“That was really good, Buff. I mean it,” Xander said from his seat next to Anya.
Buffy smiled. “Thanks, Xander.”
“Really great.” Riley kissed her on the cheek.
“Please! Give me a bleedin’ break!” Spike groaned from the end of the table. “It was just food. Food is food. Next thing you know, we’re all going to have to say what we’re thankful for!”
Willow perked up. “Hey, Spike. That’s a great idea!” She smiled. Spike rolled his eyes. “Since it was your idea, why don’t you start?”
“Look, Red. I think I’ll pass.” Spike started to get up.
Willow grabbed his wrist. “I don’t think so. Either you sit down and join the party or you don’t get any dessert. It’s your favorite…blood pudding!” Willow giggled.
Graham, who was sitting beside her, laughed out loud. “Blood pudding. That’s a good one.”
Everyone laughed at Willow’s joke. Everyone, that is, except Spike.
“Cute. Very cute.” He sat down again. “Fine. If it means I can leave soon, then I’ll play along. Let’s see…” He paused, thinking. “I am thankful for dead animals since I can’t feed on live ones. I am thankful for the dark dampness of my crypt since it is much comfier than Xander’s basement. And, oh yeah, I am definitely thankful that this God awful get-together is almost over.” He grinned evilly at the seven faces staring at him.
There was a silence. Finally, Willow spoke. “Thanks, Spike. That was very…you.” She smiled weakly. “Who wants to go next?”
Graham spoke up. “I’ll go.” He cleared his throat quietly. “I am thankful for the food I just ate. I am thankful for friends. New,” he said, looking at Willow and smiling, “and old.” He gave Riley a wink. “And I am thankful for being able to share this day with all of you.” He looked at Spike. “Well, almost all of you.” A few quiet snickers.
“Thank you, Graham. That was very nice,” Willow said. “Who wants…”
“I will!” Buffy interrupted cheerfully. She stood up and looked around at the faces sitting around the table. She took a deep breath and smiled. “I am thankful that all of you were polite enough to lie to me about my cooking. Not a word, Spike,” she added quickly. They all smiled. She looked at Willow, Xander, and Giles. “I am thankful for my oldest and dearest friends. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be now. Thank you.” She turned her gaze to Graham. “I am also very thankful for unexpected heroes. I can’t thank you enough, Graham, for saving my life. And Riley’s. Without you, we’d definitely be dead now.” She smiled warmly at him, making him blush. She turned to Riley and took his hand. “And last but not least, I am thankful for second chances. Riley, you mean so much to me. I really do love you. I thought I had lost you, but you came back to me. Thank you.” She leaned down and kissed him softly. Then she smiled and sat down.
“I’d like to go next, if that’s okay,” Riley said quietly. He tried smiling, but his nerves were suddenly working overtime and he managed only a slight smirk. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, a pained expression on his face.
Buffy looked at him, concerned. “Are you okay, Riley?” She reached out to him protectively.
He nodded. He was almost completely healed from the injuries he suffered at Forrest’s hands. That had been over two months ago. Only during sudden movements did he even feel any remnants of pain. “I’m okay,” he whispered, looking into her eyes for a long moment. Somehow, the connection gave him renewed strength. He stood up, letting his breath out slowly.
“I am thankful that all of you were willing to overlook my secret identity thing and take me in. Thank you.” He looked at Graham. “And like Buffy, I would like to thank you for risking your life to save ours. I will never be able to repay you. Thank you so much. And I know that you and Willow are still in the preliminary stages, but I wish you the best of luck and happiness. Really.” Both Willow and Graham blushed.
Riley turned to Buffy and took a deep breath. “Oh boy, where to start?” he asked, exhaling slowly. He smiled, and as he began to speak, looking at Buffy, the rest of the room disappeared. He and Buffy were the only two people on the planet.
“Buffy, I am so thankful everyday that you love me. I couldn’t ask for a greater gift. And there is no sweeter sight than your smile. Every day with you is like a dream and every tomorrow is better than today.” He closed his eyes briefly, searching for the right words. When he opened them again, he saw tears on Buffy’s cheeks. He kneeled down in front of her and gently wiped them away. He took her hand.
“Buffy,” he began softly, his voice shaking slightly.
“Oh my gosh,” Willow whispered, grasping Graham’s arm tightly. She had a feeling about what was coming next.
Riley continued. “I love you. And I can’t see a future without you in it. I wasn’t sure exactly how to do this. Believe me, I have never done this before. You’re it for me, Buffy. There is no one else who can complete my existence the way you do. So here goes…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. He opened it and held it out to her.
Taking another deep breath, he said a short prayer to himself. He looked into Buffy’s green eyes; eyes that were part of a face that stared at him, speechless.
“Will you marry me, Buffy Summers?”
The room was quiet. A pin could be heard dropping if one had been dropped. No one dared to even breathe. Even Spike seemed intrigued.
Buffy struggled to speak. The unexpected had just occurred and she couldn’t believe it. Had it really happened? She blinked and looked at Riley holding this small box in his hand, looking at her expectantly. He loved her. He wanted to marry her.
She burst out crying, but they were not tears of joy. She shook her head vigorously.
“Oh Riley.” She covered her face with her hands. “I can’t…I just can’t!” She pushed her chair back and stood up. “I’m sorry,” she managed, running out the front door quickly.
Riley couldn’t breathe. His mind was racing. What had just happened? He couldn’t move. He just sat there on one knee, while the world spun out of control around him.
Willow stood up. “I have to go talk to her.” She started towards the door. Giles grabbed her wrist gently, stopping her.
“Don’t,” he said softly. “Let her go.”
Willow just nodded and stared at Riley, who still hadn’t moved.
***
Buffy was still running. After she had run out of Giles’ house, she had just kept going. She was afraid to stop. Stopping meant dealing with reality. That was something she wasn’t quite ready to do. So she just kept moving.
Unfortunately, reality had another thing in mind. She tripped over a stray branch and fell to the ground. She was panting, each labored breath burning her lungs. Tears stung her eyes.
She just lay on the cold ground, crying. Her entire body was shaking. What was she doing? Why did she always run away?
Her wildest dream had come true. Riley had asked her to be his wife. What was better than that? And yet, Buffy wasn’t happy. Her first instinct when something wonderful happened to her had always been to think of a reason why it couldn’t happen. And this was no exception.
A cold hand grabbed her in the darkness. She opened her eyes. A vampire, in all his fanged glory, stared down at her. “Something wrong?” he asked sarcastically.
Buffy quickly reverted to Slayer mode. She shook his hand off, grabbed the branch she had tripped over and jumped to her feet.
“I’m not too much into having heart-to-hearts with demons. But thanks for your concern.” She plunged the branch into the vamp’s chest and watched as he turned to dust. Her face was uninterested.
