Buffy held her Claddagh ring in her hand. It was the last piece of
Angel that represented
his love for her. Over the summer, it had served as Buffy’s life-
saver when things got bad.
She had kept it with her at all times. And now she was letting go.
This was the final step, she knew. Once she put down the ring, she
would be forced to
admit that Angel was gone forever. This was her final good-bye.
She looked around the room, the room where she had ran Angel through
with her sword
and sentenced him to an eternity in Hell to save the world.
She glanced at the floor in front of Acathla, the very spot she and
Angel had stood mere
months ago, fighting to the death. The very spot he had gotten his
soul back. The very
spot she had professed her love- and then asked him to close his
eyes- and shoved her
sword through his stomach.
Tears began to fall from her eyes, soaking her cheeks as she stared.
She was finally
admitting to herself that her Angel was gone. Of course, she had
already confessed to her
friends that she knew Angel was gone forever, but in private, she had
never allowed
herself to fully believe it. Now she did.
Buffy slowly crouched down and looked at her Claddagh ring.
“It means you belong to someone.”
< I’ll always belong to you, Angel, and I’ll love you forever.
Someday, sweet love. >
Buffy tried unsuccessfully to bite back her sobs.
She placed her ring on the floor with a shaky hand and said the
inevitable. “Good-bye.”
She looked at the ring for a moment, and her best moments with Angel
flashed through
her mind.
As the flashbacks ended, she stood up, tears still streaming gently
down her face.
Without a second glance, she turned and walked away.
*****
A bright light fell over the ring, becoming more intense as the
seconds passed. The ring
shook violently, banging against the floor. Suddenly the entire room
lit up, and a man fell
from above onto the stone floor. Angel.
*****
Buffy threw herself onto her bed and cried harder than she could
remember crying since
the night she discovered that Angel had lost his soul.
She cried for her love, she cried for her betrayal, and she cried
because she knew she had
finally said good-bye forever. And it hurt so damn much more.
In a desperate attmept to rid herself of her pain, she turned on her
boom box so loud that
it was nearly deafening and pretty much impossibly to concentrate on
anything but one’s
eardrums exploding.
“’Ello, I’m June on 101.7, your number one request and dedication
song. All the songs, all
the time. Give me a buzz.”
Buffy sucked in a sob and picked up the cordless phone. She dialed
rapidly.
“Hey, it’s June on 101.7! You’re live on air!”
Buffy gasped, June had caught her off gaurd. She had expected a busy
signel, or at least a
recorded message. Not the announcement that she was live on air. “I-
uh-I...can you play a
song?”
“Obviously, Hon. Who’s it for?”
“Angel. It’s for Angel.”
“Well talk to him, Babe!”
Damn, this woman was obnoxious! “Angel...I know you can’t hear me,
but...I want you to
know I will always love you. You’re gone forever, and it’s all my
fault, but I never
stopped loving you, and I never will. You’re everything to me, but I
can’t live in the past
anymore. Someday we’ll be together, but for now I have to try to move
on. Please forgive
me...for everything. I miss you and I’m s-sorry...I...I...” Buffy
stopped herself, overcome
with tears.
“Do you have a song request, Dear?” June asked, working slight
compassion into her
voice.
“I’ll Be Missing You by Puff Daddy,” Buffy whispered.
“All right, Miss...uh, I didn’t get your name.”
“Buffy.” Buffy hung up the phone gently.
Yeah, this right here goes out to everyone who's lost someone that
they
truly loved....
Check it out....
{Puff}
Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I lace the track you lock the flow
So far from hanging on the block of dough
Notorious they got to know that
Life ain't always as they seem to be
Words can't express what you mean to me
And though you're gone
We still a team
Through your family I'll fulfill your dreams
In the future can't wait to see
If you'll open up the gates for me
Remenice sometime
The night they took my friend
Try to black it out but it plays again
When it's weird feelin' it's really hard to conceal
Can't imagine all the pain I feel
Give everything to hear half your breath
I know you still livin' your life after death
CHORUS:
{Faith}
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you
{Puff}
It's kind of hard wit you not around
Know you in heaven smilin' down
Watchin' us while we pray for you
Everyday we pray for you
Till the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts big I just can't define
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Bust in the 6
Shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Making hits stages they receive you on
Still can't believe you're gone
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still livin' your life after death
CHORUS:
{Faith}
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you
Somebody tell me why
One day morning
When this life is over
I know
I'll see your face
{112}
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
{112}
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
{112}
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
{112}
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
CHORUS:
{Faith}
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you
*****
Angel was on his hands and knees on the mansion floor, shaking
violently as the memories
began to flood his mind.
The difference between here and Hell was in Hell he could only see
the memories, not hear
them. That had been torture in itself, watching his sweet princess
crying herself to sleep
night after night and not knowing why.
This was ten times worse.
“Was it m-me? Was I not good?”
“You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.” Oh, God. He
couldn’t have actually
said that to the one person in the world that he loved...oh, God.
Pictures flashed through his mind of his hands around Willow’s neck,
bringing Theresa
across, shoving Xander off a roof...and Drusilla helping him? Before
he had time to
contemplate that part, more horrible memories engraved themselves
upon his mind.
“I haven’t been able to sleep since the night we made love.”
He recalled throwing the orb against the chalkboard, reveling in the
sound of shattering
glass.
