I don't know. So I wrote a poem, with large portions of the text borrowed from the movie "Greaser's Palace." Credited within the poem, of course. The reason I borrowed so heavily from an old movie no one probably recognizes was that it rocks. And because I think it rocks, I figured it might be a decent way of relating who I am to a group of people who probably couldn't care less. Not only would no one know what I was writing about, beyond Who am I, the vagueness--the purpose, in my opinion, of poetry--would also serve to answer the question. I chose the opening lines of the song Jessie sings in the movie to begin my poem because Jessie is the Christ figure in the flick and I may as well be God. "I'm a killer diller daddy with a pig in my pants." The rest of it goes something like, "A groove juice Jackson, won't you give me a chance/ solid sender/ Oh daddy beat me to the bar/ You hear me layin' it down/ Oh baby Jessie's back in town! Or something like that. I can't remember, and its on tape, not DVD, so I'm not going to damage the goods by fast-forwarding, stopping, and rewinding it to make this more complete. I figured since I was going with a Greaser's Palace/God theme with the poem that I might "borrow" some more--partly because the movie rocks, and partly because I can't write poetry--and I used another great line from the movie, where the Christ figure names God "Bingo Gas Station Motel Cheeseburger With A Side Of Aircraft Noise and You'll be Gary, Indiana." That might not make any sense, but hopefully everyone will want to borrow the movie, which would help them understand. I wrote the poem on a piece of my notebook paper, because poems should be written on notebook paper, at least in their nascent stages.
The second thing I was asked to do was to create an image that depicted who I am. Or was. Or something. Was then, I guess. During the class. I drew a picture, again on notebook paper, of a stick-figure Phil. The stick figure's head was upside down. It's shoes were green. The green marker I borrowed from the table, which I used not because I wish I had green shoes, but because I started to feel as if I should use some of the supplies brought in by the presenters. The stick figure's head was upside down because--and here's the Who Am I part--I used to own a shirt that looked just like that. It said "Fix My Head." I don't know what happened to that shirt, and I'll be damned if I can find another one.
I would just like to add that the Happy Birthday song is trademarked, or whatnot, and somebody owes somebody some money.