When we got outside, I heard his gasp of astonishment at the feel of the sun hitting his skin. Like most California winters, this one was sunny and warm, with only a cool breeze to let us know it was Christmas. I was extremely grateful that it hadn't rained.
I led him out, until we were completely away from the shadows, and then took off his blindfold. He left his eyes closed for a moment, seemingly in prayer and then opened them, squinting. When his eyes had adjusted to the light, he looked at me in wonder.
"More beautiful than I could have imagined." I blushed, flattered and a little frightened by the intensity of his stare. He rushed at me, laughing and hugged me to him tightly.
I took his hand and he wound my fingers through his. We looked at each other, everything said in our eyes. I allowed him to see my worry over the tomorrow's and I saw it in his eyes, too. He squeezed my hand.
"Lets not think about that. That tomorrow's will come as they will, but right now I'm not going to let anything get in the way of how I feel... I haven't been allowed to feel this way in so long." His eyes twinkled down and me and I knew that there wasn't any one word that could describe what we were feeling. Happiness, joy, hope, anticipation, sadness, worry. Sunshine and rain together.
We started walking, leisurely, towards my house. Angel suddenly laughed and spoke. "Does anyone even know where you are?" I started giggling.
"Well... The Whistler..." We laughed and I couldn't stop smiling at the way everything thrilled him. He was taken with the trees, the wind, the birds, the people. He contemplated the white, fluffy clouds in awe.
"You know, when I just a boy, I would sit with my two brothers and we would have competitions on who could find the best cloud in the sky. We would see that it looked like something, and we would make up a story about it's backround.... Everywhere it had floated past. Our mother would listen, and decide who had won." I listened to him in fascination, hearing traces of an Irish accent. He never talked about his family.
"Were they older than you?" I asked, hesitantly. In the past, when I had asked him, he would close up and shut his eyes tightly. It hurt me to look at him like that, so I had stopped asking. He threw me a warm glance, letting me know that he was okay.
"I was actually in the middle. Michael was the oldest and Gabriel was the youngest. Gabriel would get into a lot of trouble, and our father would often punish Michael and I for doing things Gabriel blamed on us," he laughed. I grinned, happy to see him finally talking about something that used to be so close to his heart.
We had reached my house, and-- even from the sidewalk-- I could see a commotion going on inside. Angel clutched at my hand, and I squeezed his reassuringly. We walked up the path slowly, both of us not wanting our time together to end with people yelling and questioning and giving disapproving stares. When we reached the door, Angel turned to me and smiled, half lifting me as he pulled me into his arms. He kissed me long and hard, leaving us both out of breath and with kiss reddened lips. "To last us as long as it takes before we can do that again," he whispered.
We opened the door to be greeted by four angry faces. Cordelia and Oz were absent, I noticed sadly. Giles handed my mother some tissues and she dabbed at her tear streaked face. Her eyes caught mine and for the longest moment we just stared at each other, me pleading with her to understand. Her gaze swept over Angel and I felt him tighten. She knew everything now; I had told her. Everything abut his soul loss, and about his resouling. About how I had sent him to Hell. About how it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. She also knew he was a vampire. No wonder she had been staring at him so oddly, I thought. The sun was lighting his features.
I looked at the others who were also staring in shock. Giles was looking at him and averting his eyes over and over, like he didn't know what to think or do. I was painfully reminded of Jenny. Xander's mouth was hanging open, dumbfounded. Willow's eyes grew large and when I looked at her, she smiled hesitantly. A perfect Willow thing to do. It made me feel a lot better about everything.
I let my eyes go back to my mother. She walked forward slowly and pulled me to her, hugging me. When she pulled away, she had a nervous smile on her lips. She turned to Angel.
He looked at her nervously, obviously hoping that she wouldn't kick him out. She widened her smile and pulled an astonished Angel into a hug. After a moment, his arms tightened around her back and I felt the tears rise in my throat. She pulled away and looked at him steadily. "Merry Christmas. Angel, you are welcome to celebrate with us today. In fact, I ask that you please do." He looked at me for guidance but I merely nodded.
