Part 5
He gulped down the fiery liquid and immediately refilled the glass. He turned away from the bar and walked towards the window, turning at the last minute to grab the bottle of whiskey. ‘I miss you both so much,’ he thought as he looked out over the rolling expanse of snow covered lawn. The stark whiteness was unblemished and filled Chris with a feeling of emptiness. He’d wanted to accept his friends invitation to celebrate Christmas with them but the loss of his family was too fresh on his mind.
His head snapped up as he heard voices outside his door, they sounded low at first but rose in pitch, sounding out of tune yet filling him with a sense of happiness. He knew it was the six men he’d come to think so much of, the men that helped fill the void after the loss of his family. He shook his head, smiling as Buck Wilmington’s off key voice picked up the chorus of Jingle Bells. He placed the drink on the table by the closet and opened the heavy door. Their cheeks were red and their breaths were visible in the cold air. They continue to sing in spite of the cold, the smiles on their faces warming him from the inside out. He opened the door further and let them inside, smiling as the two youngest members of the Firm dragged a small tree inside. They continued singing even as they shook off the snow and pulled off their gloves, coats, scarves and boots. The song ended and the men smiled at him.
“Hey, Stud, figured you’d be lonely out here by yourself.”
“Merry Christmas, Brother,” Sanchez greeted, smiling openly at the younger man.
“Mr. Larabee, I do hope you’ve laid in a large supply of firewood,” Standish smiled as he shook off his expensive suit jacket.
“I hope you know where your Christmas decorations are, Chris,” Jackson smiled as he moved out of the way.
“Yeah, Chris, we brought you a tree,” Dunne said.
“I see that, JD,” Larabee smiled. His eyes met the blue eyes of the man he’d grown so close too. Words weren’t needed between them. He knew what Vin was thinking and he was pretty sure the younger man was behind this impromptu gathering. “Thanks,” he whispered gratefully.
“Anytime,” Tanner told him as he and JD lifted the tree and carried it into the living room.
“Chris, put on some Christmas music while I find the ornaments,” Wilmington suggested.
Larabee smiled at the men in the room before walking to the hi-fi stereo system built into the wall. He selected a CD of fast Christmas songs and placed it in the disc player. He turned and watched as his friends began to decorate his home and soon found himself being drawn into the festivities. JD sat with a bag of popcorn stringing it on a thin green thread. Buck carried a box of brightly colored balls into the room. Nathan walked in from the kitchen carrying a tray with mugs of hot cocoa on it. Josiah stood on a chair as he attached Silver garland across the ceiling. Vin and Ezra placed the tree in front of the huge bay window and secured it to a stand.
“Here you go, Chris,” Jackson passed him a mug of cocoa.
“Thanks, Nathan,” he said, a tremor in his voice as he realized what these six men meant to him. A chance at happiness and family if he’d just accept what they offered freely. He looked at each man individually, weighing what they offered him compared to what life would be like if they weren’t in it. They’d managed to wrangle their way into his heart without even trying. “Family.”
“What did you say, Chris?” Jackson asked.
Larabee looked at the medic and smiled warmly. “Just thinking out loud, Nathan.”
Jackson’s eyebrows rose and he searched the blond’s face. He saw something in the eyes that took his breath away. The darkness that was normally evident in the man’s troubled eyes seemed to be missing, replaced by a sense of peace.
“Mr. Larabee, I think it’s only fair that you help us since it is your home we are attempting to decorate in a festive manner.”
Larabee smiled and moved to help the two men secure the Christmas tree.
Josiah finished the ceiling decorations and moved to the sliding doors leading to the patio. The bright rays of the full moon shone down on the snow covered landscape, giving him a sense of peace. ‘Thank you, Lord, for providing us with a means to make this a better Christmas for our brother. Someday he will understand why you deemed it necessary to call his wife and son home to you. Until that time we’ll be here to help him when he needs us and even when he doesn’t,’ he thought.
The seven men enjoyed the remainder of the day, talking and laughing well into the night. Chris sighed as he realized he was being selfish in wanting them to stay for the night, knowing they’d probably have plans for the following day. He sighed as the final song played on the CD, a favorite of Christmas’s from years past. He smiled as Josiah’s baritone voice blended with the soft voice in a duet of Silent Night. It wasn’t long before each man joined in and before Chris realized what was happening his voice joined the others.
