What.he.doesn't.know...-2
It was 6:00pm. Both my parents had gone to the summer home. I didn't go, and they really didn't care. Taylor would be picking me up anytime now. I was really nervous. I felt so dumb.
Why. It's just Taylor.
But this was different. Isaac had told me that Taylor wanted to talk. I was unsure about what that might be. After Mike coming over last night, I began to get really scared. I had been thinking about what Isaac said about telling Taylor. I still didn't know what he'd think, or what he would do. It just didn't want to lose him.
I saw the car pull up, and I rushed outside. It was pouring rain, and had been like this all day. I got in the car, he smiled at me.
"You look nice." He stated.
I looked down at my clothes, a black V-neck sweater, over a white shirt, and some jeans. I had on a pair of black shoes. Nothing special. I smirked. "This is how I always look..."
"Yea, but it looks nice..." He said, looking at me, and smiling. "Well. I don't know what we can do. I don't really want to go to another movie. Hmm... The weather isn't that good, either." He said, peering out the window. "But, you know, I really do want to talk about some things. Do you mind if we just go park somewhere?" he asked.
"Yea, that's ok. That was the plan before. We can talk." I looked over at him.
"Ok, well. Let me just find someplace." He started the jeep, and moved down the street.
He drove around for about 20 minutes, not really finding any place to park. We ended up just pulled over on the side of a street not too far from a little store, or from my house. It was pouring rain, he left the car on, wipers, and lights.
He turned to look at me, and started talking. "Ok Julie. There's a few things I think we need to talk about. The last week or so has kinda been hard. For me. And then yesterday I heard a few things. I don't want it to be true, but it made me think. About everything, and maybe it's why you are acting this way."
I just gave Taylor a look. I really didn't have much of a clue what he was talking about. I knew I was kinda acting distant, but for him to come to a conclusion why. It scared me just to think about it. I tried to pay attention, not wanting to fear the worst.
"You know how much I care about you. And I always thought you cared about me." He went on. "But really, if this is the way you want it, I want you to be happy. No matter what. I just wish you'd told me. I should've known. The way you have acted towards me." I just stared at him, shocked at what I was hearing.
"Taylor, what do you mean? I do love you. I don't know what you're talking about. What're you saying?"
"You don't love me. You don't want to be near me. I've tried kissing you, but you back away. You don't even want me to hold you. You hate it when my arms are near you, I can tell. I make you this way. Its because you don't want to be with me." He stared at me, waiting of my reaction, of some sort of agreement.
"No, Taylor. It's not like that. No, not at all. I love you, I love you so much. Please don't say those things." I was trying not to cry, holding any drops of tears in. I had done way too much of that lately. Taylor was the only thing I had right now.
He sighed angrily, running his hands through his hair. "Don't lie, Julie. If you say you love me, then why'd you do it?" He turned to me, grabbing my arm forcefully. At the moment, his strength over me was obvious. "You know, I have done so much for you. I cared so much. Why..."
"Ow Taylor, let go of me! That's hurts!"
He went on. "You had to have some reason. I wasn't there for you, I didn't make you happy. What was it?" He looked at me, his eyes searching, reaching out for some sort of explanation I didn't have.
"What? I didn't do anything. Let go of me I said! Stop it! And don't say those things! I love you, I always have, always. You make me so happy, just to be near you. I don't know what you mean, what did I do?" I asked again, repeating what I had already said.
"Why the hell did you do it?!" He yelled, gripping down harder to my upper arms. "Why did you?! God, don't you know how much I loved you! I did so much, I cared so much! You're the only one I have ever opened up to like this! Fuck! Geez..." He looked away for a second. "...Mike told me about it... You and Mike. He told me all about it, everything that happened. At the party, in the back. He told me what you did, why you're acting this way. How you said you didn't want anyone to know, but he couldn't keep it away from me. He's my best friend Jules. You didn't even care. At least he had enough guts to tell me, and actually feels really bad about it. If you had told me you still loved him, it would've been ok, but to do it when I wasn't around? God, Julie, it hurts. When I found out, I didn't even know what to do. How you could do that! Whores do stuff like that..."
"Taylor, no. Just let go of my arms!" I threw them off. "Listen to me! What did Mike say? He's lying, we didn't do anything. I didn't do anything, I don't care about him. I care about you. Please, believe me." I looked up at him, but he was looking away again. Outside, watching the rain.
"I want to believe you. But, why would Mike say this? I know about you guys before, its not like it was a secret. You guys were together for years! I just want you to tell me. So I know. OK? Please, if you want to be with him, you can. You can be happy." He still wasn't looking at me. He went on. "And, I'm going to tell you this. So you know that it's ok. Seeing this showed me it, made me feel what was right. I don't love you, not anymore. You and Mike can be together." He just wouldn't look me while saying this.
"Oh god, Taylor, don't do this. You can't say that, you don't mean it. I didn't do anything, you don't know what you are talking about. It's not what you think."
"Then what is it? What happened?"
"Nothing. Taylor, it was nothing."
"You're telling me nothing happened? Nothing happened between you and Mike at the party?"
He finally looked at me. I turned away. I bit my lip, and a few tears slid down my cheeks. There was no way I could lie, but I didn't want him to know what happened. He was confused as it is; I didn't want to make this worse. Why couldn't we all just forget it ever happened?
"I knew it. I knew something happened. That's it, isn't it? You cheated on me? We can't be together, you know it. Go out with him again. I already told you how I felt. Its over, we shouldn't even be in the same car..."
"No. Don't say this, don't do this. You don't mean it-"
"I DO mean it!" He yelled.
"No you don't! You don't know what you're talking about. You look at me, you tell me straight to my face, right in my eyes, that you don't love me. And we won't have to be together. Nothing will happen, we won't even have to talk. It'll be all over." I looked up at him, and waited for a reaction.
He lifted his head, looked me straight in the eye, and said the words I never thought I would hear. Something everyone is afraid to hear. "I don't love you." He stated.
I didn't wait for anything, I opened the door. I was out in the rain, it was pouring, and I began running. He called after me, but I didn't care. I heard him get out of the car and run too. His sneakers were hitting the ground, and he was yelling my name. I had a fairly good head start, and with a few short cuts, I was home. I had been crying, my clothes were soaked, my make-up was running. I had black streaks down my face. I wanted to throw up. I had to fight the feeling of nausea that kept coming to me. I wanted to die. Taylor didn't love me, I knew this would happen. The one person I cared so much about thought I cheated on him. I loved him so much, I didn't care about anything else in the world. At the moment, Taylor was my world. He was there for me, he always was. I didn't think I could go on after that. Isaac had been so wrong.
To Love You
Email: writerjul@hotmail.com