"Thank you, Mrs. Summers. I will." Willow beamed at me and I grinned back. Giles recovered himself to walk forward and briskly shake Angel's hand. Angel looked alarmed, but not displeased. Willow bounced a little before running to the both of us and pulling us into a three person hug. We laughed.
Our eyes met when Willow released us and we both looked simultaneously at Xander. He stood on the edge with his hands in his pockets, trying to decide what to do. After a minute, forced a smile and lifted his chin at Angel. Angel grinned back at him so easily that the forced part of Xander's smile almost disappeared.
My mom clapped her hands. "All right. It's almost 1:00. Let's do our Christmas stuff!"
*****
The day flew by quickly--Too quickly. The thoughts of the rest of my life started to plague me as the afternoon wore on. I was too happy. Even as I was so, I knew it wasn't smart of me, to let go like that. We opened presents and talked, and everything was perfect for a while. But the thoughts wouldn't leave me alone.
Because our Christmas schedule was so off, we didn't start eating until it was dark, almost six o'clock. I kept glancing at the clock, in hopes that it would slow down or, preferably, stop and let us have this time together. It didn't.
Angel noticed me looking at the clock and leaned back against the couch to put his arm around me. I leaned against him feeling a small measure of security. He was warm and solid, and as he rubbed my arm affectionately, I couldn't help wishing for more. I hadn't thought at the beginning of this about the repercussions. Abut how much it would hurt later knowing that we couldn't be together.
At ten, Willow stood up, stretching. She glanced at her watch. "I think I had better be getting home... I hadn't planned to stay this long. My parents are probably worried sick," she added, grinning.
Xander looked up at her with pleading eyes. "But wait! Will, we haven't won Trivial Pursuit yet! We only need one more pie..." He gave her his little boy grin.
She laughed. "You play without me."
"But if I do that, I'll lose," he pointed out logically. We all laughed at him as he got to his feet resignedly. He made a point to sigh loudly.
I looked at them, their eyes lit with amusement. I was happy for them. All of the things that had transpired in the past few weeks were sure to do some damage to their friendship, but Willow explained to me in a moment of privacy that they were having an "old friend's truce" for the holiday. I just wished that Oz and Cordelia could have found some sort of a "jilted lovers" truce. I could see that Willow and Xander missed each of them terribly.
Shaking myself out of my thoughts I stood to walk them to the door. Angel walked with me, his hand on the small of my back. I loved the slight pressure there, it made me feel like I really belonged to him. At the door, I hugged Willow and Xander and gave them a little bottle of extra Holy Water to take with them on their walk home. They knew how to take pretty good care of themselves, but you could never be too careful. Willow hugged Angel and Xander shook his hand quickly, not wanting to admit that he had had a good time with Angel.
After they left, Angel and I rejoined Giles and my mother in the living room. Looking up at us, Giles realized immediately that wGiles realized immediately that we were going to make our excuses and leave. He stood up.
When Angel went to get my coat, Giles leaned in close to me. "You will explain this all later, won't you?" I grinned.
"Yeah. It's really not that complicated, though. I'll tell you about it in a few days." He nodded and gave a quick hug, surprising me.
"Happy holidays, Buffy." His voice warmed my heart. This man, so willing to give up his own instincts to hate for me, his instincts to hate the man I loved, was a really great guy. He protected me, and helped me and was there for me. My eyes started to tear up, and I pulled him into another, longer, hug.
"Thanks, Giles. For everything. Happy holidays to you, too." Angel came in with my coat. He slipped it on me, and we were off.
I noticed the clock on our way out. We had less than two hours.
*******
Since my mother-- in an act of surprising trust-- had let me take the Jeep, we got to his apartment in no time. As we walked in the door, we both fell silent, realizing that there wasn't much time left. I looked at him sadly and he brushed my cheek lightly with his knuckles.