“Sorry, Jenny, this is where you get off.” He recalled the feel of
her head between his
hands as he twisted her neck with one fluid motion. He remember the
glory in the sound of
the loud crack as her neck broke and her life ended.
He recalled lying Jenny across the bed, setting up a rose and note to
look romantic. The
wide smile he wore as Willow burst into tears and Buffy put her head
against her knees in
despair.
Angel continue to shake, sweat covering his entire body as the
visions continued.
Coming by the hospital when Buffy was down for the count. Mocking
Xander about his
love for Buffy. A love that Buffy would have been better off with. No
curse...no fuss, no
muss.
He could recall being possessed by Grace while Buffy was taken by
James. Even so, it had
served as a point of closing and forgiveness for them. For a split
second after Grace had
left his body, as Buffy whispered, “Angel”, that was who he was
again. And then the
demon took control again.
He could remember having a conversation with Gage, agreeing that his
love was a bitch.
Somehow the knowledge that he had called her that hurt as much as
anything. He
remember nearly draining the boy before Buffy showed up. He recalled
spitting out his
blood, too. She still had not been able to kill him. He wished she
had been able to.
Most of all he recalled the incidents right before he went to Hell.
Images flew at Angel in
no particular order. Trying to raise Acathla. Sending a vampire out
in the daylight to give
Buffy he message. He had no idea how the vampire made it all the way
to the school
without combusting. Meeting Buffy in the graveyard to fight while
Drusilla went to divert
the restoration spell- and killed Kendra. Torturing Giles for hours
on end.
He recalled finally pulling the sword from Acathla- after getting a
good beating from
Spike, of all people...vampires. Buffy had shown up with a sword of
her own, and from
the view in Hell, it appeared that Whistler had taught her to use it.
Two people against
him in one night. And he deserved every minute of it.
He had fought viciously with Buffy. At one point he had her backed
into a corner. He was
sure he had her then. “Now that’s everything, huh? No weapons...no
friends...No hope.
Take all that away and what’s left?”
“Me.” Buffy had grasped the blade and shoved it into him, and with
that one word, one
gesture, he knew she was ready. After months of torture, she was
finally ready to end it.
And then he got his soul back. His brave goddess had finally gotten
up the courage to end
it, she was finally ready to free her lover by killing the demon and
the body, and then he
got his soul back.
She had to make the hardest decision of her life, he knew. She had a
split second to
decide, and then she had to do it. Now or never. And she had done it.
She had kissed him
good-bye and shoved the sword through his stomach.
And then it was silent.
Angel snapped out of his reverie and stood up shakily. He was covered
in sweat and could
hardly walk.
He made it to the bedroom, leaning against the wall the whole way. He
pulled on a pair of
khaki pants, trying to stop the coldness he felt even though he was a
vampire.
Angel fell onto the bed as the memories rolled through his mind again
and again like a
broken newsreel. He screamed in agony and in a desperate attempt to
block out the
images turned on the radio loud enough to wake the dead- no pun
intended.
To his surprise, excitement, and horror, his love’s voice filled the
air. Speaking to him.
How could she possibly know he was back? As he continued to listen,
Angel realized that
she didn’t know he was back. She blamed herself for everything. And
she still loved him.
Puff Daddy’s rap offered him a mixture of comfort and pain all at
once. Comfort to hear
something from his love. Pain at her broken emotions.
As the song ended, Angel shakily reached a hand over to the bedside
phone and dialed a
number.
“June, KIX FM. Who can I play a song for?”
“B-Buffy.”
“Mmmm. Who is this?”
“Angel.”
“Oooh, I love the response requests! What can I tell her?”
“Tell her I’m back. Tell her I’m sorry. Tell her I love her. And tell
her...tell her nothing he
said was true. At all. Can you play Celine Dion’s Because You Loved
Me, please?” Angel
hung up the phone, shaking violently.
“Buffy, the next one’s for you. It’s from Angel. He’s back, he’s
sorry, he loves you, and
nothing he...um, some other he...said was true.”
*****
Buffy had hardly been paying attention to the radio as June began
talking after Puff Daddy
had faded out and her tears had continued to fall. Then she heard
something that caught
her attention. Angel.
She listened to the request, feeling numb. It couldn’t be. He was in
Hell. It was Xander,
playing a trick on her. Or some other Buffy and Angel. It was her
imagination, or June’s
mistake. Her mind shot out answers at a rapid speed, but as the song
began, her heart
pushed them all away.
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifteed me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
*****
Angel listened to the song, hoping Buffy could hear. He didn’t expect
forgiveness, but he
needed her to know so bad it physically hurt him.
*****
The last notes of the song played out as Buffy cried. Not gut-
wrenching sobs, just silent
tears streaking down her face as she stared at the wall numbly.
After what seemed like an eternity, she stood up and picked up her
coat, still disbelieving.
She was going to see once and for all if it was for real.
*****
Angel heard footsteps in the mansion, and struggled pointlessly to
get up. He finally pulled
himself into a a sitting position and directed his eyes towards the
door.
She walked in.
They stared at each other wordlessly for a minute. Then she launched
herself into his arms
and cried freely.
All thoughts of a hoax flew out of her mind as she clung to him,
sobbing against his chest
as he held her tightly, silent tears dampening her hair.
She didn’t question his presence, all rational thoughts flew out of
her mind when she saw
him.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
Fateful last words, said desperately as a last good-bye.
But he was back.
This was real.