Long Research Paper

Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!
12/27/99
Interracial Marriages: Should Color Matter?

Marriages are made in heaven. However, what happens if someone goes against the normal customs, does something out of ordinary, and marries a person of a different race? Why are such marriages on the rise? What problems do the couples face in an interracial marriage? The biggest problem in such marriages appears to be the interference of society [parents and others], which will have to stop. Should color matter in a healthy relationship? These are some questions, I would like to research, and, if possible, try to answer some of them.

In order to research this topic, I explored a diverse range of sources like personal interviews, books, magazines, Internet sites, movies, and the news – both television and newspapers. The first step was a personal interview of my friend Anita Johnson who is married to a “black guy.” Some of the main sources are studies, such as Marriage and Families – Reflections of A Gendered Society by Constance L. Shehan and Kenneth C.W. Kammeyer, and Fighting for Your Marriage by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg. Encyclopedia Britannica was a great treasure of information and provided excellent references. Movies based on the subject of interracial relationships like Mississippi Masala by Mira Nair, Corrina, Corrina by Jessie Nelson, and Anna and the King by Andy Tennat were very informative. Other minor sources include an article from Newsline by Tamara Natasha Spence and a radio documentary by Wendy Ruky.

Two strange people meet by some divine intervention, get attracted to each other, and with or without giving it further thought, decide to get married. Most people want a satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime. Marriage means living together with a person, accepting his or her habits, and adjusting lifestyles. According to author Markman, “Marriage is the most risky undertaking routinely taken on by the greatest number of people in our society” (1). Marriage is considered a gamble, if you are lucky you get a good partner otherwise better luck next time. There are two kinds of marriages – love and arranged marriages.

Let me elaborate a little on ‘arranged’ marriage. In India, parents decide or help in choosing brides or bridegrooms for their children. They look into the financial, educational, and religious backgrounds of the prospective spouses. Even the parental history and the accommodations are inquired into thoroughly. To ensure their child’s future, parents go through this rigorous ordeal in order to find someone who is equal, if not more, in status than them. Only after the parents approve and find everything to their satisfaction, do the parents arrange a meeting between the girl and the boy. Such marriages usually take place among people of same community and religion. My sister was married in this fashion and is happily married under such a system. Similarly, most love marriages occur among people of the same community. Thus, we can safely conclude that the majority of marriages in the world are same-race marriages, which are considered “normal.” At present, only a very small percentage of marriages are interracial marriages, but the percentage is on the rise. Here is a look into the definition of interracial marriages and the legal standpoint in these marriages.

Interracial Marriage is termed as “Miscegenation.” Encyclopedia Britannica defines miscegenation as marriage or cohabitation by persons of different race. Similarly, “heterogamy” refers to married couples in which the husband and the wife belong to different social groups and categories (Shehan 167). Twentieth-century genetics and anthropology have largely discredited theories of anatomical disharmony resulting from miscegenation. Although it is now accepted that modern populations are the result of continuous racial crossing since prehistoric times, taboos on miscegenation--in some instances legally enforced--have existed and continue to exist in many biracial societies. The article “ Indian Law” from Encyclopedia Britannica, states that women from other communities who marry “Hindu” men have the same rights as the “Hindu” women. Conversely, in South Africa the official policy of apartheid for many years included legal prohibitions on miscegenation. Even in U.S.A., interracial marriages were illegal in many states until the Supreme Court ruled otherwise in 1967. Before the ruling in 1967, many interracially married couples had to face a lot of discrimination. I am citing the case of Loving v. Virginia, an interracially married couple who was exiled from Virginia in 1958. The judge added his opinion in his judgement that “ Almighty God created the races white, black, Malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. … The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix” (Shehan 166). But even when discrimination of races was at its peak, people still went ahead and got married interracially albeit it was a small number. As we head into the new millenium, marrying and dating across cultural lines seem to be increasing at record rates. The color line once drawn between blacks and whites--or more precisely between whites and nonwhites--is breaking into a polygon of dueling ethnicities, each fighting for its place in the sun. Such marriages are more prominent or noticeable in larger cities like New York, Atlanta, Detroit, and Chicago. From the 1960 to the 1990 Census, white-Asian married couples increased almost tenfold, while black-white couples quadrupled (Encyclopedia Britannica). The reasons are obvious: greater integration and the decline of white racism. This trend is tied up with the breakdown of school and residential segregation. The 1967 overthrow of the last antimiscegenation laws advanced this cause further. Workplaces and multiracial communities assist in attracting those in the same circles. Some of the negative attitudes toward interracial marriages have been lifted considerably. The more specific reasons behind the escalating trend of dating and mating across color and racial lines vary from individual to individual. Some people find common interests in people of different race because of their social and income levels meet. One of the biggest reasons is that religion does not play a vital role in our lives as it used to, so people are less likely to take it into account when picking a mate (Markman 286).

