Author: Moe
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/R with a little W/Gr and X/A on the side
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Joss and Co, Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc owns everything
Distribution: The Finnatics and anyone I have given permission to use my fics may have it. Anyone else please ask first. Emmy may review.
Feedback: I want it, I need it, I crave it.
Spoilers: Season 4
Notes: ~*~*~*~*~*~* indicates a flashback.
Dedication: To Amy, a talented person and friend. To those who have given me encouraging words on this fic, it means the world to me! :)
Part 3
The soft chirping of crickets broke the monotony of silence that had settled over the Restfield cemetery. Night had fallen hours ago and still the fledgling vampire had failed to rise. Buffy rolled the stake between her hands, sighing at how uneventful the patrol had been. “Come on lazy bones, lets get this show on the road,” she whispered to herself. She had an intense desire for a quick slay, a hot bath and a good mope. The Riley sighting earlier had bothered her more then she was willing to admit. His image was ingrained into her memory-- every time she closed her eyes, she saw him––leaning over the counter, the thin t-shirt doing little to hide the muscles in his back as they rippled slightly, his arm flexing as he reached out for his coffee, his smile as he hugged Willow. The aftershave he used had grabbed hold of her senses when he had neared them and now it clung to her. Inhaling deeply, she let the memories of that smell take her back to a time and place so different from where she was now, a place where she had been happy, content.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Hold still!” Buffy warned him for the hundredth time. He had been twitching nervously since they had begun this little adventure and it was starting to distract her--though his close proximity was a distraction in and of itself. Especially when his hand had grazed her shoulder while moving her hair back behind her.
“I’m sorry, your hair was tickling me.” Riley said, straightening once again. Banishing all other thoughts, Buffy concentrated on the blade in her hand and the area she had yet to shave. Having arrived early for their date, Buffy had found Riley in the bathroom, the air still damp from his recent shower, and a towel wrapped securely around his waist. He had insisted on shaving before they left. The Initiative had kept him busy from the break of dawn to an hour earlier and he was in desperate need of a shave. Being ever the thoughtful girlfriend, Buffy had offered her services. Though hesitant, Riley had finally given in to her and handed her the razor.
Buffy was now beginning to think that this may have not been such a good idea. Besides the fact that she was now trying desperately not to cut his throat, he was distracting her further with his little smiles and his hand drawing lazy circles on her hip. “If you don’t stop that you're going to end up in the emergency room instead of my bed tonight.”
“I can’t help it, the way your face scrunches up when you’re concentrating is really a turn on,” Riley said, a huge smile lighting up his face and his blue eyes dancing with delight.
“Yeah?” Buffy asked, taking one last swipe with the razor before gently wiping his face with the washcloth. Surveying her work, she had to admit she had done a fine job. Grabbing his after shave, she applied some to her palm, taking a moment to inhale deeply of it's spicy aroma before gently patting his cheeks.
“Oh yeah!” Riley replied, his eyes locking with hers.
The edge to his voice did not go unnoticed, so she decided to play along. “How’s that?”
“You just look extremely sexy when you are determined. Especially when your tongue is teasing your lip, oh so gently. Your hair, brushing against me, caressing me.” Riley let his hand drift up to her hair, drawing a strand forward and twirling it around his finger. His other hand moved up to her shoulder, fingers gently running along the tanned skin of her neck and shoulder. “The focus in your eyes, the scrunch of your nose.” Riley leaned forward, kissing the tip of her nose gently. His face remained inches from hers as he continued. “The warmth of your body, the way your chest rubs lightly against mine.” His voice had dropped to a whisper as he pulled her close to him, her legs locking around his waist. “The sound of your voice, sweet as honey. Your hand grazing my cheek. Everything about you is a turn on.”
