listening to the third album in the dark in florida tonight, i remembered all the rooms i've seen her fill. i listened to a tape of dragersville over and over on long drives in the red fox along memorial drive towards 2, away from slim straight elusive ani-loving azure. i cried along to "allah", wishing for dark silence and "neither the touch of a man nor a woman". i used to fast forward when i heard "ramon" but later that year we named the cat for him. now he lives in california.

going home from a show at wellesley, mo drove, naomi took shotgun and i found myself in the back seat with this girl i knew.  i seduced her first at a rock show; she took me to sleep after we watched rose sing.  that summer, in Alabama, i was listening to anybody when i totalled the car and the kayak.  it wasn't my fault; i think the song was  "Omen".  it was a long time before i really heard anybody again, but the first time i took ecstasy i did, and watched the stars on the wall in the room, and tried not to flip upside down this time.

leaving home, i remember a lot of things that happened in boston.  one show at the lounge i chainsmoked cloves and felt lightheaded with joy when i heard the llama and lorna hunt.  northampton, newport, and new york state. i've been alone, with my love, with friends, with strangers while she was opener, main act, part of a group, special guest. the village dramas of becoming myself sometimes happened at her shows or to her records as they did to a number of other voices and places.  she's not my "favorite" because i don't do that much.  i have an autograph. that's it.

june 11, 2001