No one should be alone on Christmas. Not that I'll be really alone, but I feel that way. Alone, and so very very tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of disappointments... And I've seen so many. Disappointments of my own, my friends, my mother, my Watcher. Merry Christmas. Yeah.
The phone rang, and interrupted my little pity party. I leaned over and snatched it up, grateful for something to tear me from my thoughts. "Hello?"
A cocky voice that I hadn't heard in months greeted me. "Hey, Slayer. Merry Christmas season, or whatever holiday you celebrate. Happy Hanukkah." There were traces of a smirk in his tone, and I shivered, thinking of the last time I had spoken to him.
"What do you want, Whistler? I'm not in the mood for any of your riddles, and I was perfectly fine just sitting here..." I stopped abruptly before I could say what I had wanted to.
"Hating life?" he suggested. "Wishing that you weren't who you are? Wishing that things had turned out differently?" He clucked his tongue sarcastically. 'Now, now, Slayer. That's not good for you!"
He was really annoying me. "Okay, so when did you go all psychic? Everyone hates life sometimes. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to go back to doing it for a while." I nearly hung up the phone on him, when something he said caught my attention.
"I can help you have a good holiday." His voice was suddenly softer, and kind of compassionate. I pressed the receiver harder against my ear. "It would only last for the day, but it could happen. Think, Slayer... If you had one Christmas wish, what would it be?" His voice was seductive and tantalizing, as if he already knew my answer. He probably did. It was pretty obvious. He remained silent for a moment, letting me contemplate.
I wanted Angel. I wanted to be with Angel. I wanted to be allowed to love him with no repercussions. I wanted him to hold me, and I wanted to feel safe in his arms again. I wanted to be able to kiss him like I used to, innocently and passionately, not knowing how those innocent kisses would turn on me later. I wanted all of him.
Whistler cleared his throat. All traces of sarcasm were missing when he spoke again. "So? Your answer is...?"
"What's going on? What's the trick, Whistler? There has to be something, right?" I dreaded his answer, so I was surprised with what he said.
"Nope, no trick. It's just been decided to cut you two kids a break. For a day," he added, warningly. "We can't exactly put everything right, forever, but you deserve a rest from the life that you guys are starting to hate. Life should never be hated." I laughed a little, out of shock.
"So this is serious?" I couldn't seem to understand. Everything good so far had proven to have some horrible catch to it. "This is for real?"
"Yeah, this is for real. One day. That is the only catch to it. You only have one day. Starting at midnight." I looked at the clock by my bed. The glowing numbers read 11:46.
"Midnight?! Well, wait--! What are the rules? There have to be some rules. Does Angel... Does Angel know yet?" Whistler chuckled at me, approaching hysteria.
"No, I said no tricks. Which means no rules. Which means... He's human." I gasped, my mind reeling. "His soul is firmly intact. Sunlight can't hurt him, neither can... Anything else." He chuckled, insinuation coloring his tone. I caught his meaning, and my heart caught again. But no-- I didn't know yet, anything. Whistler continued.
"And, no, Angel doesn't know yet. I thought I would leave that part up to you," he finished. I licked my lips, which had suddenly gone very dry.
"Thank you," I managed to choke out. My mind was racing with possibilities. Everything that I had ever wanted I could have for one day. That seemed... Well, not fair, exactly, but so wonderful that I couldn't see straight. "Is there, you know, anything I have to do?"
"Well, if you don't kiss him at midnight, then it won't happen." My eyes got huge.
"You don't think you could have mentioned that a little *sooner*?" I looked at the clock again. 11:51. "I have to go!" I leaned down to hang up the phone, only to bring it back to my ear in a hurry. "Thank you so much!"
I didn't bother with trivialities like putting on shoes or something other than my boxers and tank top. I grabbed my jacket by the door and raced out.
I had never run that fast in my life.
********
I reached Angel's apartment in record time. Two minutes to spare. Not bothering to knock on the door, I opened it and headed for the bed where he was resting, reading a book. He still had a lot of recovering to do.