“Sleep in heavenly peace...Sleep in heavenly peace...”
“Sleep in heavenly peace...Sleep in heavenly peace...”
Six pairs of eyes looked at each other, not realizing they’d been transported by memory back to that first Christmas together. Shivers ran through them as they realized they’d just sang the same carol they’d sang on that special night.
He knew something was wrong but his clogged mind wouldn’t let him grasp what it was. Someone was singing, at first the words were unclear and he couldn’t place them. A soft sigh left his lips as he realized he wasn’t alone. He felt them surrounding him but still couldn’t quite bring himself to open his eyes.
“Chris?” Tanner asked wistfully, unsure if he’d really heard the soft sound. His heart hammered in his chest as he waited for the sound to come again. His eyes met Wilmington’s across the bed and he knew he hadn’t been mistaken. Buck’s face told him he’d heard it as well.
“Come on, Stud, it’s time to wake up.”
‘I’m trying,’ Larabee thought as the words began to filter through his clogged senses. He felt something covering his face but wasn’t sure what it was. The cool mist entering his lungs brought the memory clearer and he knew he was on oxygen. He remembered being ill and Nathan and Vin taking him to the hospital but there was nothing after that. He struggled to open his eyes, to see who was in the room with him, to find out why the voices sounded so worried.
“I think he’s coming round,” Wilmington smiled as two green eyes opened. A relieved smile spread over his face as he looked at the man on the bed. He pushed the button that would summon the nurse, knowing they’d need to check the blond over.
“Welcome back, Cowboy,” Tanner’s voice was filled with a warmth he hadn’t felt since they’d rushed his friend to the hospital.
Larabee didn’t have the strength to answer. He was exhausted, confused and not sure whether he wanted to be here. Memories of Sarah’s warmth and love assaulted him, and he wanted to go back to the safety of her love. He closed his eyes and felt sleep reaching for him again and gave into it, knowing the six men he’d caught a glimpse of would be there when he woke again. Another soft sigh escaped the oxygen mask.
“What’s going on?” Turner asked as he and a nurse entered the room.
“He woke up, Doc,” Dunne’s voice, although low, was laced with excitement.
Tanner and Wilmington moved out of the way and let the doctor examine his patient.
“Did he say anything?” Turner asked.
“No,” Jackson answered.
“Did he seem to know where he was?”
Tanner shook his head as he remembered the dull green eyes staring at him. “I don’t think so,” he answered, watching as the nurse took Larabee’s vitals.
“This is a good sign, gentlemen, a very good sign,” Turner explained as he finished his initial exam. “He’s probably not going to wake completely until tomorrow and even then he’s going to be tired and confused. Why don’t you all go home and get a good night’s sleep.”
“I’m staying,” Tanner’s low voice warned them he wasn’t going to argue about it.
“Vin...”
“Nathan, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll grab some sleep in the chair,” Tanner assured him.
“Alright, Vin, the rest of you out of here,” Jackson told them. Vin listened to the others as they said their goodbyes to the ill man. He settled into the chair, his eyes never straying from the softly rising chest. The IV continued to feed into Larabee’s forearm and the oxygen mask still covered the lower half of his face. He turned away from the bed as the door opened behind him. An orderly pushed a blue chair into the room.
“The nurse asked me to bring this in for you. It’s a lot more comfortable than that chair,” he explained as he open the chair into a single bed. “It’s not much but I can grab you a blanket and a pillow.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Tanner said as he pulled the chair closer to the bed.
“You’re welcome.” The orderly left and returned a few minutes later with a blanket and a pillow. He spread the blanket before leaving the room, letting the door slide closed behind him.
Vin stood up and stretched. The long hours of worry and lack of sleep were catching up to him and he looked at the open chair longingly. He moved his stiff body to the chair and stretched his aching form along it’s too short length. It wasn’t long before his soft breathing joined that of his friends and he slept.
Chris peeled his eyes open and tried to move. He wondered where he was and what was causing the pain he felt. His body was stiff and unyielding as he turned his head to the side. His eyes lit on the figure sleeping in the chair beside the bed. At first the name eluded him but his lips moved under the oxygen mask. “V...Vin,” he rasped weakly. His voice barely reached his own ears and he didn’t have the energy to repeat the word. He felt weak and tired and unable to think clearly.