She dropped the branch and walked off into the night. In the back of her mind, she hoped that it would be a busy night for vamps and sundry other creepy-crawlies. She could use the distraction.
***
Riley had finally managed to make his way to the couch. But he had barely said a word. He was still trying to make sense out of what happened.
He gripped the small velvet box tightly in his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut, but all he saw behind his closed lids was Buffy’s face as she ran away.
Opening his eyes, he looked around. Everyone else was still there. Even Spike, who was enjoying the entire painful scene immensely.
“I don’t understand it,” Riley muttered. “I just don’t understand it.” He stared at something in the distance.
“What’s not to understand?” Spike offered, relishing every word. “Blondie turned you down. She decided that the life of Riley just wasn’t her cup of tea. Can’t say I blame her.” He grinned.
Riley turned his eyes towards Spike briefly. Then he lunged at him, knocking Spike to the floor. Riley had him by the neck.
“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance,” Riley spat hatefully in Spike’s face. He was trembling with anger.
Graham was behind Riley, grabbing his shoulder. “Riley, don’t. It won’t solve anything.”
Riley seemed to think about that. Maybe it won’t solve anything, he thought bitterly. But it sure would feel good to do it anyway.
But he didn’t. Instead, he loosened his grip on Spike’s neck and stood up. He did, however, give Spike a swift kick in the ribs as he walked over him. He had to get something in.
Riley walked back towards the couch as Spike stood up, rubbing his side. “I don’t need this crap,” he muttered and walked out the door, slamming it behind him. No one even noticed he was gone.
Willow held the tiny velvet box out to Riley, who had dropped it in all his fury. Riley waved it off. “Keep it. Sell it. Throw it away. I don’t care,” he said wearily, flopping down onto the couch heavily. “I won’t be needing it.” He wanted to run and hide, to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. But he didn’t have the strength.
“Riley. Come on. She’ll be back. She’ll come around, you’ll see.” Willow tried to sound optimistic. She squeezed Riley’s hand gently.
He looked at her, his eyes sad. “She’ll come back, Will. Just not to me. It’s over.” That’s the cold hard truth, he thought bitterly. He wanted to cry and fought hard to keep it inside. He took a deep breath and felt a slight pain in his ribs. That impromptu joust with Spike had aggravated his injuries. He grimaced slightly.
“If it’s any consolation, Riley, I would’ve said yes in a millisecond if someone had said those words to me,” Willow offered. “I think that was just about the most beautiful little proposal I have ever heard. Even better than the ones on the soaps.” She smiled warmly.
“Thanks,” Riley said weakly. “I’m glad someone appreciated it.” He turned his face away, stared at his hands.
Willow looked at him sympathetically. “I’m sorry I’m not the someone you were hoping for.”
***
Spike opened the door to his crypt and groaned loudly. “Bloody hell,” he moaned impatiently. “What are you doing here?”
Buffy looked at him from her perch next to the window. “Hiding,” she said simply.
Spike closed the heavy door behind him. “Feel free to hide somewhere else,” he said coldly. “This crypt is mine.”
But Buffy didn’t move. “Actually, I think it belongs to the other dead guy,” she said blankly, motioning to the stone coffin in the center of the room.
“Yeah, well he’s not complaining.” Spike took his coat off and flung it over an angel sculpture on the wall. “By the way, your boyfriend tried to kill me tonight,” he said casually, sitting down on top of the coffin.
Buffy studied him closely, her face unchanged. “You probably deserved it.”
“You really did a number on that poor guy, Blondie,” Spike said. “I mean, all I told him was the truth-that you rejected him. He got all pissy and jumped me. For no reason.” He grinned.
But once again, he was pinned on his back with a hand around his throat.
“What? Why the hell did you say that? That’s not what happened!” But as she thought about it, played the scene again in her head, heard her words, she realized that that is precisely what happened. She had rejected Riley.
Buffy let go of Spike and backed away slowly. Spike sat up, rubbing his neck, sneering at her. “I am getting pretty damned tired of this,” he snarled.
But Buffy wasn’t listening. She looked squarely at Spike and asked seriously, “What is wrong with me?”
Spike laughed. “Are you sure you want me to answer that?”
***
Riley had had enough pity for one night. He had left Giles’ house in a hurry and went for a walk. He didn’t want to go home. Too much Buffy there. But there was too much Buffy everywhere he went. Even standing outside at night like he was doing now reminded him of Buffy. The night was Buffy’s domain. She worked the graveyard shift-literally.
Briefly, he wondered where she was, if she was fighting. Then he began to worry. She had been very upset when she ran out earlier. He hoped that she wasn’t too distracted to let her guard down. But then he thought about it. Even at her most distracted, Buffy could still take care of herself.
He slumped down onto a park bench and sighed heavily. He had ruined everything. But he honestly didn’t understand how. He felt like it had all been planned out perfectly. He had thought about it and planned it for weeks. Today was the day forever would begin. Boy, had he been wrong.
Buffy loved him. He was sure she did. Which was why it was so difficult to understand. In his mind he had pictured all possible reactions to his proposal. But he never once anticipated the one that actually happened. It had never crossed his mind that she would say no. He had pictured joy, elation, excitement, even fainting. He had even pictured himself stuttering and tripping over the words. But none of that had happened.
He shook his head and closed his eyes.
***
Spike was contemplating the logistics of staking himself. It was a lot more preferable than listening to the Slayer pour her heart out to him.
As it turned out, Buffy hadn’t given Spike a chance to answer her question. She just immediately went into her own personal rendition of the classic tragic love story.
Briefly, Spike was reminded of Drusilla. He actually felt pangs of sadness. But he shook it off. It was bad enough that he couldn’t bite anymore. He wasn’t about to wallow in self-pity and look even more harmless than he already was. But he certainly couldn’t sit here and listen to Buffy anymore. That was a fate worse than death.
“Look, Slayer,” he interrupted. “You know what your problem is? I’ll tell you. You’re not happy unless you’re miserable. Plain and simple.”
“What?” Buffy asked him curiously.
Spike continued. “I mean, take Angel for instance. Have you ever met a more brooding or depressing man than him? And yet you loved him. You would’ve done anything for him. He made you miserable every waking moment and you mistook it for happiness. You knew your relationship was doomed from day one and yet you fought like hell to keep it. Why? Because you groove on pain and despair.” He paused, waiting for a reaction from Buffy. One was not forthcoming. So he continued.
“So here comes Riley, the All-American-red-white-and-blue-Mom-and-apple-pie farm boy. The polar opposite of Angel. He makes you happy. Something that is entirely foreign to you, I might add. He can give you everything Angel couldn’t. Hell, he even offered it to you tonight. And yet you ran away screaming. Why?”
“Because I groove on pain and despair,” Buffy answered. “I get it.”
But she wasn’t angry. She looked at Spike closely, in amazement. Buffy had never thought about it before, but Spike was right. He was absolutely right.