He looked up, a little startled, and raised his eyebrows. I stared at him, my eyes resting on his own. He had the most beautiful eyes. Dark brown chocolate, or maybe coffee. It depended on what mood he was in, I noticed. He wasn't wearing a shirt... He was half covered my the velvet blanket I remember so well from that night. It rested on my skin just right. The friction was wonderful as I clutched at it, then.
Angel opened his mouth to speak, and I realized that I had been looking at him for over a minute. I heard a clock strike and I panicked, rushing towards him.
He looked at me in shock. "Buffy? Wha--"
I stopped him with my mouth. I fell on the bed, my mouth easily plundering his own and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He was still for a moment before he gave into the kiss-- Not forbidden as the ones before. He pulled me closer to him, crushing his weight against my own. The clock stopped sounding.
I pulled away, hesitantly, to look at him. Had anything changed? His eyes were still closed and his arms still around my waist. He had a soft smile flickering over his face, and I saw color fill his cheeks and I felt his neck warm up under my palm. I grinned, relieved that it was true and not just another trick being played.
Angel opened his eyes and looked down at me, life lighting the beautiful orbs. They were almost hazel. He shook his head suddenly and released me from his grasp. I fell off the bed.
"Buffy, what are you doing here? You know that we can't... You know that we can't be together! And why.... Um, why aren't you dressed?" He gestured to my night clothes and bare feet. I grinned. I couldn't stop smiling. A ghost of the smile he wore just a moment ago in my arms passed over his face again.
I got to my feet, chuckling. I sat down on the edge of the bed. "Whistler called me a few minutes ago. He asked me what my Christmas wish would be if I could have one." Angel's eyes flickered in the dim light and I stopped speaking for a moment to stare into them.
"Was it what mine would have been?" He looked at me seriously and I nodded, ny heart filled with joy. "So... what, then? What does this mean, Buffy?"
I waved my hand, dismissing his worried look. "It's not long, but it's enough. We have one day. We have one day together to be everything we never got to be, everything that wasn't allowed. You're soul is in place, and won't get lost no matter what, today. And-- Angel?" I looked at him to see if he had noticed. "Do you feel any different?"
He flashed me a wicked smile that warmed my insides. "You mean, have I noticed that I'm breathing and that my heart is beating and that my mind feels lighter than it has since..." He trailed off, the smile gone.
I didn't want any sadness or regrets to interrupt a moment of our day, so I grinned. "Yeah, have you noticed any of that?" His brooding look disappeared.
"Yeah, I kind of have.... Buffy, is this for real?" I smiled. He sounded so hopeful, like a little boy. I nodded at him, and he grinned widely, jumping out of the bed and lifting me into his arms to swing me around the room. We laughed.
Angel's laugh is something I had rarely heard. It's beautiful. Warm, open. When he laughs, he holds nothing back. It's because he's really happy... I hoped today would hold a lot of laughs and smiles for him. He set me down on my feet, his arms still encircling my waist.
We looked at each other for a long moment before I broke the silence. "So... What do you want to do?" He eyed the bed before he could stop himself and I laughed. He looked back at me guiltily.
"Whatever you want to do. Do you want to go for a walk or something?" Always the gentleman, I knew that he would never suggest doing what I knew he dreamed about and remembered constantly. I knew this because I did, too.
"The 'or something' sounds good to me, Angel." I made my voice sound as silky and seductive as possible. He gave me a warm, soft smile and lifted me up, carrying me like a groom would carry a bride over the threshold.
He set me down on the bed and undressed me carefully. I closed my eyes and kept them closed until he was done. Then he lifted my chin and spoke. His voice was rough with passion... I had only heard it that way once before.
"Buffy. Look at me." I opened my eyes and fastened them on him. "I love you."
My heart beat hard in my chest. "I love you, Angel." Those words, so sacred and forbidden rolled off my tongue easily. I had wanted to say them again since... Since I said them that night, so long ago.
He kissed me, his lips and tongue teasing mine, and I responded by pressing into him. As he lowered me against the sheets, all I could hear were those words.
