"Rogue!Hide me!!!" Jorrun charged into the forest at full speed.RogueMage looked up from his spellbook."What's the problem NOW,ya numbhead?Loincloth riding up on ya?"
"Oh,VERY funny ROGERMage!I'm being chased by a giant!His wife lied to me and told me she was single!Then Bigfoot decides to take me out for the count!Why do women always lie to get with me?"
RM grinned widely."Oh,like you never do the same to them?"
"What!Never!I'm a gentlemen!And i've never HAD to lie to attract women...or are you blind as well as ugly?"
RM shook his head and smiled.He and Jorrun had been friends for some time,and often expressed it by dogging on each other."I don't know about you,guy...when are you going to stop chasing everything in a skirt and just pick ONE?"
"What!Just one??You mean give up all other women and just always be with the same girl?"Jorrun looked confused at the concept;he couldn't see how this would be of any benefit to him.
Rogue laughed."Well,at the very least,try to be certain that they AREN'T married next time!Now if you were like ME you wouldn't have these problems!I'm a one woman man!"
"Oh,yeah,RIGHT!It's just that the woman changes from week to week!"
"Hey,i can't help it!I wanna make sure i have the right one!"
Jorrun sat down next to RM and they started arm wrestling.Usually Jorrun won,but sometimes RM would sneak in a spell to even the odds.
Suddenly Jorrun's head swung sharply to the right."I smell a woman!"he announced.He had the ability to smell a woman from 100 yards away,developed from years of experience with the opposite sex,most of it very enjoyable!
Sure enough,entering the glade from the main path was a beautiful woman with coal-black eyes and raven hair.She was tall and willowy with olive skin.She wore a very revealing blue harem outfit,that showed off all her um,assets!She was breathtaking,which is why the boys were hyperventilating!
"Woah,she's a babe!!"drooled RogueMage,eyeing her closely."I've never been with a genie before,i think it's time to change that!"He rose to his feet to walk to her.
"Well,i HAVE had ALOT of experience with genies,having had several as my own...and i think it's time to add another to my collection!"Jorrun staggered up and stood beside Rogue.
"Yeah,as if she'd be interested in YOU,barbarian!Watch the Mage work his magic on this unsuspecting woman!"
Before long,the two boys started pushing each other.Then,they started wrestling to see who would get the girl.This was foolish,as they once before had fought over a lovely genie,with the result being her leaving the forest!They didn't remember that time right now,because they were being motivated by something OTHER than their brains.
Tamira looked over at the two men and smiled slyly.She LOVED this power that she had over men,to reduce them to immature children with just the wink of her eye.Perhaps she could use these two to get her freed from her current master.He was such a bore,and ugly as well!He let her stay out of her bottle as often as she wished and always treated her kindly,but how did it look for a goddess like HER to be seen with such a loser?!? If she could get one of these simpletons to steal the bottle from her master,she could probably trick them into setting her free.And then imagine the havoc she could create...the whole world would be hers for the taking!Her master was too smart to be tricked into releasing her,but these two...
"Hello,gentlemen!" Tamira smiled her most breathtaking smile."You must be the two most handsome men in the whole forest!"
The boys stopped wrestling and stood up immediately,embarrassed that they had been caught in such a wild display."Why,thank you,miss!"smiled RM."And to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?
"Yes!What lucky wind blew such a fair creature as yourself into our forest?"Asked Jorrun,kissing her right hand.
The battle for the genie was on!Rogue gave Jorrun an unnoticeable shove away from Tamira."Pay no attention to this oaf,my lady!Here,a rose for you,to match your lovely lips.."RM conjured a rose into his left hand and offered it to her.
"My goodness!Such powerful magic!"Tamira enthused,buttering him up."You must be a great sorceror!"
Jorrun pried his way back into the conversation."Oh,no my dear!He is but a circus act compared to the vast magic talents a genie such as YOU must have!"Jorrun pushed RogueMage aside,less then gently.