He closed his eyes and tried to figure out why he was in the hospital. He didn’t remember being shot, beaten or anything else that could cause him to feel this badly. He coughed into the oxygen mask and groaned softly.
Vin was instantly alert and sat up on the bed. He stood up and hurried to his friend’s side, pressing the button to summon the nurse. He placed his hand on his friend’s chest and watched as the eyes opened and the head turned towards him. “Merry Christmas, Cowboy.”
“C...Christmas?” the blond stammered.
“That’s right. It’s Christmas morning. Eight am on Christmas morning to be exact.”
“H...happened?”
Tanner looked to the door as a nurse entered. “He’s awake,” he told her.
“Good morning, Mr. Larabee.”
He looked from one to the other and tried to concentrate. A soft moan left his mouth as he struggled to complete awareness.
“Easy, Chris,” Tanner told him.
“Mr. Larabee, do you know where you are?”
He nodded his head as he slowly answered, “H...hospital.”
“That’s right,” Doreen smiled as she held a straw to his mouth and let him sip the cold water.
“Why?”
“Why are you in the hospital?” she asked and he nodded. “Do you remember being sick?”
“Had a c...cold,” his eyebrows furrowed and he glanced towards the sharpshooter. “Pneumonia?”
“That’s correct, Mr. Larabee,” the nurse told him as the door opened and a man Vin didn’t recognize entered the room.
“Mr. Larabee, I’m John Thorpe and I’m a doctor here at Saint Vincents. Do you think you could do something for me?”
“What?”
“I want you to move your hands, arms and legs for me. Do you think you can do that?”
“I think so,” the pale blond muttered as he moved first his hands, then his arms and legs. By the time he finished he felt weak and was being pulled towards sleep once more. “T...tired.”
“Well then you just go on back to sleep. You’ve earned it,” Thorpe told him.
“K,” Larabee’s eyes began to close but he turned to his friend and smiled weakly before he gave in and let his heavy lids fall over the tired green eyes.
“He’s gonna be ok, right Doc?” Tanner asked.
“He should be fine now, Mr. Tanner. He needs to rest and get his strength back.”
“Thanks, Doc,” Tanner said as he was once more left alone with Chris. He breathed a sigh of relief, his heart lurching as he realized he wouldn’t be saying goodbye to his best friend. He settled back in the chair to wait for the others to arrive so he could give them the good news. They’d still be celebrating Christmas but it would be a little late. “We’ve got a lot to be thankful for this year, Cowboy,” he thought as he settled down and tried to sleep.
“Merry Christmas, sleeping beauty.”
Larabee opened his eyes and looked into the familiar face of the man he’d known longer than any of the others. “Shoot y...you, B...Buck,” he smiled weakly and reached for the buttons that would raise his head. He still felt weak but at least now some of the confusion and stiffness had left his body and the oxygen mask had been replaced with the annoying nasal canulas.
“Ya ain’t got your gun there, Pard,” the ladies man laughed, feeling the fear and worry of the last few days leave his body. “How are you feeling, Chris?”
“I’m ok, Buck. A little tired but ok.”
“That’s good news, Chris,” Wilmington’s eyes filled with unshed moisture as he realized his friend really was going to get to spend a belated Christmas with them. “I thought we’d lost you,” he muttered.
“I didn’t want to come back, Buck,” Larabee whispered, turning his head away from the moustached man.
Wilmington heard the sorrow in his voice and sat on the edge of the bed. He was alone with the blond and he knew instinctively his friend had something he needed to say. “Why, Chris?” he asked.
Larabee swallowed the lump in his throat. In the two days that passed since he’d finally woke up he’d been having flashbacks of his life with Sarah, most of them centering around the first Christmas he’d spent with Sarah and Adam. The memories were so fresh in his mind and he could’ve sworn he really was back with them. The touch of her hands on his body so real, the feel of her lips on his so clear.
“Chris?”
Larabee turned back to the ladies man. “I was with Sarah and Adam, Buck. Not just dreaming of them but there in the house with them. I made love to her. I held Adam in my arms. They were here and God help me, Buck, I didn’t want to leave them. I didn’t want to come back here,” he cried.
“Chris, you were in a coma for three days...”
“That’s what the doctors tell me but Buck it was so real. I was forced to give them up when they were taken from me but this time I could choose. I could’ve stayed with them. I could’ve been with them!”