******
Afterwards, we laid together in awe. That was what I had missed the first time. We had fallen asleep so quickly last time, that when I woke up, he had been gone... He played with my hands, tracing the backs of them with his fingers. Angel was the first to break the silence, speaking hesitantly.
"Buffy?"
"Mmm?"
"I um, I never got to really explain the whole meaning of the ring to you that night." He cleared his throat and looked down and I started to get worried. "It doesn't just stand for those things I described to you. It was also a-- a wedding ring." He looked at me, expectantly. My heart seemed to bloom.
"Do you mean.... Angel, are we married?" I laughed at myself to cover if that wasn't what he had been talking about. If I was taking it too far.
"By the laws of my people, we are. Or-- I mean, if you have nothing against that. The marriage must be wanted by both for it to be a true binding of the hearts. That's always what was said to me when I was a boy." My head felt light.
"Angel?! I'm married to you!" I laughed and started crying. "Yes! This is what I wanted ever since I fell in love with you. I just never thought... I never knew it was possible!" He grinned and pulled me closer, almost possessively, kissing my forehead.
"Not only was it possible, it happened, my love." I smiled and snuggled against him.
I leaned up to kiss him again when something caught my eye. The clock read 7:58. I gasped and scrambled out of the bed, pulling on my clothes. He looked at me inquisitively and I nodded toward the clock.
He looked at it and shrugged, chuckling. "Buffy, you're not really going to school *today,* right? I mean, you don't even have school today! It's Christmas.... Oh... Is that it? What, you want to be with your family?" I looked at him, a surprised smile on my face. He hadn't figured it out yet?
"Angel, I *am* with my family." His confused and slightly hurt look softened. "But we only have one day, and I wanted to show you..." I nodded at the clock again.
A look of dawning appeared on his face. "The sun," he whispered. I grinned.
"You do want to see it, right?"
He looked at me, and I noticed that his eyes were slightly glassy. "Buffy.." He sounded choked. "Buffy, I get to see you in the sunlight. I get to feel it warm your skin." I nodded and smiled.
"Well, not if we both don't get up..." He sat straight up in bed.
"The sunlight..." He whispered again.
I kissed him.
*******
After Angel pointed out that I planned to leave his apartment in my night clothes, I changed from them into something of his. I rolled up his long, black slacks and cinched them at the waist with a belt. His shirt was way too big for me, but after I rolled up the sleeves and unbuttoned the first few buttons, I thought I looked very chic.
Angel saw me admiring myself in the mirror in his clothes and grinned at me. "Still preening? Come on, I promised I wouldn't open the shades... Are you going to make me wait until the sun is gone?" I looked at him coyly, a thought occurring to me.
"Angel, come here."
He winked and got off of the bed to come up behind me, his arms circling my waist. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hair, inhaling it. I sighed, and then remembered why I had asked him over.
"Look up." I set my voice to firm, because I knew that him kissing my hair would be way too much of a distraction. He opened his eyes and looked over my shoulder.
As his gaze caught what I was gesturing to, his eyes widened and he partly let go of me in shock, bringing his hand up to his face in wonder. "Oh my God. " He made a sound between a laugh and utter disbelief. "I can see myself!" He let go of me completely and approached the mirror cautiously.
"Angel, you're not gonna bite yourself." He laughed at my cheesy pun. When he reached the mirror, he brought his hands up to the surface of it, touching the reflection of his face. I smiled. I suddenly felt like all of hurt was disappearing. A little voice in the back of my head reminded me that the hurt would come back, full force, at midnight, but I pushed it away, determined to be happy for as long as I could.
Angel spun around, color lighting his cheeks. He looked at me with a satisfied grin and sauntered over to where I was, a couple feet away. I laughed at his expression. "Now don't get too smug with yourself."
"Oh, I'm not smug because of that, though I will admit that I had almost forgotten what it was like to see myself. I'm smug because I have the *you* as *my* wife." He punctuated his words with kisses. I leaned against him, sighing. I suddenly didn't want to leave the apartment. He looked at me like he could read my thoughts and gave me a lingering kiss.
"Come on," he said, pulling away. "I want to see you in the sun."
Continue to Part 2
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