“Look, Buffy.” Spike slid off the coffin and stood in front of her. Buffy watched him wordlessly. That was probably the first time he had called her by her name that she could remember. “At the risk of sounding like I really care…GET OUT! Go find loverboy and leave me alone!” His eyes flashed with aggravation.
Buffy turned to go. “You’re right, Spike. Thanks.” She pulled the door open heavily and walked into the night.
“It’s about bloody time,” Spike muttered.
***
Buffy walked through the door to her dorm room, a sad look on her face.
“Buffy! Where have you been? I’ve been so worried,” Willow said. She was sitting on her bed, flipping absently through a spell book. She was still trying to figure out how to revert Amy back to human form. No luck so far. She put the book down and swung her legs over the side of the bed, sitting up straight.
“Nowhere, really. Spike’s mostly,” Buffy muttered, throwing herself down on the bed heavily.
Willow wanted to ask, but didn’t. It really didn’t matter anyway. She had learned a long time ago not to question Buffy’s actions. Buffy was Buffy.
“Buff?” Willow asked carefully. “You okay?”
Buffy faced her friend wearily. “Not really.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Buffy shook her head slowly. “What I want to do is talk to Riley. To try to explain. But I can’t find him. Do you know where he might be?” She looked at Willow hopefully.
But Willow shook her head. “Sorry. He’s probably just out clearing his head, Buff. He had a lot on his mind, you know.” Willow was trying to choose her words carefully. She didn’t want to upset her friend any more than she already was. But she was also a little miffed herself and wanted some sort of explanation. She never would understand Buffy.
“I know, Will. Believe me, I know.” Buffy buried her face in her pillow and sighed helplessly.
There was a silence in the room for a long moment. Willow took something out of her desk drawer and walked over to Buffy’s bed, sitting down next to her.
“Here,” she said softly. “This is yours.”
Buffy looked over her shoulder. Sitting on Willow’s outstretched hand was a black velvet box. Quickly, Buffy sat up.
“This isn’t…?” she began to ask, eyeing the tiny box closely.
“Look for yourself.” Willow smiled.
Buffy reached, hand trembling, and grasped the soft box in her fingers. She looked at Willow, who nodded. “Go ahead. It won’t bite, I promise.”
Taking a deep breath, Buffy gently flipped open the lid. She let out her breath in a rush. In all her tears and panic earlier, she hadn’t seen the ring. But as she looked at the treasure now, she wanted to cry-this time out of happiness.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, inspecting it closely. It was a thin gold band with two tiny, interlocking hearts made of diamonds in the center.
“Riley told me to do whatever I wanted with it. He said he didn’t need it anymore,” Willow said softly, watching Buffy become mesmerized by the ring.
Finally, Buffy tore her eyes away and looked at her friend. “I’ve got to find him, Will. What have I done?”
***
Riley turned the corner towards his room, but stopped short.
Buffy stood up quickly and tried to smile. “I’ve been waiting for you,” she said softly.
“Here I am.” Riley’s voice was reserved. It stung a lot to see her after everything that had happened.
Buffy took a step towards him. “It seems like I’m always waiting for you in the hallway.” She tried to laugh. “Then again, it seems like I’m always doing something to make you walk the streets all night so that I have to wait for you.” She took another step.
“What do you want, Buffy?” he asked, his voice low and even.
“You,” Buffy whispered, a lump in her throat.
Riley blinked. Her answer made his heart skip a beat. More than anything, he wanted to reach out for her. But instead, he just stood where he was.
“If that’s a joke, I’m not laughing.” He was attempting to build a wall around himself. He wasn’t about to get blind-sided again.
“Riley, it’s not a joke. I swear.” Her eyes were pleading with him. “I love you.” She stepped closer. “I want you to know that. I don’t want you to think that last night…”
Riley interrupted her. “Buffy, I know you love me. That’s not the issue.” He pushed past her quickly and went to his door. He stopped, looking down at the floor.
Buffy didn’t respond. She just looked at him carefully. She was always hurting him, it seemed.
“The issue is that I don’t understand you,” he continued, looking at Buffy wearily. “I love you, but I don’t understand you at all. It used to be exciting-trying to solve the mystery that is Buffy. But now,” he paused, taking a breath. “Now it’s just tiring.” He turned and put his key in the door, turning the knob.
Buffy put a hand on his arm. “I’m just Buffy,” she said softly, looking into his eyes. “Underneath all the outer layers-daughter, student, friend, Slayer-I’m just Buffy. And you know who that is.”
Riley reciprocated her gaze. “I thought I did. But last night I realized that I’m back at square one.” He held her eyes a moment longer before turning and walking into the room.
“Riley, please.” Buffy was pleading.
“I can’t, Buffy. Not now. I don’t have the strength to start over again.” He moved to shut the door.
“Do you at least want this back?” she asked, fighting back the tears. She held the ring box out to him.
He shook his head. “I’ll tell you what I told Willow. Keep it. Sell it. Do whatever you want with it. I don’t want it.” And with that, he shut the door.
Buffy stood a moment longer, staring at the door. Then she turned, covering her mouth with her hand to muffle the sounds of her sobs.
Riley could hear her start to cry through the door. He listened until the sound disappeared. He leaned against the door and slid slowly to the floor. Hugging his knees to his chest, he rested his forehead against them. He squeezed his eyes shut against the torrent of tears.
***
Willow could tell by the look on Buffy’s face that something had happened. Something bad. And she also knew that it would be of no use to ask. Buffy would tell her in her own time.
She just watched quietly as Buffy walked over to her bed and sat down. Buffy didn’t even look at Willow and Willow wondered briefly if Buffy even knew that she was there.
Buffy took the velvet box out of her pocket and stared at it for a long time. Then she reached over, opened her nightstand drawer, set the box inside, and gently closed the drawer again. She closed her eyes and fell onto her pillow. She didn’t say a word.
Willow could see, could feel that Buffy was in pain. There was no light in her eyes, no hope on her face. She wished there was something she could do.
***
Riley hadn’t moved from his spot on the floor when there came a knock on his door. He didn’t respond.
Another knock. “Riley? You in there? It’s Graham.”
Riley rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Go away, Graham. I’m not in the mood for company.”
“Come on, Ri,” Graham persisted. “Open the door.”
Finally, Riley relented. He pushed himself up from the floor and opened the door.
Graham let out a slight whistle. “I’d ask you how you’re doing, but by the looks of you, that seems unnecessary.” He raised his eyebrows. “You look like hell.”
“Gee, thanks,” Riley grumbled.
Graham pushed past Riley into the room.
“Please. Come in,” Riley said sarcastically. He closed the door and turned to face his friend.
“Willow told me that she thought Buffy had been by here. Said Buffy is doing about as well as you seem to be.” Graham studied his friend closely.