“But it wouldn’t have been real, Chris,” Wilmington told him. “I believe you were with her but only because of the love you two had for each other.”
“Not had, Buck, the love I have for her. I’ll always have for her and Adam.”
“What made you decide to come back?” Wilmington asked.
Larabee thought for a few minutes, wanting this man to know everything he felt. “You and the others. I heard you talking about the Christmas when the six of you showed up carolling on my doorstep. I heard you singing and I knew I had to come back. I knew it wasn’t time for me to go. Sarah and Adam will be there for me when the time comes but for now I have to stay with my new ragtag family. You guys brought me back and I guess you’re stuck with me.”
“Chris, that’s the best news I’ve had in a long time. When you get out of here we’re really gonna celebrate Christmas in style.”
“I want you guys to come out to the ranch, Buck.”
“Chris, you won’t be able to stay on your own for a week or so.”
“I know that but I want to have you guys there to celebrate Christmas just like we planned before I got sick.”
“I’ll talk to the boys, Pard, I’m sure we can figure something out.”
“Thanks, Buck,” Larabee mumbled as he drifted off to sleep again.
Chris sat in front of the roaring fire. The large Pine tree was lit with brightly colored lights and he could smell the Turkey roasting in the oven. Christmas was going to be a week late for him but the spirit was building inside him and a warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time flowed through his veins.
His strength was slowly returning but the six men he called family wouldn’t let him do anything to help with dinner preparation. He smiled as he took a shiny object from his pocket and held it to his heart. ‘God I miss you both so much,’ he thought, a single tear slipping from his eyes.
“Chris?”
Larabee looked into the concerned face of the man he considered a brother. “Vin, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For telling me about the gift your mother gave you.”
“H...How did you...”
“I’m not sure, Vin, but I heard all of you. The poem you read. The one by Robert Louis Stevenson it meant a lot to me. If there was a real land of Nod I’d be proud to have you take me there.”
“Who knows, Chris, maybe someday Nod will be something we can find by day or night. A place where everyone can go to escape real life for a while.”
“For now, Vin, I’m happy to be a part of this world. I have a lot of reasons to be thankful this year and six of them are here in my home.”
“Hey you two, come and get it,” Wilmington’s voice called from the dining room.
“You ready?” Tanner asked.
“I think so,” Larabee answered. He glanced at the picture in the locket and closed it before placing it in his pocket. He walked beside Vin Tanner and was soon seated at the head of the table, the turkey sitting on a table beside him. “Josiah, would you do the honors.”
Seven pairs of hands clasped tightly and the voice of the ex-preacher was the only sound in the room. “We give thanks oh, Lord, for the bountiful feast you’ve seen fit to bestow on us. This year we also give thanks for returning a lost lamb to our fold, Amen.”
Larabee swallowed as the words of the preacher made him realize these men really were his family and he never had to be alone again. “Amen,” he said as he stood up and carved the turkey.
“Will Daddy be ok, Mommy.”
Sarah looked at her son, tears shining in her eyes. She knew Chris would be alright now, knew his family would take care of him. She held her son’s hand and smiled at him, the green eyes so like his fathers filled with a longing that mirrored her own. “He’ll be fine now, Adam. He’s got a family who cares about him.
“Does that mean he won’t love me and you anymore?” the small voice sounded sad as Sarah knelt before him.
“Daddy will always love us, Adam, but right now he need to stay here and finish the work God has given him.”
“But what if he gets hurt again?”
“His friends will help him.”
“Are we his angels, Mommy?”
“Yes, darling, we’re his guardian angels and we’ll watch over him,” she said, her hand touching her stomach wistfully. “It’s time for us to go,” she told him. “I love you, Chris.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
Chris lifted his head as the familiar scent of lilac reached him. It overpowered everything in the room and he sank into his chair, unaware of the curious glances turned his way. He knew the scent and knew she’d been here, a serene smile came over his pale features and he glanced around the room. ‘I love you too,’ he thought before returning his attention to the men at the table. He lifted the glass beside him and stood up. “To family, old and new,” he said as he downed the glass of non-alcoholic wine Jackson insisted he have because of the medication he was still taking.
“To family, old and new,” the others echoed the sentiment, knowing it was given from the heart, one brother to another, at a time of year when family was the most precious gift of all.
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