themselves in Kyo's firey hair and forced the cat's mouth over the mouse. Things were getting a little uncomfortable now. Yuki had sunk down too low into Kyo's lap for the Kyo to kiss him on the lips. The buttons were really pissing the cat off.

Yuki just thought the other man was rubbing his chest and stomach. Kyo's lips had travelled from his neck to his collarbone and now they were caressing his chest. He wanted to taste those lips. He made his hands into fists and pulled Kyo towards him.

The cat was pretty sure that the rat was trying to snap his neck off and pull his hair out. He couldn't even move to a more comfortable position with Yuki draped on his thighs and the other man didn't seem to notice any of this. Kyo had already lost his temper once tonight. He needed to remain calm, angle himself out of the rat's death grip and somehow manage to get the other man's shirt off. He was pretty sure that Yuki was rather fond of the shirt he was wearing so ripping it off was not an option. Kyo was also pretty sure that somehow this was all his fault. He should've gotten into a better position before this whole make out session started. If he hadn't tried kissing Yuki from the wrong side than Yuki wouldn't be trying to twist his head off his neck just to kiss him on the mouth. At least he hoped that was the reason Yuki was twisting his head around. He made another sound when he was sure that Yuki had just pulled out a lock of his hair.

"Kyo what's wrong?"

"Well I, that is my neck, it's just that it..."

"Hahaha, you stupid cat."

"What?" Kyo's face turned out when a quick rush of blood infused it.

"And here I thought you were trying to get me on my back." Yuki finally, wonderfully, let go of Kyo's hair.

They both sat up and Kyo began to rub his sore neck. "Sorry." He looked at his thighs, unable to meet his cousins's eyes, now that the other man was sitting opposite him.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I should've said something sooner."

"That's fine Kyo, because I've been thinking about it and I've decided," Yuki leaned in, placing a hand on either side of Kyo's thighs he whispered into the cat's ear, "I want you on your back."

Kyo's face turned even hotter, but in a way he was relieved. He noddly a little dumbly, "Okay, that's fine, I don't mind." Kyo leaned over to move his legs from their kneeling position to swing them around in front of him, so that he could lie down, but Yuki grabbed his wrist.

"I hate to bring up logistics but there's something we both need to do first." Yuki stood up, dragging Kyo with him.

Once both men were standing, facing each other in the moonlit room, Yuki let go of Kyo's wrist and began to unbutton the rest of his shirt. Kyo's mouth suddenly felt dry and he looked away, but he knew he wasn't supposed to look away, so he began to take off his own clothes just so he wouldn't look like he was looking away. It was all really stupid when he thought about the times that he had changed in the same locker room with Yuki or transformed with him. They had seen each other, so he could look, he should look but he didn't want to stare, because he didn't want to look like he was staring.

When he finished he decided that he had to look, he was supposed to look and he found that Yuki was looking at him, long and hard and thoroughly. Those violet eyes trailed leisurely over his skin. Kyo began to look at Yuki, really look at him, not out of the corners of his eyes or with a quick glance, but studied every curve. He noticed the shadows that played over the other man's skin that defined muscle and bone. He took in the shades of pale, from the soft pink hues of Yuki's cheeks to the beige colored nipples. Yuki didn't have even the faintest tan lines. Kyo's eyes were drawn to Yuki's midsection. He looked at the other man's erection and tried not to think about how it would feel to have that stuck up his butt.

Yuki embraced his cousin and Kyo sunk into those arms. "It's okay Kyo, I'm nervous too."

Kyo felt that odd sense of relief and annoyance at Yuki for saying exactly the right thing at the right time, as usual. The hug turned into a kiss which turned into soft caresses that became sensual and soon they were sinking into the bedding. Kyo laid down, flat on his back and Yuki laid over him, only slightly holding himself up. Skin to skin contact was maximized and legs slid between other legs. Hands over flesh created soft heat that spread like a blanket. Heavy petting became bold as hands left hips to slide over more sensitive areas. Panting turned into moaning and soon nips lead to gasps and Kyo was tugging at Yuki's hair, pulling it and twisting his cousin's neck so he could bring that hot moist mouth back to his own. Yuki was nipping at nipples and squeezing balls, waiting.