One perfect example is the case of my friend Anita Sampat alias Mrs. Anita Johnson. Anita, an Indian woman, was attracted and married Peter Johnson, an African American man. She took this step because of Peter’s qualities and his nature, which seemed to somehow gel with hers. She did not care that she was a “Hindu” or that Peter was a “Christian.” Some people seem to simply prefer to date people of another race, finding them more attractive. It sometimes becomes difficult to find a person you like from your own community. Interracial marriages seem to offer a wider choice for finding mates, rather than restricting oneself to one’s own kind. Generally, Indian men favor a whiter skin in their spouses. The Indian men Anita met did not consider her “fair.” So she broadened her horizons and started looking beyond her kind. The fact that the minorities are doing well financially, have more stable jobs, dress well, and are better educated now than they used to be make them more attractive. Celebrities like Gloria Estefan, Michael Jackson, Will Smith, Deepak Chopra, Bruce Lee, and Jackie Chan all help in enhancing the image of the minorities. After the phenomenal rise of Ricky Martin, Latino – American marriages came into vogue. Interracial marriages are now not that rare but are still looked upon with curiosity.

According to the APA monitor, within 50 years, half of the U.S. population will be people of color (Hall). Mira Nair, director of Mississippi Masala, has shown an illicit love affair between a young Indian woman and a black businessman. It also portrays the controversy and scandal that it brings. Other films have focused upon black-white relations. Nair shifts the spotlight to debates and conflicts between minority ties. When the Indian woman and the black man meet and fall in love, everyone on all sides falls obediently into place to condemn their relationship. It also anticipates social conditions of next century. “Masala” can be translated into a “mixture,” which seems to be the order of the New World. So many of us may have to think in one language and be forced to speak in another language. Salman Rushdie, author of The Satanic Verses had declared in the movie’s defense that it celebrates hybridity, impurity, intermingling, unexpected combinations of human beings, and cultures. It rejoices in mongrelisation and fears the absolutism of the Pure. Melange, the hotchpotch, a bit of this and that is how newness enters the world.

Roberto Suro, a researcher for “Mixed Doubles,” conducted a survey of some interracially married couples in 1998 and found the following results. Hispanic/White 52% Asian/White 19% Native American/White 12% Black/White 9% All other 7% Note: White, black, Asian and Pacific Islander, and Native American categories do not include Hispanics. Source: Population Reference Bureau

As can be seen from the statistics, the percentage of marriages between Hispanics and Whites is the highest. The reasons are that Hispanics and Whites can relate to each other, have similar traditions, and Christianity is mostly their common religion. Below are some names of celebrities involved interracially and television shows based on this subject: Ř I love Lucy- “first interracial kiss” – Ricky – Desi Arnez (Cuban) and Lucy (Irish). Ř Moesha – has an episode showing Moesha going out with a Caucasian boy. Ř Night Court – Max, who is black, has an Asian wife. Ř Actress - Whoopi Goldberg involved with Nick Nolte, a white, and currently involved with Frank Langella – white. Ř Ally McBeal – interracial dating – shows Ally McBeal kissing her boyfriend Jesse Martin – a black man. Ř O.J. Simpson – was married to a white woman.

