Chapter 38
“Chris.”
Larabee could hear the voices again and knew they wouldn’t leave him alone. He briefly wondered why he hurt so much, why his body wouldn’t respond to his
orders to stay asleep. “L...leave me a...alone,” he begged as he tried to turn away from the voices.
“I need you to look at me, Chris. Come on now open your eyes and look at me.”
“I d...don’t w...want to,” he told her, keeping his eyes closed against the painful white glare of the overhead lights.
“If you open your eyes for a few minutes we won’t bother you anymore for a while.”
The injured man knew Dr. Stacey Midland and knew there would be no denying her. She’d continue to badger him until he did as she told him to. Slowly he forced
his eyes open and he looked into her worried face. “Don’t w...want to do t...this a...anymore. H...hurts to m...much,” he whimpered. “P...please c...can’t you just
l...leave me alone?” he begged
“Why do you want to be alone, Chris?” Midland asked, worried about the lack of fight in the usually strong man.
“I j...just w...want to be a...alone. D...die by m...myself. D...don’t d...deserve to h...have f...friends.”
“Chris, you do have friends and they’re all worried about you. They want to help you get better,” Midland told him as she began unwrapping the bandages from his
hands.
“D...don’t, please, h...hurts.”
Midland steeled herself against the cries issuing from the blonde’s mouth as she examined the swollen fingers. “Jillian, put in a call to Dr. Parker. Ask him to come up
right away,” she ordered.
“Yes, Doctor,” the petite, red haired nurse said as she pushed the button on the wall monitor.
“Doctor?”
Midland turned to the door and looked into the worried eyes of Ezra Standish. “Ezra, you’ll have to come back later,” she told him.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ll speak with all of you later. Right now I need you to leave,” she explained as the nurse rejoined her by the bed.
“I’ll be right outside the door,” Standish informed her.
“That’s fine,” Midland said as she placed the injured limb in the peroxide solution, ignoring the small whimpering cries issuing from the injured man’s throat. She
picked up the opposite hand and did the same to that one, shaking her head at the swollen, misshapen fingers.
“What’s wrong, Stacey?” Parker asked as he hurried into the room.
“I don’t think we have a choice now,” she said as she indicated the hands resting in the solution.
Parker studied the hands and his eyes met the glazed green ones of the patient. “Chris, I know you’re in pain right now but we have to do a few more things to make
you comfortable. Ok?”
Larabee shook his head. “N...no. J...just leave me a...alone,” the blond told them weakly.
“You don’t mean that, Chris, now you just relax. We’ll give you something to make you sleep and also something for the pain,” Parker explained.
“Propofol IV?”
“Yes, Stacey.”
Sanchez wheeled the chair up to the door in ICU, “Looks like the doctors are in there with him right now, Vin.”
“Ask them if I can come in,” Tanner said.
“Ah, Mr. Tanner, good to see you out of bed,” Standish observed as he walked up to the two newcomers.
“What are they doing to him?” the sharpshooter asked as he watched the doctors examine his friend’s hands.
“I believe they are going to extract a couple of Mr. Larabee’s finger nails,” Standish explained.
“Chris! Oh, God, why?”
“Now, Vin, we all knew this might happen. Dr. Parker mentioned that a couple of the nails were becoming infected and might have to be removed,” Sanchez said as
he knelt beside the injured man.
“I’m sorry, Chris. I shoulda been able to stop him. Shoulda been there for you, Chris,” Tanner cried painfully.
‘Vin,’ Larabee thought as he listened to the familiar voice calling his name. His mind was suddenly assaulted by the words Whelan told him. Words he didn’t want to
believe but they were a constant reminder of the betrayal he felt. A betrayal by the man he considered his best friend. A betrayal that cut deeper than any knife ever
could. Shaking his head he began to tremble as he lifted his head from the pillow. His green eyes caught and held the blue eyes of the man he sought and a mournful
scream split his lips. “Why, Vin? Why are you doing this to me?” He struggled to get away from the hands touching him. Moving as far up in the bed as possible in
order to escape the nightmare pain they caused. “Please, Vin, no m...more,” he pleaded as he felt hands touch his body and ease him back on the bed.
“It wasn’t me, Chris. I d...didn’t, I couldn’t hurt you like this,” Tanner’s heart was heavy as he listened to his friend’s pain filled voice. The cries tore into him and he
tried to stand up.
“Easy, Brother, you just stay where you are,” Sanchez ordered, gently pressing the man back into the chair.