"Yuki please." Those were the words that he had longed to hear.

Yuki returned to Kyo's lips for a long slow kiss. Then he sat up and stared. He had stared earlier, but he indulged himself a second time. Kyo's skin was golden bronze even in the moonlight, all except for the band of white across his midsection. He would have to talk Kyo into sunbathing nude from now on, so that those sweet round buns would look a little less doughy. The skin was soft, the muscles hard and with the infusion of blood into those cheeks, Kyo was akin to a god.

Yuki began to prepare Kyo, always watching the other man's face. Watching for flinching muscles and quivering lips. Kyo's eyelids fluttered and his eyes grew crow's feet. Yuki waited for the muscles in Kyo's neck to loosen. When the skin grew smooth, he proceded.

Yuki watched as Kyo drew his bottom lip beneath his teeth, his hand mimicked the motion, crinkling starch white sheets beneath curling, grasping fingers. Kyo needed less painful stimulation. Yuki knew just how to distract him. He absorbed the image of his kitten in sweet submission before buring his head in musky salt and swirling firey thread.

In this hour stolen from peaceful slumber Kyo had transformed from domineering to dominated. The cat had become a colt, bucking but begging to be broken and the rat would make Kyo scream his name, because in the end, he was selfish and wanted to possess all the beautiful things that he had been denied by Akito. Akito had possessed him for a while, bound him with fear and pain, but he would possess Kyo with his passion and love.

They didn't have long to enjoy thier freedom, their life. That was true, but they were bound together for all eternity and for once that didn't seem like a curse. Yuki fed off of this revelation. He fed off of his lover's( for they were now truly lovers in both body and heart) pleas and moans and gasps and words, uttered intermittently, of love, passion, lust and need. Their was so much need between them now: a need that went beyond physical desire, a need to justify all the pain, the sacrifice that they had both endured. Such a great demand was too much for Kyo who bore so much guilt already. That was why Yuki knew he had to take this burden and make it his alone. In doing so he would bind Kyo to him forever.

Love was selfish, Yuki knew this. He had learned the hard way, but he also beleived that love could be wonderful. As he drew Kyo into his arms and buried himself into Kyo's body, he whispered into the sweaty pulse of his lover's neck "You are mine now. I love you, Kyo." Then he sucked deeply as though he could pull Kyo's life blood from that artery into his own heart.

"Yuki." Kyo couldn't respond, couldn't think coherently or even process the words that he heard. They were hard to hear over his own breathing and moaning and pleading. He was pleading, he was sure. His world was warmth and pain and hot blood pulsing and waves of pleasure. He had lost the ability to focus on anything but Yuki's body, even that was too difficult. There was a sense of wetness against his skin, licks and just enough pain to distract him momentarily. The rat was marking him, he knew. But that was only on the periphery of his senses, like the fingers on his hips and his butt that bruised him. He could feel his heart hammering for a moment and tried to time the waves of pleasure against his beating heart. It was impossible to keep track. His cells were screaming in joy. He was screaming. Screaming his joy, his love, his desire and need.

Yuki listened to his name as it was shouted into his ears. His own voice was drowned out.

Sex was not something that Yuki had ever looked forward to before. Sex with Akito had been bearable. The clan head had been kinder in those moments, but even if it brought physical release, he often felt sick to his stomach afterwards. Now with Kyo there was a definite sense of warmth and harmony. He didn't let go of his kitten, though he did move them into a more comfortable position.

Real cats spoke with their eyes, Kyo did so as well. Yuki thought his cousin might shower him with praise or endearments, but Kyo just yawned a gaping yawn, settled his cousin with a look of pure contentment and slid his eyes closed in slumber.

That was fine. He could tease Kyo tomorrow, about how he had worn the poor kitty out. He hoped that the spring owners hadn't heard Kyo. He could just imagine all the apologizing he would have to listen to when they left. He was sure the owners would find some way of making Kyo's screams their fault. He would dispute that though. Those screams were all his fault and he was rather proud of it. He felt powerful in a way he never had before. He was able to make Kyo happy in a way no one had ever been able to until now. In some way the rat was able to ease the cat's suffering.

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