Let us now come out of La-La Land to the real world. Do the interracially married couples really feel different from other so-called “normal marriages?” Many interfaith marriages start out just fine, with couples thinking that they can beat the odds and that “love will conquer all.” While love can conquer a lot, the more there is to conquer, the greater the risk of failure (Markman 286). Anita’s parents harassed her for months by emotionally blackmailing her. Her mother threatened to commit suicide if she did not stop seeing her black boyfriend. This treatment seemed to make Anita all the more determined to keep meeting Peter. There are many obstacles such couples have to face. Interracial couples face an added stress of being stared at, pointed out. Even in these so-called “modern times,” they are not left alone. Probably, the main conflict most couples may face is the issue of religious beliefs. Conflict in religious beliefs leads to family alienation. Societal discrimination, cultural differences and language barriers also pose challenges. Sometimes the differences between the customs and traditions are frightening and it may take time for the newlyweds to adjust to them.

Here, I would like to narrate my unsuccessful personal experience with an inter-community relation. I was in love with my firm’s proprietor and after a while, we decided to get married. When my parents came to know of this decision, they were shocked. Similar to my friend Anita’s case, my parents said and did everything they could to break us up and we did break up. Unlike Anita, I did not have the courage to stand up to my parents and go against their wishes. Later on, when I asked my mother the reason for them not accepting my choice. They replied that my boyfriend was from the “Marathi” community, which was not acceptable to them, whereas I am from the “Gujarati” community, considered a “superior” community. I questioned further, “so what?” The answer I got was because he was a non-vegetarian and we are vegetarian. To this date, I regret my cowardice.

Relationships between white and minority, in particular, often spark controversy and debate. Some individuals due to a desire to maintain solidarity within an ethnic community may not accept interracial dating. There is a community called the “Parsis” in India, which is totally against interfaith and interracial marriages. The reason is that their community is dwindling at an alarming rate that they cannot afford to let anyone from outside to come in or anyone to go outside the Parsi community. Similarly, I came across the case of the Hopi nation [a video recording] during my research where the chief of the tribe described the tribe’s present situation. The chief unhappily narrated that “The very survival of the Hopi and hundreds of other sovereign Indian Nations is threatened by the exodus of their youth to the cites. 50% of the Indian population now live in the cites and 50% have interracial marriages.” Poor Relations; The Making of a Eurasian Community in India 1773-1833, describes the Anglo-Indians residing in India, which were created by intermarriage and mating between British soldiers and Indian women. It also specifies the problems which the race faced (social, economic and attitudinal) (Hawes).

Another problem which persons just commencing a relationship face is the desperate want to match up with the perfect partner. As a result, they see only what they want and literally blind themselves to annoyances and flaws. In the book Fighting for Your Marriage, counselors term this as “selective perception” which diminishes with time. As the problem of perception fades, another barrier emerges – the “deferred resolution of differences.” It refers to the tendency of partners wanting and needing to change the other after marriage (Minirth 31). Certain annoying habits or actions, which earlier were overlooked, now tend to become annoying and in their extremities lead to a divorce. Anna and the King is a historical romantic movie set in the nineteenth century Thailand about love flowering between a British governess, Anna, and the King. Anna comments poignantly “ You cannot change the world as you know it. Believe me, I’ve tried.” This is true, a person can only change himself, not others. It is a wrong and an unreasonable expectation that after marriage the other person may change.

Not black or white but grey raises the question of what to call people of mixed race. Writer Wendi Ruky wrote a script for a radio documentary emphasizing a group’s main goal to get a multiracial box put on federal forms. It is a matter of self-esteem and self-respect when it comes to declaration of races. In conjunction to this issue, there was a controversy involving the famous golf player – Tiger Woods. A fellow player called Tiger Woods “black.” Woods refused to be called himself ‘black’ and the other player had to apologize to Woods. Woods clarified that he was not “black” and that his mother is “Thai” and father part African American and part White. Author Maria Padilla in The Orlando Sentinel pointed out “Elaborate terms such as quadroon and octoroon were devised to track the extent of one’s blackness.” Medically too, doctors should know they are treating a mixed-race person in order to check for diseases, such as sickle cell anemia, which strikes mostly blacks. In relation to this problem, Anita, my friend told me that she was researching for any diseases that her children may inherit from their father’s heritage. She just wanted to be forewarned and be prepared for it.