"I know," he said, reading my thoughts. "It's not fair at all. I wish that this could go on forever. It may not seem like it, but this has been the best day of my life. This normalcy, being with your family, being accepted. I don't want it to end, either." A tear slipped out from under my eyes and he caught it on his thumb, looking down at it for a long moment.
Keeping our gazes locked firmly on each other, we made our way to the bed. We sat down on it, undressing. His eyes never left my face. This was the last time, we both knew. This was the last time we could allow ourselves to be happy and in love. After this, there would be nothing. At midnight, I would rise from his bed and leave him forever.
He pulled me to him and kissed my shoulder, now bare. I trembled under his lips, and felt the wetness of his tears against my neck. I was crying, too.
**********
Shortly before midnight, we laid together in quiet companionship. It was the kind we knew neither of us would ever have again. He spoke in whispered tones. "I love you, Buffy. I won't get to say it anymore after this, but I love you. You rule my heart." I sighed and nodded, my forehead against his chest. My tears started again, unbidden and he wiped them away with his lips.
"What I wouldn't give to never have you cry again," he murmured into my hair. My shoulders started to shake as I looked at the clock tick it's way to midnight.
The phone rang, interrupting our stillness. Angel let it ring, stroking my back. The answering machine picked up and a familiar voice rang out.
"Hey, you crazy kids. Someone pick up the phone. I know you're both there and you're gonna want to hear what I say," Whistler added, annoyed. Angel reached over and put set it on speaker phone.
"Yeah?" Whistler laughed.
"Is that any way to treat someone who helped give you this?" He asked snidely. Angel's eyes met my own. He had a point.
"Sorry. It's just-- There are five minutes left, and why are you taking them away?" Angel said, all in one breath. He pulled me closer to him.
"Well, it's been decided that you both deserve more than this. Today was sort of a trial run... A forbidden love seems more exciting at times, you know? So we kind of had to see what would happen if all of the tragedy out of your little star crossed romance. Am I boring you? There are still three minutes left, you could hang up and cuddle." He laughed, pleased with himself.
"No!" Angel and I shouted in unison.
"Sorry. What do you mean?" I continued in a calmer tone.
"Put simply, this. You get to keep it. No refunds. We took the bad out of your relationship to see if you would still want the love, and you did. It's yours." I could hear him smiling.
Angel and I looked at each other in shock and awe. I didn't believe it. He didn't believe it. So why were we smiling like idiots? "Are you sure? Is there-- Is there anything else we need to know?"
Whistler whistled, a long drawn out one. "Yeah, a couple things. Angel, you retain your physical strength. It just makes more sense. She's the Slayer, you're a guy. You're bound to be getting in the middle of some of her fights, thinking she needs protecting. Second, you guys are married and all, right?" We made quiet sounds of happy affirmation. "Well, unless you wanna ruin that figure, Slayer, you guys might want to start using protection. I have a feeling you're gonna need it." I looked at Angel with wide eyes and we grinned at each other. He planted an exuberant kiss on my mouth.
"So anyway, I'm gonna let you kids go. Merry Christmas." We heard a click and Angel pressed the button, disconnecting the phone.
I sat up, my mind reeling with the revelations of.. everything. It was wonderful. Angel sat up next to me, and looked at me. I could actually see the love shining out of his eyes. I looked at the clock. It was after midnight, and Angel was still breathing. His skin was still hot. I placed my hand on his cheek in wonder.
'It's true, right? Nothing is going to hurt us this time?" I asked him, a little uncertainly. He smiled reassuringly and I believed the look on his face before he spoke.
"Never again," he swore softly. He began to pattern little kisses down my cheek and to my neck. I made a little whimper of happiness and he pulled me even closer, if that were possible. "I love you."
"I love you too, Angel." How magic those words were!
"And you know what?" He continued his little kisses.
"Hmmm?" I was getting weak.
His voice was as soft and steady as his kisses. "I can spend the rest of our lives proving to you how much."
The End
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