“Well, then she must be in pretty bad shape,” Riley said absently, walking over to the window and staring out at the morning sun.
Graham walked over and stood next to Riley. “What happened?”
Shaking his head slowly, Riley mumbled, “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
But Graham understood what Riley was getting at. He put a hand on Riley’s shoulder. “Look, Riley. Things may seem dismal right now. But you two just need some time, that’s all. You’ll see.”
Riley turned and looked squarely at Graham, his eyes dark and somber. “It’s over, Graham. All time can do is solidify that fact.”
Graham couldn’t respond. He just wished there was something he could do.
***
Almost three weeks went by. Nothing. The moping and long faces continued on both ends, as confirmed by both Graham and Willow.
The fledgling couple sat at a table in the Bronze. They were out on a date, their ninth official one-Willow had been keeping track-but they weren’t talking about normal date stuff. Instead, their conversation revolved around their two depressed friends.
“It’s really sad,” Willow commented solemnly. “They seem to have given up. Buffy refuses to talk about it at all. She just gets all quiet and sad-faced. It’s really depressing living with her lately.”
Graham nodded. “I know what you mean. Riley is even harder on the troops than he ever was before. He’s jumped head first into work. I think he’s just trying to avoid anything Buffy-related.”
Willow sipped her coffee, nodding pensively. “There’s got to be something we can do. I mean, all they need is a little reminder of what they had. Something to renew their hope.” She looked into the distance, thinking.
“Yeah, I know. But what?” Graham asked.
Shaking her head, Willow answered. “I don’t know. But we’ve got to think of something quick.” She paused. “Because if there’s no hope for Buffy and Riley, there’s definitely no hope for us.” She looked at Graham’s face carefully, studying his reaction.
Graham was processing for a moment. Then a smile slowly spread across his face. “You want there to be hope for us?”
Willow smiled back at him, blushing slightly. “Maybe,” she said sheepishly.
There was an intense moment between them. When Graham spoke again, he did so with a renewed enthusiasm in his voice. He stood up. “Well, we better do something quick. Get those two back together ASAP.” He was grinning widely.
Willow giggled. “Sounds like a plan.”
***
“Okay, I hereby formally begin this emergency meeting of the Scooby Gang,” Willow said. She looked at Graham. “And honored guests.” She winked.
Xander chimed in. “One problem,” he said. “Where’s Scooby?” He was referring to Buffy.
“Duh, Xander. This meeting is obviously about the lovesick Slayer,” Anya said. “You’re cute, but you’re not too bright.”
“Oh. I knew that.” He narrowed his eyes at his ex-demon girlfriend. But he couldn’t stay mad at her. She was a hottie.
“Look,” Willow continued. “Graham and I have decided that since the hands-off approach isn’t working, it was time for some hands-on action.”
Xander looked at Willow and Graham incredulously. “I think that’s between the two of you,” he said simply.
Willow wrinkled her forehead in confusion. Then she realized what Xander meant. She blushed slightly and looked at Graham briefly. He smiled.
Turning back to Xander, she said impatiently, “Buffy and Riley, Xander! We have to do something about Buffy and Riley!” She shook her head disgustedly.
“Oh. I knew that, too.” Xander smiled apologetically.
Giles put in his two cents’ worth. “I’m not entirely sure we should get involved. I mean, helping Buffy with her job is one thing. But matters of the heart are a different thing entirely.”
But Willow was quick to answer. “I think they go hand-in-hand, Giles. I mean, one affects the other. For instance, how many times has Buffy begged out of patrolling in the past three weeks?”
Giles thought about that. “Several.”
“And what excuse has she given?”
“That she wasn’t feeling well.”
“Exactly,” Willow said, satisfied that she had proven her point. “And I know she’s not sick. At least not with a virus or anything.” She looked at Giles triumphantly.
“Very well,” Giles said, surrendering. “But what do you have in mind?”
Willow smiled conspiratorially. “Well…”
***
“No! Absolutely not!” Spike was adamant.
“Come on, Spike. Be a good sport!” Willow said calmly. She was standing in the middle of Spike’s crypt. Her skin crawled a little at the creepiness of the place.
“Why should I? What have Goldie Locks and Captain America done for me lately?” he spat.
Willow was quick to respond. “Well, you’re still around to ask that question, aren’t you? I’d say that’s a big thing.” She smiled.
Spike growled, a bitter taste in his mouth. “Shut up!”
But Willow didn’t budge. She wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer.
“What do you want me to do?” Spike asked, annoyed.
After Willow was finished outlining her plan, Spike laughed bitterly. “I see you’ve failed to take into account the fact that I’m not exactly on speaking terms with the demon circuit these days. Not since I began my association with the likes of you.”
“I’m sure there are still some demons out there that still think you’re the Big Bad…” Willow began.
Spike interjected, “I am the Big Bad.” He was insistent.
Willow responded, “Whatever. Anyway, I’m sure there is someone you can bully into doing what you want. I have faith in your scariness.” She giggled.
Spike groaned. “Fine. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Good boy,” Willow said jokingly, turning to leave quickly.
***
Riley had been trying to fool himself into thinking that he no longer needed her. The one who shall remain nameless. He told himself that he had lived just fine without her before he had even met her. He had had work and school. That had been enough. That’s what he had now-work and school. It could be enough again.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough of either lately to occupy the ever-lengthening hours. He had done enough schoolwork to graduate tomorrow. And as for work-well, work was slow to say the least. No unusual activity to report. He sometimes felt as if everyone (and everything) was conspiring against him to make sure he remained miserable for eternity.
Riley also knew that all of this could have been avoided. Buffy had stood outside his door, telling him she wanted him. She had practically begged him to take her back. But he couldn’t bring himself to let her back in. He was hurt and angry. He didn’t want to make it that easy for her to break his heart again.
However, his hope was fading fast. She hadn’t made any attempt to contact him. Maybe she didn’t love him as much as she claimed she did. Maybe their relationship wasn’t that important to her.
Of course, he could always make the first move. He had thought about doing that more than once. But he never did. He just stayed away. And waited. Waited for the impossible, he feared.
***
It’s supposed to get easier, she thought sadly. Each day better than the one before.
“That’s a lie,” she said out loud to herself. She was sitting in her bedroom, trying to study. ‘Trying’ being the operative word.
She threw her book down heavily, the impact slamming it shut. She sighed loudly.
Why hadn’t Riley called? It angered her that he had made no attempt to get in touch with her.
Why should she be the one to make the first move? She wasn’t the one who had ended it. No, she had gone to him, had told him that she loved him, that she wanted him. He was the one who had pushed her away. Out of his life.
She had wanted to go over there several times. But her pride and monumental stubbornness had always gotten in the way.
Obviously, he had meant what he said. He was too tired to start over again.
She squeezed her eyelids against the inevitable flood that was threatening to flow down her cheeks.