“He thinks I did this to him, Josiah. He can’t even look at me.”
“Chris is just confused right now, Vin. You have to remember that,” Sanchez soothed.
“You know how tired I am of hearing that, Josiah? Don’t you think I know he’s confused? It doesn’t change anything. How would you feel if your best friend thought
you were the cause of all his misery? You know what’s worse, Josiah?” the younger man asked, tears glittering in his eyes. “What’s worse is that he’s right and I
can’t do anything to help him. I’m sorry, Chris.”
“P...please, let me go!” Larabee’s voice grew weaker as his strength ebbed. His eyes filled with pain as he pleaded for the hands to release him. His body was
wracked with pain as he continued to struggle to get away. A vision of Vin Tanner giving a silent order to continue the torment of his body ran through his mind. Now
it was all starting again and once more Vin Tanner was there to watch his torment. “D...don’t punish me no m...more, Vin, please, just let me go. L...let me d...die.
Sarah, I need you.”
Stacey Midland felt tears in her eyes as she listened to the anguished cries of The Firm’s leader. She’d never heard him plead the way he was right now. She placed
the Propofol into the IV and waited for it to take affect. She’d known Sarah Larabee and had even been there at the birth of Adam Larabee. She thought they’d lost
Chris Larabee when his wife and son were murdered but with the help of Vin Tanner he’d made it through. She wondered how he’d make it through this time if he
didn’t let the younger man help him.
“Sarah, I’m s...sorry,” Larabee’s whisper barely reached the people waiting outside the door but it devastated the man in the wheel chair.
“It’s ok, Brother, let it out,” Sanchez said as he watched the younger man fight to control his emotions.
“Not ok, Josiah. It may never be ok again,” Tanner hissed.
“Why don’t I take you back to your room, Vin?”
“No, I’ll stay here, Josiah.”
“Alright, Vin, you just tell me when you get tired,” Sanchez told him.
“I will,” the sharpshooter said as he continued to watch what was happening in the room.
“He’s out,” Midland said as she placed an oxygen mask over the pale face.
Midland and Parker scrubbed their hands before turning their attention to the blond patient.
“Jillian, move that table over here,” Parker ordered as he took Larabee’s right hand out of the peroxide solution, carefully handling the cast that surrounded the wrist.
He took a small pair of surgical scissors and slowly removed the nails on the injured digits. When he finished with the right hand, Midland took over and placed saline
soaked gauze, then dry dressings over the injured limb.
Josiah watched the scene in the ICU room but kept his eyes on his charge. Vin Tanner was getting paler by the minute as he watched the two doctors methodically
working on the form lying quietly in the bed.
“I think it’s time to get you back to your room, Brother,” Sanchez said.
“Not yet, Josiah,” the younger man shook his head in defiance. “I want to hear what the doctors have to say.”
“I do believe the doctors are finished with Mr. Larabee,” Standish observed as the two doctors turned away from the patient and walked towards the door.
Vin could see the nurse placing something in his friend’s IV and wondered how long he’d be kept out this time.
“You should be in bed, Vin?” Midland told him as she noticed the paleness of his face.
“Dr. Marshall said I could come see Chris. How is he Doc?”
“We gave him something to make him sleep while we worked on his hands. He’ll be out for some time, Vin.”
“Stacey, I have to go. Contact me if anything changes.”
“Sure, Tom, thanks,” she assured him and turned back to Tanner. “You won’t be able to see him today, Vin, so you might as well go back to your room and get
some rest.”
“I’ll take him back, Doc,” Sanchez told her.
“I’ll let you know when he’s ready for visitors,” she told them as Sanchez wheeled the still protesting man away from the room.
Midland turned back to the room and stepped up to the bed. “For yours and Vin’s sake I hope you can get past all this,” she said softly.
Chapter 39
‘Vin says it’s time to die, Chris, time to die, time to die, time to die,’ the words echoed over and over in his mind as he watched Whelan lift the gun and point it in
his direction. “T...time to die.”
“Chris, come on now. It’s just a dream,” Jackson said as he listened to the weak voice cry out in his sleep. “It’s not real. Come on open your eyes and you’ll see.”
“Nathan?”
The voice sounded defeated to the medic’s ears. “Yeah, Chris it’s me. You’ve been sleeping long enough. It’s time to wake up now, you hear?”