Buffy was surprised by his forwardness, but found it hard to resist him. *The opening of the new wing at Mom’s gallery be damned! I’m having this for me.* As his lips began to caress the skin below her ear, all thoughts of anything but Riley quickly left. The towel was soon discarded as well as Buffy’s new dress. It was a pity they hadn’t thought to lock the door. Poor Graham probably wouldn’t have gotten the shock of his life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As much as she missed the passion their relationship had held, she missed just being in his arms the most. Feeling the love he offered her, unconditionally. He talked to her, listened to her and not just about the demon aspect of life. They shared everything––their hopes and dreams, their thoughts and feelings––everything. Buffy had never found someone she felt so open with, Riley was the man she benchmarked other potential partners against. None ever lived up to Riley though, how could they. He was everything she desired in one package, he was unique.
Buffy was stirred out of her ruminations by the sound of a twig snapping behind the headstone she was leaning against. She was up in a flash, her hand reflexively finding the stake in her belt loop, bringing it up in a defensive position. Instead of a blood thirsty creature of the night that she had hoped to encounter, she found a startled Xander. “Geez Buff, watch where you’re pointing that thing.”
Buffy lowered her stake, replacing it into her belt loop. “You of all people should know never to sneak up on people, Xander. Especially someone who is heavily armed.”
“Point taken and set aside for future reference. So, not much action?” Xander asked, circling the headstone before plopping down next to Buffy, who had already resumed her previous position.
“Mister Sleepy head doesn’t want to wake up.” Buffy pouted, pointing to the fresh grave in front of them.
“Guess someone forgot to set the alarm clock” Xander joked, and remembering suddenly why he had come, grabbed the white paper bag he had set beside him. “Oh, I almost forgot. I brought you these.” He reached into the bag, pulling out a package of mini-snickers bars. “You know for a pick-me-up.”
Buffy eyed Xander carefully. “And why would I need a pick-me-up?”
His eyes went wide, Willow had warned him to be casual about it--not to bring up the subject. “Oh, uh, you know for the slaying. Sugar always gives me a boost.” Xander exclaimed, knowing how lame that may have come out.
Buffy just stared at him. Xander tried to look away but couldn’t, he could never resist that look. “Okay, Willow said that you saw Riley today and that you were all mopey girl after, said you could use a little cheering up, hence, chocolate.”
“I was not mopey girl!” Buffy said, taking offense.
“Buffy, Willow had to buy you shoes just to get a smile out of you. I’d say you were in serious mope mood.”
“Well, that’s just because they were out of the leather pumps I had my eye on for weeks.” Buffy said defensively. Now, it was Xander’s turn to use the stare technique. “Okay, it bothered me a little seeing him.”
“And why shouldn’t it? He’s your ex after all.”
“It was just weird. All these buried feelings began to surface. And did Willow mention the part about him having a gorgeous girlfriend?” Buffy said, shifting her position against the tombstone she was leaning against and stretching her legs out in front of her.
“Feelings? What sort of feeling?” Xander asked, munching on a Snickers.
“Just stuff.....vamp!” Buffy was on her feet before Xander knew what was happening. The vampires were on them in seconds. A small blonde female went after Xander, quickly pinning him to the ground. A taller, butched vamp lunged at Buffy. She easily sidestepped his advance, causing his head to crack against the headstone. With the vampire momentarily fazed, Buffy grabbed the vamp looking to make a midnight snack out of Xander and threw her into the other vamp. Helping Xander to his feet, Buffy thrust a stake into his hand, noticing that the other vamps where regrouping as well.
“You take Shorty, I’ve got Butch.” Buffy advanced on the male, slowly circling, assessing the easiest and quickest route to the kill. Xander did likewise, copying her movements with precision. After almost 8 years, he had her hunting strategy down pat and had become an effective demon hunter. Buffy leaped forward with catlike reflexes, catching the vampire off guard. His hesitation cost him his life. The wood slide into his chest, piercing his dead heart. The female, shocked by the sight of her companions demise, howled in rage, all thoughts of the boy behind her leaving her mind as she focused on her mate’s killer.