***
“We’ve got trouble.” Graham stood in Riley’s doorway in full commando regalia.
“Subterrestrials?” Riley asked, almost hopefully. Finally, a needed distraction.
Graham nodded. “There have been 911 reports of unusual activity near the park. Two callers described the suspects as very pale with crooked teeth.” Graham fought hard to keep from laughing.
“Vamps,” Riley said seriously. “Just let me get ready.”
“No time,” Graham insisted, looking urgently at his watch. “We’ve gotta go now before someone gets hurt.” He kept a straight face.
“Fine,” Riley said, grabbing a stake from his desk. Buffy had given it to him as a souvenir of his first kill via that old-fashioned method. “Let’s go.”
***
Willow ran through the door and stood in the middle of the dorm room, looking at Buffy frantically. She hoped she wasn’t being over-the-top.
Buffy sat up quickly. “What is it, Will?” she asked urgently.
“Vamps,” Will managed breathlessly. “In the park…saw them…one chased me…got away…too close.” Willow wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep this up and she hoped Buffy would take the bait.
She did. She stood up, grabbing a stake from her endless collection. “Take me there. Now.”
***
Graham and Riley walked through the darkness quickly. Graham scanned the area for a tall redhead and a petite blonde carrying a sharp stick.
There was a scream and a rustling in the bushes to their left. A young girl ran past them, frightened out of her mind. Riley grabbed her arm.
“What happened?” he asked urgently.
The girl just shook her head and pointed into the darkness in the direction she had come from. She broke away from Riley and kept running.
Riley and Graham ran in the direction the girl had been pointing. They came to a clearing where they saw two vamps. One was holding a young man, pinning his arms behind his back. The other was preparing to feed on him.
“Let him go,” Riley said coldly, inching closer to the vamps.
The one holding the kid spied Graham’s cammo outfit and whispered to his partner, terrified, “Initiative.” That was enough for the two vamps. The kid was dropped to the ground as the two fled in the direction of the cemetery.
“Dammit,” Riley muttered as he and Graham headed after them. “You’d think I’d learn by now. Don’t stop and chat. Just kill.”
***
Moments after Riley and Graham disappeared into the darkness, Willow and Buffy ran into the clearing. The frightened kid was still lying on the ground, trying to gain some composure.
Buffy ran up to him. “Where did they go?” she asked insistently. But the kid couldn’t form words. He just pointed in the direction they had gone.
"Cemetery,” Buffy said knowingly to Willow. “Come on.” She stood and ran in that direction, Willow following behind. She still hadn’t seen any sign of Graham or Riley.
***
The two vamps fell over each other as they were busy looking over their shoulders while running for their lives. Their brief run-in with the ground gave Graham and Riley the chance to catch up to them.
“No more playing around, boys.” Riley ran up to them. But he was greeted by a swift defensive kick in the stomach. He fell to the ground, in pain. That damn vamp had cracked a rib. Again.
But Riley didn’t give up. He had nothing on his mind but killing those demon bastards. Graham and the rest of the world ceased to exist. He struggled to get up as the two vamps ran to the nearest hiding place-Spike’s crypt. Riley ran after them.
“Hey Spike!” one of the vamps screamed. “You didn’t say anything about the Initiative! The deal’s off!” But Spike was nowhere to be found. He had decided to refrain from the festivities. He wasn’t about to get caught up in anything that could get him killed. He had held up his end of the bargain-he had found two demons dumb enough to strike a deal. The rest was out of his hands.
The two vamps cowered in a dark corner as Riley stood in the doorway.
Just then, Buffy and Willow came running up. Willow caught Graham’s eyes. He had been keeping a low profile. He knew that Riley wasn’t in danger. Those vamps were terrified of him. They were on avoid-at-all-costs mode.
He motioned his head towards the crypt, trying to avoid Buffy’s eyes. He didn’t want her to see him.
But Willow broke in. “Buffy! The crypt! I think I saw them go in there!” She pointed in the direction of Spike’s place of residence.
“Spike,” Buffy said bitterly. “He started it, I bet. Figures.” She walked quickly and calmly to the entrance, gripping the stake tightly in her hand.
Riley, unaware that Buffy was there, walked slowly around the room. He was barely breathing as he searched for his victims.
Buffy couldn’t see anything in the near darkness of the crypt. Not wanting to get caught off-guard, she walked into the room slowly, looking around for any sign of demons lurking in the shadows.
The two vampires hid in the darkness, waiting for their chance to escape. Since it was so dark, they decided just to make a run for it. They started bolting out the door, each going in a different direction. But they hadn’t counted on two predators. One of the vamps ran right into Buffy while the other miscalculated and ran directly into the ticked off commando. Each was dusted immediately.
But both Buffy and Riley knew that there was more than one, so both kept up the search. Each kept their eyes to the perimeter of the room, their backs turned to each other, still unaware of the other’s presence.
They walked slowly, circling the room-Buffy clockwise, Riley counterclockwise. Eventually, the inevitable happened.
As their bodies bumped against each other in the darkness, they spun quickly, stakes raised. But neither struck as they realized who was standing before them.
“Buffy?”
“Riley?” they asked simultaneously.
Slowly, they both lowered their weapons as they came to the realization that they had been set up.
“Willow!”
“Graham!” they screamed in anger, again simultaneously.
The two conspirators peeked their heads through the doorway, like two kids being scolded.
“You’ll thank us later,” Willow said quickly as she and Graham shut the heavy door and stood guard outside. “No one leaves until this thing is resolved,” she said assuredly, glancing at Graham and giving him a wink. He nodded in agreement.
The estranged lovers stood in the darkness of the crypt, staring at each other in the minimal moonlight.
***
“Do you hear anything?” Willow asked Graham, turning an ear towards the crypt. They had been sitting outside the crypt for almost an hour and hadn’t heard a sound from inside.
Graham shook his head. “Maybe they killed each other.” Willow gave him a look. “I’m kidding.” He smiled. “I wouldn’t worry, Willow. They have a lot of issues to deal with. They’re just both too stubborn to admit it.” He sighed. “I think we’re going to be here for a while.”
A twig snapped close by. Willow jumped into Graham’s lap. “What was that?” she asked, her eyes wide. Graham giggled. “I don’t know. But whatever it was, I sure am glad it’s around.” He squeezed Willow gently.
She blushed in the darkness. Then she said, “me too.” She leaned down and gave him a little kiss on the lips. But she quickly pulled away. In the faint moonlight, Graham could see the sadness in her eyes.
“What’s the matter?” he asked cautiously.
Willow frowned. “I just feel a little guilty being happy when my best friend’s heart is breaking right behind that door,” she said sadly, motioning to the crypt’s entrance.
Graham tried to be positive. “Everything’ll work out, Will. You’ll see.”
***
Buffy and Riley had finally stopped staring at each other and had moved to opposite sides of the room, avoiding all contact and all conversation.
