Regrets

On to Part Eleven
Back to other Fanfiction
Back Home

Author: Moe
Rating: PG
Pairing: B/R with a little W/Gr, X/Anya on the side
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Joss and Co., Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc owns everything The song used in this piece is R Kelly’s If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time. I do not own that either, just think it is pretty.
Distribution: The Fanatics and anyone I have given permission to use my fics may have it. Anyone else, please ask first. Emmy may review
Feedback: I want it, I need it, I crave it
Spoilers: Season 4
Dedication: This is for all the people on the BuffyRileyFanfic and FINNSmut lists. And as always to my incredible beta reader Amy!!!

Part 10

Willow’s skirt seemed to flow around her tiny frame as she frantically paced the length of the room. Twisting the gloves in her hand, she was the perfect picture of jumbled nerves. “What if he doesn’t show? What is he takes one look at me and realizes he’s made a huge mistake?”

“Will.” Buffy got up from her chair where she had been watching Willow with fascination. Taking the red-head’s hands in her own, Buffy sought to calm her nervous friend. “That man is hopelessly, undeniably in love with you. There is no need for you to be worried. Besides, he has been here since five o’clock this morning, he is so excited.”

“Really?” Willow’s green eyes were huge with wonder.

“Really. Saw him ordering people around myself. He wants this day to be perfect for you.” Buffy could see the visible change in her friend as she began to settle down.

Willow took a deep breath as she walked to the mirror once again to make sure that her veil was straight. Glancing at the gloves in her hand, she put on her resolve face, deciding to banish those negative thoughts from her head. Sliding her hands into the gloves, she adjusted them until they were straight. Then turning around, she offered herself up to Buffy for inspection.

Buffy couldn’t help the tears that formed in her eyes. The day had finally arrived and she was losing her best friend. And though she could not think of a person she was more willing to give her friend to than Graham, Buffy felt an aching in her heart as she realized things were going to change once again. It would no longer be just Willow, it would be Willow and Graham. Like Xander and Anya. A complete package, not sold separately. Leaving Buffy once again as the odd man out.

“Will, you are absolute perfection. Graham is one lucky guy!” Buffy smiled at her friend through her tears.

“Ya think?” Willow grinned as she twirled around in her dress.

“Definitely!” Buffy returned to her chair and sat gingerly down. Her knees, though healing rapidly, were still sore and hurt when she was required to bend them. She just hoped she wouldn’t make a fool of herself hobbling down the aisle.

Anya entered the room, a smile adorning her face. “They’re ready for us!” Grabbing the bouquet from the table, Anya crossed to Willow, handing her the arrangement before grabbing her own. The composed, serene look left Willow’s eyes, once again replaced with fear. “Oh God, what if he says no?”

Buffy groaned.

***************************

The ceremony went perfectly. Once Anya and Buffy had managed to calm Willow enough to get her to walk down the aisle, things went smoothly. One look at Graham’s radiant face and all Willow’s doubts were washed away. Graham, with Riley and Xander by his side, beamed at his bride to be, declaring his undying love for her, promising to give her the world and more.

Willow followed suit, promising to follow him to the ends of the earth and not to turn him into a toad if she ever got mad at him. They exchanged rings, adoration clearly written across each of their faces. Graham didn’t even hesitate when the officiator told him to kiss the bride. With great enthusiasm, Graham grabbed hold of Willow, pulling her into a tight embrace. His lips found hers in a searing kiss that spoke volumes of the love and passion he held for her.

The audience erupted into applause as Willow, a little dizzy from the mind-blowing kiss, grabbed hold of Graham’s arm, blushing from head to toe. As Buffy took Riley’s arm, she couldn’t help but notice how stunning he looked in his tux. The smooth cloth felt good, rubbing slightly against her skin as she walked with him down the aisle, feeling the hard muscle underneath, remembering the feel of those arms when they were holding her.

Riley had been eyeing Buffy throughout the ceremony, loving the way her dress fit her body. His fingers were just itching to run through that incredible mane of golden locks. He had been entranced by the slight sway of her hips as she glided down the aisle towards him. And for a moment he held onto the fantasy that it was his and Buffy's wedding and she would be pledging her love for him and he to her. But that thought quickly dissolved when she had turned, joining Anya on the other side.

Now feeling her so close, her heat, her scent assaulting his senses, he wanted nothing more then to tell her how she made him feel, how much he wanted her. But the fear of rejection played on his courage and he left those emotions tucked away.