Xander advanced on her, plunging the stake through her back. The stake contacted with bone, going no further. The vamp whirled on Xander, the stake hanging from her back. Buffy took the opportunity, a swift kick to the end of the stake shoved it through, puncturing its heart. As the ash settled, Buffy noticed a hand breaking the ground of the grave below them. Stepping behind it, Buffy watched as the newbie crawled from the depths below. As soon as its back was free, Buffy plunged the stake in. Buffy dusted off her clothes, noticing Xander do the same. “So, uh where were we?”
“Stuff!” Xander said, watching Buffy grab her slayer bag as they prepared to leave the cemetery.
“Right. Stuff. You know what, I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Is that cool?” Buffy began to stroll with Xander through the cemetery.
“That’s fine. But if you do want to talk, you know where to find me, right?”
“Got your number on speed dial!” Buffy smiled, though that quickly faded as she realized they would soon be at the spot. She always made it a point to pass by it during her patrol, to remind her what she was fighting for and what can be so easily taken away. The gray marble was like a beacon to her. For three years, this had been the place her patrol always concluded. Stopping in front of the marker, Buffy and Xander stared at the black letters, labeling the place where Giles was laid to rest.
“Giles would have been so proud of Willow. He would have wanted to be here.” Buffy said, her fingers brushing the top of the headstone. “He would have been proud of you too, ya know.” Xander had changed a lot in the last couple years. Marriage and impending fatherhood had really made him stop and take a look at his life. Enrolling in UC Sunnydale, Xander had earned an Associates degree and was hard at work on a Bachelor’s degree in business all while managing to hold down a part time job and, of late, put up with Anya’s cravings and mood swings.
“Yeah, he would. He would also be proud of you, ya know.” Xander placed a comforting hand on Buffy’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
Buffy’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Xander, I’ve made so many mistakes, hurt so many people I care for, how can he possibly be proud of me.”
“Because you’re you. And all that stuff that happened with Riley, that was a long time ago. You were going through a rough time.” Xander noticed the tear roll down her face as she quickly wiped it away.
“I blamed him for everything, Xander. I belittled him. I hit him. How can I forgive myself?” Buffy sat down on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.
Xander crouched down, lifting her chin so that she looked directly at him. “I’m sure Riley understands what you where going through. He probably even deserved the slap, if what Willow told me is true.”
“Xander, let’s just not... I don’t want to get into this.” Buffy closed herself off once again, hoping Xander would drop it.
“Okay, I’ve got to get home anyway. Anya’s cravin’ anchovies and peanut brittle and its best to get it too her as soon as possible. You gonna be okay?” Xander asked, noticing the tears had already begun to dry.
“Yeah, I’m just going to hang out here for awhile. I’ll see you tomorrow at the barbeque?”
“With bells on! Night.” Buffy watched as Xander disappeared through the gates and seconds later heard the roar of an engine as he pulled away from the cemetery. As the quiet descended upon her once again, Buffy let her head rest upon the cold stone. She missed Giles tremendously. His good advice and friendship were something she valued more than anything. He had been a father figure in the absence of her own, a friend in her time of need, and a watcher when duty called. Buffy did blame herself for the circumstances under which he died. She had been late and he had paid dearly for it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Don’t do, di need you.”” Riley pouted, his nose red from a recent sneezing fit. The cold had struck him fast and hard, leaving him with little energy. Buffy had enjoyed playing nurse maid to him, especially when it came time for those sponge baths. She hated to leave him, especially when he was running such a high temperature.
“Honey, it will only be for a couple hours. Graham will come in and check up on you every once in awhile.” Buffy said, coaxing him to lie down.
“But di want you.” Riley grabbed her hand, holding it tightly, his eyes pleading with her to stay.
“Giles, needs me too! Some great evil is rising tonight and I need to be there. Now would you rather have me stay here and have the world be plunged into hell, or would you rather I leave you for a couple hours, stop the evil and be back with hot chicken soup?”