The silence between them was thick and highly uncomfortable. Riley shifted painfully. The dampness was making his re-injured ribs ache. He groaned.
“You okay?” Buffy asked instinctively.
Riley, startled by the sound of her voice, paused a moment before answering. “Yeah. Just took a swift kick to the ribs earlier, is all.”
“Send the bill to Graham and Willow. They’re the reason we’re here in the first place.” Buffy’s voice was low and even.
“Yeah,” Riley said, trying to make light of the situation. “They don’t seem to understand that it’s over between us.”
Another silence. A few minutes later, Buffy asked softly, “Is it?”
Riley looked in the direction of her voice. “Is it what?” He had forgotten his earlier comment.
“Over. Is it over?” She slid off her seat under the window and walked to the center of the room, leaning against the coffin. She could barely make out Riley’s outline against the far wall.
“Buffy,” Riley said wearily, letting out his breath slowly. “I don’t want to get into this again.” He leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes.
“So that’s it? Sayonara, Buffy.” She was starting to get a little angry, masking the pain.
Riley raised his head wearily. “That’s just the way it has to be, Buffy.” He stood up and walked to the door, pounding on it. “Open this door, Graham. Now!” He pounded on it again.
Buffy yelled, “Don’t do it! Don’t you dare do it!”
Riley glared at her through the dim light. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked angrily.
Buffy remained unmoved. “Making things right.”
Outside, Graham and Willow smiled at each other triumphantly.
***
“Talk to me, Riley. Yell at me. Scream at me. Just don’t sit there, sulking. I can’t stand it!” Buffy pleaded.
Riley was sitting against the heavy stone door silently. He had reverted back to giving Buffy the silent treatment. It was a whole lot better than giving in to the storm raging inside.
Buffy walked over and kneeled in front of him on the step. “Please, Riley. Say something…” Her voice was almost a whisper. She reached out and touched his knee gently.
That’s when Riley snapped. Just the mere touch of her hand brought everything to the surface. He grabbed her hand and threw it off, standing up.
“Why, Buffy?” he asked angrily as he strolled to the back of the crypt. “I just want to know why…” His voice trailed off weakly. He kept his back to her, fighting the tears in his eyes.
“Riley…”
“I thought you loved me. I was sure of it. But the way you cringed when I asked you…I didn’t know that the thought of a life with me was so horrifying to you,” he said, turning to look at her. He had regained a bit of composure.
Buffy took a step towards him. But Riley put a hand up, stopping her. “Don’t…”
“I have been thinking about this for weeks, Buffy. Every waking moment. Trying to figure it out, what I had done wrong. I think I’ve finally figured it out.” He paused, taking a breath. “I just fell for the wrong girl.”
Buffy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You don’t mean that.” She held her breath as she waited for his response.
Riley’s gaze held hers in the darkness. He wanted to hurt her, but couldn’t bring himself to see it through. He sighed heavily. “No,” he said weakly. “I don’t mean it.”
Buffy felt herself start to breathe again. Thank God, she thought.
“Not that I don’t sometimes wish it was true,” he said sadly, returning his gaze to her. “But you’re it for me, Buffy. Just like I told you on Thanksgiving.”
Buffy stared at him in the darkness. “I’m glad to hear that, Riley. It means there’s still a chance for us,” she said softly, hopefully.
Riley didn’t answer. Even in the dim light, he could see the tears on her face. He turned away, his defenses starting to chip away. “I don’t know, Buffy…” he said softly. “I’m afraid of losing you again.”
Buffy walked closer to him. “You haven’t lost me now. You just keep pushing me away…” she whispered.
But Riley backed away. “Please don’t come any closer. I can’t think when you’re so close.” He put a hand up again.
Buffy continued her slow approach, holding her hands up defensively, as if she was trying to negotiate with a hijacker.
“No!” Riley yelled, the desperation clear in his voice. He pushed past her and went to the window. “Just leave me alone, would you! I can’t breathe!” He leaned heavily against the wall, breathing deeply.
***
Willow and Graham both jumped slightly at the sound of Riley shouting. It had been so quiet inside the crypt and his outburst cut through the silence.
Willow looked uncomfortably at Graham and said, “I suddenly feel like I’m spying.”
“I know what you mean. Maybe we should go,” Graham said, nodding.
Thinking a moment, Willow looked back and forth between the crypt and Graham. Then she nodded. “Okay.”
The two stood up to leave, but Willow paused. “They’ll be okay, right?”
“They’ll be fine, Willow. They just need to sort some things out.” He looked at her closely. “Now come on. I’ll walk you home,” he said, smiling slightly.
Willow linked her arm through his and smiled. “There’s nothing like being personally escorted home by a U.S. Marine. Feels kinds neat!”
As they turned to leave, they saw Spike walking up.
“Slow night? Nobody want to play with you?” Graham asked sarcastically.
“Ha ha.” Spike smirked. “Just heading home sweet home for some shut-eye.” Then he looked suspiciously at his crypt, a thought occurring to him. He looked at the couple. “Why are you here anyway?” he asked curiously.
“Just executing our plan,” Willow answered calmly.
Spike glared at her. “I don’t recall the plan having anything to do with my house.”
“Last minute addition,” Graham said flatly.
Spike eyed the crypt again. “You’re not saying that the Slayer and her boy-toy are in there?” His face was full of disgust.
Willow raised her eyebrows amusedly. “No, we’re not. But you are.” She grinned.
“Bloody hell,” he muttered bitterly. “See if I do a favor for you again.” Then, “And where do you suppose I am to go if they aren’t out of there by sunrise, praytell?”
Willow eyed him curiously. “You’re a fairly clever guy, Spike. I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
And with that, she and Graham walked in the direction of campus. Spike watched them for a few seconds before growling angrily and stomping off into the night.
***
It was after dawn. The first pink rays of the sun peeked through the window. The door opened and Buffy stepped into the room.
She crossed quickly to her bed, trying not to wake the sleeping Willow. She sat on her bed heavily and sighed. All those hours and nothing had been accomplished. She’d try to talk, he’d refuse to listen. He’d lash out at her, they’d fall silent again. One endless, vicious cycle.
They had finally given up at dawn. They were both exhausted and willing to admit that nothing positive could come out of staying any longer. So they had said goodbye and had gone their separate ways.
Buffy rubbed her eyes wearily and kicked off her shoes. Yawning, she curled up on her bed. Her eyes fell upon her nightstand and she reached over and carefully opened the drawer. She removed the small velvet box that had been there for almost a month, untouched. Opening it, she watched as the tiny diamonds sparkled in the morning light.
Sighing sadly, she closed the box and replaced it in the drawer. As she closed the drawer, she saw Willow looking at her with half-open eyes from across the room.
“Well?” Willow asked carefully.
Buffy could only shake her head silently.