MORE THAN YOU WOULD EVER GUESS,FOOL! thought Tamira harshly. She could see that getting these two to do her bidding would be quick work,indeed.
"And you!"Tamira's eyes grew wide."I have never in all my three thousand years of life seen a more muscular man!You must be the strongest man in the world!And so handsome as well!"Tamira squeezed Jorrun's bicep and then ran her index finger down his chest to his belly."Why can't I ever find a master like you?"
In the half-second silence before Jorrun could respond,RogueMage jumped in."Oh,you are in need of a master?"he said,failing miserably at sounding casually uninterested."Perhaps i can be of some assistance,i would consider it an HONOR to have you as my genie!"
"Well,now....to have SUCH a charming man as master would be any genie's dream come..."
"AH!But my lady!He has no experience with genies!" horned in Jorrun."I,however have had SEVERAL of them,and i assure you,they all LOVED the experience!So i could make you very..."
Kinda makes you wanna vomit,don't it?*grin*Two otherwise very cool and reasonably intelligent gentlemen reduced to quarreling schoolboys over a woman.But ask yourself:Would i really enjoy reading this story if the boys behaved themselves and acted maturely?Of course not!!!Now on with the story!
"But,alas!I cannot!" sighed Tamira sadly,an action that had a very eye-catching effect on her bosom."For i already HAVE a master,and i must serve him!If only someone could rescue my bottle from his clutches!"
Rogue and Jorrun said nothing at first,entranced as they were with her heaving cleavage.Rogue snapped out of it first."Oh,is that all?I'll conjure it up before you can say 'Five forest freaks fell forward' seven times!"
Jorrun pulled Rogue aside."Uh,dude?You can't do that,it's like stealing!She belongs to her master,she's not up for grabs!"
Tamira overheard and had planned for this.No stupid barbarian would outwit HER!"Oh,but brave sir!My master is a cruel man!He keeps me bottled up at all times and beats me whenever i take too long granting him a wish!"Tamira wailed.
Rogue looked at her appraisingly."Then how is it that you are here now?And you have no bruises from what i can see..."
Tamira burst into tears."Oh!You don't believe me!Now i'll never be free of that awful man!"
Jorrun and RogueMage,like most gentlemen,were helpless against the tears of a woman.Their hearts melted,and all their doubts were instantly removed.
"Hey!Hey!No need for tears,we believe you!"said Rogue gently.He conjured up a hankerchief and wiped away her tears."We'll help get your bottle away from your master,won't we Jorrun?"
"As good as done!"agreed Jorrun,nodding vigorously."Just stop crying and tell us where to find him."
Tamira stopped crying and smiled warmly at the two of them.AS SOON AS THESE FOOLS SET ME FREE,I WILL USE MY POWER TO BECOME QUEEN OF THE FOREST.THE BARBARIAN OAF I SHALL TURN INTO A COCKROACH,AND THE GOOFY MAGICIAN WILL BECOME A SLUG,she thought.NO ,WAIT!HE WILL BE A TOILET,AND THE OTHER A SPITTOON.YES,THAT PLEASES ME!
Rogue helped her to her feet!"Oh,how lucky i am to have found such brave heros to rescue me today!"Tamira gushed,trying to keep her lunch down."I KNOW everything will be okay!"
"But of course it will,my dear!"said Jorrun linking his arm in hers."Let's be off at once!"Jorrun walked her down the path.
Unfortunately,at this very moment,Jorrun's trademark "bad luck curse"(all rights reseved) decided to manifest itself.Jorrun tripped over a tree root and fell headfirst into a mudpuddle.Tamira,who was holding on to him,quickly followed suit.
Tamira splashed headfirst into the mud puddle,getting covered from head to toe in the filthy mire.Her eyes glared pure hatred for Jorrun for subjecting her to this embarrassment.HOW DARE THIS CLUMSY FOOL DO THIS TO ME!she thought angrily.
"How DARE you do this to me,you clumsy fool!"Tamira said,angrily.