“Go, sabe da world!” Riley finally relented, releasing her hand.
“Okay, you lie back and rest. Love you.” Buffy placed a quick kiss on his forehead, noting how very hot he was, concern overwhelming her. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
It took another ten minutes for her to leave Riley, making sure that he was comfortable and had everything he could possibly need. By the time she made it to the cemetery, she was a half hour late. Giles was going to scold her, she was sure of it. He always did when she was late, which was a lot lately.
The sounds of a fight hit her before she even made it past the gate. A sharp cry pierced the air, full of pain and suffering. Buffy raced into the cemetery, her legs pumping hard as she tried to reach Giles. Buffy stared in horror as three large demons hovered around Giles’’ fallen body. He was beaten badly, blood matting his hair, and his arm hanging at an odd angle from his body. Buffy willed her legs to move faster as she saw a demon raise a large knife above his head. As the knife came slicing down, she knew she was too late.
Grabbing an axe that had fallen by the wayside, Buffy used a headstone to leap into the air, bringing a fatal blow to the demon closest to her, cutting it from stem to stern. Another demon put up some resistance, but the rage inside Buffy consumed her, guiding her actions and the demon was quickly dispatched, its head falling ten feet from where its body now lay prone on the ground. The remaining demon, ran off, limping from injuries sustained during the earlier struggle. Buffy let it go, choosing instead to focus her attention on her fallen friend.
His breaths were coming in short gasps now as his lungs fought for air, due to the blood now pooling in them. Buffy grabbed the knife’s handle, pulling it from Giles body, her hand quickly replacing the metal. Applying pressure, she begged for him to stay with her. Blood seeped from his mouth as he tried to speak.
“Shh....Giles you’re going to be fine. You have to be fine.” Giles' usually so vibrant face had become ashen in the matter of moments.
“B...Buf..you.....daugh....ter......me” Giles lifted a shaking, bloodied hand, his fingertips grazing her cheek lightly. Buffy began to sob as she watched Giles close his eyes, his body going limp under her hands.
“No.....NO!” Buffy began to shake as emotions of aching pain, rage, and sadness swept over her small frame. Her arms went around his still body, pulling him to her, rocking him gently.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow and Xander had found her hours later. Riley had been worried when she had failed to return and called to see if the two knew about her whereabouts. They had gone out looking for her, only to find her in a trance like state, their friend’s body held tightly in her small arms.
It had taken several weeks for her to come out of that and she wasn't the same when she finally did. She lashed out at her friends, her enemies, and most especially Riley. Looking back at it now, Buffy realized it was her way of dealing with the pain. As long as everyone else was miserable, she didn’t have too long for happier times. As much as she blamed herself for that night, she also blamed Riley. It was irrational, she knew it, but the reason she was late was because she was with Riley. Buffy also feared that one day she would come across his body lying cold on the ground, beaten and broken. She couldn’t bear the thought so she pushed him away, while wanting nothing more than to be with him.
After about a year of mourning his loss, Buffy had made her peace with Giles’ death. Hunting down that last demon had helped, but that had been after Riley had left. Riley had endured six long months of torture at her hand. Using words like “worthless” and “weak” she attacked his place in her life, his very existence. Yet, he fought to be by her side--to not give up on them. After every fight they had, she would run back to him, begging for him to forgive her. He never thought twice about it, letting her back in an instant. When she would cry at night, it was his arms that held her, his words that soothed her. Still she attacked him, it took six months to break him, the fight leaving him, her words cutting too many wounds to heal.
Buffy never blamed him for saying what he had, knowing that he didn’t mean those words. He had been hurting because of her. She didn’t like that their relationship had ended like it did--her slapping him--it was something she regretted. Something she would always regret.
As she sat there, her head against the cool concrete, she wished she could take back that day. While being so afraid she was going to lose him to death, she had lost him to life. Aside from Giles’ death, it had been her biggest regret.
To be continued
On To Part Four
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