***
The sound of a ringing phone startled Buffy out of her sleep. She reached through the haze for the phone. “Hello?”
“Buffy.” She sat up quickly, wide awake. The person on the other end was the last person she expected to hear from.
“Riley? Is that you?” she asked, shaking the cobwebs out of her head.
“Yeah. I need to see you. Can you meet me?” His voice was calm and reserved.
Buffy felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. He hadn’t said he wanted to see her. He said he needed to see her.
“Sure. Where? When?” she asked, a bit flustered.
“How about at the union, 10 am. Is that okay with you?” He paused, waiting for an answer.
Buffy glanced at the clock. It was 9:15 am. “Sure. Union, 10 am,” she repeated.
“Okay. See you then. Bye.” He hung up.
Buffy didn’t let his abruptness bother her. She was excited. Maybe there was still a chance.
She practically ran to the shower.
***
Riley sat nervously on the couch in the union lobby, waiting. He had actually called her from the pay phone ten feet away. He had been checking his watch practically every thirty seconds since he hung up with Buffy.
He was exhausted. He hadn’t slept a wink since he and Buffy parted ways at the crypt. He was busy making the last minute arrangements.
Nervously, he checked his watch again. 9:58 am. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to calm his pounding heart.
After everything that had been said-or not said-last night, he couldn’t believe that Buffy was still willing to see him. Had that really been happiness in her voice, or had he just imagined it?
But before he could debate the issue further, he heard a familiar voice say his name. “Riley.”
He looked up and found Buffy’s green eyes. He stood up quickly. “Hi.”
An awkward silence fell between them. Buffy broke it by saying, “Do you want to go sit somewhere? Talk? Maybe the light of day can help us find some words.” She was trying to lighten the mood.
Riley smiled briefly. “Yeah.” They started walking towards the food court. Riley walked behind Buffy, studying her closely. Her hair was still slightly damp from the shower and he could faintly smell her perfume.
Sitting at a corner table, they looked at each other.
“Why don’t you go first,” Buffy said softly. “Since you are the one who called me.” She hoped that didn’t sound harsh. She hadn’t intended it to be.
Riley didn’t seem to notice. “I don’t know where to start,” he said, taking a deep breath. “After everything…”
Buffy looked at him closely, trying to stay calm despite the pounding in her chest. “Just say what’s on your mind,” she said, her eyes holding his.
He looked down at his hands, which were folded on the table. “Buffy,” he said wearily, raising his eyes to her face again. “I’m leaving.”
Buffy’s face dropped immediately. She stared at him surprised. “What?” she asked, barely getting the word out.
“I’m going home to Iowa. I’m leaving in a few hours,” he said softly.
Buffy sat up straight, spreading her fingers out of the table in front of her, focusing on them. “You know, I kept imagining various versions of this conversation on my way here. All the things you might say. And I have to say, this was definitely not one of them.” Her mind was spinning out of control, trying to make sense of it.
Riley studied her closely. She was so fragile at that moment, like a frightened child.
“Buffy, it’s not for good. I just need to get away, to spend Christmas with my family. I had been hoping…never mind,” he said, shaking his head. He had planned on asking Buffy to come with him, to meet his family. But nothing had gone quite as he planned. “Look,” he continued slowly. “I just didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”
Buffy didn’t say anything for a long moment. “No, of course not,” she whispered, still unable to make contact. “That wouldn’t be fair, would it?” She pushed away from the table quickly and stood up.
“Merry Christmas,” she said bitterly and ran out of the food court.
Riley watched her go. He didn’t try to chase after her. What would be the use? He continued to stare even after she was gone, feeling as though the last bit of his heart had left with her.
***
It was Christmas Day in Sunnydale. There wasn’t any real snow, but there sure was plenty of the fake stuff in all the store windows around town. Christmas trees could be seen in virtually every front window and colored lights were strung from every tree in the neighborhood.
Giles’ house was no exception. At Willow’s urging, he had purchased a tree and had decked his halls. And as they sat around the Christmas tree on this bright, sunny winter day, Buffy’s heart was not in it. Usually, Christmas was one of her favorite holidays-the friends, the family, the food, the gifts-but this year, the enthusiasm was gone.
She tried to get in the spirit as she participated in the ritual gift exchange. She had several to open-one from everyone present, including her mom-and they were all splayed out in front of her in fully wrapped splendor.
“They all look so pretty just they way they are,” she said, trying to smile. “I don’t want to ruin them.” She gazed around at each one. Of course, there wasn’t one from Riley. He was a million miles away. As far away from me as he can get, she thought sadly. He had only been gone four days and she felt as though he had abandoned her.
“You’re not getting away with that excuse,” Xander said playfully. He reached out and picked up one of the gifts, handing it to her. “Open this one first,” he said. “It’s from me.” He was grinning.
Buffy smiled slightly and took the red and green package from his hand. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Merry Christmas,” Xander replied.
Slowly tearing off the paper, Buffy had to laugh, despite her mood, at what was inside. It was a Mr. Potato Head.
“Oh, Xander. How did you know I always wanted one of these?” She smiled.
“I remember you telling me about the tragic Mr. Potato Head incident of your childhood. I thought I’d try to make up for it,” he said.
Buffy thought she would cry. Xander had remembered something she had told him in passing. What a friend!
Willow broke in. “Christmas really isn’t my holiday, but since you seem to enjoy it so much, I thought I’d make an exception.” She grinned and handed Buffy her gift. “From me to you,” she replied.
Buffy took the gift and grinned at the “Happy Hanukkah” paper.
“Left over from last week,” Willow said quietly. “Waste not, want not. That’s my motto.” She smiled.
Buffy nodded in approval. “And what a good motto it is, Will. Thank you.”
As Buffy began to unwrap the gift, there was a knock on the door. Giles stood up. “Continue on, Buffy. I’ll see who it is.”
Buffy’s attention remained on the gift. Willow must have put about a million pieces of tape on it and it was hard to find and open edge big enough to slip a finger under. Willow watched the struggle with amusement.
“Tricky, isn’t it?”
But before Buffy could answer, she stopped short. A familiar voice sounded from Giles’ front door.
“I’m not interrupting, am I?”
Buffy’s head snapped in the direction of the voice. Her mouth hung open slightly at the sight of Riley standing in the doorway. The room suddenly became quiet.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said, looking at Buffy from the porch. “I tried your dorm, but forgot it was closed for Christmas break. I even tried your mom’s house. But I can see that she’s here as well. Mrs. Summers,” he said, nodding in Joyce’s direction.
“Riley,” she Joyce said flatly. She wasn’t exactly happy to see him after everything he had done to Buffy. At least that’s how she saw it.
“So I came here. The only other logical place.” He shifted uneasily.
Buffy stood up, setting the half unwrapped package on the floor gently. “You found me,” she said softly. Her pulse immediately quickened at the sight of him, at the sound of his voice. But she was wary of his intentions. She wasn’t about to get her hopes up again.