**************************

The music thumped loudly as people young and old danced to the new age beat. Laughter and conversation abounded as people toasted to the new couple and celebrated their union. With all the joy surrounding her, Buffy was surprised to find herself more depressed then ever. Maybe it was the fact that she had just lost her best friend, maybe it was that her Slayer side was scolding her for being such a coward when it came to Riley, or maybe it was the fact that Graham’s cousin was currently putting the moves on her man....her man, where had that come from?

Graham’s cousin, Melinda, seemed to be all hands and Riley was trying desperately to be polite, ignoring the way her body rubbed intimately against his own, her hands slipping slowly downward, but enough was enough. Thanking her for the dance, he excused himself, stating that he had best man duties to perform. And although it wasn’t entirely a lie, Riley felt a little guilty when he saw the pouting look on her face as he made his way over to Xander.

Anya was more than happy to give Xander over to Riley for awhile. At eight and a half months pregnant, she had grown tired of his recent tendency to hover and she could use a break. As Riley and Xander made there way to the parking lot, Riley tried to ignore the sad look on Buffy’s face but felt his heart breaking for the girl. As Xander pulled out the bag with the supplies, Riley couldn’t help but question one of the Slayer’s best friends about her current condition. “Is Buffy okay, Xander? She seems a little blue.”

Handing over a can of whipped cream to Riley, Xander carefully mulled over how to proceed with him. “Well, the thing is, there’s this guy...and she well, she really likes him, but is not sure if he feels the same and is worried that if she lets him know how she feels about him, he may reject her. She doesn’t think she can take the pain.” That was enough of a hint, right?

Riley felt his jealousy rise. God, he was such a fool to think that a beautiful woman like Buffy would remain unattached. But as he remembered that pained look on her face from moments ago, his jealousy turned to that of anger at any man that would reject such a precious girl. “What idiot would dare reject such a...such a gift?” Riley could hear the longing in his own voice and looked at Xander, who had stopped taping the condom to the windshield of the limo to stare, open-mouthed, at Riley.

“You’re in love with her!” Xander exclaimed, clearly surprised at the sudden revelation.

“Is it that obvious?” Riley asked, knowing the answer to his own question. Taking the top off the can, Riley began spraying the cream across the back window.

“You’ve got to tell her, man!” Xander insisted.

“Tell her, what? ‘So sorry I caused you all that pain, sorry I accused you of letting your friend....your father figure die, but hey, guess what I’m in love with you. Does that make you feel better?’” Riley stated, sarcastically, knowing Buffy would never forgive him for his actions all those years ago. How could she, when he couldn’t forgive himself?

“That sounds pretty damn good to me.” Xander stated, hating these self-flagellating friends that won’t let the past die.

Riley looked up at Xander, knowing he would never understand. Xander had never seen the hurt in Buffy’s that night he had spoken so cruelly to her. “Let’s just drop it, man. Forget I said anything.”

Xander wasn’t about to leave it at that, but before he could do anything about it, Willow’s uncle came out requesting both of their company inside, stating he would take over the decorating detail. Handing off the condoms and whipped cream to the older gentlemen, the two made their way inside to find that the bride and groom were ready to cut the cake.

***********************

Buffy watched enviously, as Willow and Graham swayed on the dance floor, whispering endearments into each others ears. They were the picture of bliss and it made her heart swell to know that her best friend was so happy and content.

“So, is everything set?” Graham asked as he whirled his wife around the dance floor.

“Everything is in place, now we just need the two of them.” Willow said as she glanced over at Buffy who was still sulking at the table. “Maybe we need to set the mood first, what do you think?”

Graham glanced from Buffy to Riley, both looking like their favorite puppy had just died. “Yeah and I have just the thing.” As the song drew to a close, Graham kissed his blushing bride on the nose before leading her off the dance floor. Grabbing the microphone from the DJ, he asked for everyone’s attention. “Willow and I would like to ask that the best men and bridesmaids join us for the next dance, so if you would please...” Graham motioned for the others to follow their example. Xander took Anya’s hand and led her to the dance floor, embracing her as best he could around her ample belly. Graham lead Willow back out before casting a glance in Riley’s direction.

How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I’d be singing this song some day
And now I’m sinking, sinking to rise no more
Ever since you closed the door
Riley took the cue from Graham and nervously approached Buffy. Swallowing the huge lump that had formed in his throat, Riley held out his hand, asking Buffy to dance. Buffy stared in horror at his extended hand. She felt her knees begin to tremble as she took his hand into her own and was afraid she was going to faint before they made it to the dance floor. Riley licked his suddenly dry lips as he pulled her close, taking her soft hand into his sweaty one. He apologized, wiping his palm on his jacket, before taking her hand again.