Green eyes opened and glanced around the room. Recognition dawned but did little to alleviate the pain the blond felt. He panicked as he looked into the tired face
above him. “D...don’t w...want to be here,” he whispered hoarsely, the sound muffled under the oxygen mask.
“Where do you want to be, Chris?”
“Wanna be w...with Sarah and Adam, but he says I’m not a...allowed,” Larabee said softly, coughing against the dryness of his throat.
“Here, Mr. Larabee, have some ice chips,” Becky, a dark haired, brown eyed nurse suggested.
“D...don’t want n...none,” the blond told her, turning away from the offering.
“Now, Chris, this’ll help your throat,” Becky told him, lifting the oxygen mask away from his face.
“I said I don’t w...want none. Just l...leave me alone.”
“Chris, you really need to take some of this. It’ll help your throat,” Jackson tried to make his friend look at him.
“No! J...just go a...away and leave me alone.”
Jackson’s heart twisted as he listened to the defeated voice from the man he’d admired for his strength and courage in any situation. He took in the dark circles
around his eyes and the sunken cheeks. “Chris, we’re not gonna leave you alone. We’re all gonna be here for you so you might as well give up that idea right now.”
“Don’t n...need any of you. J...just go away.”
Jackson met Becky’s eyes and he saw his concern mirrored there. “We’ll leave you alone if you just take some ice chips.”
“No! Nathan, I d...don’t want any. Just please leave me be,” Larabee shouted and was suddenly convulsed by spasms again. His body twisted upwards on the bed
and he cried out. “M...make it s...stop! Oh, God, Nathan, m...make it s...stop!”
Becky stepped to the door and placed a call for either Midland or Parker to come to the room. She stepped back to the bed and checked the Morphine infusion
pump. She knew from the agony on his face as his body twisted on the bed that he needed something more. She placed her hand on his forehead and tried to instil a
sense of calmness in her patient.
“What’s wrong, Becky?” Midland asked as she hurried into the room.
“I tried to get him to take some ice chips but he refused. He became upset and the spasms started again.”
“What set him off?” Stacey asked as she started examining her patient.
“He was talking about Sarah and Adam and how he wanted to be with them,” Jackson explained.
“Damn, that’s not good,” she loaded a syringe with morphine and inserted it into the IV line. “Becky, I’m making a note for him to be given five mgs Haldol every six
hours,” she said as she loaded a second syringe and inserted it into the same juncture.
Finally the convulsions began to recede and the sweat soaked blond lay back against the pillow, his breathing sounded painful and harsh. “L...let it be o...over. J...just
l...leave me alone. P...please, Nathan, I c...can’t do t...this any m...more,” he pleaded, closing his eyes and letting the tears role freely down his cheeks.
“What’s happening, Stacey,” Parker asked as he rushed into the room and stepped up to the bed.
“It’s what we talked about, Tom. He’s agitated and definitely depressed. I’ve started him on Haldol but I think we’re going to need the anti depressant as well,” she
informed him.
“Alright. Let’s get him started on Zoloft,” he said, writing the new instructions on the chart. “Chris,” he said touching the injured man’s shoulder. “Come on, Chris,
open your eyes.”
“P...please j...just leave me a...alone,” the weak voice begged.
“That’s not going to happen, Chris,” Midland said as she adjusted the flow of the IV. “You might as well stop asking. Now I’m going to raise your head a little and I
want you to take some medication. It’s going to help you feel better,” she told him as Becky pressed the button, raising Larabee’s head slightly.
“No! I d...don’t want it,” the blond cried, turning away from the people standing by his bed.
“Now, Chris, you’re not going to get better if you don’t cooperate,” Jackson’s worried voice was strong as he spoke to his friend.
“D...don’t m...matter. Just w...want to s...see Sarah and Adam.”
“That’s not gonna happen for a long time, Chris,” Midland said as she swiped at a stray lock of unruly blond hair.
Larabee closed his eyes and tried to ignore the people in the room. “N...not so l...long. V...Vin’s gonna h...help me,” he cried as his tortured mind sought to escape
the images of Vin Tanner holding a nail gun in one hand and a cattle prod in the other.
“Vin wants you to get better, Chris,” Jackson told him.
“No he doesn’t! W...wants Whelan. Oh God, n...not a...again,” he cried as another spasm wracked his body.
Four sets of hands held him down as his body arched upwards. He gasped in pain as stitches tore and broken ribs throbbed incessantly. Finally his body dropped to
the bed and he lay gasping for breath.
“Becky, get me 50 mgs of Zoloft,” Parker ordered.