“What are you doing here?” she asked carefully, ignoring the six blank faces staring at her. “I thought you were spending Christmas in Iowa, with your family.”
“Change of plans,” he said simply, not taking his eyes off her. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and she was almost disappearing into her baggy sweats, but to Riley she was the most beautiful thing his eyes had ever seen. “I needed to see you. To talk to you.”
Buffy seemed mesmerized by his face. It had only been a few days since she’d seen it last, but she felt as though she needed to reacquaint herself with its every feature. She stared for a long moment at him. Finally, she snapped out of her reverie and turned to face her friends. “I’ll be right back,” she said, walking to the door. She looked up at Riley. “We can talk outside.”
Riley nodded once and stepped aside to let her pass. Following behind her, he walked silently down the porch steps. Giles shut the door behind him.
***
Buffy strolled up the sidewalk and stopped, turning around. She looked at Riley, who was standing at the foot of the porch steps, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?” Buffy asked carefully, trying not to sound too hopeful.
Riley cleared his throat nervously. “I-I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas,” he said weakly.
Anger began to build up little by little inside Buffy’s bruised heart. “That’s it? You came all the way here for that? You shouldn’t have wasted your time. Or mine.” She walked quickly back towards the house and began climbing the steps.
But Riley grabbed her arm. “No, Buffy. That’s not all.” He looked into her face. He could see the hurt. “Please.”
Buffy’s anger began to subside and Riley loosened his grip on her arm. He sat down on the steps and looked at the ground. “There is a lot I want to say. But after everything, it’s just so hard to talk to you.” He let his breath out slowly.
Sitting down next to him, Buffy looked over. She wanted to reach out to him, to hold him, but she didn’t. Instead, she crossed her arms over her knees and turned her face towards him.
“Riley,” she said softly. He turned his face to look at her. “Just say what you’re feeling. You can’t go wrong with that.” She smiled slightly.
Riley took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. “I love you,” he whispered, opening them and staring into her eyes.
Buffy’s grin widened. “That’s a good start.” She looked away. “I don’t think you’ve said that since…”
She didn’t need to finish. Riley knew what she was talking about. “Yeah, I know,” he said, nodding. “I realized that when I was sitting at home in Iowa.” He paused. Buffy was listening intently. “We were sitting around the table, having supper, eating my mom’s wonderful meal. And all I could think about was how much I missed your terrible cooking.” He grinned slightly and gazed at her out of the corner of his eye. Buffy smirked and nudged him with her elbow.
“Seriously,” he said, continuing. “I missed you every second. I kept wondering what you were doing.”
Buffy broke in. “Not much. Just jamming pins into my little Riley doll.” She cracked a small smile. She was getting back at him for his crack about her cooking.
Riley looked at her sideways and gave a short laugh. “Well that explains the sudden sharp pains in my ribs,” he said jokingly. But the moment of levity passed quickly. He continued with his previous thought.
“I had been hoping that you would be there with me this year, to meet my family. And since you weren’t, it was like a member of my family was missing.”
Buffy felt the tears sting her eyes. “I missed you, too,” she whispered.
Riley turned his body so that he was completely facing her. He took her hand, staring into her eyes. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. I have been such a colossal jerk for the last month or so. Pushing you away when you were trying to hold on. I don’t have any excuse really,” he said, shaking his head. “I was hurt and angry, Buffy. And I wanted to hurt you.” A lump began to form in his throat. “So that’s my gift to you this Christmas-my sincere apology for everything.” He took another deep breath. “And if it’s not too much to ask, the only thing I want in return is another chance. I promise not to blow it this time.” He smiled at her.
Buffy was speechless, although inside she was screaming with excitement. All the sadness she had been dragging around behind her suddenly drifted away. Riley still loved her, still wanted her.
When she finally spoke again, it was to say something unrelated to the topic. “Are you hungry?” She was smiling.
Riley looked at her curiously. “What?”
“Come on,” she said, standing up and pulling on his arm.
Standing, Riley followed her up the stairs. Buffy pushed open the front door and said to everyone, “We have another guest for dinner.” She grinned up at Riley, who returned the gesture.
***
Riley was sitting next to Buffy on the roof of Lowell House. It was New Year’s Day, just barely. Midnight had come and gone just five minutes before. They were alone, just the two of them. Riley had brought Buffy up to the roof for what he called a “private New Year’s celebration.” He didn’t want any eyes staring at him except the beautiful green pair that belonged to Buffy.
He looked over at her and smiled. Unlike Thanksgiving, he wasn’t nervous this time. He had never been more sure of himself than he was at that moment.
“I know that it’s only been a week since we’ve been back together. But in my heart, we were never apart.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box.
Buffy’s eyes widened at the sight of it. “Is that…?” she asked, unable to finish the question.
“Yup,” Riley said, grinning. “I got Willow to smuggle it to me.”
Buffy’s vision began to cloud as the tears welled up. She started to tremble slightly. Don’t screw it up this time, she told herself.
“So I guess you kinda already know what I’m going to ask you,” he said softly, smiling. He felt like a teenager asking the Homecoming Queen to the prom.
Buffy nodded. “I want to hear you say it.” She grinned widely.
“You’re gonna make me go through that again?” He was playing with her.
Buffy laughed. “Definitely.”
“Well, okay. Here goes.” He took a breath and opened the tiny velvet box. He looked in to her eyes. “Buffy. I never again want to know what it’s like to be without you. You mean everything to me. You’re the only person I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. And I want to spend the rest of my days making you happy.” He paused momentarily. “So, I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind too much the idea of marrying me.” He opened his eyes wide, in question.
Buffy’s answer came in the form of tearful kisses all over his face. She was so excited that she almost knocked him over. Riley started to laugh as he struggled through her kisses for air.
He looked at her. “Well?” he asked playfully. “Is that a yes?” He smiled widely.
“What do you think?” she asked, holding her hand out so Riley could place the ring on her finger.
Slipping the ring onto her finger, Riley said, “I have been wanting to do that for so long.”
Buffy looked at him lovingly. “I have been waiting for you to do that for so long.”
A silence passed between them as the excitement gave way to contentment. Buffy leaned against him. Riley wrapped his arm around her. “I was hoping that New Year’s wouldn’t be too cliché. I tend to schedule all my big events for major holidays so as to lessen the risk of forgetting them.” He laughed gently.
Buffy sighed, gazing giddily at her ring. “It’s not cliché to me. I don’t get engaged every New Year’s,” she said wistfully.
“That’s definitely good to know,” Riley said, squeezing her. He paused, looking into the distance at the first morning of their lives together. “Any resolutions?”
Buffy just turned her head upwards to look at her new fiance in the moonlight. “Just to love you. And to enjoy being happy.”
The End