Visual media plays a vital role in integrating races, but are they doing it? Movies and television manage to write a few minority roles into their otherwise white-centered shows. This fantasy of representational diversity hinders actual racial progress. What television has done is give white Americans the sensation of having meaningful, repeated contact with blacks without actually having it. It can be called as ‘virtual integration’ – an illusion of integration. It is still very difficult for viewers to see interracial couples – especially black and white having sex on the screen, which is why dating interracially is not approached positively.

If any person dares to date interracially, he may receive random threats of violence from either side. In December 1995, there was a shameful declaration for the world in the sports section of The Times of India. Tennis player Boris Becker’s wife Barbara, who is black, was receiving threats. Becker told the world that he no longer wished to be associated with his homeland and that he was leaving Germany, never to return. When asked why? He explained that his wife is black and he could no longer live with the discriminatory treatment she was receiving in Germany. There is racial discrimination to such an extent that children have been dismissed from schools and even kindergarten because of the religion of their parents. A few months ago, there was news on television about a Taiwanese man marrying a Barbie doll, believing it to have the soul of his dead wife. The man’s wife, who was Chinese, had committed suicide after years of being tortured by her in-laws because of differences in the couples religions and communities.

“How dare you call me colored”
You turn red when you blush or get angry
You turn yellow when you are sick or disgusted
You turn purple when you are injured
You turn green with envy
You tan when you sunbathe
You turn blue when you die or freeze
- Internet Source
Your hair is yellow, brown, brunette, auburn, carrot-colored
Your eyes are blue, green, gray, and hazel
See the different colors that you turn
And you dare call me ‘colored’
What part of your body is not colored?
But it is your brain that needs to be discolored.
- Own thoughts -

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?" We learn that rhyme as children. Sadly, that’s when many of us decide the "happily ever afters" are for the beautiful people; the rest of us must struggle with a more troll-like reality. A healthy marriage is characterized by how husbands and wives honor and respect each other, regardless of physical appearances. Sometimes love just is not enough. The romantic notions symbolized by flowers and chocolates do not always compensate for the obstacles faced when differing races, faiths and cultures add pressure to a relationship. One of the largest obstacles is the pressure from society [parents and others] to end their relationship in favor of same-race companions, but it is time that parents start respecting the child’s choice of a mate. Emotional blackmail or threats should not be the tools to break the relationship. Yes, it should be a matter of concern for the parents if their child is involved with someone taking drugs or an alcoholic. However, if that someone is educated, doing well in life, lives decently and loves their child, the parents should not have any objections towards the alliance. By others, I mean the neighborhood or relatives who feel that it is their prerogative to comment, question and stare at, especially in small towns.

In the movie Corrina, Corrina, Corrina, a black maid, and her employer, Mr. Manny Singer – a white Caucasian get attracted to each other. They do not have any problems [of being ‘black and white’] with each other. On the contrary, it is their friends, relatives, and neighbors, who are bothered with this budding relationship. On learning about the relationship, Corrina’s friend sarcastically commented to Corrina, “Your own kind ain’t good enough for you.” Relationships between a minority and a white are sometimes categorized as "selling out," sacrificing allegiance to an ethnicity in order to date someone of a higher social status. Some people see such relationships as a negative commentary on the minority community involved.

Nothing has the potential to make us more miserable or more ecstatic than marriage, yet we enter the institution without any training whatsoever. Anna, in Anna and the King, exclaims, “If love was a choice, who could ever choose such exquisite pain?” We are required to demonstrate some proficiency when obtaining a driver’s license, but marriage licenses can be had for a signature. Good marriages take work and interracial marriages take a little more work, tolerance, the ability to face humiliation, and the courage to stand for your beliefs. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not how much you love each other that can best predict the future of your relationship, but how conflicts and disagreements are handled. Also, maintaining and enhancing intimacy, fun, commitment, friendship, and sensuality in a marriage is very important. There are no guarantees in life. Whether it is a marriage between people of the same community or an interracial marriage, if the people involved are not committed enough or do not work towards it success, it is a sure road to failure.

Works Cited
Back to homepage