"Oh,please forgive me,miss!I didn't..."
"Quiet, you idiotic buffoon! I should change you into an ant and step on you for this!"Tamira raised her armes,geusturing threateningly.
"Hey!you can't talk to my friend Jorrun like that!"defended Rogue."You're not so nice after all!"
Tamira turned to RogueMage,grinning evilly."At last you catch on,you two-bit sideshow magician!Now i'll be done with BOTH of you!"She raised her hands and Rogue flew back several hundred feet,into some trees.
Jorrun unsheathed his sword."No one maltreats my friends and gets away with it!"he charged at her,swinging his sword wildly.
Tamira laughed at vanished in a puff of smoke right before Jorrun's sword sliced at her neck."Fool!You cannot harm me!"She reappeared behind him."Now taste my fury!"Tamira waved her hands,and Jorrun flew backward,knocking him into a tree.Instantly steel cables appeared around him,tieing him firmly to the tree.Jorrun couldn't even move.
RogueMage leapt up,furious."You shall PAY for this indignity!"He spread his arms wide,and a huge fireball appeared,headed straight for Tamira!
Tamira quickly geustured and the fireball reversed it's course and headed right back to RogueMage! Shocked at this turn of events,Rogue could not move away in time and was struck by his own fireball!
Tamira laughed.She blinked her eyes and suddenly RM was tied tightly to the tree next to Jorrun,burned from head to toe,barely conscious."Fool!Your puny magic is NOTHING when compared to that of a genie's!"laughed Tamira mercilessly."Now then how shall i kill you two?I know!How about electrocution?"Tamira raised her arms heavenward,and a storm cloud appeared.She closed her eyes so as to fully concentrate on this complex spell,and to form the lightning that would char the two heros out of existance...
"Rogue!Can you hear me?We're about to become TOAST!"
"Ug,yeah!But i can't do anything,she has my hands tied together!I wouldn't be able to do more than a simple conjure spell like this!OH!I feel sorry for whatever poor sap is HER master!"
"Her master?"Jorrun pondered for a minute."Rogue,that's it!If you can bring her master here,HE can stop her!She HAS to obey HIM!"
RogueMage concentrated for a minute and suddenly a small gnome appeared before them,ugly,but with a kind face...and with a very ornate bottle in his right hand!"Huh?Where am i?How did i get here?" he exclaimed,looking around.
Jorrun quickly explained and asked for the gnome's help."Oh,so Tamira's up to more mischief,is she?I'll take care of that!"he said marching toward her."Tamira!"
Tamira's train of thought was broken and the cloud disappeared."Master!"she cried nervously."When did YOU get here?"
"Never mind that!These boys tell me that you were planning on killing them!"
"Oh,no,Master!"Tamira feel to her knees."They are evil men,and they planned on killing you to steal my bottle!"
Jorrun and RogueMage together:"FWHAT!!!!!!"
"Enough of your lies,Tamira!I now know my next wish:I wish for you to be trapped in this bottle until your heart becomes good! "
Tamira screamed in rage,but was forced to grant the wish.As she smoked into her bottle,they heard her say "I'll get you ALL for this!"(traditional lame closing line for the bad guy)
The gnome corked up the bottled and turned to the guys."This day was a long time in coming,people would warn me about her and how bad things would happen when she was around but i wouldn't listen!Now she won't hurt anyone else."
* * * * *
"What a horrible experience!"said RM disgustedly."It never should have happened!"
"Yeah,i'm never fighting over a girl again!It's stupid to let some CHICK get inbetween us!"
"Agreed,friend barbarian!Our friendship is more important than any woman.Let us never compete for the hand of a woman again!Let's shake on it!"
They shook hands and smiled.Suddenly,two nymphs entered the forest.They saw the two boys and smiled brightly,winking at them at desiring from them the only thing nymphs want of men.
"Look,Jorrun!TWO nymphs!It's perfect!"
"Yes it is!Two for me ,none for you!!!"