If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you, you’d still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine
She felt like heaven. Her body moving in time with his, they had found a familiar rhythm, like they had never been apart. She smelled just as sweet as she did three years ago. He couldn’t help the tightening he felt in his chest as he held her close to him. Loving her breath hot on his chest, her hand on his shoulder, her hair tickling his nose. He missed this...this just being near her, being with her. Riley wished more then anything that he could freeze time and just go on feeling this moment.

Funny, funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye
Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering
When everyday I plead please come back to me
Buffy felt Riley tighten his hold on her and couldn’t help but pull him tighter. Just feeling him holding her felt so right. She felt his hand trail along her bare back and the air catch in her own lungs as a chill ran down her spine. Taking a deep breath, she breathed him in, closing her eyes she just let herself feel.

If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you, you’d still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine
Soft, she was so soft, her skin under his hands was just as he remembered it to be. God, how he wanted to kiss her, feel her lips warm, soft and wet against his own. To know that this moment wasn’t some figment of his imagination, that she was here, holding him tightly, letting him hold her. He couldn’t help it, his lips brushed gently against the top of her head.

And you had enough love for the both of us
But I, I did your wrong I admit I did
But now I'm facing the rest of my life alone
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you, you’d still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darling you’d still be mine
God how she wished she could just tell him...tell him how much she missed him, how much she needed him, how much she loved him. She felt him nudge her head softly and imagined that he was kissing her softly, instead of bumping into her. Buffy allowed herself to indulge in that fantasy, that he loved and wanted her as much as she did him.

I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)
Never do your wrong (if I could turn back)
And never leave your side (If I could turn back)
If I could turn back the hands of time
Her eyes swept the crowd that had gathered to watch the couples dance slowly and she caught sight of Willow’s cousin, obviously drunk, making a pass at one of Graham’s aunts. Buffy cringed as she saw the woman slap the inebriated cousin soundly for some off colored comment he had made. The sound of that slap resinated in her head reminding her of the time she had dealt such a punishment.

There'll be nothing I wouldn't do for you (If I could turn back)
Forever honest and true to you (If I could turn back)
If you accept me back in your heart, I love you
If I could turn back the hands
Buffy couldn’t turn back time, the mistakes she had made following Giles’ death were still haunting her and she could do nothing to change them. Tears rolled silently down her face as she continued to sway with Riley. Suddenly the room seemed too small, too claustrophobic. She had to get away. Pulling swiftly out of Riley’s embrace, she turned her head so that he wouldn’t see her tears. Whispering “I’m sorry, so sorry!” Buffy fled from the room, as Riley watched in disappointment.

I'm going down yes I am (if I could turn)
Down on my bended knee yeah (If I could turn)
And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me
If I could turn back the hands
He noticed the wet marks on his jacket and knew that Buffy was crying. Concerned, Riley began to follow only to be halted by Willow. “I’ll take care of it, Riley. Go sit down, relax.” Willow charged after her friend, hoping that she hadn’t left the premises.

(If I could turn back) if I could turn back that little clock on the wall
(If I could turn back) Then I'd come to realize how much I love you,
love you, love you, love you, love you
If I could turn back the hands of time
Riley shuffled his feet on the floor, stuffing his hands in his pockets, unsure of what to do. Knowing he was the last person Buffy would want to see right now, he followed Willow’s advice. Grabbing a bottle of champagne, he found an empty table and proceeded to pour himself a large glass of the bubbly liquid.

Before the substance found its way to his lips, he noticed Willow return, sans Buffy. Graham and Willow conferred briefly before Graham made his way over to Riley. “Hey man! Umm...my Grandma is a little chilled and would like her sweater, do you think you could go to the coat room and get it for her? Seems Willow needs me for a minute.”

“Sure man! Anything.” Riley quickly stood up, relieved to have a mission, even if it was only fetching a coat for an elderly woman.

“It’s a purple, frilly thing, can’t miss it. Coat room is third door on the left and thanks!” Graham clapped his hand on his friend’s shoulder before shoving him off. Willow waited until Riley was out the door before joining Graham.

“Think he bought it.”

“Let’s hope. Come on, if we want this thing to work we need to move now.” Graham grabbed Willow’s hand and rushed in the direction Riley had just left.

To be Continued...